Ep 402: Reddit Rabbithole pt. 27
SARAH: Hey, what's up? Hello! Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl (I'm Sarah, that's me.)
KAYLA: And the bi-demisexual girl (that's me, Kayla.)
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else… anything? Any… we just don't understand it.
KAYLA: On today's episode: Reddit Rabbithole.
BOTH: Sounds fake, but okay.
SARAH: I was thinking too much about what I was doing.
KAYLA: Yeah, you can't do that.
SARAH: And you can't do that.
KAYLA: You can't. You have to not think at all.
SARAH: Welcome back to the poooooood!
KAYLA: Hellooo!
SARAH: Hi, everyone.
KAYLA: We're here, putting our blood, sweat, and tears into this podcast because I accidentally fucked up my toenail before we started recording and my toe is bleeding.
SARAH: Yes, she did.
KAYLA: Yes, I did.
SARAH: Thank you for your sacrifice.
KAYLA: Do you want to see my bloody paper towel?
SARAH: Sure.
KAYLA: Paper towel reveal!
SARAH: Oh, I thought it was going to be way worse.
KAYLA: No. Cute!
SARAH: I can tell that we don't need to amputate, by the amount of blood.
KAYLA: No, I think not. I've seen worse toenails. For instance, Dean once had a full toenail fall off in the ocean.
SARAH: My grandma didn't have big toenails.
KAYLA: Always?
SARAH: Every once in a while, I have to drop that back on the pod; it has been dropped before.
KAYLA: It has.
SARAH: She had to have them removed, I think.
KAYLA: You know when we discussed your grandma's toenails that I distinctly remember? When we were on Cameron Esposito's podcast.
SARAH: Yes.
KAYLA: It's like the cold open of that episode…
SARAH: The cold open of the podcast
KAYLA: Is you talking about your grandma's… like, how old people's toenails are like hard or brittle…
SARAH: Lack of toenails
KAYLA: Or they just don't have them.
SARAH: She didn't have toenails and now she really doesn't.
KAYLA: Right.
SARAH: Okay. Do we have any housekeeping?
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: Great. Kayla, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week, our brains are not here.
SARAH: Uh-uh
KAYLA: We are so sleepy.
SARAH: I left work at like 7:40.
KAYLA: Yeah, I kept looking at my phone, because I was just on my computer du, du, du, doing some things and I was like, certainly any minute now. I was like, this cannot be good.
SARAH: No
KAYLA: Yeah. Our brains are not here and I think we did a very admirable job the last few episodes of being good and so we deserve a treat of Reddit.
SARAH: Yeah, we do deserve a treat. Can we start with a really great treat? Remember how last time there was a post that came from a tweet that had been deleted…
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: That I remembered it and it was good.
KAYLA: Yes. You found it?
SARAH: I went back and I found it.
KAYLA: Thank Christ!
SARAH: This one may have been one of the… one of these recently, the tweet went away, but on my phone, if I clicked on it, it would for a second show it and then be like, oh, no, sorry, you can't see this. So, I screen-recorded myself and then I could pause it at the exact moment and then I could see the phrasing and then I could look it up on Reddit.
KAYLA: This is what they mean when they say the internet is forever, because nothing is ever gone.
SARAH: I'm a sleuth, baby!
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: I'm going to start sending Rita physical mail.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I just need to address it and stamp it. It's ready to go.
KAYLA: Once I see how many stamps I have left after sending out wedding invitations, I will jump on this because I think I'm going to have a lot of forever stamps left over that I'm not going to know what to do with, so.
SARAH: Great. Thank you. I realized that all of my previous PayPal invoices had my address on them and I don’t want that.
KAYLA: Right, you can't be doing that.
SARAH: And then I realized that some of my PayPal invoices had my parents' address on them…
KAYLA: Oh!
SARAH: And I said, I don't like that. So, I changed my settings so that in the future, they no longer have my address on them.
KAYLA: That's good.
SARAH: Anyway. Because I'm not going to put my address as the return address on these.
KAYLA: No
SARAH: I might put the pod P.O. box.
KAYLA: I was going to say you could put your P.O. box, that seems safer.
SARAH: Anyway. All right. Here is the one that I really wanted to do, just because… it was gone and then it came back.
KAYLA: Right.
SARAH: Oh, it was because I disagreed with all the people on Twitter, that's why.
KAYLA: Classic.
SARAH: Okay, so here's… it's on the real AITA, it’s from three months ago. Am I the asshole for not going to my dad's wedding since it's just a stupid party?
KAYLA: Oh! Dramaaaa!
SARAH: My dad is getting remarried. I, female, 15…
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: Relevant…
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: Assumed I'd be a bridesmaid or junior bridesmaid, but apparently my new stepmom doesn't want any kids in her wedding party.
KAYLA: I’d hardly call a 15-year-old a kid
SARAH: With the way they're acting?
KAYLA: Well, I guess we'll see.
SARAH: Dad said I can be his best woman, but I don't want to match clothes with men, I want to wear bridesmaids’ clothes. I told my dad who told his girlfriend who still refused to be a bridesmaid.
KAYLA: Well, first of all, that's his fiancé.
SARAH: Yeah, it is. Dad told me to drop it and said it's just a stupid party and I should just let it go and get over the fact that I can't be in her wedding party. I told him since it's just a stupid party, I won't attend.
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: I'm on my mom's custody time, so I don't have to go anyway. He thinks I'm an asshole for not supporting him. Now…
KAYLA: Okay. Can I give my first thoughts before we dive into the comments?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I don't feel as though this person actually wants to be a bridesmaid because when the father offered for her to be the best woman, which I think is so sweet, she said no because she didn't want to wear boys’ clothes, she wanted to wear bridesmaids’ clothes. I think she just wants to play dress up. I don't think she actually cares.
SARAH: Let her be the best woman in a fucking dress. Who cares?
KAYLA: Yeah, I don't know.
