Ep 383: Can I Still Be Asexual/Aromantic If...?
SARAH: Hey, what's up? Hello! Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl (I'm Sarah, that's me)
KAYLA: And a bi-demisexual girl (that's me, Kayla)
SARAH: Really?
KAYLA: What did I say?
SARAH: You just said demisexual.
KAYLA: I did not
SARAH: Yes, you did
KAYLA: I did not.
SARAH: Maybe it was lagging.
KAYLA: Well, now I'm unsure of myself. But you did just lag, so
SARAH: Okay, it's possible it lagged, it's possible you didn't say bi, we'll find out in the future
KAYLA: I guess we’ll never know
SARAH: Talk about all things to with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand
KAYLA: On today's episode: Am I a-spec if?
BOTH: Sounds fake, but okay
SARAH: Welcome back to this podcast
KAYLA: You took your glasses off.
SARAH: I did, they're not that purple, but they're still purple
KAYLA: Ugh!
SARAH: Okay, I'm wearing them again.
KAYLA: Thank God. Here we are.
SARAH: We’re both wearing purple-tinted glasses.
KAYLA: It really brings something to the podcast, this audio medium, I think
SARAH: It's slightly more cool-toned
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Which is what I don't like, I don't like the cool tone
KAYLA: Well…
SARAH: I like what a little bit of purple does to the blues, but it has to be mixed with a warm tone brown, you know
KAYLA: Interesting
SARAH: Because then I take them off and everything looks so yellow
KAYLA: Yeah, that is fair. I made you yawn.
SARAH: Oh, I thought you were talking to me and I was like, I didn't yawn
KAYLA: I mean…
SARAH: Okay, Kayla, we have a housekeeping
KAYLA: Oh my God, you guys, we finally did it, we finally did it
SARAH: We had to do it while I was driving, we had our business meeting from my car.
KAYLA: We’ve just been so booked and busy, you guys
SARAH: Booked and busy. Okay, so here's our housekeeping, I'm going to Ireland, I do believe I will be visiting our plot of land.
KAYLA: Oh my gosh, that's so exciting
SARAH: Perhaps I can do a mini bonus pod from our little plot of land.
KAYLA: Oh my God, please, cute! I think you should.
SARAH: Maybe, we’ll see, we’ll see.
KAYLA: For those of you who don't know…
SARAH: Yes
KAYLA: Years ago now, we made it a goal for our Patreon that if we had a certain amount of patrons we would do that thing where you buy a square foot of land in Ireland
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: I have the paperwork somewhere
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: And we do own it
SARAH: We do own it and we have deemed it the aspec capital of the world.
KAYLA: Yes, absolutely.
SARAH: And I will be visiting it, probably
KAYLA: Absolutely, I can't wait.
SARAH: It's in like a weird part of Ireland
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Like if something goes awry, we might have to skip it just because in and of itself it is going to be a trip.
KAYLA: It’s just kind of out there.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And it's just a giant field, I think
SARAH: Yeah, it's just a square foot of land in Ireland but…
KAYLA: I love that.
SARAH: Should I… see, part of me is like I should bring like little aro-ace flags
KAYLA: Oh, you should
SARAH: But I would have to buy them because I have an ace flag but I don't have an aro flag
KAYLA: Mm, that’s tough
SARAH: We'll consider it, we'll see if I remember to do this. Anyway, I want to be in Ireland for a week and a half. So, we were talking about trying to figure out how we could have a pod happen then but it's… we're… it's not, we're not. So, this pod, happening, next week, happening, May 3rd, not happening.
KAYLA: Not happening!
SARAH: No pod May 3rd. Enjoy Mayday, enjoy Cinco de Mayo, enjoy may the fourth be with you.
KAYLA: Enjoy my early birthday
SARAH: Exactly. So, we will not be there that week, but we will be here this week and next week
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Next week we're even going to do an episode that requires some forethought
KAYLA: Can you guys even believe?
SARAH: Can you believe? Your hair is such a look right now.
KAYLA: I was getting really warm and I don't have a hair tie or anything so I just tucked it up under my… the top of my headphone
SARAH: Under her… yeah, it’s just… Yeah, that would never work for me
KAYLA: You like it? The side view, looking good?
SARAH: Yeah. She has just got corals sticking out the front of her headphones
KAYLA: The top. This is how I often… when I'm just at home, I just like claw-clip it but not in the aesthetically pleasing way, just kind of like on top of my head
SARAH: Yeah, wherever it will stay
KAYLA: Wherever it may go
SARAH: I can't claw-clip, it doesn't work.
KAYLA: I'm sorry to hear that
SARAH: My hair is just too silky smooth
KAYLA: And your new gay haircut
SARAH: Don't step on my juice.
KAYLA: Oh! Forget I said anything.
SARAH: Anyway, Kayla, what are we talking about this week this week?
KAYLA: This week… I think this must have been requested at some point, somehow this must have come up, because it was in our list of ideas
SARAH: Surely
KAYLA: So surely it came from somewhere
SARAH: Maybe from Shirley
KAYLA: Shirley, shout out Shirley. So, this week we’re going to be…
SARAH: I knew a man named Shirley once
KAYLA: I think I have an aunt Shirley
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: Not sure, certainly not a first aunt.
SARAH: I thought for a long time that a Shirley Temple was an alcoholic drink.
KAYLA: I mean it can be
SARAH: Yeah, I thought that was the base form and then…
KAYLA: I see, I want a Shirley temple
SARAH: I've never had one. Shirley, this was recommended slash requested slash required by someone
KAYLA: Surely it came from somewhere, not from us, because how could it have come from us?
SARAH: Precisely.
KAYLA: Anyway, this week we will be answering the question, can I be asexual and/or aromantic if dot dot dot question mark.
SARAH: The answer is probably yes. Kayla, what's our poll for this week?
KAYLA: Right? And that's it, folks. Goodbye! See you next week.
SARAH: Okay, we can do a real podcast.
