Ep 55: Smash or Pass, But Ace pt. 2
SARAH: Hey what’s up hello. Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl (I’m Sarah. That’s me.)
KAYLA: And a demi straight girl (that’s me, Kayla.)
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else that we just don’t understand.
KAYLA: On today’s episode: Smash or Pass 2
BOTH: — Sounds fake, but okay.
*Intro music*
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod.
KAYLA: Oh bitch.
SARAH: Our house.
KAYLA: Whoo.
SARAH: Here's what Michigan decided to do this year. Michigan was like –
KAYLA: As if this was different from any other year.
SARAH: I know, but the jump was very quick this year.
KAYLA: Yeah, she was swift.
SARAH: Michigan was like, okay it's mid-October, I'm going to be 80 for a couple days, which is warm for those of you who don't speak Fahrenheit, or don't know Michigan. Then it was like, bam psych, it's going to be 50 every day.
KAYLA: We did not turn on our heat because we're cheap, but then we were like, we've got to turn on the heat, because we've been ice cubes the past couple days.
SARAH: I woke up physically shaking. My teeth were actually chattering.
KAYLA: But she told me they were shattering, which was wild.
SARAH: Yeah, our heat's been on for about an hour.
KAYLA: It smells like, you know how your heater, when it has the smell, it turned on and I was like, yes.
SARAH: Yeah, no it's been cold.
KAYLA: Other than that though, we've had some exciting things happen recently. You'll find out soon.
SARAH: You'll find out soon. Before we jump in though, we do have a plan for an upcoming pod episode, so tell them about it.
KAYLA: So I was like, me and Sarah are total experts on everything,
SARAH: Absolutely.
KAYLA: So people definitely want our advice. Actually some people do want our advice. We've done episodes that are specific to certain emails or tweets that we've gotten in the past, but sometimes we get ones that are smaller questions that probably wouldn't take up a whole episode, so I was like, we should just be an advice podcast now.
SARAH: For a day.
KAYLA: For a day, and then maybe if it goes really well, we can do it every once in a while. We have a few questions already that people have asked us recently, and we're going to solicit some more and give some advice. You can email us, or –
SARAH: If you want to tweet with the hashtag #asksoundsfake, is that what we're doing?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: #asksoundsfake.
KAYLA: Or if you have a longer thing, you can email us. If you want to be secret you can DM us. Yeah.
SARAH: Yeah, ask us things to do with things, and we might answer them in a future episode.
KAYLA: Yes #asksoundsfake.
SARAH: Wow. All right, this week's episode – Okay, so remember how once upon a time we did a Smash or Pass but ace?
KAYLA: It was like two months ago.
SARAH: It was called Befriend or End.
KAYLA: Befrond or Ond.
SARAH: We're doing it again. This time we were trying to pick people that we know the other person stans a lot. Some of them fall under that, some of them not quite. Also, we came up with them just now. When we did the first time, I spent days curating my list.
KAYLA: Yeah I never spent days on them. We've been busy.
SARAH: We've been busy ladies. I have an exam tomorrow. I have an essay due tomorrow.
KAYLA: I have to draw a comic because that's my homework now. I need someone to hire me. Please hire me if you're listening, I'm dying.
SARAH: So there's that. Also I wish mine were less white this time.
KAYLA: Mine is also quite white.
SARAH: Sorry, okay. Yeah, that's what we're doing.
KAYLA: Yeah so this time we have ten people.
SARAH: Ten people each.
KAYLA: We're allowed to keep five. We have to befriend five, and kill the others.
SARAH: -and end the others, yes. All right who wants to go first?
KAYLA: I don't know, I'm scared.
SARAH: I don't either.
KAYLA: Okay do you want me to go first? We can do rock, paper, scissors.
SARAH: You already said it, go.
KAYLA: All right. The first page says Donut Luke (sighs). My son. First, we're definitely going to have overlaps. First of all, me and Sarah share some common interests, as one might expect since we're friends –
SARAH: So we might get some repeats.
KAYLA: There's definitely going to be some – So this is my son Mitch Grassi, who is a beautiful singer and is in the band Pentatonix and also Superfruit, which is my favorite band. He is just – Mullet aside, because that's been a decision recently.