SARAH: Okay, so this… the original tweet, the twat, actually the tweet quote retweeted this and it said, you are under no obligation to make a stepchild a bridesmaid and this kid is simply acting like a 15-year-old, which I think that's a fair analysis.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Then this person @PeachFuzzGirl quotes that and says, ‘you don't owe anyone anything,’ era did irreparable damage on human relationships. #lowkey. And it had like 47,000 likes.
KAYLA: Um…
SARAH: And I just think Peach Fuzz Girl is fucking wrong. I don't think this is anything to do with the ‘you don't owe anyone anything’ mentality. I do think that you don't owe anyone anything… I'm really struggling saying this. I do think that you don't owe anyone anything mentality can be harmful.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I agree with that. I feel that way. Sometimes I get, ‘oh, kids these days,’ when I see… the kids who do… what's it called? Where they just like blank stare at you.
KAYLA: The Gen Z stare?
SARAH: The Gen Z stare
KAYLA: I have been the victim of a Gen Z stare a couple of times lately in cafes, especially, and it has been bizarre.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Like, I've seen people talk about it and I was like, oh, they're probably exaggerating, whatever. And then it happened to me and it made me feel wild. I was like, am I… what?! what?!
SARAH: Yeah. Context, the Gen Z stare… there are a couple of different definitions, but the one that's actually what we're talking about is when you go into a store or a public place and you… or even just anywhere in a public place, it doesn’t matter, like, they don't have to be an employee, but like you ask someone something like, hey, do you know where the bathroom is? Or, can I get this? Or, do you have soy milk? And instead of answering, they just look at you like you're insane, because they don't owe you conversation, they don't owe you an answer, they don't know you.
KAYLA: Yeah. The time it happened to me recently, I was going to a bubble tea place and I walked in and the girl was like on her phone as I walked in, which like, me too. But she like stayed on her phone a little too long as I was like standing there and I was like, okay, that's like… you could be a little bit professional at your job.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: God, I sound old, but like, be a little bit professional.
SARAH: Like, at least pretend.
KAYLA: Right. Exactly. Like at least like do what everyone else does and like quickly hide your phone or whatever when someone sees you.
SARAH: Right
KAYLA: And then I was like, oh, could I get, it was like a peach green tea, whatever. And she was like, oh, we actually don't have the peach flavor. Like, sorry. But it took her a long time to say that. And then I was like, oh, okay. So, then I was like looking at the menu and I was like, well, for your black teas, like do you have any flavor or is it just plain black tea? And she was like, um, just black tea. And I was like, oh, okay, well, and I thought about it and I was like, okay, I'll just have like plain black tea with whatever. And she was like, you don't want peach black tea? And I looked at her and I said, what?
[00:10:00]
KAYLA: And mind you, this conversation was like 20 times slower because she was answering me so slow.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And then I was so confused by what she was saying to me and the vibe that she was putting off that I think I started like Gen Z-staring back at her because I was just like, wait, what? What did you just say to me?
SARAH: Can I get some context?
KAYLA: It was just like the most… it was the slowest, most bizarre conversation where I was like, I don't think either one of us knows what's going on. And that's no good.
SARAH: And I guess like the reasoning is like, I don't know you, I don't owe you anything. Like, small talk is dumb. But it's like, if you don't care a little bit about building community, then when you get fucked, no one is going to help you.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Do you want to live in that world?
KAYLA: Yeah. I mean, there are needs… I understand it on a grander scale of like, you don't owe people like an exorbitant amount of time or like too much effort, you know, on a grander scale like that. But in terms of basic human decency, it's like, okay, I guess technically you don't owe that to people, but like, we should probably be doing it though. Anyway.
SARAH: Does Ulta like do a screener for their employees? Because I swear to God, every time you go into Ulta, they're like, welcome in! From all the way across the store. And then they're like, do you need help? Do you need help? And I'm like, no. And then sometimes I actually like do… I'm trying to find something and I can't find it, but like, I don't want to ask them because that would be…
KAYLA: Too helpful.
SARAH: It would lead… I would have to interact with them.
KAYLA: See, this is why I like my local Sephora, they're just the right amount of helpful, where you walk in and if one of them sees you, they're like, hi, welcome in. And then they don't really say anything else. But then if you do need help, you can go up and they help you and then they walk away and then they're done and you say thank you. And then at the front, they say, did anyone help you today? And you were like, oh my God, yes. And they’re like, what was their name? And then you say, uuuhhhh…
SARAH: I don’t know
KAYLA: And then you start trying to describe them. And they're like, uh, I don't know who that is.
SARAH: Yeah. And then somehow still at Ulta, there are never enough cashiers. Somehow all of these things are true. Anyway, we've gone really off-topic. What were we even fucking talking about?
KAYLA: Do you ever think about how old we are now? Like…
SARAH: We're a hundred years old.
KAYLA: It has been so long. And I think about the people who like speed through listening to all 401 episodes and it must be so embarrassing to hear young us
SARAH: Probably. Anyway, I think this stepmom is under no obligation to include someone in her wedding party that she does not want to include in her wedding party, even if it is her new stepdaughter.
KAYLA: I think it would have been nice to…
SARAH: It would have been nice.
KAYLA: I don't…
SARAH: But she didn't have to.
KAYLA: Yeah. I mean, that's… I don't know. Because that's the same thing as like, okay, no one has to do anything. I think it would have been nice, but at the same time, I also don't think that the stepdaughter is going into it with the best intentions either.
SARAH: No. On Reddit, it was decided that OP is the asshole.
KAYLA: Mm, interesting.
SARAH: You're the asshole if the only reason you're not going is because you're not in the wedding party.
KAYLA: Right. I mean, yeah, it seems like you just want to play dress up. Also, maybe it seems like there’s some other stuff going on with the stepmom and this is just your excuse, I don't know.
SARAH: Yeah. Also, apparently, it's the dad's third wedding
KAYLA: Oh!
SARAH: Which adds another layer.