KAYLA: No, just kidding. So, when we were talking about doing this topic, I find that topics like this… because I feel like we talk about things like this so often or at this point because we’ve…
SARAH: They just come up
KAYLA: Yeah. Or at this point just like because we've been doing this for so long it feels very obvious to me that like of course.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: But then also I was like, okay, well, we have to remember that most normal people have not… no offense, most normal people have not listened to every single episode of this podcast
SARAH: And if you have, you're not normal, and we love you for it
KAYLA: And I do think you know that, it is the thing, it’s like… I think you know that, and we love you for that and that's okay
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Because the thing is we've recorded every single episode and even more because there's a missing one. So, we're not normal either
SARAH: Yeah. And I've listened to every episode
KAYLA: That’s true, even the missing one
SARAH: Kayla hasn’t
KAYLA: Yeah, that's true, I really haven’t. So, we're with you and it's okay.
SARAH: I'm more with you though
KAYLA: Right and I'm there too. And so, I was like, okay, well, it's not completely worthless to do these episodes where we talk about like things that I think of as the basics because it's not the basics to everyone and it's also like fundamentally important and bears repeated, I think
SARAH: It’s good to remind them, mm-hmm. I just saw a screenshot on my desktop...
KAYLA: Why?
SARAH: And it's what I sent to you yesterday…
KAYLA: Can you shut up!?
SARAH: That on the internet someone did not know my gender and so they addressed me as ma'am, sir, gentlethem.
KAYLA: Oh, I did like that.
SARAH: I think that's good, I just saw it and I had to mention it because I have ADHD
KAYLA: Are you… okay, you came into the podcast room screaming. So, what do you have to say?
SARAH: Hi, Billet
KAYLA: Last night, just running around the house screaming because she had caught a mouse, not a real mouse, the same toy mouse she has been catching for years, but we have to scream about it every time.
SARAH: But she caught it, she wanted to tell you.
KAYLA: It was the middle of the night!
SARAH: She wanted to tell you, she was so proud
KAYLA: And she just told me again, she just caught it last night, she has brought it in again, I've seen it, I've seen it before.
SARAH: Well…
KAYLA: Sometimes I wake up in the morning and there's mice all about my bed.
SARAH: What is that blue thing face-down?
KAYLA: That's an axolotl that Dean won me at a fair.
SARAH: Wow, that’s nice.
KAYLA: It is face-down
SARAH: Face-down, ass-up
KAYLA: His name is Millard Willard…
SARAH: Millard Willard
KAYLA: Because I have a hot dog weenie dog pillow and his name… Now I never remember which is which
SARAH: You’re a horrible mother.
KAYLA: One of them is Willard Miller and the other is Millard Willard but the hot dog is the axolotl’s father.
SARAH: Oh, how did that work genetically? Like an adoption or something?
KAYLA: I don't know, it's just like when we brought him home, I was like, what should we call the axolotl? And Dean said, whatever his name is, and I was like, but we already have one of that that's reversed and he was like, it's his dad.
SARAH: That axolotl is mysteriously bear-shaped
KAYLA: Yeah, it's almost as if they made a bear then just kind of like put things on the side
SARAH: Because axolotls don't have legs that long
KAYLA: Famously don't have legs like this? Here, let me…
SARAH: Everyone, I want you to just picture a large… like a giant teddy bear, like a big one… Kayla is struggling
KAYLA: Oh, it took my hair down.
SARAH: It took her hair down
KAYLA: It's wearing a bow even
[00:10:00]
SARAH: Yeah, it's just a teddy bear that they stuck some little…
KAYLA: Yeah, but look, it has the things on it. It’s really soft…
SARAH: It looks like it's balding
KAYLA: Hey!?
SARAH: It looks like that's supposed to be hair
KAYLA: It does kind of look like a monk
SARAH: That is not what a fucking axolotl looks like
KAYLA: How dare you!? Millard Willer, Willer Millard, whoever he is.
SARAH: I'm so sorry, this is very serious podcast episode.
KAYLA: Yeah, you guys, can you tell? We’ve been doing business for so long. Okay, back to business.
SARAH: Back!
KAYLA: Can I be… let's… which one do you want to start with?
SARAH: Like ace or aro you mean? Or just which one in general? Which question?
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Can I be? We're going to go basic, can I be ace if I have had sex before? Yes.
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: How about if I enjoy having sex? It couldn't be me, but the hypothetical I.
KAYLA: Yes, also yes.
SARAH: Also, yes.
KAYLA: If I'm having sex right now at this minute
SARAH: I mean that's certainly allowed, I question your judgment in terms of soundtrack
KAYLA: Yeah, I wouldn't, but that's fine if you do.
SARAH: I don't think I want to know if you do, actually
KAYLA: I don't think I want to know either
SARAH: Because in my mind sex only exists in fiction.
KAYLA: Right
SARAH: And it's fine in fiction, but in real life…
KAYLA: And here's the thing, recently based on our conversations from last week, talking about The Rice Purity Test, people in our discord were taking it and sharing their scores, y'all are freaks.
SARAH: Aww!
KAYLA: So…
SARAH: I haven't taken it in a while, I don't remember what I got…
KAYLA: I haven't taken it in a while either.
SARAH: It was a very high score though.
KAYLA: I bet. Anyway, you can like and do and have done sexual things and still be ace, because here's the thing…
SARAH: It's about the attraction not action
KAYLA: It's the attraction, not the action.
SARAH: Mine was a jingle.
KAYLA: Okay, right. This sucks!
SARAH: We were both like, wait, we have to get serious.
KAYLA: We were like, but no, but it's serious. Okay, no, but it is serious because there’s....
SARAH: It is serious.
KAYLA: Stop.
SARAH: I meant that seriously
KAYLA: No, it's serious. Okay, but being serious, there’s so much nasty gatekeeping and so much like, “I'm a gold star gay” or “a gold star ace” or a blah blah blah. And I feel like I think it would be very easy for someone who’s misinformed and maybe even just like totally means well about aceness
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: Talking to someone else and being like, “oh, no, sorry, you can't .”
SARAH: It doesn't count
KAYLA: You can’t be in it.
SARAH: You're not eligible
KAYLA: Yeah, sorry, you're not allowed in my club because you like or have done or blah blah blah
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But there's a whole there's language for being ace and having a different relationship like sex-averse, being sex-favorable
SARAH: Being ace-space
KAYLA: Ace-spec, like, there's such a wide range.
