Ep 388: The College for Tradwives and MRS Degrees
SARAH: Hey, what's up? Hello! Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl (I'm Sarah, that's me.)
KAYLA: And a bi demisexual girl (that's me, Kayla.)
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's epi… Do I always say, “on today's episode”?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Or do you say it?
SARAH: No, you say it.
KAYLA: No, you. On today's episode: Tradwife University.
BOTH: Sounds fake, but okay.
SARAH: Welcome back to the pooooood!
KAYLA: Hello!
SARAH: What's up?
KAYLA: It's like 80-something degrees in my apartment.
SARAH: That's not even relevant anymore because this is coming out in a week and a half. What if it's cold?
KAYLA: It could be again. Well, let's check the weather.
SARAH: It's not that important.
KAYLA: I don't have weather that goes out that far.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: But it looks like it has the potential to be.
SARAH: Okay. In a shocking turn of events, me and Kayla are ahead.
KAYLA: What!?
SARAH: So, if the next couple of episodes seem to be not aligned with pop culture, that's why.
KAYLA: Our bad.
SARAH: Oops! I listen to the podcast, Dear Hank & John, and it's like a two- or three-week delay that they're on.
KAYLA: That's crazy.
SARAH: But part of their whole deal is at the end, they do news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon. So, the news is never recent.
KAYLA: Right.
SARAH: Which matters a little more for AFC Wimbledon, which is a third-tier football club in the UK, than it does for Mars.
KAYLA: Yeah, Mars is also on a delay.
SARAH: But when there wasn't really a lot of Mars news, but there was moon news, they were talking about moon news and they were like…
KAYLA: Oh, but so late.
SARAH: But they were like, hopefully the thing will go tomorrow. And then by the time I was listening to it, they had already come back.
KAYLA: They had come back, yeah, that’s tough.
SARAH: And I was like, well, they made it.
KAYLA: They did, good news.
SARAH: Good news. Okay. Kayla, do we have any housekeeping?
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: Great. What are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week, we're talking about how apparently there is a university for Christian women…
SARAH: Tradwifery?
KAYLA: Being tradwives and getting their MRS degree. Which if you don't know what that means, there's this like sexist joke that women go to college to get an MRS degree. MRS as in Mrs, they just go to college to meet a man and get married.
SARAH: And get married.
KAYLA: And it seems as though that is truly what these women at this university are trying to do, perhaps?
SARAH: Yes. So, I came across this in the context of my employment.
KAYLA: Love it.
SARAH: There was this article and I read it and I was like, this is crazy. And then I started looking more into the school and I was like, this is crazy. And I sent it to Kayla and she was like, great, that's our topic for this week.
KAYLA: I was like, perfect, I didn't know what we were going to be talking about, but this, we simply must.
SARAH: So, we’re going to… I think we should back up a little bit and give a little bit of context about like…
KAYLA: What is a tradwife?
SARAH: That's probably a good place to start. Kayla, what's a tradwife?
KAYLA: A tradwife is, it's short, I guess, right, for traditional life.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But it is a modern thing where women are acting as, I guess, a ‘traditional wife,’ where they are staying home.
SARAH: In the article I read, there was a woman who described it as like the modern way of saying a homemaker, basically.
KAYLA: Yeah, that makes sense.
SARAH: But it has more of a… even more of a right-wing connotation, I think.
KAYLA: Yes, because I think you can be a stay-at-home mom and not be a tradwife.
SARAH: Homemaker is kind of neutral, whereas… it's just descriptive, whereas tradwife is like, there's a certain ideological slant to it.
KAYLA: Yes, there is… Yeah, you're doing the actions of like taking care of the kids, cooking, whatever. But I think, especially on TikTok, there are these like uber famous tradwives who are going so far as like… there's this one famous, I forget her name now. And part of it I think is…
SARAH: Nara Smith, she made her children Oreos from scratch.
KAYLA: Yes. She's made like gushers from scratch, yeah. And I think her account is slightly satirical, but…
SARAH: I don’t… I mean…
KAYLA: She has said some things at some points that I feel like she knows what she's doing.
SARAH: I mean, to some extent, yeah, she also wears like evening gowns in all of her videos.
KAYLA: Yeah, to cook.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I think… I don't know. But…
SARAH: I think it is her, she has just seen that people think it's crazy and she just leans into that rather than, you know.
KAYLA: That's fair.
SARAH: Anyway, that's my thoughts on Nara Smith.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: She's so young too, she's not that old.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And she has three kids. She's younger than us.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Anyway, so that's a tradwife. Ballerina Farms, we've talked about it. We've talked about all sorts of…
KAYLA: I was just trying to remember Ballerina Farms, we've talked about that.
SARAH: Yeah. But it's kind of like going back to like the olden days of the woman just supports the man and the woman doesn't work, blah, blah, blah. But of course, it is a ton of work too.
KAYLA: Have you heard of the book Yesteryear?
SARAH: I think I've heard of it.
KAYLA: I haven't read it yet, but it's like… everyone's talking about it. I guess Anne Hathaway's production company just bought the rights to it.
SARAH: Oh, that one. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
KAYLA: But it's this book about this modern tradwife who's like a TikTok influencer who actually gets sent back in time to like the 18-whatevers and like has to now be a tradwife. I want to read it.
SARAH: Yes. I also read about that because we now have a scouting service at work, which is actually how I found this article that we're talking about today.
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: And so, I see all the secrets.
KAYLA: I like that they're scouting for us now, too.
SARAH: Yeah, exactly.
KAYLA: So nice.
SARAH: This article is from Vanity Fair, it's from March. It's entitled ‘The Actual, Literal College for Tradwives Where Right-Wing Women Seek Their Mrs. Degrees.’ And I was like, this is crazy.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I didn't even read the whole article before I was on the website of the school looking at their curriculum.
KAYLA: Yes, Sarah was sending me course descriptions, Sarah was in there.
SARAH: But before we dive into that, I think we… I think it's important, because as I was diving into that, I found some discussion around like similar colleges. Here's what is notable about this school, the school is called Hyles-Anderson College. It's in Indiana, it's like an hour from Chicago.
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: It is not an accredited university.
KAYLA: I love that!
SARAH: And on their website, they say that they are not an accredited university.
KAYLA: How much does it cost to go there? Do you know that?