KAYLA: Huh. I wonder if she was in the second wedding.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Well, so she's 15. I mean, I guess, I don't know how fast this man is moving through marriages.
SARAH: Yeah. For all we know, the second mom is basically this kid's mom.
KAYLA: The second mom could be the biological mom.
SARAH: Sure. Anyone could be the biological mom.
KAYLA: Well, I'm just saying like he could have been married, gotten divorced, got married again, had this kid and this is now his third marriage.
SARAH: Oh, you're right. Like, the first marriage could have predated the kid?
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Yes, yeah.
KAYLA: Who knows?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: That does… I don't know, I feel conflicted about this, because I do think it's weird for the kid not to be involved in an official capacity at all. But also, I don't know if that was the proper reaction.
SARAH: But it was offered
KAYLA: That's true, that's the thing, a solution was offered.
SARAH: It was offered and turned down.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And it's not clear to me that the offer was be a best woman and match clothes with the men and wear suits.
KAYLA: Right. Or if that was just assumed.
SARAH: I think that was just assumed.
KAYLA: Right, yeah.
SARAH: All right. Am I the asshole for telling my friend that her ‘free wedding’ is unrealistic?
KAYLA: Free wedding? I actually don't think that's possible because I think you have to pay for your marriage license.
SARAH: Well, just you wait.
KAYLA: Oh!
SARAH: I, 24, female…
KAYLA: Another thing to add to my To-Do list, hold on. My long, long wedding To-Do list. Get a wedding license.
SARAH: Okay. I, 24, female, am a member of a friend group in which one member, we’ll call her Coral, 23, female. Already I’m like, uh-oh, 23?! Coral is getting married.
KAYLA: 23 is the bride? Okay
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Okay, yeah, a child.
SARAH: She announced her engagement to her fiancé, 25, male, a few weeks ago, and we were all happy for her. Over the weekend, though, she shared more specific plans for the wedding, and that's where things have kind of gone off the rails. She said she has been seeing a lot of people on TikTok and Insta showing how to plan free weddings; weddings where the couple spends zero dollars. Aside from the marriage certificate fee, I guess.
KAYLA: Oh, okay, okay
SARAH: At first, I thought she meant a city hall wedding, which would be completely fine, but then she got into the details and her expectations for the ceremony. She's going to try and find someone with a large outdoor space to use, not formally a wedding venue, who will donate their area in support of love.
KAYLA: Ah!
SARAH: She's going to have all of her guests bring a potluck with very specific assignments. She will have a friend officiate, a friend do photography, a friend do save-the-dates and invites, her family do the flowers, et cetera. Including some hard to swing, in my opinion, things like getting a large tent, decorations, wedding favors, speakers, band, et cetera. I'm not sure what her plan was for a dress.
KAYLA: Huh…
SARAH: What's more is that Coral and her fiancé aren't really poor, from what I can tell. She works as an accountant at a big company and her fiancé does software, question mark, or sales. Plus, his parents are loaded. It sounds like they just want to do the free wedding thing for the sake of it. That would be okay, but she is just shifting all of the costs onto other people, some of whom are probably less well off. She told me that she wants me to make the cake and then sent me some pictures for inspiration. The cakes were ridiculously elaborate; we're talking multi-tier, fondant flowers, gold leaf, and even wanted a hand-painted watercolor design.
KAYLA: Oh!
SARAH: I'm not a professional baker; I just like to bake cookies and brownies sometimes. I told her that those cakes would probably take me days to make and they wouldn't come out anywhere near as good. She kind of laughed that off and said, oh, it's not about it being perfect, it's just about everyone pitching in, it'll be fun.
KAYLA: Oh, oh, oh, okay.
SARAH: I told her that, fun or not, what she was describing was basically her friends and family subsidizing her wedding with time, money, and labor, and that it was kind of unfair to expect people to spend so much on her free wedding, or else she was expecting everyone else to show up to a lackluster event and just pretend it was amazing. It's like a group project that none of us wanted to do because we already graduated and moved on from all that, so we don't need the credit. (She does graduate a year later than the rest of us.)
KAYLA: That's funny.
SARAH: I said that if she wants a free wedding, she should probably just elope or go to City Hall because this isn't really free, it's just free for her. I might have been a bit more forceful in my wording, but I didn't swear or call her names or anything like that. She got super-quiet and just looked at me for a minute or so and then left, with another one of our friends driving her home. Later that night, I got a text from that friend saying I had really hurt Coral's feelings, and that even if the plans were a bit unrealistic, I should have just let Coral come to that conclusion on her own. Coral then messaged me saying, sorry, don't worry about the cake, with no more context. I am feeling pretty bad now, especially since Coral was so happy and excited and she never really said anything mean to me. Perhaps, I should have just gone along with the cake since she said she wouldn't be mad if it turned out badly, but I'm worried that her wedding would not have been what she wanted. And I was also frustrated about the cake request. And then there's a short edit; I honestly feel a really bad now, Coral is a really sweet person who’s just a bit naive. I feel like a lot of people in the comments are tearing her up more than she deserves. She has always been the baby of the group, and I just got frustrated and ranted on this case. And then I don't know what the fiancé thinks about all this.
KAYLA: I mean, but the thing about like the babies of the group that are very naive is that at some point someone has to say something so that they stop being that way.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Like… that as well. At first, when you first were like, okay, they find an outdoor place. I'm like, okay, yeah, I know people that have gotten married in like family backyards.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And it's like, okay, the potluck thing. I'm like, okay, if you had like a 30-person wedding, like, maybe you could pull that off. And it's like, okay, that's your gift, that's your contribution, whatever.
SARAH: If it's really small and you are very specific about what everyone is bringing, maybe.
KAYLA: Yeah, right. But then you kept going, and I said, oh, no, no, no.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Because like, oh, the family does the flowers.
SARAH: Is the family florists?