SARAH: And here's the thing about gold star aces, gold is such a soft metal
KAYLA: Interesting
SARAH: And it just… you can really damage it quite easily, if you wanted to be a certain type of star, I would think like titanium, steel perhaps.
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: To be really indestructible
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: So, like am I technically a gold star ace? Yes. But like I would feel safer if I was like made out of steel or titanium or something like that.
KAYLA: And maybe that says something, people who are so excited about being a gold star ace, it's like their ego is bruised so easily.
SARAH: Like it looks pretty…
KAYLA: But it’s nothing
SARAH: But it's like how Donald Trump buys shit from Lowe's…
KAYLA: Oh!
SARAH: And then sprays gold stuff on it and is like, “this is pure gold.”
KAYLA: We don’t have to put him into this.
SARAH: And then people are like, “no, you can get this from Lowe's, here's the link.”
KAYLA: What is he buying from Lowe's?
SARAH: Decorations for the Oval Office.
KAYLA: Good Lord
SARAH: And then they get spray-painted. And then he says something… he said something about how… he was like, well, it would be so big if you could fake gold, like if you could paint gold on, if you could fake that, that would be crazy. He’s like…
KAYLA: We've been doing that. What do you mean?
SARAH: Anyway, that's why you're fucking kitschy stupid ass Oval Office looks like it does. Anyway, let's think about… even vibranium stars I know vibranium is in fact a fictional metal.
KAYLA: What's the one… Hold on, there's another fictional metal
SARAH: Why did my brain just say serotonin?
KAYLA: Xenonite
SARAH: Mm, is that the DC fictional metal?
KAYLA: No, it's from Project Hail Mary
SARAH: Oh, it's the Project Hail Mary, I still haven't seen it, I need to but
KAYLA: Booooo1
SARAH: I'm sorry, I'm busy. Okay, so, be a star of any variety really
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Because I mean stars also can be very hot. So, if you're made out of gold, you're going to melt, I'm just saying
KAYLA: I just feel like the messaging should be don't reach for the stars, you don't have to be a gold star ace
SARAH: Even if you miss, you'll land among the moon, who is a lesbian.
KAYLA: Yeah, right.
SARAH: We're all stars already, we don't need to be trying for that shit, you know
KAYLA: Smash mouth
SARAH: Hey now
KAYLA: Hey now
SARAH: You're an awesome.
KAYLA: Hey now
SARAH: Hey now. Hey now. This is what dreams are made of.
KAYLA: Oh, this podcast episode is what dreams are made of (fever)
SARAH: Oh boy. Okay. I got that, it took me a second to understand what you meant, fever, thank you
KAYLA: You're welcome.
SARAH: Okay, can I be… I mean, let's just pivot, can I be aro or arospec if I like holding someone's hand?
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: That's not even inherently romantic, dog.
KAYLA: Yeah, I… Billy, come show it to me. You don't even have it!? Oh my God! She doesn't even have it. Oh, we're holding hands.
SARAH: Yeah, I'm reaching out to hold Kayla’s hand
KAYLA: Right. Can you still be a romantic and sit on top of someone? Yes, Sarah does it. She has done it so many times.
SARAH: I mean, otherwise no one would be able to see Santa. I'm sorry, this should be a very serious episode and it's just not going to be
KAYLA: It's just not. Can I tell you a non-serious story about Santa?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: It's actually, if you think about it, it is kind of like really serious, but we'll get there. So, I had a co-worker that was going to be out for surgery and another one of my co-worker was like, “Oh, I hope it goes really well, can I pray for you? Or is that not your thing?” And she's like the most amazing woman ever, so it was like not in a weird way, it was like a genuinely she's just like the best person in the world. And my co-worker was like, “oh, I'm not really into that, but you can pray, whatever, I'm not offended by it.” And she was like, “I'll just send wishes to Santa for you instead.” And I was like, that is the best thing I've ever heard it by entire life.
SARAH: Imagine every night you don't pray to God you send wishes to Santa
KAYLA: I think that's what we should all be doing.
SARAH: That's nice. How about Mrs. Claus?
KAYLA: Sure
SARAH: I'd like to send my wishes to the Mrs.
KAYLA: Ah!
SARAH: I'm on a roll
KAYLA: Ah! Mm.
SARAH: Yes, you can sit upon people. I haven't really sat on anyone in a while.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Got to get on that, literally, physically.
KAYLA: At my bachelorette you can sit on everyone.
SARAH: I don't know that I want to sit on everyone, I don't know everyone.
KAYLA: Well...
SARAH: I'm demisitual.
KAYLA: Ugh! Can you still be aspec and hate your best friend? Yes.
SARAH: Yes.
KAYLA: I’m doing it right now.
SARAH: Oh my God, I'm your best friend, oh my God.
KAYLA: Not right now, brother.
SARAH: Can you be aro or aro-spec and still want to be in a romantic relationship or be in a romantic relationship? Yeah.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: I know it feels confusing…
KAYLA: I know, to me, I think that is a more confusing one than the having sex one
SARAH: I agree
KAYLA: Because it is it is easier to explain to people that there are other reasons for having sex than sexual attraction which I feel we could have… that could be a whole episode. Because I know… it feels like we've already covered it because I know that's a whole thing in our book
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: #BuyOurBook. But I feel as though that could be a whole episode. Did you see that?
SARAH: I saw the tail going
KAYLA: My God, she’s crazy. Oh, I found the mouse, I'm hiding the mouse. You’re done with the mouse. The mouse is gone. Anyway. It feels more somehow straightforward to explain, here are the different reasons people may want to have sex that are not sexual attraction.
SARAH: I also feel like the boundaries of what sex is are clearer than the boundaries of what romance is
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: It's like whether you're talking penetrative sex or just like other types of sexual activity. Like there's still a clear line…
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Of what it is, it usually involves genitalia of some sort.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
[00:20:00]
SARAH: Whereas with romance, it's like holding hands, but that’s not necessarily romantic.
KAYLA: Yeah, I mean there are so many things that are coded as romantic that you could easily do with a friend and it would be totally normal and not…
SARAH: Like kissing, but kissing can also be sexual and not romantic at all.
KAYLA: Well, especially in other cultures too, like maybe not so much in America but in other cultures too, it is not just a romantic thing.
