Ep 349: Could Changing for a Crush Be a Good Thing?
SARAH: Hey, what's up, hello! Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl (I'm Sarah, that's me)
KAYLA: And a bi demisexual girl (that's me, Kayla)
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode: Changing Yourself for a Crush
BOTH: Sounds fake, but okay.
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod.
KAYLA: It's hot in my office.
SARAH: Sucks.
KAYLA: We're getting to that time of year where recording is so sad because I can't have any wind.
SARAH: Wind!?
KAYLA: Or air.
SARAH: No wind for Kayla
KAYLA: From a fan perhaps. It's so hot.
SARAH: Toasty warm.
KAYLA: It's gonna be in the 90s next week, what am I gonna do?
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Suffer.
SARAH: Yeah. It was a high of 91 today.
KAYLA: Ew. You have natural air though, some of us don’t.
SARAH: Yeah, I do. And also, it's cooler where my work office is. And also, the AC in my work office is crazy, and even when I have it under control my feet get so cold.
KAYLA: Yeah, my office is pretty cold.
SARAH: Okay, y'all remember how last week we said that we probably have one more week and then summer break? We lied.
KAYLA: Wrong.
SARAH: Two more weeks. So, we have this week, and we'll be back again next week, and then we will be gone for the entirety of July.
KAYLA: Don't expect to hear from us.
SARAH: No episodes in July. And we'll be back on August 3rd. So, take that.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm.
SARAH: Kayla is taking a class
KAYLA: Ugh, you guys.
SARAH: I'm taking my cat to Michigan.
KAYLA: That's all. I'm taking a class that it's six hours a week of just the class.
SARAH: What's the class? Is it interesting?
KAYLA: It's Organizational Behavior.
SARAH: I don’t have any of that, I can’t organize anything.
KAYLA: It's like the psychology of the workplace, so.
SARAH: I don’t have psychology or a workplace.
KAYLA: I read the first chapter of the textbook today and it told me about a study that I have learned about in no less than five classes already in my life. So, that was cool.
SARAH: The class does not start for weeks, why…
KAYLA: It starts on Monday.
SARAH: The class doesn't start till Monday.
KAYLA: Well, I have to read, and I had time today.
SARAH: Wow.
KAYLA: Listen, I’m not happy about it either
SARAH: I’m not the one who is taking the class.
KAYLA: Yeah. Well, I’m not happy about it.
SARAH: Yeah. The thing about school is that in theory it’s so great, in practice…
KAYLA: If I was a student full-time, I think it’d be totally fine.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Doing it on top of work and all of the other stuff I do, not.
SARAH: Yeah, we do too many things.
KAYLA: Yeah. Yeah.
SARAH: Kayla, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week we’re talking about changing yourself for a crush to become more appealing to them, and perhaps how it could be good?
SARAH: Question mark.
KAYLA: Question mark.
SARAH: Spooky. Yeah, so I had some screenshots that were from November, I guess. I saved them to my Notes app in April, and I found them last week.
KAYLA: Huge stuff.
SARAH: And so, we're going to talk about them. The screenshots really aren’t that important. There's an episode of a podcast on someone’s Patreon that’s four hours long, which I didn’t listen to.
KAYLA: There’s no way there’s four hours of content on this topic.
SARAH: Three hours, 51 minutes and 14 seconds. Unless it’s 3 minutes, 51 seconds, point one four.
KAYLA: I mean maybe.
SARAH: It’s a Q&A. It wasn’t four hours about this, it was just, that was one of the questions they got.
KAYLA: Oh, okay. That makes more sense, because I don’t think I could do this for 3 hours and 51 minutes.
SARAH: No. Okay, but that’s not even true, we absolutely could.
KAYLA: Not about the topic. Sure, I could sit here at the app for 3 hours and 51 minutes, but it would not be on topic.
SARAH: Yeah. Have we ever been on topic in the history of time?
KAYLA: Mm-mm
SARAH: Exactly. Okay, so this is from @syswoon on Twitter, and it says, "Gorgeous question asked in the Q&A this month.” Gorgeous.
KAYLA: Gorgeous question.
SARAH: Just gorg. And it says, "I changed my appearance and interests for a crush. He is gone, but I am now loving the new me created in his gaze. Thoughts on this?" And then there were some other things I screenshot. One of them is from user @providencelover who said, "I engaged crushes mainly to bring out aspects of myself that I’m too cowardly to reveal without an excuse."
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: And then we have @opentorainemma, who says," Having a crush can be so productive. It's currently got me reading Russian lit on my phone at Denver airport." And then @control says, "I don't remember the video, but there was this girl telling the story of when she got into trading stocks to impress her crush, but then she got really into it and would have alarms in the middle of the night to check on the stock market, forgot her crush and made a job out of it.”
KAYLA: Girlboss.
SARAH: And then this person says, "Me when I wanted to impress a random boy who liked Lana Del Ray...” Okay, don’t, no, mm-mm. “But anyway, I started listening to her and got so invested I forgot him." So, these are all examples.
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Changing yourself for a crush, a good thing? Discuss.
KAYLA: Discuss. Here’s my initial thought on this. Is it makes me think of the musical ‘Grease.’
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Because I’ve only seen the movie, actually.
SARAH: Yeah. But I’ve been in the musical.
KAYLA: I know. There she goes, doing the diggity dang dang, hand jive. I have to assume this is a theme in the stage production as well, though. Actually, I have technically seen the stage production. It was that ABC version with Aaron Tveit.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: What was the channel?