SARAH: Yes, I think it's like $5K a semester.
KAYLA: Oof
SARAH: But you can't get financial aid because it's not accredited.
KAYLA: It's not real, yeah. Now that I'm aware it's not accredited, I have a lot of other questions.
SARAH: Yeah. So, on the school's website, they say that it is not accredited because that is to, ‘avoid the potential of outside influences or pressures to change our theological doctrinal and moral position.’ Because that way they don't have to have any government oversight.
KAYLA: Yeah, but private universities exist.
SARAH: I don't know.
KAYLA: It's not like religious colleges don't exist.
SARAH: No, you're right.
KAYLA: There's a lot of Christian colleges that are fully accredited, they're just private.
SARAH: Yeah, I know.
KAYLA: Okay. I don't know if you know this, but… so, if it's not accredited, like, what are they receiving at the end of this? Like, is it literally an MRS, like a certificate that says MRS degree, like?
SARAH: It's basically like a certificate.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Well, I'll get into this specific school. Hold on, I'll read you this whole thing.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Hyles-Anderson College has operated free of academic governmental oversight or regulation since its founding in 1972. The Board of Trustees has chosen not to seek regional or national accreditation. The primary reason for this is to avoid the potential of outside influences or pressures to change our theological, doctrinal, and moral positions. The Board has considered that according to the United States Department of Education, accreditation is a voluntary process. They have elected to exercise this privilege by remaining autonomous. It is the belief of Hyles-Anderson College and other similar Bible colleges and schools that the best measurement of the effectiveness of the institution is the ministerial success of its graduates. It has provided excellence in education and ministry trainings since 1972. There are thousands of our graduates faithfully serving the Lord in ministry positions all around the world, in large part because of their training. Blah, blah, blah.
KAYLA: Yeah, I'd also love to know, like, what are people doing with this quote unquote degree?
SARAH: I'll get there.
KAYLA: Okay. I have many questions.
SARAH: But this particular school is a part of kind of like an umbrella of type of institutions called independent fundamental Baptist institutions or IFB schools. And they focus specifically on training pastors, missionaries, and church workers.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Like that's essentially the point.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So, like any degree that you would get at one of these schools, especially this particular school, you would only be seeking to use in a church context, and they would recognize it.
[00:10:00]
KAYLA: Sure. Another… like a fundamental Baptist Church would, I can't imagine all churches would be like, sick.
SARAH: Yes, in like an article there was one woman who when she was at the school realized that she wanted to join the military and so she had to like secretly join the military.
KAYLA: Ugh.
SARAH: And then later in her career she wanted to become an officer or something that required a college degree. And she didn't know that her… a lot of people, a lot of students who go here are just like forced by their parents or like led to by their church, and they do not know…
KAYLA: That it’s not accredited.
SARAH: That they are not getting a real college degree that, you know…
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So that's a thing.
KAYLA: Oh, no.
SARAH: So, there are other schools kind of in this realm. There's like, you've heard of them, there's like… the ones that the ones that kept coming up were like Pensacola Bible College, Bob Jones, Oral Roberts. Remember Oral Roberts?
KAYLA: That's not accredited?
SARAH: No, Oral Roberts is accredited. And I believe so is Bob Jones. Pensacola, I don't remember.
KAYLA: I feel like Pensacola is.
SARAH: It was saying that like a lot of them are either not accredited or partially accredited or they are accredited but they're just like very strict. And so, it's kind of hard to tell.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But as I was looking through these schools, most of these schools have pretty standard curriculum, like the majors you can have are normal. And then they also have a more like theological stuff and like you have to go to chapel however many times a week.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And they may have stricter rules, but the…
KAYLA: Which that also like… there are other Christian… like, ‘normal’ Christian colleges that have that and they are normal.
SARAH: Yes. Baylor University in Texas is an example.
KAYLA: Like a lot of them do have some requirements of like you have to take a theology class or whatever.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But…
SARAH: You have you have to go to church every week, you have to attend, whatever. BYU has that.
KAYLA: Yeah, well then, I mean…
SARAH: But like, you know, like, it's not completely unusual.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And I don't know of universities or colleges in the US that are of other religious sects, but I would imagine that they would probably have similar requirements.
KAYLA: Yeah, I've never heard of one. I do know that like at the school I work at, it's a private university. I feel like I'm just going to not say it, but I think you all know where I work.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But it's a private university. And so, we have a chaplain system. So, like we have chaplains that work at the school that kind of act as like students could go to them as like therapists or staff can go to them as like a confidential resource, they come in to help with like interfaith dialogue and stuff like that. But I had never heard of a chaplain before because we went to a public university and public universities like can't have that on the payroll. But because it's private, it's fine.
SARAH: Speaking of the Brothers Green, John Green used to be a chaplain when he was like in his early 20s.
KAYLA: I did not know that.
SARAH: He was a chaplain, I think more so at a hospital than a school. But he was telling a story recently on one of the episodes where like this woman, her child was like about to go into surgery that like, you know, the odds were, you know, coin toss, and she wanted her kid to be baptized. He had never baptized anyone.
KAYLA: Ooh.
SARAH: He didn't know. But like really to baptize someone, all you have to do is have some water and basically say like, I baptize you in the name of the Father. That's basically all you have to do.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But he was like, what does she want? Because like clearly, she wants like something out of it.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So, then he… and he was like 22 or whatever. So, he kind of like asked her like, well, do you want like the whatever kind? And she was like, I don't know. The kid turned out to be fine, the kid is fine.
KAYLA: Oh, great.
SARAH: But he was baptized.
KAYLA: But he was baptized. All of the chaplains I've met have been very lovely, very lovely people.
SARAH: Yeah. Anyway. They all seem to have normal curriculum.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Hyles-Anderson College, however…
KAYLA: Does not!
SARAH: Does not!
KAYLA: So, they don't even have like economics, like math, business?
SARAH: Let me pull up the course catalog for you.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: It tells you, first of all, all of the administrative team, men, all white men.
KAYLA: Right. Is this just a women's college?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: We'll get into that.
KAYLA: Okay. I can't wait. I have so many questions.
SARAH: If you're a resident, it's 11,000 a year, if you're a non-resident, it's 9,000.
KAYLA: That is so wild for non-accredited. Like that has to be more expensive than a lot of community colleges.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: That's so crazy.