KAYLA: But they have… even if they're like…
SARAH: They have to…
KAYLA: You have to buy the flowers…
SARAH: Buy the flowers, it may have to be the flowers that she wants
KAYLA: And even if they're like grocery store flowers, you have to buy them, like, that’s not free
[00:20:00]
SARAH: Yeah, and you have to make them look nice and like… this person goes, not the asshole, she's in for a rude awakening the first time she asks for a free tent from someone, those are expensive AF to rent. Then OP goes, and it rains here a lot.
KAYLA: Yeah, the tent is crazy. Like, we rent tents for work a lot, and they are infinitely more expensive than you would think.
SARAH: How expensive are they?
KAYLA: Thousands. Thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars.
SARAH: That’s crazy. I mean, I assume that you are talking pretty large ones, but depending on the size of the wedding.
KAYLA: Yeah, I mean, you would need a large one. Like the venue that I'm getting married in, we had the option, they have like a tent season, like an outdoor season and an indoor season. And one of the reasons we specifically chose the indoor season is because tents are so wild. And I have had such bad luck with tents at work before. And the vendor they recommended was the one we used for work.
SARAH: Oh, no
KAYLA: And I was like, I'm not doing this with you, people.
SARAH: No, I refuse.
KAYLA: Like, no.
SARAH: This person says, not the asshole. Your friend is being ridiculous, and you're the only one with the balls to tell her. Be happy she decided to not force you to do the cake. And OP said, in her defense, for the last few things she has been naive about, she has ended up coming to the right conclusion on her own in the end. So maybe I should have just let that happen. Which like, okay, maybe you should have been a little bit less forceful. But like, how extreme were the last things she was naive about? Because this is a pretty extreme, like this is a big...
KAYLA: Because also, were the other things involving other people, or was it just like a personal problem of her own?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Because this one… like, the thing that makes me upset is it doesn't seem like she asked the friend to make the cake, she told her. And then when OP was like, oh, I'm kind of worried about this, to kind of lightly say no without saying no, she didn't take the hint.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So, it's one thing to be naive about something that doesn't affect anyone else, but this is going to ruin everyone's life.
SARAH: Yeah. Well, and the fact that this is like a trend on Instagram or whatever, it's like, you know none of those people are actually doing them.
KAYLA: No
SARAH: Like, they're just like, here's a way to save money. It's like five-minute crafts, whatever.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: This person says, former weather… former… former… oh my God, former wedder...
KAYLA: Ma'am.
SARAH: Former wedding planner here, these are insane expectations, the amount of labor expected from and pressure that is on people who contribute to a wedding day is why services for weddings usually cost more than usual, like more than for other events.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: The fact that she was expecting to put this kind of pressure on people who love her and expect them to do it for free is insane. I planned both of my sister's weddings, they paid me. And this was for family, not friends. I didn't even ask them to. They just walked into the conversation planning to pay me for doing something so high stakes and such skilled labor for them. My cousin got married at our family's cottage and so like didn't have to pay for the venue. They did a lot of stuff, like they DIY'd a lot of stuff. Like, her dress was… her mom made it from my grandma's wedding dress. And they DIY'd some of the decorations and whatever and whatever.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But like they still hired a real DJ, they still paid for tents. Like, even if you're doing a lower budget, more DIY situation, there are certain things that you can't really DIY.
KAYLA: No. And you also shouldn't be expecting people to do that with and for you.
SARAH: No
KAYLA: Like, I know I'm DIYing a lot of things, not a lot, some stuff for my wedding, like decorations and stuff like that. It was never my expectation that anyone was going to do that for me or help me. I've had friends who are excited to help and are like, ooh, craft time, I'll help you. But you shouldn't just go in being like, okay, and this is what your assignments are going to be.
SARAH: Yeah. I know a person who knows a person who is getting married who is trying to get married on the cheap and apparently recently bought a bunch of stuff from Alibaba.
KAYLA: Ah
SARAH: And then their credit card company thought it was fraud and then locked their credit card. And so, then they can't use their credit card.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And so, they went for lunch with this person I know, and they were like, I'm sorry, I can't pay. And then… but they could Venmo. And so, this person Venmo'd the person I know for their lunch. And then the person I know was like, you Venmo'd me ten dollars too many. And then the original person was like, yeah, that is for all the times I don't answer your texts.
KAYLA: Huh! And you know what? Fine. But also, they should get another credit card, they need multiple lines of credit.
SARAH: I only have one credit card. No, that's not true, I have two.
KAYLA: Yeah, see.
SARAH: Never mind! Let's see. Okay, this one… I have a lot of things now that I've like screenshot or like saved the photos of because they all fucking disappear.
KAYLA: Tragic.
SARAH: Okay, this person… this is from Twitter.
KAYLA: Mm hmm.
SARAH: And it says, I just broke up with my boyfriend. Am I the asshole? And a lot of people were like, this is fake, like it's not real. And this person was like, I fucking wish, I fucking wish this was fake.
KAYLA: Yikes!
SARAH: Like, not a verified account, like just like clearly by hand, like censored. Like, I believe that this is real.
KAYLA: Yeah. Wish that this was fake. Oh, no, I'm scared.
SARAH: Okay, so, I just broke up my boyfriend. Am I the asshole? OP. Her name is Squirrel Girl, on Twitter.
KAYLA: Okay, perfect.
SARAH: Squirrel Girl says, hey, are you on the way? Boyfriend says, huh? Squirrel Girl, are you on the way? My birthday dinner was supposed to start 10 minutes ago, they can't sit us without you.
KAYLA: Uh-oh.
SARAH: Boyfriend. Oh, shit. Fuck. I'm at Theta with the boys right now, babe, and I'm already drinking. So, I'm assuming they're in college.
KAYLA: Not Theta!
SARAH: Yeah, because Theta I'm assuming is a frat.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Squirrel Girl says, are you kidding me? You've known about this for months and I even talked to you about it yesterday.
KAYLA: Oh, no.
SARAH: Boyfriend goes, I told you I was watching the game with them this weekend, it slipped my mind it was on the same day.