SARAH: Jordan Fisher. Jordan Fisher.
KAYLA: Jordan Fisher
SARAH: Probably Fox.
KAYLA: Fox. That was the only good live musical. They really had an era, and they were all shit except that one. I actually liked the Jesus Christ Superstar one. It doesn’t matter. Vanessa Hudgens…
SARAH: I was right. It was Fox.
KAYLA: And Carly Rae Jepsen. Anyway.
SARAH: Julianne Hough
KAYLA: They were all there.
SARAH: Keke Palmer.
KAYLA: Keke Palmer was there. Okay, okay, okay, okay, anyway. It makes me think of ‘Grease,’ because in ‘Grease’ the two main characters who are like the love interests end up, like, both changing to be what they think the other person wants.
SARAH: Yes
KAYLA: So, the guy who's like a greaser becomes like a popular jock guy, and then the girl who’s like preppy and nerdy turns into a slut.
SARAH: Yes, starts wearing leather.
KAYLA: Leather and smoking, I don’t know. And I, since I was a child, always found this plot point so fucking stupid because I was like, why? Why?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: However, I was always most upset about Sandy, the woman who goes from a nerd to a slut, I guess.
SARAH: I guess.
KAYLA: I don’t know what else to, like, say that she was being. Like she was just being a stinker.
SARAH: A stinker.
KAYLA: I was always way more upset about that than Danny, the guy turning into a jock. Because I always found him… I was like, well, he's reformed now. Like he was such an asshole, and then he was like, oh, I'm gonna, like, try to become a better guy for her.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And I was like, yeah. But then I didn’t like when she did it, so I don’t know what that says.
SARAH: I mean, I guess the question is, at the end of the day, do they feel better in their new skins?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Or do they just feel like they did it for a man slash a woman?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Like, do they feel as though, actually, this was who you were the whole time and you were able to unleash it?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Or have you just become something you're not to get some dick?
KAYLA: And that’s the thing, is then at the end of the movie, they just drive off in a car into the sky, and so we never do know.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: They probably don’t work out. They probably get married young and then get a divorce, I have to assume.
SARAH: Yeah, that’s probably fair. Well, because they start fucking, so they have to get married.
KAYLA: We never confirmed that they start fucking.
SARAH: I mean, she started wearing leather and smoking, she becomes a slut.
KAYLA: Listen, I know. She curled her hair, she becomes a slut, she smokes now.
SARAH: She rats her hair.
KAYLA: Yeah, that’s true. Anyway. I do think that's an interesting distinction though. Because to me, when you’re reading out those examples, the person who said that they used their crush as an excuse to bring out parts of themselves that they were too cowardly to bring out without an excuse, that I'm like, okay.
[00:10:00]
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: The other example, the initial example of the person saying that they, like, got a new look and stuff to impress a guy and then they forgot about him and now they really like how they look, that one I’m more dubious about.
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: Because the wording was that… and it was very poetic wording, gorgeous question, as one might say
SARAH: Gorgeous. They’re like, "I am now loving the new me created in his gaze."
KAYLA: Yeah. I mean, slay, but if we double-click into that…
SARAH: Is that what they're saying in corporate America?
KAYLA: I have heard it.
SARAH: Oh my God
KAYLA: I’ve heard it before. But like, if you look at the intent behind that, it’s changing herself in his gaze. So, she made herself more appealing to a male’s gaze.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: And is the reason she likes it in the end because she actually likes it or because she made herself, in some way more appealing to men and this man in particular.
SARAH: Yeah. I think it’s also because she said, "I changed my appearance and interests." Like, changing…
KAYLA: That’s also like... that's basically all…
SARAH: That’s like all there is. What else is there?
KAYLA: All there is. Also, like, all your interests?
SARAH: Like you got into trading Pokémon cards? Men seem to like that.
KAYLA: Men and their Pokémon cards.
SARAH: Got into Pokémon cards? You got into Whey protein? What else are men into?
KAYLA: Lifting weights.
SARAH: Well, that was kind of implied with the Whey protein.
KAYLA: When protein.
SARAH: But some women like to lift weights.
KAYLA: That’s true.
SARAH: I lift weights.
KAYLA: You do lift weights.
SARAH: I’ve discovered that if you just try and lift more weight, sometimes you just can.
KAYLA: Yeah?
SARAH: I think sometimes I was undershooting.
KAYLA: Probably. You’re very strong.
SARAH: And I’m like, “oh, I can actually squat several.”
KAYLA: Mh
SARAH: Just not with the me. When it’s with me, it’s not as much because it’s the me included.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Anyway.
KAYLA: Obviously, this situation is really going to depend for me, I think picking something new up and you end up liking it, sure.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like how else are you going to find new hobbies?
SARAH: But abandoning your old hobbies…
KAYLA: Abandoning old ones
SARAH: And interests, dubious.
KAYLA: Dubious.
SARAH: Yeah. I think it's… like, I don't have an issue with picking up a new thing. But like, abandoning the old is, mm-mm. And also, like, if people are like, "Oh, I started dressing up a little bit more or taking better care of my appearance for someone that I liked," that's one thing. But if it's like, "I changed my entire style and the way I make myself appear because this person liked it," that's a different thing.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Because like, I think you can make yourself look nice for other people in a way that's not… like, I do that.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Like if I'm seeing someone that… if I'm like meeting someone, like, I want to look nice and that doesn't mean I want to fuck them.