SARAH: And again, you cannot get federal student aid because it is not an accredited university.
KAYLA: This really is some Indiana shit. How close is this to Gary?
SARAH: I think pretty close because it's an hour from Chicago.
KAYLA: Did you know they're considering moving, I think the Chicago football, one of the Chicago sports teams, the team is threatening to move them to Gary, Indiana because the city like won't do whatever they want.
SARAH: Oh my God!
KAYLA: So, they're like threatening to find a new co-location and one of them is Gary, Indiana.
SARAH: That's crazy.
KAYLA: For the Chicago team.
SARAH: Stinky smelling.
KAYLA: It will still be the Chicago team…
SARAH: In Gary, Indiana.
KAYLA: It will just live in Gary. Isn't that so silly?
SARAH: That's crazy, Indiana's not even Illinois.
KAYLA: It's really not.
SARAH: Okay. So, I am going to read you the programs of study offered at Hyles-Anderson College.
KAYLA: Great.
SARAH: Oh, also, if you're like, how can they even call themselves a college if they're not accredited? In the U.S., it's a little more loosey goosey about those rules than in other countries. In other countries, like they would not be able to call themselves a college at all. But the U.S. is like, you can kind of…
KAYLA: Yeah. Okay. Of course. And why not?
SARAH: So, for their bachelor of science degrees.
KAYLA: But it's not a bachelor of science. How are they allowed to say that? Like a bachelor of science is a degree that they are not conferring.
SARAH: I know.
KAYLA: How are they allowed!? Like I understand saying they're a college, whatever. You could say lots of things are a college, but like a bachelor of science is like a thing.
SARAH: I know.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Okay. I'm going to do the crazy ones last. So, there's the Department of Music.
KAYLA: Great.
SARAH: Under which you can get a degree in local church music or music education.
KAYLA: Ah! Local church music?
SARAH: Local dash church. They use that a lot, I don't know what it means.
KAYLA: What does that mean?
SARAH: I don't know what it means.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: There's the Department of Media where you can get a degree in local church media or…
KAYLA: What does that mean?
SARAH: I don't know. I think it…
KAYLA: Like the newsletter? The bulletin?
SARAH: Yes, basically. Or you can get a degree in administrative assistant. You can get a four-year degree…
KAYLA: Four!?
SARAH: You can also do a two- or three-year degree. You could…
KAYLA: I suppose it doesn't matter, it's not real.
SARAH: We'll get into that more later, I would like to just hit all the majors first.
KAYLA: Okay, sorry.
SARAH: Then you have the Department of Missions. If you are a man, you can get a degree in missions. If you are a woman, or as they say, ladies, you can get a degree in missionary education.
KAYLA: Why aren't women allowed to go on a mission?
SARAH: Next, you have the Department of Bible.
KAYLA: Oh, right. You know, Bible.
SARAH: Now, men can get degrees in pastoral theology, pastoral assistant, Bible, or youth ministry.
KAYLA: Bible?
SARAH: Uh-huh. Women can get a degree in general studies.
KAYLA: What!?
SARAH: So, women can study Bible, but only generally.
KAYLA: They can't even get Bible? Like, what's the difference between general studies and Bible? Because to me, a degree in Bible is like…
SARAH: Is a degree in Bible.
KAYLA: Like that's general studies to me.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: You went to Bible college and got a degree in Bible.
SARAH: Right.
KAYLA: Oh, what was your major? Bible.
SARAH: Bible, from the Department of Bible.
KAYLA: Am a BS in Bible.
SARAH: And then we have the Department of Education. Why music education does not fall under the Department of Education is beyond me.
KAYLA: Right, right, right, right, right.
SARAH: They have elementary education and secondary education.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: And then for ladies only, you can get a major in marriage and motherhood.
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: That is the Tradwife degree. Specifically, that one.
KAYLA: Here is my question about the degrees in education. Because some churches will have preschools or elementary schools connected to them. But you have to be a licensed teacher to teach at that.
SARAH: I was…
KAYLA: Not like a priest, I don't know what you need for preschool, but like…
SARAH: They were saying that they funnel a lot… like, they were saying that for student teaching, there's two schools in the area that they kind of send all of their students for for student teaching. I think most of them is just for like religious schools that are private schools. And I don't know, maybe they can fudge it.
KAYLA: What?
SARAH: I don't know.
[00:20:00]
KAYLA: I don't think that's how it works, I think you need like a license to teach.
SARAH: Yeah. Okay, then you have some graduate programs. You have a master of education. A bachelor of religious education. Why is that a graduate program?
KAYLA: Well, it's not real.
SARAH: And then you have master of pastoral theology, bachelor of theology, master of missions, and master of practical pastoral theology, which only men can do.
KAYLA: So, if I had a bachelor's from a different real accredited school, would I then be allowed to get a master's at this place? Or do I need to get one of their fake bachelor's to then get one of their fake master's? s
SARAH: That's a compelling question. Then they have two- and three-year programs that are the same as other programs, but shorter.
KAYLA: Right.
SARAH: And they have one-year programs in general studies. And then if you're a man, you can do a one-year program in Bible.
KAYLA: Great.
SARAH: And you can do a one-year program in pastor's refresher.
KAYLA: Oh
SARAH: If you're a woman, you can do a one-year program in missionary wife.
KAYLA: Missionary wife!?
SARAH: Mm-hmm. That's what the school offers.
KAYLA: Missionary wife?
SARAH: Now, listen, before we get too deep and judgy…
KAYLA: Missionary wife!?
SARAH: I would like to note, I don't have any issue with religious schools or Christian schools…
KAYLA: No, as we've said, they can be normal.
SARAH: They can be totally normal. The problem with this is that it is promoting a very specific worldview about gender dynamics and the place of women in society.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: That I find problematic.
KAYLA: Yeah. Where's the husband studies?
SARAH: There isn't one. Now, of note, I think… I guess maybe this includes all students. It's a little confusing, I don't know, but it says married students must be at least 20 years old by the first day of registration for each semester. Single or divorced students must be at least 25 years of age by the first day of registration for each semester.
KAYLA: Wait, what!? Why!?
SARAH: I don't know.
KAYLA: So, you can't even go to this right after high school?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: What!? Why!?
SARAH: So, I think… let's just dive into a couple of the course descriptions and then we can back up and talk about the experience of students who have gone here.