KAYLA: Okay...
SARAH: Squirrel Girl says, I literally told you yesterday. Are you on the way? Boyfriend says, no, I told you I'm drinking. Which, okay, don't drink and drive.
KAYLA: But that's what Uber is for.
SARAH: Right. Squirrel Girl goes, Uber? With seven question marks.
KAYLA: Oh, no.
SARAH: Boyfriend says, are you going to pay for it?
KAYLA: Oh, no
SARAH: Squirrel says, are you fucking kidding me?
KAYLA: Oh my God.
SARAH: Boyfriend says, you know I don't have a job.
KAYLA: First strike.
SARAH: Squirrel says, I know you don't have a job. You told me you would come and it's my birthday. I'm tired of you choosing Theta over me, it's so fucked up, I look like a joke to my sisters. Her sister is in her sorority because I'm assuming Squirrel is in a sorority.
KAYLA: Oh, I was hoping it was real sisters.
SARAH: Oh, I was just guessing because of the Theta thing, but I guess it could be real sisters.
KAYLA: In my mind, I'm going to say it's biological.
SARAH: Because of the bad censoring, I can tell this is somewhere in Georgia, because she has her boyfriend's location and she censored it, but poorly.
KAYLA: Perfect.
SARAH: Boyfriend says, I'm not going to pay for an Uber to hang around a ton of bitches that hate me.
KAYLA: Oh! Right
SARAH: Squirrel says, maybe if you showed up, they wouldn't hate you.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Boyfriend says, maybe if you weren't such an annoying bitch, I would have shown up.
KAYLA: Um
SARAH: Squirrel says, bitch, we're fucking done, Matt.
KAYLA: Not Matt!
SARAH: Matt says, are you… something… some of them are not included. But then it goes to him, what are you telling me? Sorry, it's real friends, something, you can't see all this. And then he goes, call me. And she goes, no, it's my birthday and I'm done with this, don't ever talk to me again. And he goes, babe, please call me, answer me now. Are you kidding me? Answer!
KAYLA: What?!
SARAH: And that’s it
KAYLA: What?! I am speechless because what did you think was going to happen?
SARAH: I'm just looking at all the comments where it's like, this has got to be fake, I wish, I wish this was fake.
KAYLA: I just… like, what did you think was going to happen after you were so nasty and then you have the gall to be shocked and upset that you've been broken up with? Like…
SARAH: And this person goes, in what universe would you be the asshole here? And squirrel girl goes, I was nervous.
KAYLA: I was nervous! No, queen.
SARAH: And then… the reason I found this was because someone had quote, retweeted it and said, actually so chic of you to break up with him the moment he called you a bitch. And that tweet has 219,000 likes.
KAYLA: That is very chic. But also, this can't be… I don't know, this can't have a new behavior.
SARAH: No
KAYLA: Like that kind of thing can't come out of nowhere.
[00:30:00]
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: Squirrel girl, no.
SARAH: Anyway.
KAYLA: That's wild. What a piece of shit.
SARAH: What a piece of shit. What a piece of shit. And you know, the more I hear about men… I've never found frat guys appealing, never in my whole life.
KAYLA: Well, but what if it's an alternate universe where Shane and Ilya are frat guys, then.
SARAH: That is the only universe…
KAYLA: Only! I unplugged myself…
SARAH: But what if they have to be wearing backwards baseball hats
KAYLA: Backwards hats so that they can get…
SARAH: Okay, let's see what else, I got a lot in here.
KAYLA: There was some in the Discord too that people submitted, I don’t know if you've looked at those.
SARAH: Oh, this was from the gender binary on Discord.
KAYLA: The whole binary? That's crazy.
SARAH: The whole binary.
KAYLA: That's crazy.
SARAH: Am I the asshole for requiring brother-in-law's family to vacate the primary bedroom when my family visits our vacation house?
KAYLA: Okay, hold on. Brother-in-law… what?
SARAH: Brother-in-law's family.
KAYLA: Brother-in-law's family.
SARAH: To vacate the primary bedroom when my family visits our vacation house.
KAYLA: Okay, it depends on who owns the house, but continue.
SARAH: My 36, female, parents and I own a property in a tier one Asian city, whatever that means, that has been in our family for now three generations.
KAYLA: Okay, yeah.
SARAH: Are there like specific tier? Or they're just saying this is a good city?
KAYLA: No idea.
SARAH: Oh, tier one Asian cities when using the Chinese tier city system strictly refer to Mainland China's four premier economic powerhouses, Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou, and Shenzhen.
KAYLA: Huh
SARAH: I don't know if that's what they mean, maybe. Anyway. Okay, so owned with the parents, it had been in the family for three generations. My parents were considering selling it a while back, but I bought them out. So, I…
KAYLA: So, it's her own house.
SARAH: So, it’s OP’s own house
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Though I paid lower than market price, my parents were happy with the deal, and they like still having a place to stay when they go back. Usually the property is rented out, but my husband's younger brother fell on hard times, and we offered to let them temporarily stay at this property rent free so they can save up. They've been here for the past two years.
KAYLA: No! No!
SARAH: Whenever we've gone back to visit, usually once a year for two weeks, I've had to specifically request that they temporarily vacate the primary bedroom. They hemmed and hawed the first time until my husband, 38, male, reminded them that we were doing them a favor.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: This year, we are not going back, but my parents are. I gave them a half year heads up on the dates that my parents were going, all seemed fine. Last week, I got a call from my parents saying that they were staying in a hotel. Apparently, they arrived, and my brother-in-law and sister-in-law said that they were hosting friends…
KAYLA: Oh, no!
SARAH: And the only space available was the home office with a pullout couch. My parents are in their 70s and did not want to fight them after a long flight, and also did not want to antagonize my relationship with my in-laws, so decided to move to a hotel. I was furious.
KAYLA: That is wild.