KAYLA: It's very similar, I think, to just like when you go into work, you know?
SARAH: Yeah. Exactly.
KAYLA: Like, you're putting on certain… like, you're going into public.
SARAH: Right.
KAYLA: Now, however, when I'm walking around my neighborhood…
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: If any of you ever catch me in my neighborhood, I'm wearing the craziest clothes in my neighborhood, I am wearing the most insane things when I step out of my house.
SARAH: Sometimes, if I go to just like put something down the garbage chute, I'm always worried that someone will see me and someone always does.
KAYLA: The thing is, it's scary because my radius for how I look crazy is just slowly getting bigger and bigger.
SARAH: Expanding.
KAYLA: It's just… how far out… Like, how far does my neighborhood go?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I'm always going in public though. I'm always going to the CVS or the grocery store or the Marshalls, everyone is seeing me.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: Everyone is seeing me.
SARAH: But that doesn't count.
KAYLA: No, it doesn't.
SARAH: It doesn't count at all.
KAYLA: How do we feel about changing ourselves in these ways for a friend?
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: Different? Same?
SARAH: Same rules apply, I think. If you're just picking up a new thing, or if you're just like, I want to look nice to get brunch, that's fine.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Or like they make you realize that, oh, I actually really like this style.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I want to try it out.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Or they make you brave enough to try something new, cool. But if you're doing it because you think they won't be friends with you otherwise, because you think that's the only way to get them to notice you, no, that is respectfully pathetic.
KAYLA: Damn. Pathetic.
SARAH: I said respectfully.
KAYLA: You did, I guess.
SARAH: What about changing yourself for an enemy?
KAYLA: Changing myself for an enemy? That I’m almost okay with. I’m thinking of enemy as in like a, like say, a workplace or a school rival.
SARAH: Mm-hmm. You're thinking rival, not like enemy?
KAYLA: Not like enemy. Like rival, like you’re trying to be better than them.
SARAH: Like something that would be chill for like enemies to lovers
KAYLA: Yeah. Not like war crimes.
SARAH: Not like, "You killed my mother."
KAYLA: No, more like we're competing for like first chair in the violin.
SARAH: Right.
KAYLA: Like, you know
SARAH: In the violin, the chairs are actually in the violin
KAYLA: In the violin. Tiny chairs in a violin. That I think could be good because then you're, like, being pushed to be better. You know?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: In that way though, ‘better’ is objective.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I think that is also the tough thing about the situation with, like, crushes or friends is bettering yourself in that way is extremely subjective.
SARAH: Yeah. I have so many questions about this girl who was reading Russian lit on her phone at Denver airport.
KAYLA: See, that one I’m okay with.
SARAH: Like, that's interesting. Like, so homie, non-gendered homie I guess, I don’t know that you use she/her pronouns, I just know that your name is Emma. So, homie that you had a crush on is into Russian lit?
KAYLA: Maybe they’re like a Russian lit major or something
SARAH: And you said, “let me read…” I'm trying to think of a Russian writer and all I can think of is Chekhovski, but that’s a composer.
KAYLA: I got nothing, I’ve got absolutely nothing.
SARAH: Russian lit writer. Tolstoy.
KAYLA: Sure.
SARAH: Dostoevsky
KAYLA: Dostoevsky?
SARAH: Yes. Dostoevsky.
KAYLA: Dostoevsky
SARAH: Anton Chekhov
KAYLA: Mm, Chekhov
SARAH: Ivan Turgenev
KAYLA: All right. We don't need to, one more.
SARAH: Anna Akhmatova
KAYLA: Okay, that was it
SARAH: It's a girl.
KAYLA: It's a girl.
SARAH: Alexander Pushkin
KAYLA: I said that was the last one. We’re not doing the War of 1812 over again. Oh my God!
SARAH: None of those people were involved in the War of 1812, but some of them were alive during it.
KAYLA: Okay, here's what I will say about this whole situation…
SARAH: I guess, I don’t know that they weren’t involved in the war of 1812. What do you have to say about the situation?
KAYLA: Are you done? Do you have anything more to say about the war of 1812?
SARAH: You can never be sure.
KAYLA: No, I really can't. I was discussing with my father just earlier today…
SARAH: Mm-hmm, I bet he would like the War of 1812. Actually, I don't know that he would. What’s your dad’s Roman Empire?
KAYLA: Oh wait, that's a good question.
SARAH: So, you were discussing with your father...
KAYLA: I don't know what his Roman Empire would be. I was discussing with my father just like the advice that people commonly give in this day and age that you need to, like, expand your bubble. Hear opinions from all sides, even if you hate it, to make sure you're not isolating and moving too far to one side.
SARAH: Echo chamber. Yeah.
KAYLA: Right. Which, like, I hate, but I understand that.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like, sure. I do think there is something to be said about this kind of thing in that context of if you are around the same people all the time. And I mean, I guess often you’re gonna probably find a crush that is similar to you, in some way. Like, there’s something that draws you to them.
SARAH: Right.
KAYLA: But I do think there’s something to be said for, like, crushes, friends, whoever, as that is like a very, I guess, safe and organic way for interests to come into your life and spread.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Which is good. It’s just like, again…
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: What are we…
SARAH: What interests have I made you interested in? I’m not talking about the War of 1812.
KAYLA: You got me into Hamilton.
SARAH: That’s true.
KAYLA: Back in the day.
SARAH: Back in the day. What did you get me into?