KAYLA: My body hurts.
SARAH: Yeah. Now, if you go further into this course guide, it basically shows you the classes that you can or have to take. It's a little clear because it's like more classes than you could take in a single semester. But there's only like… it's not that many listed and they're listed by semester that you can take them, I don't know, it's confusing. And none of them are repeated, I don't get it. So, you can see basically all the classes that you can take. So, for administrative assistants, if you do… okay, I would like to be clear, I have worked as an administrative assistant. My college degree helped me in that I had experienced education.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But I didn't need to be specifically trained for four years to be an administrative assistant.
KAYLA: Yeah, even being an executive assistant, like I work with some executive assistants and it's not like the job is easy, there's a lot going on over there.
SARAH: I'm also… I'm technically still an executive assistant in addition to my many other jobs.
KAYLA: Yeah, and like that's not easy. But I don't know what you would do for four years, especially because so much of that is deeply specific to who you're working with.
SARAH: Exactly, like you can definitely get better at it. And like I understand why so many people in Hollywood are like, we want you to have however many years of experience, because like, they don't want to have to hold your hand and train you, like I get that.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Someone has got to do it though, like you're not going to just suddenly have the experience.
KAYLA: I could take a two-year degree in assistantry.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I'll allow that.
SARAH: Sure.
KAYLA: Four years!?
SARAH: Yeah, but…
KAYLA: Like at that certain point you just need to start doing it.
SARAH: Yeah. Also, I think a lot of it is just like in terms of getting better at it, it's just like learning the neuroses of whoever you specifically work for and what they need.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Now, to be clear, there's a four-year degree in administrative assistant, they don't get to Microsoft Office until junior year.
KAYLA: Right. And by that time, you're what? 28?
SARAH: Uh-huh. Assuming you're single.
KAYLA: Right. So, you would just now be allowed access to Microsoft.
SARAH: Well, I think you'd be allowed access to it, but it's not until junior year that you take the class.
KAYLA: Are you sure? Are you sure?
SARAH: There are also no fewer than five different keyboarding classes to take.
KAYLA: Certainly, we don't need that anymore.
SARAH: And all of them have the previous class as a prerequisite.
KAYLA: You have to take five levels of… Okay, here's… one thing I'll say, I would love to take five consecutive keyboarding classes, personally, I would love that.
SARAH: Each of them is three credits. I think their credit system might be a little bit different than like the standard university system.
KAYLA: What!? There's no way.
SARAH: But either way, why five three credit classes about keyboarding?
KAYLA: I would love that, I would love to do that, I love typing.
SARAH: You can get a counseling minor. And one of the classes offered actually there are two of this class that I found out is called ‘Spiritual Warfare.’
KAYLA: Right.
SARAH: Now here's… let me just pull up some of these classes that I particularly flagged. So, there's a spiritual warfare class.
KAYLA: Right.
SARAH: It's not that interesting of a description, it's kind of unclear. Then we have… this one really got… there's kind of a whole slew of classes about women and their place in the world.
KAYLA: Of course.
SARAH: Of course, if you're in the marriage and motherhood major, you know, of course, you're taking all of these.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Oh, also, there's like a class for like canning and jarring.
KAYLA: Oh my God. Okay, so tradwifery.
SARAH: And like making clothes. There's a whole class for making dessert.
KAYLA: Oh my God!
SARAH: Okay. But let's... All right. So, there's Christian womanhood, which… Okay. And then you get to women used of God.
KAYLA: What? What!?
SARAH: This course is a comparison study of Bible women and women of the past, like Susanna Wesley and Ann Judson, who have been greatly used by God, along with women God is currently using.
KAYLA: Mother Mary, no mention?
SARAH: I mean, I'm sure she's mentioned in the class.
KAYLA: Shocking to not be the first one, I feel.
SARAH: I think maybe he means more as like a mouthpiece.
KAYLA: Who I would love to know who is currently being used. I would love to hear about Erika Kirk in this class.
SARAH: I would also… I'm just… if any of our listeners come from like a fundamentalist Christian background, is this like a phrase that's used a lot? Like, is this… or is this… because I understand what it means in context. But like, is that common?
KAYLA: I've not heard used by, I've heard like called by.
SARAH: Yes.
KAYLA: Like stuff of that…
SARAH: Used by God
KAYLA: I've never heard that.
SARAH: Then we have the Christian wife, which is a study of how a wife should treat her husband in order to have a Christ-honoring marriage.
KAYLA: I wish I was in these classes.
SARAH: Then there's communication in marriage. Then there's woman, the completer. The course studies the role of the wife in making her husband and home complete.
KAYLA: Right.
SARAH: Because she's the rib, you know.
KAYLA: Of course.
SARAH: Yeah. Women of the Bible. Okay, Christian women… child rearing principles, obviously, lots of courses about rearing children.
KAYLA: Of course. Naturally.
SARAH: Woman, the encourager. This class teaches a lady how to develop compassion and empathy in her roles of being a helpmeet, a needfiller, and a servant.
KAYLA: What!? A helpmeet!?
SARAH: Helpmeet, one word.
KAYLA: No!
SARAH: How to wear infants. Home decorating.
KAYLA: No!
SARAH: Understanding your husband.
KAYLA: No!
SARAH: This course includes a study of the male temperament and personality. The one male personality, the personality that all men have.
KAYLA: Who's teaching these?
SARAH: Nutrition. Okay, it emphasizes eating good foods and staying healthy while on a budget, okay.
KAYLA: There are some of these that I'm like, okay, fine, like…
SARAH: They're doing like classic home ec kind of stuff, you know
KAYLA: Yeah. But even at a typical Bible college, women in Christianity or Christian womanhood? Sure.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: There's a lot of classes about being a woman in X, Y, Z.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Sure. I'll take it.
SARAH: Or like women of the Bible. Sure, yeah, great.
[00:30:00]
KAYLA: Sure. Communication in marriage, in a different context, excellent. Everyone getting married should be working on that, but not here.
SARAH: It also mentioned communication like with and about the children also in the context of marriage. Which, okay, cool.
KAYLA: Good. But I would be way more okay with all of this if this was also for the men.
SARAH: Yeah. Crock-Pot cooking, dessert creation, canning and freezing, cooking for guests.