SARAH: Typing this, I am still furious. I told my husband that he should be the one to handle this because no one would really like the way I handle it. My husband basically told his brother that he's done, and he needed to move out immediately. My brother-in-law and sister-in-law texted me and left me voice notes calling me a bunch of names. In-laws have called me begging me to reconsider and to give them grace. Frankly, I don't care what happens to brother-in-law and sister-in-law anymore. I haven't responded to any messages, and I'm just letting my husband handle it.
KAYLA: Okay, that is so… what? Two years?!
SARAH: And it's extra crazy because it has been in her family for three generations.
KAYLA: Yep
SARAH: It is her husband's brother-in-law. It's not like it's her brother and her sister-in-law. No, no, no.
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: They're all in-laws to her.
KAYLA: No, this is her generational home. And you're not going to let her parents in? Also, they're renting it out usually most of the year. And so now they're just losing years of money because they're letting these people stay here for free, I assume.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: So, they're doing you an extra favor, and then you're going to act like that?
SARAH: And I understand if you're living somewhere, the inconvenience of being like, you have to move out of your bedroom for two weeks of the year, but like, you're living there for free, shut the fuck up.
KAYLA: Yeah, no, that's...
SARAH: Like, it's inconvenient. But you know what else is inconvenient? Not having somewhere to live.
KAYLA: Yeah, yes. That is so wild.
SARAH: Not the asshole, but you need to go there to assess damage or avoid damage, then change the locks and ensure that there are cameras everywhere.
KAYLA: Yeah, I feel like getting them actually out could be… I'm worried they're just going to squat, I'm scared.
SARAH: Yeah. And then this person says, with this attitude, there's a good chance that they will do damage before they leave. In OP's shoes, I'd offer them money if the place is in good condition when they leave it, sort of like returning their rental non-deposit. It may sound crazy, but you know that they're not going to expect any consequences for damage they may do. Many years ago in a Latin American country, my family moved into a rental where the previous tenant had taken the hot water heater, the back door …
KAYLA: Oh my God
SARAH: Replaced a solid wood door with a cheap hollow door, and the bathroom cabinet when he moved out, people are weird.
KAYLA: That is wild.
SARAH: And they've known for half a year, for six months, when these people were coming to town.
KAYLA: Right, that is the extra insane thing, it is you gave them so much notice, which you didn't have to do because that's your home.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And they're like, oh, we have people over. Ah, I keep unplugging my...
SARAH: This person is saying that for a tier one Asian city, they're imagining like Tokyo, Beijing, Singapore.
KAYLA: So expensive
SARAH: Really expensive, yeah.
KAYLA: They owe you so much money.
SARAH: Uh-huh. Also, like, two years, what have they been doing? Have they been saving money in that time?
KAYLA: I hope so, but I fear not.
SARAH: There's an update.
KAYLA: Uh-oh.
SARAH: Brief update. My husband ended up handling the situation, had to take time off to travel back, which he was not pleased about.
KAYLA: Oh, no.
SARAH: We had decided it was prudent for us to pay a few months of alternative housing for them as a way to cover all our bases, I'm so glad we did.
KAYLA: Ah, that is too nice.
SARAH: I had in a fit of temper jokingly said to my husband that they were going to tell us they couldn't move out because they're pregnant and lo and behold.
KAYLA: Oh my God.
SARAH: When brother-in-law used that excuse, apparently, it just set my husband off. This is a man that's never raised his voice to me above an excited rambling. I think the rage he went into genuinely scared his family. Brother-in-law and sister-in-law are now situated in the alternative housing. My in-laws called my parents to apologize and overall the whole atmosphere is tense, but at least brother-in-law and sister-in-law are no longer living at my house and we can have peace of mind there. All in all, through this experience, I feel incredible love and pride to have married my husband. I married this straight off the boat dude based off his principles and integrity and kindness. And time and time again, he has shown me why I have zero regrets over it. That's good that you have a good husband to deal with this.
KAYLA: No, that's huge because I could see some terrible situations where the husband doesn't stand up for the wife, even though it's her house and her family's house. So yes, very good on him for handling it.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But… so, now they're paying for them to live somewhere else though?
SARAH: I think maybe short-term and then saying you have to take it over after a certain point.
KAYLA: Yeah, but that's what happened last time.
SARAH: No, but it is smart. Now they can't squat in their house. You know what I mean? Like if they cut them off, they're cut off.
KAYLA: Yeah. I'm just worried what's going to happen when they stop paying, I feel like there's going to be another drama.
SARAH: I don't know. This is from a post that says, I really hope this is real. So, I mean, we don't know if it's real, but okay.
KAYLA: Who's to say?
SARAH: It's from r/PickAorB. Okay, my divorced sister moved into my 430-square foot studio, so, I gave her a ‘dog bed.’ And now my family says I owe her an apology.
KAYLA: Oh, no!
SARAH: My sister finalized her divorce three weeks ago. Her ex got to keep the apartment and she needed somewhere to stay while she figures out what to do next. She asked to stay with me for two weeks, three max. Obviously, I said yes, she is my sister. When we were kids, she literally fought a goose for me. Not relevant, but I want that on the record. Let me share with you the image of this bed.
KAYLA: Oh no, I'm scared.
SARAH: There's a goose in it.
KAYLA: Mm, I mean, it's kind of nice.
SARAH: There's a little stuffed little goose in it.
KAYLA: I'd sleep there.
SARAH: Honestly, you know what you're getting into if your sister has a 430-foot square foot studio.
KAYLA: Yeah, what do you expect?
SARAH: Like that's not that big.
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: If there's room, maybe you can get yourself an air mattress, you know?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I think that's silly. And someone’s like, that goose looks like good company, I don't know.
KAYLA: I would sleep there, I don't know.
SARAH: Anyone who ever slept in one of these knows it's mad comfy, I'd pick this one over some cloth, cowlicks with food crumbs and weird stains. So yeah, just to describe, it is basically a dog bed.
KAYLA: But like a nice one.
SARAH: Yeah, a thick one.
KAYLA: Like a big one. And there's a nice goose.