KAYLA: Picking out your skin.
SARAH: Oh yeah. Goddammit
KAYLA: My best hobby. My best hobby.
SARAH: Just plucking random hairs out of my leg.
KAYLA: Yeah. I don't know.
SARAH: I got Miranda into Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
[00:20:00]
KAYLA: Yeah, there were like TV shows that we would watch together sometimes. Or you would just tell me about your TV shows.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: That’s the thing, I don’t know that I’ve gotten into many of your interests. I just kind of, I hear them and I hear them so much that I’m like, “well, I don’t need to go out and do it myself, I’ll get all the information just sitting here.”
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: “Why waste my time when I’ll get a report?”
SARAH: One time, our friend Miranda referred to, I don’t remember if she used the word ‘bias’ or if she was just like, you know, hyperfixation, but she referred to one of my K-pop boys as her ‘bias-in-law.’
KAYLA: That's funny.
SARAH: And I was like, “that’s so true.”
KAYLA: That is true.
SARAH: So, we all have a ‘bias-in-law.’
KAYLA: That's true.
SARAH: Sometimes I’m like, “oh, it would be good if I got Kayla into the things I’m interested in.” But also, I think that’s dangerous.
KAYLA: I’ve also given you the opportunity.
SARAH: I’m overwhelmed by the opportunity and I want to fall into a hole.
KAYLA: I'm just saying, like, you can't, it's not on me at this point.
SARAH: I want to fall into a hole.
KAYLA: I'm trying to think if I ever had a crush that got me into shit.
SARAH: I haven't.
KAYLA: Right. Right. Was there ever like a friend crush that you were like, "Oh, I really want to have something to talk to this person about"?
SARAH: I can’t think of anything. I don’t know.
KAYLA: I'm thinking. I think there's definitely things when I've been in relationships, not necessarily, I guess, that I've gotten into, but I’ve just, like…
SARAH: Learned about?
KAYLA: Known more about.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like, I don’t think Dean has really gotten me into sports. I’m still not a huge fan, but I certainly know a lot about them.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: At this point. But to me, that’s… I don’t know. That seems… I mean, I guess it's again the same caveats. Like why are you… like obviously sharing interests with a partner is good, but you can't just take all their interests and have none of your own, that's not good.
SARAH: Right. Because then you're just the same person. Then you’re just a carbon copy of the same person. And is that not incest?
KAYLA: Would dating your clone be an incest?
SARAH: Selfcest, you know.
KAYLA: I do think fucking your clone is incest because you are related 100%.
SARAH: That’s true.
KAYLA: Like, that’s your twin.
SARAH: Yeah. The question of incest is so interesting to me because it’s genetically only an issue if you can get pregnant. But it’s still incest even if you can’t get pregnant.
KAYLA: That's true.
SARAH: But like, is it less gross?
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: Yeah, I don’t think so either. Or like what if you’re like… like, I saw a thing recently where someone was talking about a situation in which someone doesn’t know they’re adopted.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: And like, they don’t find out until they're an adult. And they find out when they're an adult that they're adopted, and then they find out who their biological parents are. And they find out they’re like, married to their sister.
KAYLA: Ugh
SARAH: You know?
KAYLA: What a nightmare!
SARAH: What a nightmare indeed.
KAYLA: I mean, it also, it reminds me of, like, you know the movie ‘Clueless?’
SARAH: Yeah. Yeah. That’s a good example.
KAYLA: Which is based off of Emma, I think. Which in the book Emma, they're cousins. But it was in a time when that was fine. But then it was in modern movies, they had to, whatever.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But sometimes people get skeeved out by ‘Clueless,’ because if you've never seen it, the two love interests are…
SARAH: It's her stepbrother?
KAYLA: They were briefly stepbrother.
SARAH: Ex-stepbrother.
KAYLA: Yeah, they were briefly step-siblings when their parents were married for like a year, when they were like teenagers so they weren't like raised together.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: They like briefly lived together, whatever. And then they end up falling in love, whatever. But people get like grossed out by it and I'm like…
SARAH: I think it's weird. It's weird. It's just weird.
KAYLA: They weren't raised together.
SARAH: I know, but it's weird.
KAYLA: Okay, now go with… now but this one, say, okay, in the movie ‘Eurovision’
SARAH: Uh-huh.
KAYLA: The two main characters, not related, it's actually quite the plot point in the movie, not related, end up together and then their parents end up together.
SARAH: Yeah. Weird.
KAYLA: Step-siblings.
SARAH: But it wasn't before.
KAYLA: Yeah, but they weren't, it's the same thing, they weren't raised together
SARAH: I think the chronology matters.
KAYLA: You think?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Even though they were only step-siblings for like a year?
SARAH: What?
KAYLA: In ‘Clueless,’ they were like…
SARAH: Oh, I thought you were talking about ‘Eurovision.’
KAYLA: No, no. In ‘Clueless,’ they were only step-siblings for like a year.
SARAH: It's still weird.
KAYLA: They weren’t raised together.
SARAH: Like, did they live in the same house?
KAYLA: Well, yeah, briefly.
SARAH: Scary. I was reading a fic recently where this character was fucking two different people, and those two people like they called each other siblings, they weren't actually siblings, but like they were like… and they were like, “fuck, that's weird, I didn't know that I'm fucking siblings." But they're not actually siblings. Like, I don't even think they were really like raised in the same household but they were just like very close.
KAYLA: What about foster siblings?
SARAH: The foster care you jump around so much.