KAYLA: Ah!
SARAH: So that's like most of that. Then there's just like other, you know… here's the missions’ section, there were two classes that like really, really got me. Countries without Christ. One and two.
KAYLA: Two.
SARAH: One, this course gives a study of specific countries that have a great need for missionaries to give them the gospel. Many countries that need God to open their doors to the gospel will be covered. Students will learn how to present a country's need effectively. And then for two, it's, this course is a continuation of countries without Christ one, but is more focused on people groups as opposed to entire countries.
KAYLA: Oh, no!
SARAH: Students will present to the class the best way to get into certain countries as well as the best means to learn the language of each country. Now, that is the one thing that the Mormons are really fucking good at; Mormons are really good at effectively learning languages.
KAYLA: It's true.
SARAH: It's because they take an approach that's like about talking to people rather than like being able to read it or be, you know.
KAYLA: You've got to hand it to the Mormons, they really have their shit together.
SARAH: They do. And this is not the Mormons
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: But maybe they're taking a similar approach to language learning.
KAYLA: It does seem like, because to me, the missions for men and not for, because I know at least last I was checking in on the Mormons, the men can go on a three-year mission and the women can do one year, which is I have to assume a more recent upgrade for women's rights.
SARAH: Women can do missions in other countries, but I think it's a little more common that they stay closer to home.
KAYLA: I would assume so. So, like some of this does give Mormon to me, but I think also like fundamentalists.
SARAH: Yeah. I think there's definitely some overlap with fundy Christians and Mormonism.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Women in the mission field.
KAYLA: But they're not. What do you mean?
SARAH: This class will examine life on mission field for when their husband is on missionary…
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: And was required in preparing to go to the field and stay on the field. Topics discussed will be; how to walk with God, live by faith, fight the battle of spiritual warfare, adapt to different culture, live contently, learn a new language, raise a Godly family, be a loving wife, face discouragement, loneliness, and fear, and live rejoicing in every day.
KAYLA: I mean, some of that, like, I know people who have moved to other countries with a spouse, like for their spouse to work, and they've had a really hard time because of like learning the language, the culture, like being lonely, whatever. So, like some of this stuff I'm like, yeah.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But not like this.
SARAH: Well, there's a class that's called Women's Missionary Service. So maybe women are allowed, but they just can't get degrees in it? Maybe they can do missions, but they can't get degrees in it. This course teaches our college ladies how to begin and run Women's Missionary Service groups in their future churches. The Women's Missionary Service of the First Baptist Church of Hammond, which is like their home church, basically
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Is a ministry that provides an organized way for ladies to meet and pray for our missionaries, as well as communicate regularly with our mission ladies on the field and encourage them with cards and gifts.
KAYLA: Ah, oh.
SARAH: Unclear if they're allowed to be the missionaries or it's just like they're there with their husbands and we're praying for them.
KAYLA: I'm just confused about these women missionaries.
SARAH: Yeah. That's kind of the gist of it. There's a bunch of music stuff that I think is like, yeah, I'm sure that's probably pretty normal, like piano pedagogy.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Like, yeah, that's going to be a normal class that you're in. See, there's some psychology stuff, child psychology. There's some science creation.
KAYLA: Uh-huh.
SARAH: This course will study the biblical account of the Earth's creation, focusing on scientific evidence that not only supports the biblical account, but shows overwhelming evidence that our Earth was created solely by our omnipotent and omniscient God, I want to take that class.
KAYLA: I want to take all of these classes, I'm so curious.
SARAH: I want to know what they're saying is the overwhelming evidence.
KAYLA: I know, I need to see it.
SARAH: But then they also have like botany, gen chem, you know, other stuff. EMT training, useful.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Inorganic chemistry, orgo, orgo 2. So that's the gist of it, of the courses. Before we dive into anything about the school experience, do you have anything you have yet to say about courses that you would like to say?
KAYLA: I mean, that's just crazy.
SARAH: Yeah. It's so wild to me that they have majors that you can only do if you're a man and only do if…
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Also, I mean, I guess women can be pastors, but not in fundy churches.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Like you can be… like a woman can be Episcopal priests.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But not Catholic priests or pastors in like more fundamental... So like, I don't know that it's explicitly banned in the way that it is in Catholicism. I think you just don't do it, maybe it is banned.
KAYLA: Yeah, I don't know. I mean, the non-accredited thing is now making more sense to me with that these genders can't take these majors because I don't think accredited… like, I don't think that would fly.
SARAH: They wouldn’t be allowed to do that, no.
KAYLA: Like I think you can do like you must take this type of course or whatever like some religious universities will do, but I can't imagine that they would allow that.
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: Though I don't know though, because there's all women's colleges. Well, but it's not…
SARAH: Those are not… they're not… it's historically women's colleges.
KAYLA: I know, you're right, it's not like they ban anyone.
SARAH: Like, historically black colleges…
KAYLA: That's true because like you can still go.
SARAH: As a white person, you can still go to an HBCU. As a man, you can still go to historically women's college.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's true.
SARAH: And there are men who go to historically women's colleges.
KAYLA: That's nice.
SARAH: Okay, I was on Reddit.
KAYLA: Great.
SARAH: Just kind of like reading about people's experiences. And also, there’s some stuff in the article. There was a person who said that they went here and at least in 1997 when they were going to school here, they said that the girls had a different curfew than the boys did.
KAYLA: Of course, naturally.
SARAH: And also, that there were rules barring women from driving without two chaperones.
KAYLA: Ah! Good!
SARAH: Got to get my squad so I can drive a car.
KAYLA: Rolling deep.
SARAH: Also, there was a dating manual that was reportedly written by the school in 2018 and leaked online, which noted that relationships are subject to parental approval from either of the parents, which someone noted is a good way to basically legalize racism. Because then you can just be like, oh, no, I don't have a problem with interracial marriages, I have a problem with this particular person.
KAYLA: Uh-huh
SARAH: And then it's not approved.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I couldn't find that manual itself, but it seems to have been based off of slash an abridged version of this book called Dating with a Purpose by Jack Schaupp.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Which a lot of people have said like they always saw in like their like church bookstores and like whatever.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I'm just going to give you some basics. There's starting right. The man should ask out the lady before each date. Limit the number of dates to a maximum of three per a two-week period. Do not spend unscheduled time together.