SARAH: Yeah, you just smooch… you smooch your family on the mouth.
KAYLA: Smooch the homies.
SARAH: I mean, I don't.
KAYLA: I don't either.
SARAH: But you do…
KAYLA: I don't
SARAH: You, dear listener.
KAYLA: Oh, maybe they don't
SARAH: I'm prescribing you with this.
KAYLA: Go smooch your family. Nooooo.
SARAH: Unless you're my family, don't do it
KAYLA: Don’t smooch
SARAH: Well, I do have cousins who are very Italian on the other side and one time they were at… my cousin was at a family function and… I think she had actually even come from her other side of the family, and so just out of habit she like did like the double kiss to people
KAYLA: Weird
SARAH: And then she was like, “wait, I'm sorry, we don't do that here.”
KAYLA: Wrong side. Sorry everyone.
SARAH: She was like, I'm so sorry, this is the Irish Catholic side, we don't touch each other
KAYLA: Very different.
SARAH: He he! You ask me one now.
KAYLA: Wait, but I wasn't done with the last one.
SARAH: Okay, keep going…
KAYLA: I just… like there is nothing inherently romantic... Well, maybe, I don't know. There's nothing really inherently romantic about the things that we have decided are romantic, you know? They're only romantic because we as a society have decided that they are.
SARAH: Would you say it's because we as a society… shut the fuck up!
KAYLA: That's probably what I'm about to say to you
SARAH: Would you say that we as a society have romanticized them?
KAYLA: Shut the fuck up!
SARAH: You're welcome.
KAYLA: Hmm. Because like at the end of the day romantic relationships are just a different type of relationship and even if you don't have romantic attraction, you could still want that same dynamic
SARAH: And I would say that like romantic attraction and romantic relationships is not inherently more human than platonic ones
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I think you could make an argument that like sexual and platonic are kind of on the same level in terms of like base human instinct.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Maybe even sexual above platonic just because like reproduction is, you know. But also, humans are such community-based cultures.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: That it's like for a long time and this still even happens now, there are people who procreate with one another who do not have any romantic attraction to each other or any romantic attachment
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And it's literally about procreating and you know, whether it's just basing things like, oh, I got to fuck, or it's just like, I would like family, I would like baby, I need baby. Then you can do that without having the like romantic like oh, we've been married for 50 years and it just feels like it's every morning I wake up so happy to be married to my spouse. Like, do you think they were doing that in the Stone Ages?
KAYLA: I think not.
SARAH: Maybe sometimes, but I think they were more concerned about like killing a buffalo.
KAYLA: Yeah, I mean that also speaks to just the current state of marriage and romantic relationships at this point. Like, the institution of marriage in particular has changed so much and is so different in different cultures.
SARAH: It's an institution.
KAYLA: Yeah, like it is…
SARAH: I mean, even if you think about a couple of hundred years ago fucking like Jane Eyre Pride and Prejudice like the function of marriage was so profoundly different and in many parts of the world that is still the function of marriage
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: In the present day
KAYLA: Well, and there are so many other parts of the world too that like and before marriage became what it was now like same-sex friendships held that place as like the most important relationships. Bitch, anyway.
SARAH: Anyway. You can read about that in our book.
KAYLA: Can you?
SARAH: I don’t remember, I thought so.
KAYLA: That sounds like something that we could have done
SARAH: You either can or can't read about it in our book, the only way to find out you have to buy our book
KAYLA: You have to read it, you have to.
SARAH: Or check it out from your local library
KAYLA: It's true
SARAH: Or listen to it through your ears
KAYLA: Right
SARAH: Or your bones
KAYLA: Nooooo!
SARAH: No, because there are some types of like headphones that like it's not through… Like the induction is not through your eardrum, it's through your bones, my boss has them. They work underwater.
KAYLA: I just like don't know how I feel about someone listening to us through their bones
SARAH: They feel it in their bones.
KAYLA: I just don't know about all that.
SARAH: Okay. Next.
KAYLA: Okay, I have an actual serious one now and it's not funny at all So, can we get in the headspace?
SARAH: Lock the fuck in, yeah.
KAYLA: Okay. Can I be a-spec and/or aro-spec if I feel that I identify with these things because of trauma?
SARAH: Yes. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
KAYLA: Thank you.
SARAH: I think much like being involved in romance if you don't have romantic attraction, I think this one can sometimes be a little confusing for people because so often gender and sexuality is and romantic orientation and et cetera, et cetera is set up as this inherent thing, and it is for a lot of people
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But I think any… No matter the reason for you coming to use these terms is like the experience is still valid and it is a slightly different experience. But there are a lot of slightly different experiences underneath this umbrella. I know my internet connection is unstable and Kayla will just never know what I just said.
KAYLA: I probably agree with you
SARAH: Yeah, you do.
KAYLA: Okay, that's good.
SARAH: I said that it's a slightly different experience than other people may have but there are a lot of different experiences that all fall under this one umbrella and they still all fall under the one umbrella
KAYLA: Yeah. I think…
SARAH: It doesn't make it less deserving.
KAYLA: There’s so much narrative around the board this way idea with sexual and romantic and gender identities, which I think is true for a lot of people and important because it is a fight back against people who are saying oh, you're just choosing to be this way, you're just choosing to be…
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: You know a special snowflake or you know choosing to be different
SARAH: Like why would I choose to be oppressed? Unless I want to win the Oppression Olympics
KAYLA: Which we're not going to do anyway
SARAH: Which don't exist
KAYLA: Don't exist.
SARAH: The Oppression Olympics don't exist so don’t try and win them
KAYLA: A great point. So, I understand why that is said so much because I think it is empowering in a lot of ways and it is true for a lot of people but I don't think that's true for everyone, I think there are so many instances that you can have in your life that profoundly change who you are as a person and how you operate and how you think. And all of that that like, why would we say that it's impossible for an incident in your life to cause a change or a perception of your sexuality or your identity, like…
SARAH: Yeah. I think it's also difficult to conceptualize because there's not a lot that you can realistically compare it to as like a metaphor
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Like your race, like your conception of how you identify your race to be may change but your genetic makeup doesn't change
KAYLA: Does not, yeah.