KAYLA: Okay, say where they were raised together.
SARAH: Yeah, that would be weird.
KAYLA: Hmm. Interesting.
SARAH: I don't know what to tell you, I just don't like it.
KAYLA: What if you're step-siblings but you've never met?
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: Your parents got married, but you both went to separate boarding schools your whole life…
SARAH: And you never saw your parents?
KAYLA: Well, maybe you saw each other sometimes, but you were not raised together, you spent the vast majority of your childhoods at separate boarding schools.
SARAH: Still weird. You think all of that, you would be like, "Yeah, sure"?
KAYLA: I don't know. I don't know.
SARAH: Like, if Dean was your stepbrother for a year.
KAYLA: Dean was my stepbrother for a year. It would depend on the age, I think.
SARAH: Okay. So, you met Dean our sophomore… I met Dean our sophomore year of college, you must have...
KAYLA: We tactically met him, but…
SARAH: Yeah, you technically. So, imagine you became step-siblings with Dean our sophomore year of college, and then you were unstepped from him our junior year of college.
KAYLA: I mean, at that point we're adults, so, like… Because I think when it really gets weird is when you are actively being parented together.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like, that's what makes the ‘Clueless’ situation a little less weird to me, is that clearly, they were not being parented together. Like those parents were not disciplining each other's children. They were at the age where it's like, "Okay, you raise this one, I'll raise this one," because we already have like established parenting styles and stuff.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like, they were not siblings in that they were being parented together. So especially if I'm like an adult…
SARAH: They weren't like taking baths together as teenagers.
KAYLA: Yeah. Like, if me and Dean… yeah, if that happened to Dean and I like in college like, we're not siblings.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like, I'm an adult.
SARAH: I don't like it.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I will never have to worry about that for many reasons.
KAYLA: I hope not.
SARAH: Yeah, I also hope not.
KAYLA: It’d be crazy.
SARAH: Um…
KAYLA: Anyway.
SARAH: How did we get there?
KAYLA: I don't know. I don't know.
SARAH: Oh my God. See, part of me almost wants to say like, jumping back like two things, one and a half things, like, my brain is like, "I don’t know, I feel like maybe incest isn’t as bad if you can’t get pregnant." It's still. But like, just… I do think it is, but my brain is like, "Well.”
KAYLA: So, now it’s okay after all that? Incest is fine?
SARAH: No, it's not. No, no, no, no, no. It's better. It's better. It's not as bad.
KAYLA: Well yeah, I mean…
SARAH: Okay, but then there's the question, it's like, what if it is hetero, but like you're sterile? Is that better?
KAYLA: Yes, it’s still not okay, none of it is okay.
SARAH: No. I don’t think any of it is okay. I'm just saying…
KAYLA: Sarah loves incest.
SARAH: I'm just saying like my brain kind of puts it in tiers…
KAYLA: No
SARAH: Like of how bad it is.
KAYLA: I do think you're right. Like, one of the major reasons incest is a taboo is because it causes huge medical problems if a child comes of it.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So like, that's fair, but also like.
SARAH: Hetero incest: very bad. Hetero incest where one of you or both of you are sterile, so you cannot get pregnant: still bad, but not as bad. Gay incest: still bad, but not as bad as the first two.
KAYLA: I think it's probably all bad.
SARAH: I guess we have differing opinions on this matter.
KAYLA: You think? You really think?
SARAH: You're like, "Dude, I would fucking date my step-sibling," and I’m like, "It’s not as bad if it’s gay incest.”
[00:30:00]
KAYLA: Under certain circumstances, it’s not a blanket… you're telling me if Paul Rudd… Wait, yes, beautiful Paul Rudd…
SARAH: It is Paul Rudd, yeah.
KAYLA: People have been so nasty about the Paul Rudd thing to me lately. If you’ve never heard this, I can't keep Paul Rudd and James Marsden apart, I think they look identical
SARAH: They don’t look like each other.
KAYLA: I think they look identical. Lately I’ve watched a couple of things with Paul Rudd in it, and every time my friends are like…
SARAH: Or was it James Marsden?
KAYLA: Stop, that’s what everyone does. I just saw the new Tim Robinson movie, and Paul Rudd is in it, and we were like planning to go see it and Dean and our friend Perry both made the joke of like, "Oh really? I thought it was James Marsden." Everyone keeps trying to get me.
SARAH: I loved Paul Rudd in ‘Hairspray.’
KAYLA: Stop, that's James Marsden. I'm getting better at it.
SARAH: I loved James Marsden in the ‘Ant-Man’ movies.
KAYLA: Wrong. I should have people put together a test for me of all their roles and see if I can…
SARAH: James Marsden just does not have ‘Ant-Man’ vibes at all.
KAYLA: I couldn’t say, I think they’re the same. That’s not true though, because James Marsden is in ‘Sonic,’ and I think that's a very similar vibe to ‘Ant-Man.’
SARAH: But the character
KAYLA: Yeah. Honestly, I do think they’re kind of similar. No, probably not. But I think the vibes of the movie are similar. I think James Marsden could be in ‘Ant-Man.’
SARAH: I mean, they both involve animals and super hearing.
KAYLA: Yep, super-hearing.
SARAH: Yeah. Sure.
KAYLA: I think they could play each other's roles, I think Paul Rudd could be in ‘Jury Duty,’ I think Paul Rudd could do ‘Hairspray.’
SARAH: I'm sure Paul Rudd has done ‘Jury Duty.’