KAYLA: What!?
SARAH: Couples who date while attending the same school should not visit each other between classes.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: The man should plan an outline of activity for each date.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: They have to be the spiritual leaders in the relationship, of course.
KAYLA: Naturally.
SARAH: The early stages of dating should be filled with action-type dates rather than conversation-type dates.
KAYLA: What!? Why!?
SARAH: I don't know. Then there's some like reasonable stuff that's like, you know, most people don't marry the first person they date, like it's okay to not end up marrying that person.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: You can't go backwards emotionally.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Yeah, once it's out there, it's out there, sure. Those are just kind of like the basics.
KAYLA: Some of those just like don't even make sense to me. I'm like, why?
SARAH: Whoa, wait. This person says, as you are reading this nasty book, along with having the knowledge of what the author did and was like, it all starts to make sense. What did the author do?
KAYLA: Trauma! I mean, I can only imagine.
SARAH: He was sentenced to 12 years of imprisonment.
KAYLA: 12?
SARAH: And five years of supervised release after pleading guilty to the… and that was with pleading guilty, imagine how bad it would have been if he hadn't pleaded guilty.
KAYLA: Eww!
SARAH: To the felony offense of transportation of a minor with the intent to engage in criminal sexual activity.
KAYLA: I wish I was surprised.
SARAH: Oh, and he was the pastor of Hammond Baptist Church, which is the home church of this college. He arranged to have the victim transported to Illinois and to Michigan so they could spend extended periods of time alone together.
KAYLA: But you're not supposed to do that, I thought.
SARAH: Noooo!
KAYLA: Not on scheduled time together.
[00:40:00]
SARAH: Mm. And I was going to say, well, it seems to be based off of conversation, not activities. But like, I mean, I guess maybe he had activities in mind.
KAYLA: Eww!
SARAH: Okay, so then I was just kind of reading about people's experiences at this college and similar colleges, just, you know, the craziest stuff. And I found a Reddit thread on r/exchristian that said, did you attend a weird Christian college? What are your stories?
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: There are some real bangers here. But a couple that I specifically flagged was someone who said that, I went to Jesus Christ on a stick.
KAYLA: Exactly.
SARAH: Christ on a stick with cheese. Okay, this person said, I went to Lancaster Bible College, a fundy college in Pennsylvania. We weren't allowed to wear shorts, leggings, or crop tops. Had to attend mandatory chapel three times or more per week. Had to sign contracts basically saying that we agreed to their statement of faith or wouldn't talk about what we didn't agree on, et cetera. When I looked this place up, it's like one of… it's a lot more normal looking than...
KAYLA: Eww! I have heard of colleges making people sign like a purity agreement, I have heard of that.
SARAH: Yeah. Then this person says, I came out as bisexual and then later asexual on TikTok the summer before my senior year
KAYLA: Work!
SARAH: And was confronted by the college about it. They removed me from my on-campus apartment because they no longer trusted me to live closely with women and put me in a single non-ADA compliant dorm. I became disabled during my final semester and they refused to give me appropriate accommodations.
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: They made me sign a contract saying I would not talk about LGBTQ in a positive affirming light on TikTok or on campus or they'd kick me off campus entirely. I also had to re-sign the statement of faith from my freshman year. I would have sued them for taking away my freedom of speech, but under the title something or other, they're protected since they're a religious institution.
KAYLA: They should… like certainly they weren't protected for the ADA thing though.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I would have sued them for that. That's wild.
SARAH: Yeah. This person was talking about like the creative ways to deter interracial dating while having plausible deniabilities like the parent thing the parents have to agree.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But they said specifically, dates were strictly defined as literally sitting together more than one to two times even during church/meals.
KAYLA: Wow! What if I just accidentally sit next to someone? Now I'm on a date?
SARAH: I guess. I mean it literally leads to just complete gender segregation, essentially.
KAYLA: Jesus!
SARAH: This person says, my story feels kind of tame compared to some of the other comments here, but I went to Martin Luther College in Minnesota between 2006 and 2008. The only majors offered there were pastor, teacher, and staff minister. Women were not allowed to be pastor track, but were allowed to be staff minister's track for some reason, even though I was explicitly told that I would likely not get a job as a staff minister because I was a woman. I was also not allowed to take or audit any pastoral classes, including Greek and Hebrew, but I was never given any reason as to why that was. And then they were just talking about how strict they were about like dorm segregated by gender and you could only go into the boys’ dorm during a three-hour period on Thursdays and if you got caught, whatever, blah, blah, blah, blah. This person then said, the weird part about that environment, or one of the weird parts, was that everyone was hypersexual in behavior while also shaming those that acted on any sexual thoughts, which now as an adult I understand on a developmental level, but it was still a weird thing to experience. No one asked them any follow up questions on this…
KAYLA: I have many.
SARAH: And I really wish that someone had because I was like, I really want to know what they mean by that.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Basically, everyone was like, their sexuality was just like buzzing on the surface, but they couldn't do anything with it.
KAYLA: Yeah. I mean, to me that means like a lot of innuendos, a lot of like doing everything, but like… I mean, you have a ton of young people and you're prohibiting them from doing something that's only going to make them want to do it more.
SARAH: Yeah. This one says, not me, but a friend of mine from high school attended Houghton College and said that her mom had to sneak tampons in for her.
KAYLA: Ugh!
SARAH: When she first got there, she went to the bookstore and couldn't find any tampons. She asked the girl working, are you guys out of tampons? And the girl looked at her like she had three heads. Oh no, we don't sell tampons here, that's unbiblical.
KAYLA: Ah!
SARAH: Good! Because you stick it up your hoo-ha and then you're not a virgin anymore.
KAYLA: Right, exactly.
SARAH: There were also a couple people who talked about schools where they're not sure if it's still true, but at least when they went there, dancing was literally banned, like Footloose.
KAYLA: Ah, footloose.
SARAH: And one person said that only a few years before they enrolled did they finally make it allowed, like unban, watching movies, either on or off-campus.
KAYLA: Whoa! What do you mean?
SARAH: I guess they used to like go to nearby movie theaters and like make sure none of their students were there.
KAYLA: Oh my God!
SARAH: And then a lot of people just talking about like, yeah, we had this, you know, scandal because so-and-so was diddling kids or, you know, all that stuff.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: There's truly so much here from so many different schools. But that's kind of the gist of it. So how are we feeling?