SARAH: I even got used to the mustache. I don't think I can get used to the mullet.
KAYLA: The mustache I'm not mad at. The mullet, especially when he had a mullet but the sides were still shaved? You know, it's not my favorite but we still stan.
SARAH: Some of his high fashion choices, I can't really get behind.
KAYLA: He's very into high fashion, like what is – vetements. and I'm like, that looks like you're wearing trash.
SARAH: Where it's hideous, but it's fashion.
KAYLA: But it's on purpose, yeah I can't with that, but you know what, live your life, queen.
SARAH: You do you, boy. So where do you think he –
KAYLA: (sighs) Well –
SARAH: It's so hard to tell.
KAYLA: Right now, I'd say I have to keep him, but I'm scared.
SARAH: All right. Is that how you feel?
KAYLA: How I feel right now is I don't want to kill him, but I'm afraid that I just might have to, I don't know.
SARAH: She's afraid, all right. I'm opening my doc. It says, "Argh," on the front page.
KAYLA: It does.
SARAH: The first person is Tim Gunn.
BOTH: (laugh)
KAYLA: He's ace, and he's my queen.
SARAH: Honestly though, if my mom were doing this –
BOTH: Julie loves Tim Gunn.
SARAH: I like Tim Gunn. I would say he's entertaining. He's got some fashion.
KAYLA: He does. He loves a suit.
SARAH: He knows fashion.
KAYLA: I also like the picture I picked of him.
SARAH: Yeah he's kind of going, uhhh?
KAYLA: Yeah, he makes that face with the designers a lot, like, what are you doing?
SARAH: Yeah. For those of you who don't know who Tim Gunn is, he's on the fantastic American competition show, Project Runway.
KAYLA: The best American competition show. I said it.
SARAH: It's good.
KAYLA: I said it.
SARAH: It's for fashion designers. They design clothes.
KAYLA: It's so fun and dramatic.
SARAH: It’s good. And Tim Gunn, what is his position?
KAYLA: He's like the mentor. He comes in as like, that's ugly, fix it, and now I'm going to cry with you.
SARAH: My mom loves him.
KAYLA: Same.
SARAH: I mean I like him.
KAYLA: He's confirmed ace.
SARAH: We stan a confirmed ace.
KAYLA: We stan a confirmed ace.
SARAH: I'm not a huge stan, so I feel like depending on who else is on this list, he might have to go.
KAYLA: I will admit I think he is the weakest, but I love him and he's confirmed ace so I had to put him on it.
SARAH: And for Julie's sake I'd love to keep him, but we'll have to see where it goes, I guess.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: All right. Number two for you.
KAYLA: Okay here I scroll. This is going to be interesting later. Now we have the other half of Superfruit, another member of Pentatonix.
SARAH: I considered putting them together but then I was like, no, I need to see where each of them falls.
KAYLA: That's interesting. This is Scott Hoying, who look at his little hair, such a quaff.
SARAH: That little quiff.
KAYLA: Now this has me thinking, if I had to choose between the two of them, who I would pick?
SARAH: At first for some reason, I had it in my head that we were pitting people head to head, and I was like, that'll be interesting, and then I was like, wait that's not what we're doing.
KAYLA: Well since they're the first two I feel like, because I might end up keeping both of them or ending both of them, but for now just thinking about it –
SARAH: It's difficult. I would have to go Mitch.
KAYLA: I would too.
SARAH: But I love Scott and I really prefer his sense of fashion. (laughs)
KAYLA: I prefer Scott's sense of fashion, but I like Mitch's voice more. Scott's voice is very good, but it's more generic than Mitch. I saw them on tour recently, Pentatonix, and Mitch was just so silly.
SARAH: Oh he's a bouncy boy.
KAYLA: He's so bad at dancing.
BOTH: (laugh)
KAYLA: They've all gotten much better but Mitch, I love him but no. If I had to choose between the two of them, I think I would pick Mitch.
SARAH: Which is sad, because we stan Scott.