KAYLA: No, no, no.
SARAH: I've done jury duty.
KAYLA: Well, some of us haven’t. You haven’t actually sat on a jury though.
SARAH: No Paul Rudd is older than you. He has a much higher chance of having done jury duty.
KAYLA: Yeah, but he's also been in entertainment since he was young, I would throw him out.
SARAH: That's fair.
KAYLA: I wouldn't take him as a juror.
SARAH: That's true.
KAYLA: This has been a great episode.
SARAH: So, in conclusion, is it bad if you change your interests for Paul Rudd?
KAYLA: I mean, hey. Here’s the thing, and I think something I’ve been realizing lately is this is what most of my life comes down to…
SARAH: Oh no, she's realizing things.
KAYLA: Is that I think there are definitely ways in which this could be fine.
SARAH: This being?
KAYLA: Picking up a new interest.
SARAH: Okay. Yeah.
KAYLA: Finding new parts of yourself at the prompting of a crush.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: I don't trust people.
SARAH: Hmm
KAYLA: Especially young people.
SARAH: Hmm
KAYLA: I'm just like, how many stories do you hear of, like, young girls, like, having a crush, and then they like, that’s their whole everything, and then everything, and then they lose all their friends, as we've often talked about. And then they just change their whole selves for the crush and then it doesn't work out or they end up dating them and they break up, and then what?
SARAH: Right. It’s like, who the fuck are you?
KAYLA: I think that’s ultimately, I mean, though, that's what's different about these examples you’ve found, is that these are specific examples of it working out, where the person picked up a new interest, really loved it, and then forgot about the person.
SARAH: Like where homegirl really got into stock trading.
KAYLA: Yeah. Now she's rich, probably. But like it’s not often what happens.
SARAH: How often do men do that for women?
KAYLA: That's a good question, probably not.
SARAH: I think women do it for men. I think women do it for women. I think men do it for men. I think nonbinary people do whatever the fuck they want. I think men are probably not doing it for women at high rates.
KAYLA: I think you're right. I think probably a big reason too is that men are not going to pick up like a womanly interest.
SARAH: It’s too feminine.
KAYLA: Obviously not that all women have womanly interests, but like, you know.
SARAH: Like maybe they’ll do it if girly is really into weightlifting.
KAYLA: Yeah, maybe.
SARAH: But if girly is really into cross stitch
KAYLA: I was also thinking cross stitch
SARAH: Or girly is really into Drag Race.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: The people kind, not the car kind.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: They might be less inclined.
KAYLA: Yeah, I don’t know. I mean again, like, I’ve definitely seen that in relationships of people picking up that stuff. Like I’ve seen like a big trend of like men starting to read like fairy smut because their girlfriends are reading it and they’re like, "I've gotta know what we're doing." Or like getting into like skincare. Or like the reality TV shows, whatever. Before dating though? I don’t know.
SARAH: I love hearing about people’s like husbands who are like so proud of them for writing their gay fan fiction. You’re like, "Yes, I love your yaoi." Look at them. Congratulations on your…
KAYLA: What’s yaoi?
SARAH: It's like the Japanese way to say like MLM.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: And then yuri I think is… um, let me, yes, it's the name of a manga and anime genre focused on romantic or sexual relationships between women is yuri and then with men it’s yaoi. I don’t know that I’m pronouncing that right.
KAYLA: Probably not.
SARAH: Anyway
KAYLA: No, I think that whole thing is similar to what we were talking about two weeks ago though. Like, it is more acceptable for women to pick up more masculine things in general.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: So, you know, taking an interest in sports or the gym or whatever, that’s fine. But a guy picking up a passive interest in more feminine activities is not gonna be as chill.
SARAH: Or if it’s still about fitness, it can’t be Pilates, you know?
KAYLA: Yeah, that is the thing, though is back to what one of the examples was saying, about traits you’re too cowardly to do by yourself
SARAH: Mm-hmm, it’s a good excuse
KAYLA: It does give a good excuse. Like, masculinity is very policed. However, if you’re ever going to pick up something feminine and need an excuse for it, doing it to fuck a woman seems like a pretty good and masculine excuse to me.
SARAH: You still might get shit for it for being whipped or whatever, but if you want to try Pilates, find a girlfriend who likes Pilates.
KAYLA: Exactly.
SARAH: Or get the balls to try Pilates yourself.
KAYLA: It’s hard.
SARAH: I’ve never done it and it seems horrifying.
KAYLA: I actually think you’d like it.
SARAH: Yeah, I might.
KAYLA: I’ve never done the type that’s with the machine, like the reformer machine, that seems scary. But the reason Pilates is always so hard for me is because there’s an extended ab section. But you have very strong abs, so you'd be fine.
SARAH: I need to do more abs, I haven’t been doing as much recently.
KAYLA: I’m sure they’re still extremely strong.
SARAH: I had an arms phase, I think I’m entering a legs phase, maybe neck will be next.
KAYLA: Please don’t.
SARAH: Wait, you don’t want me to have a thick neck?
KAYLA: I don’t want you to have the big traps or whatever they are. I saw a TikTok of a guy, he was like a teenager, I think, and he was only working out... trap is like the neck-shoulder one, right?
SARAH: Fuck if I know.
KAYLA: Okay. It’s like the…
SARAH: The one that’s a triangle?
KAYLA: Yeah, the one that’s a triangle like between where your neck connects to your shoulder.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Some guys have it like... I’ve never seen a woman have it, crazy, I guess…
SARAH: It might be difficult for women to achieve that.