SARAH: You can talk about it in terms of like… there is some comparison to be made with like physical disability, like that changes your experience of the world, but being queer is not a disability
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And so, like I… it's tough to kind of find a one-to-one or at least a 0.97 to 1.3 like as close as you can get.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: It doesn't really exist. And so, I think that's part of the reason why it is so difficult to conceptualize, you just have to accept it as it is, you just have to accept it at face value.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And it's kind of like a moral question, it's like, are you going to choose to accept it or not.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: It's hard to convince someone of this if they strongly believe against it because you can't be like, oh, you're a hypocrite because you think this, because it is its own thing.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: In a lot of ways.
KAYLA: I think it's also hard for certain people probably who feel like someone saying that they identify a certain way because of trauma or something that happened to them is invalidating to their identity in some way because the person was not ‘born’ that way.
SARAH: Like they are only a part of this community because something traumatic happened to them
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Like I can understand why a person would be like that makes me feel gross because… Like usually the outcome of trauma is a bad thing.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: So, you're kind of… there's an implicit, not moral association with that but there's an implicit like value association.
[00:30:00]
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: With the identity because of that. Continue.
KAYLA: Yeah, and I think it's just a different… obviously, it's a very different experience so I could understand someone not being comfortable with that and not liking that idea. But again, yes, that person is going to have a very different experience than you but that's fine, we're all having very different experiences with our identities, even if we're using the same word.
SARAH: Mm-hmm. Even if you're a plain old… I was going to say straight up, but a plain old gay man. Gay men will have different experiences than other gay men even if they don't know about the split attraction model, even if they don’t… like it's all going to be different
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And that's okay
KAYLA: It’s okay.
SARAH: And it's also… I also think though it's important to recognize that like it is fair to be a little bit uncomfortable with the thought that… like as we just discussed of like feeling like okay, well, this person is saying that like they became… only because of trauma, it takes trauma to be like this. I understand the discomfort with that and I think it's just about nuance and realizing that that this person's experience of this does not reflect upon yours.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And anyone who thinks that way is either uneducated and has room to learn or they're just an asshole who doesn't care to learn the difference
KAYLA: I also think some of it comes from just how aspecness has been pathologized and treated as like a symptom or you know something to be treated, that something like this just kind of exacerbates that especially if it is treated in that way by professionals and so I think it's just another layer of the nuance of like of course people are going to be sensitive to that if that's something that they're already hearing and dealing with
SARAH: I think it also situates asexuality and aspec identities as something that it is possible to be cured of
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: If you experience this because of trauma… listen, if it's because of trauma, trauma forever changes you, like, you can't go back from that.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But there is this thinking that people have that like a traumatic experience is more like a broken bone than like a permanent life disability
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Like they're like you can just heal it and it might even be stronger afterwards
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And so, if you apply that thinking to aspecness as a result of trauma then you could reasonably conclude that there are people who think that you can be healed of your asexuality, that it can be fixed, that it can be undone, but that's not how trauma works.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: If you break, even if it's just a broken bone, if you've broken your bone once, it's more likely to happen again
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And that is… like, that… you have forever changed the makeup of everything
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And so, even if you think about it as like, oh, it's just… you can just heal it, you can just fix it, that's not how it works and it's the same thing with trauma. Period!
KAYLA: Period!
SARAH: That’s the end of my thought.
KAYLA: I like it, good thought.
SARAH: Thank you. We got serious, good job.
KAYLA: I know, we did it, you guys. I also, this is semi-related to this, I think, it is not so much like ‘can I be if?’ But just like I have no issue with people floating in and out of the aspec community. Like if the label is good for you for a time and then you're like, “this is not for me anymore, I use this label now,” I have no issue with this
SARAH: As long as you're respectful about coming and going then yeah
KAYLA: Yeah. Like, I don't… you know
SARAH: Like I'm not going to be pleased with you if you're like, “that was just me being misguided.” You know?
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: As long as you're not.... I can't think of the word I want, but you're… my brain just keeps telling me kneecapping, as long as you're not kneecapping aspec identity, as long as you're not discrediting them then that's fine.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Like maybe it wasn't right for you or maybe it was right for you and it is no longer right for you, all of those options are fine
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Here's one; can I be aspec if I watch porn?
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: The answer is yes. Partially because there are many different ways to be aspec and some of them involve sexual attraction and also because nothing fucking matters.
KAYLA: It's just the same thing, it's the action versus attraction
SARAH: Even if you're sex-averse like in the way that I define it for myself which is like I don't want myself involved in any of that, like watching porn or watching some sort of, I don't know OnlyFans shit…
KAYLA: Heated Rivalry
SARAH: Heated Rivalry. It's not you.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So, like that still makes perfect sense everything still makes perfect fucking sense here
KAYLA: Mm-hmm.
SARAH: That’s the tea. What other ones?
KAYLA: Can I be aspec if I am very young? Such as a teen sure.
SARAH: Sure.
KAYLA: I don't give a fuck
SARAH: Sure the fuck
KAYLA: Here's my thing, because I think we get comments sometimes from people in high school or you know young teens that are like, I identify this way, but my parents or the people around me say I'm too young to know. Then bitch shouldn't you be too young to know if you're straight?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: What do you mean?
SARAH: I also think… I understand where those people are coming from, who are saying you're too young to know, because there's so much growing and evolving that you do as a young person.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But I think this also is just a testament to the fluidity of the borders of our aspec umbrella club, too many metaphors in one. But like the fact that it is okay if your identities change is fundamental to the fact that young people can identify this way because if they choose not to later, that's fine and okay
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: If they identify this way for the rest of their lives, also fine and okay
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And so, if we have the ground rules of like you don't have to be married to this for the rest of your life, there's no divorce clause, like nothing matters, it's fine, then of course it's fine for a young person to identify with this label even if they're still going through puberty, even if there's growth that's in their future, it's fine.