KAYLA: I know, it is sad. I scrolled down it's just another member of Pentatonix.
SARAH: I just put every member past and present of Pentatonix.
KAYLA: I knew it, that would take up six.
SARAH: That would take up six. Okay, where are you now?
KAYLA: I want to keep both of them. If I had to choose, I would choose Mitch to friend.
SARAH: Should we do it so that at each step we have to decide, of what we have, where people fall?
KAYLA: Yeah, like rank them so far.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Okay yeah.
SARAH: I'm really bad at ranking things, you're bad at giving people 1-10.
KAYLA: Scales of 1-10, I don't get it. I know we've talked about this before.
SARAH: We have.
KAYLA: I also can't estimate weather.
SARAH: Yeah, I'm really bad at ranking things, so this will be fun.
KAYLA: Yeah I would put, currently Mitch is winning and then we have, this will make the final decision easier I bet, because we're ranking as we go. All right.
SARAH: All right my second one. Ed Sheeran, we stan an Ed Sheeran.
KAYLA: I know you do.
SARAH: We love Ed Sheeran. He’s my father. If you're listening to this – Not Ed Sheeran. (laughs)
KAYLA: Ed Sheeran, if you're there, I'm your son.
SARAH: I was going to say if you're listening to this and you don't know who Ed Sheerin is, what?
(10:00)
KAYLA: Which rock is your residence?
SARAH: Which one? I love Ed Sheeran.
KAYLA: I know.
SARAH: He is –
KAYLA: When I think about it, I feel like I made your list really hard and I'm kind of excited.
SARAH: He's one of the most talented people I think I have ever been remotely near to, in my life. I've seen him in concert three times.
KAYLA: (mocking) I'm Sarah, I go to concerts.
SARAH: For one of those concerts, I was literally in the last row.
BOTH: (laugh)
SARAH: He's so insanely talented, because he's one of the few performers who when he has shows – He does stadium tours, last time I saw him it was at Ford Field, but he does not have a band. It's just him, and he can fill the entire stadium.
KAYLA: That would be so scary.
SARAH: He and his loop pedal are so fucking – He’s like a genius.
KAYLA: I just thought of another one that I should put on. I'm so stupid.
SARAH: I think I mentioned before how the vocalists in the world that I think are most talented, you'd have to chop my arm off for me to decide between Mitch Grassi and Brendon Urie.
KAYLA: Can you imagine – Oh my god, Mitch Grassi and Brendon Urie singing together?
SARAH: Oh I'd die, I'd die.
KAYLA: I –
SARAH: (laughs)
KAYLA: Am squishing my face.
SARAH: Ed Sheeran is a very, very, very talented singer, but if you had to make me decide if Ed Sheeran or Lin-Manuel Miranda were more musically –
KAYLA: I would almost have to say Lin, because I think composing musicals is a whole next thing.
SARAH: It is. We're just looking at composition of the songs. You would have to rip my arm off to make the decision.
KAYLA: I could make that decision, but all right.
SARAH: You also don't stan Ed Sheeran the same way I do.
KAYLA: I don't, but –
SARAH: I think Ed's a better singer than Lin.
KAYLA: Yeah, anyway.
SARAH: Anyway, Ed's above Tim Gunn, definitely.
KAYLA: Okay I'm going onto my third one. (laughs)
SARAH: This was the one where I was like, this isn't really a stan but –
KAYLA: It's funny.
SARAH: It's funny.
KAYLA: No one that doesn't go here is going to know who this is.
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: This is Jake Butt. He played for Michigan's football team.
SARAH: He now plays for the Browns?
KAYLA: No it's Jabrill Peppers that plays for the Browns, rest in peace his career.
SARAH: Are you sure?
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: No I know Jabrill played for the Browns but who does he play for now?
KAYLA: Not the Browns.
SARAH: Oh the Denver Broncos. They have similar colors to the Browns, it's not my fault.
KAYLA: I guess. So Jake Butt played for us –
SARAH: His name is Butt, his name is Jake Butt.
KAYLA: Do you know what his Twitter handle is, everyone?
SARAH: Well no, we have to first tell them what his number is.