SARAH: And like a stuffed goose.
KAYLA: Yeah. And if your family is going to yell at you, like, you should have taken her in then.
[00:40:00]
SARAH: Right. Bitch!
KAYLA: Bitch!
SARAH: Okay, that one is really short, we could probably do one more. Oh God, it's a name one.
KAYLA: Oh dear.
SARAH: This is from r/NameNerdCirclejerk.
KAYLA: Oh, no!
SARAH: My cousin named her daughter the worst name ever. So, my 20-year-old cousin had a baby girl last month. She named her something so horrific, I cannot even call the baby it.
KAYLA: Oh, no
SARAH: She combined two names and I'll tell you what the two names are.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: After her grandparents, Harvey and Charlotte.
KAYLA: Charvey?
SARAH: Nope.
KAYLA: Harlot?!
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: You can't do that. You can't do that.
SARAH: This is why kids need to read… They need to learn to read in school, they need to have a wide vocabulary.
KAYLA: Not Harlot
SARAH: So that they don't name their child Harlot. Okay. She didn't tell anyone the name idea until after she was named and papers signed.
KAYLA: Oh, dear
SARAH: And whoever was there at the signing of those papers didn't say, oh, that's odd?
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: My mom burst out, you named the baby whore?! And my cousin started screaming. We are a loud family, but holy hell. This poor child, Harlot! Harlot!
KAYLA: Oh, no!
SARAH: She came out very pink and she has a puggy nose so I'm calling her Piglet for now.
KAYLA: Do you think the cousin truly didn't know that word?
SARAH: I think probably, yeah
KAYLA: Because if it wasn't a real word, I could see that being a name. Like it's, you know, kind of like Charlotte vibes.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: You have to start Googling things. You have to start Googling whatever name you give your child.
SARAH: You have to say it out loud, you have to think of what rhymes with it.
KAYLA: You have to Google it, because like, what if it's the same name as a serial killer or something? You have to look into these things.
SARAH: You have to consider what the initials will be. If Kayla's parents hadn't done that, she could have been KKK.
KAYLA: I could have, it's true. And that would not have been good.
SARAH: No. That's all.
KAYLA: Not Harlot.
SARAH: What's our poll for this week?
KAYLA: I'm curious for people's thoughts on the first one, the bridesmaid one.
SARAH: Uh-huh
KAYLA: I'm curious people's thoughts about if the child should have been invited to be in the wedding in the first place.
SARAH: I think… to me it really depends on the relationship between the kid and the stepmom. Like I think there are certain situations where the kid probably wouldn't want to be in a wedding.
KAYLA: Yeah, but this one did.
SARAH: Clearly.
KAYLA: Wild.
SARAH: All right. Kayla, what's your beef and your juice for this week?
KAYLA: Um, my… I guess it's like a gravy, I went to a wedding over the weekend and it was very nice. I saw lots of good people. The food was really good.
SARAH: Everyone got married last weekend; there were so many weddings last weekend.
KAYLA: Oh, I only knew about the one.
SARAH: I know people who went to at least two others.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: And one of them was on a Friday.
KAYLA: Oh. Yucky! So, it was a nice time, but it was in Washington state and I'm still so tired.
SARAH: Wake up, it's the seventh of the month.
KAYLA: It's the eighth now for me.
SARAH: Not for you, it's the eighth of the month.
KAYLA: I looked and I was like, huh?! Anything else? Do I have anything else? That will be all.
SARAH: Okay, my beef is that it has been so fucking hot here. And it's just… I work in not the valley and I live in the valley and the valley is traditionally hotter than not the valley because of the way the valley works. But it has been the same temperature at work; it has been basically a hundred degrees every day.
KAYLA: Yucky!
SARAH: In October, because this is LA and people keep being like, this is the new normal. And I'm like, I will walk off the roof.
KAYLA: Oh!
SARAH: And the roof is really hot too.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: I'll go, ow, ow, ow, ow, and then I'll walk off.
KAYLA: Uh-huh
SARAH: You know, because it's hot.
KAYLA: Right.
SARAH: Anyway, but it was just as bad at work as it was in the valley. I have had to be outside on occasion and it has been horrible. It's like when you walk outside, it's like when you're sitting in your car and your car turns off and then suddenly it's like, ooh, it's hot now in my car. And then you open the door and you expect it to be a little bit better…
KAYLA: No
SARAH: And you're hit with a wall, a wall of hot air.
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: It has been like that. And when I left work today, it was dark out and I walked outside and I was like, oh, it's like kind of cool out, that's nice. And I looked at my watch; it was 80 degrees.
KAYLA: Oh, no! That's so sad.
SARAH: It is cooling down now. I think like the high… like the heat warning, extreme heat warning is only through tomorrow. But I fucking hate October in LA. It's so nice in Michigan and in LA it's horrible.
KAYLA: Yeah, we got really nice leaves where I am.
SARAH: Why was I born in this month in LA? Well, I wasn't, I was born this month in Michigan.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: My juice… Okay, everyone find something made out of wood, quick.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Knock on it. Because I think the new medication that I'm taking for my hives, the biologic, so far, is working
KAYLA: Wow!
SARAH: Which is nice, and I would like that to continue. Because the first couple of days I was taking it, I was homesick. And so, it wasn't normal circumstances.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Because like when I'm home all day, I can wear whatever I want and I won't be like out, like moving around, my skin rubbing on clothes and stuff.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So, I like didn't really have any hives those first couple of days, but I was like, that doesn't mean anything necessarily. And then on Monday, I had my first real test and I was at work for 12 hours because we had like an event thing after. And we had to stand outside for like an hour in the like 94 degrees heat, even though it was like 6:30 PM.
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: And what I was wearing like often like will rub. If I'm wearing it for like a long time, it'll like rub. And it did. And so, my skin was irritated, but something pretty magical happened, which was that my skin was irritated, but not hive-y.
KAYLA: Wow!
SARAH: And then it went away.