KAYLA: Yeah, because to me, I'm like, I do get why someone might say that of especially if you're still in puberty, you haven't hit like sexual maturity or whatever, that like, you know the teetering on age between being not sexual because you are a child and that hasn't developed yet and being asexual as in like you are there but it's not there
SARAH: It has not developed and it's not going to
KAYLA: Like, that is… yeah, like that's a fuzz… that's a gray area between like that childhood and then becoming more of an adult where that like sexual attraction becomes a possibility. So, I get why people say that, but like you said, what the fuck is the harm in being like, this is how I identify right now. Yeah, maybe it will change, maybe you are so young that you are kind of in that gray area still. Okay, the fuck? Like…
SARAH: We have fucking identities under this umbrella that are called gray, who the fuck cares
KAYLA: We’re good, we're good brother.
SARAH: Yeah. And to your point, you know, you're saying like, oh, you're too young to know, then you're also too young to know for sure if you're straight
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: You're too young to know for sure if you believe in God. Like, you know, like it's just like if they're too young to be able to put that label on themselves freely of their own will with the knowledge that they can take it off later then they're too young to do anything, then they’re too young to identify with any identifier whether that's gender, sexuality, romantic orientation, religion.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Political stance, creed, like anything.
KAYLA: I just think it's such a waste of a thing to say of you're too young to know because like…
SARAH: That's the whole point of being young, it is finding out
KAYLA: That's the thing, it is like say you're like a young person and you tell your parents like, “I don't think I want to have kids,” and the retort is, “you're too young to know that,” it's like, yeah, okay, like, I'm telling you what I feel like right now.
SARAH: Right
KAYLA: Like, I think most people in the back of their mind are maybe self-aware enough to know like, yeah, anything is possible, like maybe I won't feel like this forever. Okay?
SARAH: Imagine you walk up to someone and they're like, “what do you want for dinner?” And you're like, “I'm not really feeling Mexican food.” And they're like, “well, you might change your mind later.”
[00:40:00]
KAYLA: It's like, yeah, I know.
SARAH: Yeah, I'm talking about right now, I said I'm not feeling Mexican food like for now
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And you can even say, “I'm never going to eat Mexican food ever in my whole life,” and maybe in their head they might think, “you’re probably going to change your mind,” but they can keep that in their fucking head.
KAYLA: Yeah, there's just like no… like who cares?
SARAH: Who the fuck cares?
KAYLA: Like, what!? I just… like, what is the point of you saying… like, even someone like our age being like, “I don't think I want to have kids,” and people are always like, “oh, when you're older, you’ll probably…” like, okay, what does that do to tell me that?
SARAH: And for me, I've kind of always… once I figured out that I didn't imagine kids in my future because I wanted kids but because I liked…
KAYLA: Naming things
SARAH: Naming things, I have always been like, I don't want kids, like even before I knew I was aspec I was like, I don't want kids and that hasn't changed. And so, like that can be the situation or you can fucking change your mind or you can think you want kids and then decide you don't. Like, just because the default is like, oh, you should be having kids, don't fucking should. But like people think that anything that diverts from that is just not going to be real.
KAYLA: See, that's what's even scarier to me if a fucking 12-year-old was like, “I am sure I want to have children” what did you mean? How....
SARAH: “It my dream to be a mother,” you’re 12!
KAYLA: Like you don't know anything… like, respectfully, you don't know anything. What do you mean you're sure you're going to be a mother?
SARAH: It scares me when like young kids are like, oh my God, I want to be a mom or a dad. Like, I understand that to them, especially if they're like younger, they don't understand what they're saying
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But like once they get a little bit older, if they're like, my dream is to be a mom or a dad like, you know, if you get to be in your 20s and that is still your dream, like being a parent is it for you, great.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But it scares me when you have like teens saying that
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Because I'm like, how much of that is coming from you and how much of that is coming from society and what you think you should be doing.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And, you know
KAYLA: Well, I also think it's just… I can see that being a dream from like a nurturing standpoint, of like, I love kids or like I'm an older sibling, I love this. But like certainly you don't understand like the financial responsibility that you are
SARAH: Or the lack of fucking sleep
KAYLA: Yeah. I mean there's just a lot of that like logistical stuff that I'm like…
SARAH: I am not a parent, but I know that being a parent is fucking difficult. And I will never know it to the extent that a parent does because I don't plan on having kids
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But like I understand from an educational level from a…
KAYLA: Theoretical
SARAH: Yeah, theoretical level that it's fucking hard
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And it's not all it's cracked up to be. And like I saw a quote recently that said like, you know, people who don't have kids can understand the complaints about having kids, like, oh, this thing sucks, that thing sucks, what they can't understand is like the indescribable joys of having kids. And I think that's fair, I think that's fair.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But I think we can also trust people to know that the cons outweigh the pros for them
KAYLA: Yeah. I was just talking to one of my co-workers about this today because I was like, yeah, like my family was here this weekend and having my nephew there was so amazing but like also seeing how stressed my sister was at certain points, I was like man, that is like… I don’t know about all that
SARAH: Your life changes so much
KAYLA: Yeah, and my… I was telling that to my co-worker and he was like, oh, but it's just like… he was saying the same thing, I'm like, there's just… like, it's indescribable, and I was like, yeah, I believe you, but what I'm seeing is that it sounds really stressful.
SARAH: Yeah, I have a cat, I kind of get it
KAYLA: No, really.
SARAH: My biological daughter. I was talking to someone recently who was saying how like she has never wanted kids, she has always known that. And her partner now also doesn't want kids and so she was like, “you're getting a vasectomy.”
KAYLA: Ooh, yeah
SARAH: And he was like, “yeah, sure.” But they went to the doctor and they treated him like a woman
KAYLA: Uh-oh
SARAH: They were like, “well, how do you know?” Like…
KAYLA: Aren’t they reversible?
SARAH: Yes
KAYLA: Girl!
SARAH: They were like, you're in your like mid-30s, like you're so young. And like they were like, what the fuck is going on here? And she was like, it was the first time that he was treated like a woman and it was so fascinating to watch.
KAYLA: Oh, but it’s sad.
SARAH: So, they ended up like going to another doctor and they found another doctor that was like, “yeah, sure, when do you want to schedule for it?” Like, you know
KAYLA: Like what? This is not your business.
SARAH: But like that was so wild to me that like they did treat him like a woman and be like, “are you sure?”
KAYLA: That's crazy
SARAH: In Los Angeles, in Los Angeles, California
KAYLA: That's wild, that's how you know it's getting bad out there.