KAYLA: It’s like huge. And I saw this kid on TikTok who was only working out one of them.
SARAH: Oh my God.
KAYLA: And he looked crazy. He was like, “My mom is threatening to kick me out because I’m doing this crazy thing to my body,” and I was like, “yeah, honestly, yeah, that’s fine.”
SARAH: I honestly at least once a week, I’ll be at the gym, and I’ll look at the men working out, weightlifting, and I get so mad at them.
KAYLA: It’s very easy for them to put on muscle.
SARAH: Because they’re like lifting… like they have so much muscling, and I’m like but why do I… I don’t have this muscling, I want it.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: We’re lifting the same amount of weight for some of these things. Why do you look like that? Also, because I refuse to adjust my diet in any way
KAYLA: Yeah, I mean, that is the big one.
SARAH: But, you know.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: It’s stupid. It’s not fair, why can’t I be ripped like I was when I was a child and ate whatever I wanted?
KAYLA: Yeah. That is the question, isn’t it.
SARAH: Mhhhhhh. Anyway. What’s our poll for this week?
KAYLA: Have you ever picked up a new interest for a crush?
SARAH: I don’t know about a new interest but my cat is currently picking up a piece of paper.
KAYLA: She’s studying.
SARAH: With her mouth.
KAYLA: She’s reading.
SARAH: Okay, I don’t think she can read.
KAYLA: Yeah, probably not, she’s stupid.
SARAH: She’s not even one.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Stop biting me. Have you ever picked up a new interest for a crush? Whether romantic, sexual, sexual crush?
KAYLA: Sexual crush, that’s a thing
[00:40:00]
SARAH: Lust, I believe that’s called.
KAYLA: Lust. A lush.
SARAH: Oh. Or in a platonic friend way
KAYLA: A squish.
SARAH: A squish, that’s good. Kayla, what’s your beef and your juice for this week?
KAYLA: My beef is I have a headache.
SARAH: Nooooo!
KAYLA: It hurts. I think it’s… the weather here has been changing so much, I think it’s a weather headache. And also, because I’m warm.
SARAH: Not a wetache.
KAYLA: Wetache. My juice is that we have some friends that are in a pop punk band.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: They’re called Daisy Grenade, you should all listen to them.
SARAH: Is it a grenade made out of daisies?
KAYLA: I’ve never asked.
SARAH: Or is it like daisies growing out of a grenade shell? Or is it like a grenade just painted with daisies? Is it a grenade that explodes in the shape of a daisy?
KAYLA: Could not say.
SARAH: I would like you to find out, please.
KAYLA: I will think about asking and I probably won’t.
SARAH: You will think about asking
KAYLA: We got to see them live and also go backstage and be cool.
SARAH: Fancy.
KAYLA: And they were really good. So, you should listen to them.
SARAH: Somebody find out how the daisy is related to the grenade.
KAYLA: I mean, I’m sure I could figure it out if I wanted to.
SARAH: What’s your beef?
KAYLA: That was my headache
SARAH: Right
KAYLA: Bitch
SARAH: Every time, I’m like, so confident, she’s only said one, no…
KAYLA: Yeah, my beef is that my co-host does not listen to me.
SARAH: In one ear, out my nose.
KAYLA: Out my nose, it’s crazy.
SARAH: There’s nothing in my head, I can’t remember a goddamn thing. It’s like when people call at work and they’re like, “this is so-and-so,” and I’m like…
KAYLA: Yeah, I’m not remembering that.
SARAH: And then I’ll be like, “Oh, it’s for you, co-worker,” and they’ll be like, “Who is it?” and I’m like… I don’t know.
KAYLA: Who’s to say?
SARAH: Okay. I have several juices this week because I’m so brave.
KAYLA: Oh, shit
SARAH: So, my first juice is I went to my friend’s wedding and it was good and fun and I got to see people. Related to that, beef, I had a horrible travel day on Sunday, just awful. I woke up at 5:15 Eastern time.
KAYLA: Not good.
SARAH: I was home at 9:15 p.m. Pacific time.
KAYLA: No, no, no.
SARAH: I didn’t like it. And also, the previous three nights I had not gotten more than four hours of sleep per night.
KAYLA: Ugh.
SARAH: I fell asleep on multiple planes. I fell asleep in the airport.
KAYLA: That’s scary.
SARAH: I was with... He fell asleep too.
KAYLA: Well, that’s not good.
SARAH: Anyway. Yeah. So that’s… but then I have more juices. My more juice are, so my friend Kyla, the artist formerly known as my roommate, she cat-sat for me while I was gone and she cleaned my house.
KAYLA: Oh my God.
SARAH: I got back and I was like, “Did you do my dishes?”
KAYLA: Oh my God, how lovely.
SARAH: And she was like, “Yeah, I remember you saying how with your ADHD you get overwhelmed by cleaning and stuff. And you said you hadn’t been able to do as good of a job with it recently as you wanted to, so I just cleaned up a little bit.”
KAYLA: That’s so, so…
SARAH: Like what the fuck?
KAYLA: That’s so nice.
SARAH: I owe you my life now. I have to cat-sit for you 15 times to make up from this.
KAYLA: That’s so nice.
SARAH: My other juice is that Yoongi is going to be back by the time you hear this episode, Yoongi will be free.
KAYLA: Yay.