KAYLA: I mean, not good.
SARAH: I mean, there are so many problems with this from like a feminist’s standpoint
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: About just like the expectations of women and their place and et cetera, et cetera. But I think there's also so much to say about the understanding of sex and its purpose and its place and who gets punished. Like there was one comment where they were saying that at their school, like if you got pregnant out of wedlock, you would get expelled. And so, if that ever happened to people, usually they would just like pack up and quietly leave because they didn't want to have to deal with the hullabaloo and the shame.
KAYLA: Yeah. I mean, it's just so archaic, the whole thing. Like it's just…
SARAH: Mm-hmm. And it's so interesting to me... It's like… okay, it's not if we're talking about Hyles-Anderson, if we're talking about that school, it's not an accredited university. So, you can only use your training here in terms of like getting a job at a fellow fundee church, basically, or an associated organization.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: If the women are going just for the MRS degree, like what's the point of getting a four-year degree? Like what's the point?
KAYLA: To have something to do? I mean, really though, like if you think about like in an archaic way what women back then and I guess women in fundamental churches are doing, you graduate high school, you're not supposed to be working, you're supposed to be getting married and having a kid and homemaking. So, what do you do between graduating high school and having kids? Like you can't work.
SARAH: Yeah. Also, it's like… I'm sure they encourage the married students to have children while they're students there, I'm sure they do.
KAYLA: I'm sure.
SARAH: But like if you are unmarried, you start when you're 25, you do a four-year degree. By the time you're done, you're 29, that's like ancient, like, in their minds...
KAYLA: In their standards, yeah.
SARAH: In their minds, like, if you haven't had kids in that time, what the fuck are you even doing?
KAYLA: Yeah, I don't know. Is it just to like be able to level up your like busybody career at your church so that now you have this ‘degree’ so now you get to be like on the board or in the…
SARAH: I'm sure these people lord it over other people that they have these degrees.
KAYLA: Right. That's what I'm thinking, is it's like a status thing to be like, I get to be in charge of the bulletin now, Jessica, because I have my four-year media degree from what's-its-face.
SARAH: Yeah. This girl says that, I went to a fundy church college, dresses are skirts below the knee, no tight skirts or low collars, rules about how many perfume bottles you could have on your half of the dresser, three.
KAYLA: What!?
SARAH: I met a girl who told me she was a better Christian than me because she had never worn pants in her life.
KAYLA: Right.
SARAH: You had to wear nylons from breakfast until after lunch. The internet was so filtered that the emails from my pastor got stuck in spam because they had images in them.
KAYLA: I mean another reason I can think of doing this is because their parents or husband tells them to.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like if you have a super… like say you are married and have kids already but your husband is like, I want you to be the perfect wife so go get this four-year wife degree. Like, you know?
SARAH: It seems like a lot of the women in particular who went to these schools and did these degrees are saying that, especially at the ones that aren't accredited, if they didn't know it wasn't accredited, they were like, this was the only option. Like, this was always what was going to happen and I didn't realize or understand that there were other options.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Or they were saying that their parents would pay for it but they would only pay for it if they went to a school like this.
KAYLA: Yeah, I mean if you grow up in a fundamental church, this is your local fundamental school, everyone in your church feeds into it. Yeah, it makes sense that that would happen.
SARAH: Especially if you grow up in a lower middle-class family where it's like, okay, my parents are saying that they'll pay for this education, that this is the only opportunity I'm going to get, I'm going to take it because you think it's real.
[00:50:00]
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: There's another person who like… they were trying to do something, they couldn't do something, maybe it was the officer person, the person who was in the military, like they got another bachelor's degree at like a real school. But then when they were trying to do something, the military only considered the first bachelor's degree they did, which they didn't accept.
KAYLA: But it wasn't even real.
SARAH: And so that was why they were denying, I don't know, it was a little confusing, but they were like, it fucked me.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So, I just… I don't know what the thesis is of this, but…
KAYLA: I think the thing that's particularly frustrating to me working in education is that at least in America, there's a lot of news and policy and politics going on around education and the Department of Education and what universities are doing. And there's all these conversations about universities are indoctrinating their students with like the woke agenda. Like all universities are super left leaning and if you're a conservative student, you're being stifled at these schools.
SARAH: You've got to go to Liberty, Liberty is the only option.
KAYLA: Yeah. And so, it's just… it's very frustrating to be like, yeah, a lot of universities do lean left, I think that's for a variety of reasons that we don't need to get into
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But like, I wouldn't say they're indoctrinated, whatever. The fact that you can critique that and that like supposed lack of free speech or like indoctrination or propaganda, but then these other schools are also allowed to exist and no one is going to be upset about that. I mean, we already know that they're hypocrites and that the standards aren't real, but that's just like glaring.
SARAH: Yeah. When I was reading about these other schools, I went down a real, real rabbit hole about… it's in a slightly different category because it's not a IFB, it's a I something else.
KAYLA: Sure.
SARAH: It is a school called the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry.
KAYLA: Oh, okay.
SARAH: Which is in Bethel, California, which is in Northern California. Bethel Church is like a big deal, but like their whole…
KAYLA: I feel like I've heard of that.
SARAH: Yeah. Their whole thing is basically… it's like kind of a cult, not really a cult, but it's kind of a cult, their whole thing is miracles.
KAYLA: Sure.
SARAH: You go to school to learn how to do miracles kind of.
KAYLA: I have to be going there.
SARAH: And there's a lot of… there was a really good article from Buzzfeed News that was, it's almost 10 years old now, but it was long, but it was good about the issues and like the issues in the community with the people who are not a part of the church, but the church is also kind of reviving the community in a way, and it's difficult.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I went down a real rabbit hole about them and you don't even get a degree, you just get a certificate.
KAYLA: Huh!
SARAH: So that's… if you ever have some time, do a dive into the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm. I'm surprised Scientology doesn't have a school at this point.
SARAH: You know, that's a good point, I'm sure…
KAYLA: Or maybe they do and it's just like a secret inside thing.
SARAH: Scientology school. There's a Delphi Academy of Los Angeles, the Delphian School in Sheridan, Oregon.
KAYLA: All right, well, nevermind then.
SARAH: Clearwater Academy International in Florida. Hubbard College of Administration in LA. So, there are some.