SARAH: This person also told me she used to work in higher education and she worked in higher education at multiple different schools in Texas like in the UT system and I think maybe another school and at UCLA and UCLA is where she heard the unwokest shit
KAYLA: I believe that
SARAH: UCLA is where she heard that like they/them is not a singular pronoun
KAYLA: Nice, good
SARAH: And like a professor jokingly threatened to bring an AR-15 to campus…
KAYLA: Great
SARAH: If he didn't get the classroom he wanted
KAYLA: Right, good
SARAH: She was like that wasn't fucking happening at UT Austin
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: Anyway
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: Anyway. Do we have any other ones we would like to hit on?
KAYLA: I think in conclusion, can I if? Yes
SARAH: Yes.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Yes
KAYLA: And if people on the internet are being nasty and telling you no…
SARAH: Booooo
KAYLA: Don't listen to them
SARAH: Because like even… like, I was thinking like what would be situation where no, right?
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Like, other than you know, very obviously like goes directly against the definition of what this is, I was like, can I if I am Elon Musk? Unfortunately, yes, you can still identify as aspec if you’re Elon Musk
KAYLA: I don't want you
SARAH: I don’t want you. It's the same way that like Caitlyn Jenner…
KAYLA: I was like just going to say
SARAH: Like Caitlyn Jenner is still a trans woman even though she's like a piece of shit
KAYLA: She sucks, yeah
SARAH: You know. So, your aspecness is not the thing wrong with you that I hate about you
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: If that's the case
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: As it is with Caitlyn Jenner with her transness. It turns out queer people can be horrible too.
KAYLA: And isn't that just the worst? I hate when that happens.
SARAH: I know. It’s like when Canadians are mean
KAYLA: Like Anderson Cooper, I don't like him.
SARAH: What’s your beef with…
KAYLA: No way, Andy Cohen, Andy Cohen
SARAH: Oh, Andy Cohen, I was like, I don't think Anderson Cooper is that problematic.
KAYLA: No, I don't like Andy Cohen. I don't even know if he's that problematic, I just don't like him
SARAH: He’s annoying, respectfully
KAYLA: He annoys me
SARAH: Respectfully Andy, I find you annoying. You know what? You have a whole career out of it. So, like…
KAYLA: And that's nice for you, I guess
SARAH: I know he listens to this podcast religiously.
KAYLA: Oh, yeah, a big fan
SARAH: Yes, the answer is, if can I? Yes, almost certainly.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: The rules are made up and the points don't matter.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm.
SARAH: Nothing is real.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Except you're all stars of whatever variety you wish to be
KAYLA: Wow, that's beautiful
SARAH: Even gold if you want to be soft and malleable
KAYLA: Hmm
SARAH: Malleable and valuable, if you will.
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: Kayla, what’s our poll for this week? Can I if? Yes
KAYLA: Can I if? What have been your ‘can I if?’ moments?
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: And how did that go for you?
SARAH: Mm-hmm. Also, what would be a genuine ‘can I if, no?’ situation
KAYLA: No, yeah, a good question.
SARAH: Kayla, what's your beef and you juice for this week?
KAYLA: My beef is that I had a very long weekend, it was good, I had a fantastic… It was parents weekend, every parent in the world was in my house
SARAH: Not official anyway, just for the parents in Kayla’s life
KAYLA: It was official to me. The parents in my life were all there and it was very good and lovely and I'm very glad it happened, but it was just a lot. And I went dress-shopping for my wedding dress and it was a lot because it was a lot.
SARAH: Tell the people, do you have a dress yet?
KAYLA: I don't, no
SARAH: That's what happens
KAYLA: That's what happens. I got very overwhelmed
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And I was like, when I go back to go again, I’m going to have to send people out of the room and just stare at myself, like that’s what it’s going to have to be.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I'm going to be really mentally ill about it and it’s okay.
SARAH: You're going to need some time with the dress before anyone else is allowed to see
KAYLA: I just… I'm going to have to be really mentally ill about it and that's okay
SARAH: And that's okay. How many dresses did you try on?
KAYLA: Huh, probably like eight to ten. I would say eight, maybe.
[00:50:00]
SARAH: That's still a lot
KAYLA: Yeah, well, it was also, like, I just didn't… going and I just had no idea what I was going to like. So, that was also overwhelming. It is like the first part of the appointment was like very good for learning but like slow going.
SARAH: Yeah, because sometimes you can like something on someone else…
KAYLA: Yeah, that's the thing
SARAH: Or like it in theory, but then you don't like it on yourself
KAYLA: Yeah, there was a lot of dresses that I really loved aesthetically and then I put them on and I was like, this is not right and so then I kind of had to shift my whole thinking. So, now, I feel more prepared because I like know what I like looks on me. That makes sense? Thank you. So, I feel more prepared now and I'm going to go to a different shop that seems a bit smaller, so maybe that will help. And I'm going to bring less people and I'm going to make them not look at me sometimes.
SARAH: You're not going to go and say yes to the dress?
KAYLA: Girl, no! I literally could never be doing that shit.
SARAH: Is Tim Gunn on Say Yes to the Dress?
KAYLA: No, it's the other one
SARAH: It's the one with…
KAYLA: Randy?
SARAH: Randy, yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Yeah. I was like, the aspec energy but then I was like…
KAYLA: You know how they rebooted Project Runway?
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: Like a couple of years ago and then they went away and then they rebooted it again?
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: They did not invite Tim Gunn back. Like he's not in the most recent reboot and it's not because he said no, because like Heidi Klum is back
SARAH: That’s crazy
KAYLA: They did not ask for Tim back, isn't that literally… it's like Christian whatever, like one of the early winners
SARAH: So, like it wasn't even like they couldn't agree on terms?
KAYLA: They just didn’t…
SARAH: They straight up did not ask him?
KAYLA: They simply didn't ask. Because I saw a podcast with him or it was like a clip of an interview or something where he like heard about it and like knew that they got Heidi and so his people reached out and were like hey, and they were like, we're not interested. Isn't that insane?
SARAH: That is wild. And did they say why?
KAYLA: I don't think
SARAH: Like he hasn't been canceled
KAYLA: No, I think they just want like younger, I don't know, they need a younger white gay man in there
SARAH: I was going to say like if they were looking for like diversity…
KAYLA: No, I think they want like a slay mama
SARAH: Why can he not be slay mama?