KAYLA: Imagine?!
SARAH: I wore shoes today that…
KAYLA: I should hope so.
SARAH: In normal hive circumstances, would probably give me some ankle hives. I got nary a hive. Everyone… Oh, and I'm part of a clinical trial. So, every day I have to fill out like six quizzes.
KAYLA: That's a lot of quizzes.
SARAH: It's not forever, it's just like the first week or two, I have to do them every day. And then it's like less often. Anyway, that's all. Also, I'm having a birthday thing this weekend, I hope people show up.
KAYLA: I'll come.
SARAH: My house is not clean at all; my house is so dirty and I have not cleaned any of it.
KAYLA: Make the child do it.
SARAH: I will. Kylo was like, let me know if you need me to come over and help you clean your house. And I was like, no, I'm not going to make you do that, I will suffer.
KAYLA: For what?
SARAH: The consequences of my actions.
KAYLA: She could at least come over and watch.
SARAH: She could.
KAYLA: She's kind of…
SARAH: Well, she's already taking me to Costco to get my allergy medication.
KAYLA: So nice.
SARAH: Anyway. You can tell us about your beef, your juice… my medication is called Rhapsido.
KAYLA: Ooh, that's fun.
SARAH: Yeah. You know how in the United States they have advertisements for prescription medications? This is foreign to people who are not in the United States.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But it's one of those ones that maybe you'll see an ad for it sometimes.
KAYLA: Oh my gosh, fun.
SARAH: And you can see it and go, oh my God, Sarah is on that.
KAYLA: Oh my gosh, I hope I see one.
SARAH: Well, and they gave me a month's-worth just at the doctor's office because they were like, it's usually a bit of a process working with your insurance to get them to cover it.
KAYLA: Good. Good.
SARAH: So, they just gave it to me. Anyway. Beef, juice, social sounds... @soundsfakepod. Our $5 patrons who we are promoting this week are Colleen Walsh, Emily Jean, Fiddle-Isk Barnd, Galvin Ford and the also Green_sarah. I am seeing Green_John next Tuesday.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: And I now have two copies.
KAYLA: Two books, yeah.
SARAH: I got a notification that mine shipped the other day. And I probably could have been like, hey, I don't need it anymore, but like…
KAYLA: What if you do need it?
SARAH: What if I could give it to someone?
KAYLA: Yeah.
[00:50:00]
SARAH: Who? I don't know.
KAYLA: Someone.
SARAH: Anyway. My… my? My $10 patrons, not Kayla's, just mine.
KAYLA: Oh, rude
SARAH: Too bad. I shouldn't have said your dad last week because then the first $10 patron that's just mine could be your dad and that would be funny.
KAYLA: Alas.
SARAH: Our $10 patrons who are promoting something this week are Maff, who would like to promote the Don't Should Sweatshirt. Martin Chiesl, who would like to promote his podcast, Everyone’s Special and No One Is. Purple Hayes, who would like to promote the musician Vinther. Quartertone who would like to promote the World Central Kitchen & Doctors Without Borders. And Barefoot Backpacker, who would like to promote their song… their YouTube channel… whoa, their YouTube channel rtwbarefoot. And then also SongOStorm, who would like to promote a helpy… a helpy… a helpy… a helpy wap lipe balance. (A healthy work-life balance)
KAYLA: Ma'am?!
SARAH: Our other $10 patrons are Alastor, Ani, Arcnes, Benjamin Ybarra, Clare Olsen, Danielle Hutchinson, Derick & Carissa, Elle Bitter, Eric, Johanna, and Kayla's dad. Our $15 patrons are Kayla's aunt Nina, who would like to promote… Kayla, no. What? I'm sorry, I had a long day, katemaggartart.com. I had to drive to Beverly Hills for only two thirds of my Adderall medication.
KAYLA: It’s true
SARAH: And Schnell, who would like to promote accepting that everyone's different and that's awesome. I said Adderall and Adderall Cat came over.
KAYLA: She said, huh?
SARAH: Uh-huh. Every time I mention… like, I texted my coworker this morning, I was like, hey, I'm going to be in like super-late because I have to go to Beverly Hills to get my Adderall. And then I had to say, Adderall, parentheses, drug, not cat.
KAYLA: Yeah. This is what happens when you name your cat after your drug.
SARAH: It's like, if I were to get another cat, what would I name it? It's like, what other drugs do I take?
KAYLA: I mean, you have a lot of options now.
SARAH: Adderall Rhapsido.
KAYLA: That's a good cat name, to be honest.
SARAH: Yeah, it's not bad.
KAYLA: I like it.
SARAH: I just want to be part of your Rhapsidoooooo.
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: Our $20 patrons are… oh, we've made some edits. Is my mom not a patron anymore?
KAYLA: It's true.
SARAH: Huh!
KAYLA: It's the truth. It's the truth. I finally…
SARAH: She probably doesn't realize.
KAYLA: I finally went through and took people away that haven't been patrons, some of them for quite a while.
SARAH: Free advertisement. Did you save them somewhere or did you just delete them?
KAYLA: I think I just deleted them.
SARAH: Well, we'll never know. Wow, I can't believe my mom is gone. Our $20 patrons are Dr. Jacki and River who would like to promote the fact that my mom is no longer our patron. She said, I'm retired now, I don't have any money.
KAYLA: It's only my family now because I don't think your aunt Jeannie is anymore either.
SARAH: You didn't take her off though.
KAYLA: Oh, huh. I think I should have.
SARAH: Oh my God, Costello's! Step up.
KAYLA: I know, it's only…
SARAH: You actually don't have to do that.
KAYLA: It's only my family that truly loves us, so
SARAH: That's so silly.
KAYLA: Oh no, you did delete her.
SARAH: I just… I hallucinated it because I'm so used to it being there.
KAYLA: Oh, good.
SARAH: Whoa! I don't remember what I had them promote, that's okay. Thanks for listening, tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cows.
SARAH: Yeee!
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]