SARAH: My baby, I say he is four years older than me. My other beef I thought of it as I was saying this and then I forgot. Oh, my beef is that my feet hurt so bad at the wedding.
KAYLA: Yeah. Did you wear a heel?
SARAH: I wore a heel, and they said in advance, they were like, “the ground is uneven.”
KAYLA: Ew
SARAH: And I was like, “I’m wearing a heel anyway.” And then my feet hurt so bad that the next day, walking around the airport, they were still hurting really bad.
KAYLA: That’s not good.
SARAH: And I had only brought one pair of normal shoes, like, I brought my Converse, which in hindsight was a mistake because part of the problem, I have like wide feet.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: And so, in addition to just the hurting from wearing heels. Also, because I stand really far back on my heels when I… normal. And so, when I’m wearing heels and I’m on the balls of my feet like exclusively, I think it makes it worse because I’m used to standing too far back on my heels.
KAYLA: Interesting
SARAH: Like I’m not used to putting that kind of weight on the balls of my feet.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Anyway. But also, it was like squishing my feet. But Converse also are narrow shoes and so like…
KAYLA: Yeah, that was a bad choice
SARAH: The Converse were continuing to squish my feet, and my feet were like swollen, it was not cute.
KAYLA: That’s not good, we’re getting old I think.
SARAH: We’re so ancient.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: We’re 100 years old.
KAYLA: Dean is not even 27 yet.
SARAH: Wow. Damn. I’m 27. You’re 28.
KAYLA: I’m so old. I’m so old.
SARAH: In like two years we’re gonna… we won’t… Let’s be real, we won’t listen to this podcast episode, we’ll read the transcript.
KAYLA: Yeah. We won’t be able to listen to this.
SARAH: And we’ll be like, “Wow.”
KAYLA: “If only we knew.”
SARAH: “We were so young.”
KAYLA: So young.
SARAH: Anyway. You can tell us about your beef, your juice, your age, I guess. You know, yesterday I got jump-scared because I went on someone’s Twitter account to see if I wanted to follow them and in like K-pop Twitter it’s standard to have your birth year or your age in your bio.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm.
SARAH: 2008.
KAYLA: Noooo.
SARAH: And I was like… I had to click away so quickly.
KAYLA: How old is that?
SARAH: Seventeen or turning seventeen this year.
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Nope.
SARAH: Yeah. I was like…
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: Scared.
KAYLA: I think not.
SARAH: Anyway, you can tell us about whatever you want, I guess, on our social media @soundsfakepod. We also have a Patreon, patreon.com/soundsfakepod if you'd like to support us there. We have a new $2 patron, it's Jen, thank you Jen
KAYLA: Jeeeeeen
SARAH: Jeeeen, thank you for being a patron. Our $5 patrons who we're promoting this week are Danielle Frye, Emily Jean, Galvin Ford, Sarah_Green and Iris. We have a new $5 patron, it's actually a five-pound patron, it's Kevin
KAYLA: Five pounds from British Kevin
SARAH: Thanks Kevin, we appreciate you. Our $10 patrons who we are promoting this week are Purple Hayes who would like to promote the musician Vinther, Barefoot Backpacker who would like to promote their youtube channel rtwbarefoot, SongOStorm who would like to promote a healthy work-life balance and Val who would like to promote the fact that you know how last week I was like, “oh, I don't know what Johanna is promoting, so, Johanna is going to promote thinking.” Johanna messaged us three weeks ago.
KAYLA: Oh, so it's us?
SARAH: I blame you, you know why? The email was in the wrong category.
KAYLA: That just means I didn't categorize it
SARAH: So, I didn't see anything
KAYLA: I think maybe that's your fault for never checking the email
SARAH: Well, I've started now checking the wrong section of the email and that's how I found the new patrons for today. I said, “I don't see any in the normal category, let me scroll down.”
KAYLA: It's really not hard to scroll, I don't see how this is my fault.
SARAH: I’m just explaining why I missed it to begin with
KAYLA: Sure
SARAH: Our other $10 patrons are Alastor, Ani, Arcnes, Benjamin Ybarra, Clare Olsen, Derick & Carissa, Elle Bitter, Eric, my aunt Jeannie, Johanna again, Kayla’s dad, Maff, and Martin Chiesl. Our $15 patrons are Ace who would like to promote the writer Crystal Scherer, Nathaniel White who would like to promote NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com, Kayla’s Aunt Nina who would like to promote katemaggartart.com and Schnell who would like to promote accepting that everyone is different and that's awesome. Our $20 patrons are Dragonfly, my mom, and River who would like to promote, you know I lent someone a hair tie at the wedding, I didn't expect to get it back, got it back.
KAYLA: I love when that happens
SARAH: I didn't even ask for it
KAYLA: I never expect to get them back, it's always such a trade
SARAH: Because when I borrow a hair tie, I'm gonna give it back
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But you have to expect that no one else gives it back
KAYLA: No, never expect to get it back
SARAH: And it was given back to me
KAYLA: That's so lovely
SARAH: And she stretched it out. It was a new hair tie so it was like too tight
KAYLA: Mm-hmm, that’s nice
SARAH: But she has much thicker hair than me and so she stretched it out to a reasonable amount and I was like, “wow, I should do this with all my hair ties.”
KAYLA: I love that. You just send them to me, I'll stretch them out for you and then I'll send them back
SARAH: Perfect. Thanks for listening, tune in next Sunday, yes, indeed next Sunday for more of us in your ears
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cows
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]