KAYLA: That sounds so normal.
SARAH: Scientology High.
KAYLA: It sounds like a sitcom.
SARAH: Yeah, it's Delphian, Delphi. Anyway. What?
KAYLA: Okay, wrap it up.
SARAH: Wrap it up. What's our poll for this week?
KAYLA: Are you a Scientologist?
SARAH: Wait, that wasn't even what the podcast was about.
KAYLA: I know, I'm just curious.
SARAH: Have you seen the thing about people, about like the new trend as people doing Scientology runs?
KAYLA: Yes, I love it.
SARAH: Basically, what people do is… because if you go into a Scientology building, you have to play by their rules or they will kick you out.
KAYLA: Yeah, you have to sign up or whatever.
SARAH: And you can't record, like you're not supposed to record or anything.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And so, the recent trend has been like people, often teenagers, having their phone recording and running into a Scientology building and seeing how far they can get.
KAYLA: And seeing how far they can get. Just speed running Scientology, it's so good.
SARAH: I have some friends who when we were interning, the summer that I interned in college in LA, who they like went out for the evening and I was like, my brain, I was introverting too hard, I was like, I can't do this right now, so, I stayed home. And they ended up going… it's a good thing I stayed home because I would have not done this. There was like someone doing Scientology fires on the street and they ended up talking to them and then they were like, here, you can like, you know, take our whatever little quiz and they were like, you know what, let's look into it.
KAYLA: Wait, so they went in?
SARAH: Yeah. Like just for shits. And they like started… but it ended up being like a really long like questionnaire…
KAYLA: Yeah, I’m sure.
SARAH: And eventually they were like, how do we get out?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But they did go in.
KAYLA: Wow!
SARAH: Anyway, our poll is, would you get a tradwife degree?
KAYLA: Do you know a tradwife?
SARAH: Did she get a degree?
KAYLA: I'd love to know.
SARAH: Okay. Kayla, what's your beef and your juice for this week?
KAYLA: My beef is the Survivor finale.
SARAH: Uh-huh
KAYLA: We're recording this on… we just watched the live finale today, but that has been like two weeks now. I still won't like spoil it because I don't know y'all's lives, but what I will say is there was a major live TV mistake that was made that like they basically spoiled something that happened before it happened because they were cutting back and forth between the show and like the live show, if that makes sense. Like they were doing the live…
SARAH: Like what happened on the island and then their live studio.
KAYLA: Yes, they were like doing the reunion live basically while showing the episode.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And it was so bad and it was like the second biggest, like aside from like who wins the season, it was like the second biggest like reveal and they completely botched it. And my… I felt sick to my stomach with secondhand embarrassment. Like, I'm still cringing about it, I feel sick about it. And I also just like, the people I wanted to win, none of them won, so, I was sad about that. My juice is that it's supposed to get cold again soon, it's 90 right now, but this weekend, which for you was last weekend it is supposed to be in the 60s. And that's exciting.
SARAH: Yay!
KAYLA: Yay!
SARAH: My beef is… well, there's a wildfire in Simi Valley right now, this is going to be old news. Which it made the whole valley yesterday smell like a bonfire.
KAYLA: Oh, good.
SARAH: And when I say valley, I mean like… like I was 20 miles away from the fire.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And it smelled like a bonfire outside, everywhere. And I do like the smell of a bonfire, but I was on the outside for like less than five minutes and it was like a tickling my throat, like it was like irritating. And so, then I was… I wore a mask outdoors, only outdoors instead of only indoors. Like COVID, I wore a mask outdoors so that I wouldn't inhale the smoke. And my cousin was like right on the edge of where the evacuation warnings were…
KAYLA: Eww!
SARAH: So, like they had everything like packed up and ready to go in case they had to evacuate.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Hopefully that's not still going by the time that this episode comes out, but who fucking knows?
KAYLA: Who knows?
SARAH: My juice is… man… I'm getting Brunch with someone this weekend. Yaaaaaay! Kayla can't respond because she stood up...
KAYLA: That’s nice.
SARAH: And is holding her mini-fan in front of her face.
KAYLA: I'm back as far from my mic, I guess I could go to the side, as far from my mic as I could be while still being like plugged in and listening, but I want to use my handheld fan because it's so hot in my office, but I don't want to make too much sound.
SARAH: You can tell us about your beef, your juice, your handheld-fan like Kayla and/or Hudson Williams on the Oscars red carpet on our social media @soundsfakepod.
KAYLA: I’m just like him.
SARAH: We also have a Patreon, patreon.com/soundsfakepod. Sarah from the future, take it away.
KAYLA: LOL.
SARAH: Hi, this is Sarah from the future and I just did the patrons for last week's episode and now I'm going to do the patrons for this week’s episode, so stay with me, guys. Okay, our $5 patrons who we are promoting this week are Morgan I., Philip Rueker, Phoenix Eliot, Rachel, and Rebekah Monnin. Our $10 patrons who are promoting something this week are Danielle Hutchinson who would like to promote Rainbow Pride Knits. Derick & Carissa who would like to promote supporting each other through the transitions we face. Elle Bitter who would like to promote normalizing the use of tone indicators/srs. Eric who would like to promote Queer ASL and my aunt Jeannie who would like to promote Christopher's Haven. Our other $10 patrons are Johanna, Kayla's dad, Maff, Martin Chiesl, Purple Hayes, Quartertone, Barefoot Backpacker, SongOStorm, Sydney Price, Val, Alastor, Ani, Arcnes, Benjamin Ybarra, and Clare Olsen. Our $15 patrons are Ace who would like to promote the writer, Crystal Scherer. Nathaniel White who would like to promote NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com. Kayla’s aunt Nina who would like to promote katemaggartart.com. And Schnell who would like to promote accepting that everyone is different and that's awesome. Our $20 patrons are Changeling & Alex who would like to promote their company Control Alt Access (dot com). And Dr. Jacki, Dragonfly, my mom, and River who would like to promote drinking water. Okay. Bye. Back to Sarah from the past, the super past for you. Aaaahhh! Wow, thanks, Sarah from the future, that was so great. Sarah from the future for me, Sarah from the past for you. Thanks for listening, tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cows.
SARAH: Yippee!
KAYLA: Can you hear it? It's picking up. Yeah.
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