KAYLA: Because gay men are mean to old people
SARAH: He slays the house down boots, boots boots
KAYLA: The most recent, I didn't watch the full thing actually, but like the most recent season they reboot they have like Law Roach on as a recurring judge and it's like Christian whoever and so it's very like sassy, snippy
SARAH: Is that how you pronounce?
KAYLA: Law Roach?
SARAH: Yes
KAYLA: I don't know
SARAH: I always read it as Law Roach
KAYLA: Oh, I think you're right actually. No, I think you're right. Anyway, it's very like… everyone was being like very harsh and like snippy, nasty, sassy, boots, the house down, momaaa
SARAH: It's giving a little more like drag race
KAYLA: Yeah. So, I think they wanted more of that instead of warm fuzzy vibes from Tim
SARAH: My mother will be disappointed to hear about this
KAYLA: I'm saying, I'm saying. Okay, anyways that's also my beef. Years old news, they didn't invite Tim back. My juice is that I took a mental health day yesterday because I was like, “ha ha ha, no.”
SARAH: Ooh
KAYLA: And it was like 75 degrees and so I walked five miles. I walked to Michaels and I bought myself some new Paint by Numbers and then I walked home.
SARAH: Wow!
KAYLA: But now my legs are kind of sore because I have new sneakers that are not broken in, and so that's also I guess a beef but also a juice.
SARAH: Yeah, I've heard it's quite warm on the East Coast
KAYLA: It is quite warm
SARAH: And it has been so cool and wonderful here.
KAYLA: I had to do my first sleep with a fan last night
SARAH: Oh my God
KAYLA: Which is troubling because the cat hates when we sleep with a fan
SARAH: Which cat?
KAYLA: Which one do you think?
SARAH: Billy
KAYLA: No
SARAH: Gnocchi
KAYLA: Yup
SARAH: There's a 50-50 chance
KAYLA: Yeah, you tried
SARAH: Yeah, I was on a Zoom with someone this morning who was in New York City and they were like, oh yeah, it's like 80 degrees and we were like, it's 66.
KAYLA: Oh, that sounds kind of nice though
SARAH: Okay, great. My beef is that… So, I got a new phone which is juice, the beef is that I had to pay for it
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But I can't start it yet because first I need to post on Instagram
KAYLA: Okay, right, I've been waiting for this
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Do you have like stuff saved on your phone?
SARAH: Well, I need to post on Instagram because I haven't posted on Instagram since my January dump and so I need to dump more things
KAYLA: Uh-huh
SARAH: But I'm not going to transfer my old phone to my new phone
KAYLA: Ah
SARAH: So, I would like to post on Instagram before I transfer phones so that I don't have to transfer the photos just to post on Instagram
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: But I am constantly procrastinating posting on Instagram
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: I find posting on Instagram to be stressful. Could I just not do it? Yeah
KAYLA: But no
SARAH: But no. I won't, I won't be not doing it. So, I have to post on Instagram so that I can put my new phone into new phone mode and then I can nerf my old phone and send it back and then they'll say, we said that you could maybe get $200 from this but actually no, it's going to be $5.12
KAYLA: $2
SARAH: I have the case, I don't have the wallet thing yet. My other beef is that I bought like a MagSafe wallet thing to put on my phone because I'm that kind of girly now
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: But I got one from a website that makes electronics for men because men have such small… I was going to say ego, ego is not the right word
KAYLA: Beanitses
SARAH: Beanitses. And it has to be for men, but I liked it and I wanted it so I bought it. And then I have like the honey extension on my Google Chrome where it like looks for coupons and it was like we found you a coupon, it's Rogan, and I was like…
KAYLA: Noooooooo!
SARAH: So, I looked it up, it was in fact a Joe Rogan coupon code, I still used it
KAYLA: That's tough
SARAH: But I was like, what the fuck ever. Yeah, that wasn't my planned… I wasn't planning on saying that. My juice is that I got a gay haircut, it did cost too much and I should have had her take a little bit more off and I'm still trying to figure out how to work it. But the first day I went in to work with it my coworker unpromptedly told me that my hair was hairing
KAYLA: Love
SARAH: So, once I get better at working it
KAYLA: It's over for you, bitches! I think my hair is hairing right now
SARAH: It is. We'll see what Ireland does to my hair
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: Because sometimes like a change in climate will do funny things
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And I think I'm probably currently not going to bring my hairdryer with the thing for the bangs
KAYLA: Drama
SARAH: So, we'll see how it goes, that's my beef and my juice. You can tell us about your beef and your juice on our social media @soundsfakepod. You can also support us on Patreon, patreon.com/soundsfakepod if you wish to give us your money for some reason. Our $5 patrons who we are promoting this week are Alexander, Alma, Alucard Zavertnik, Amanda Kyker, and Ashley W. Our $10 patrons who are promoting something this week are Arcnes who would like to promote the Trevor Project, Benjamin Ybarra who would like to promote Tabletop games, Clare Olsen who would like to promote Impact_Frame, Danielle Hutchinson who would like to promote Rainbow Pride Knits and Derick & Carissa who would like to promote supporting each other through the transitions we face. Our other $10 patrons are Elle Bitter, Eric, my aunt Jeannie, Johanna, Kayla's dad, KELLER bradley, Maff, Martin Chiesl, Purple Hayes, Quartertone, Barefoot Backpacker, SongOStorm, Sydney Price and Val. And also, Alastor and Ani. Sorry, I usually… I got silly with it.
KAYLA: She’s crazy
SARAH: Our $15 patrons are Ace who would like to promote the writer, Crystal Scherer. Nathaniel White who would like to promote NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com. Kayla’s Aunt Nina who would like to promote katemaggartart.com. And Schnell who would like to promote accepting that everyone is different and that's awesome. Our $20 patrons are Changeling & Alex who would like to promote their company Control Alt Access (dot com) and Dr. Jacki, Dragonfly, my mom and River who would like to promote River dancing, Irish dancing, soft shoe, hard shoe, I think it's all great. Thanks for listening, tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cows
SARAH: They keep their arms by their sides
KAYLA: What!?
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]