KAYLA: Okay his number is 88. Is it still 88?
SARAH: I don’t know.
KAYLA: That would be a shame if he had to change it.
SARAH: His number is 88, which looks like butts.
KAYLA: I guess I've never thought about that. It does look like butts. His Twitter handle –
SARAH: It's not his number.
KAYLA: I hope he kept his Twitter handle. His Twitter handle –
SARAH: He's number 80.
KAYLA: Close. In the past, was Jbooty88, which is just objectively so funny.
SARAH: You know what position he plays as?
KAYLA: It's tight end.
SARAH: He plays as the tight end.
KAYLA: He's just a butt. He's just a big old butt.
SARAH: It's amazing. Yeah I put Jake Butt on this list.
KAYLA: That's funny. He's ranked last, but that is funny.
SARAH: Yeah, that was the one where I was like, you don’t stan this person but this is going in.
KAYLA: A side note about Jbooty88, in our house we have a list of acceptable daddies, who are people that you're allowed to say are a daddy. It started with Jeff Goldblum. I've talked about this before. He is the most daddy, but Jbooty88 did make his way onto the list of an acceptable daddy. He did.
SARAH: Good for him.
KAYLA: Yeah, proud of him.
SARAH: And he's still last on your list.
KAYLA: He's still last on my list, but that is a hard list to get on, being an acceptable daddy. You have to have the whole house, majority vote, so yeah.
SARAH: The whole house has to okay it. Who else is on that list?
KAYLA: Jeff Goldblum, Jbooty88, oh shoot, who else is on that list?
SARAH: I don't remember.
KAYLA: There's like five people now.
SARAH: There's several.
KAYLA: I don't remember. We'll have to update you.
SARAH: Okay. The next one for me is Barrett Wilbert Weed.
KAYLA: Beetch I got you.
SARAH: I was listening to Heathers today. I've still never seen it.
KAYLA: There's a good bootleg. There's several.
SARAH: I only vaguely know some of the things that happened.
KAYLA: It makes a lot – Have you ever seen the movie?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: It's wild. First of all, makes really no sense. The musical makes plot-wise, actually kind of a little bit more sense than the movie, because the plot is just, where? But it's wild.
SARAH: Wow. Also, okay just two days ago I was in New York, me and our roommate Miranda drove nine hours to New York City to see Mean Girls – The Musical on Broadway –
KAYLA: And then they just drove back.
SARAH: We spent the night, we woke up in the morning and we drove nine hours back. I saw Barrett Wilbert Weed in the flesh, and I lost my mind.
KAYLA: In case you don't know who that is, she is a musical theater actress. She played Veronica in Heathers, which never made it to Broadway, rest in peace, and is currently playing Janice in Mean Girls, The Musical on Broadway.
SARAH: I love her with everything that I am.
KAYLA: That's a lot. Her voice is just –
SARAH: She's so talented.
KAYLA: Insane.
SARAH: I know. You're asking me to fucking rank Barrett against Ed? They're not in the same category, I can't.
KAYLA: Sarah, it's just about whether you want to be their friend, or kill them.
SARAH: I want to be both of their friends. Okay if we're thinking about it in terms of being friends –
KAYLA: That is the game.
SARAH: I feel like I have more in common with Barrett.
KAYLA: If you have anything in common with either.
SARAH: I have nothing in common with either, but I have more in common with Barrett, and so I think I would have to put Barrett in front of Ed, for that reason. If you asked me to decide which was my favorite, I'd chop my arm off.
KAYLA: It's not the game. The game is –
SARAH: Exactly. Well since we're doing friends, I was able to make that decision. Look at me go.
KAYLA: That is very big for you, yeah.
SARAH: To make a decision.
KAYLA: Yeah, at all. Next for me –
BOTH: (laugh)
KAYLA: Oh man. This is just a crack. Last time when I was just fucking with you, you're just fucking with me.
SARAH: Well, it's easier to come up with people for me because I'm very obsessed with things.
KAYLA: Listen I could think of like, 10 people for me.
SARAH: Yeah but do you talk about them as much as I talk about –
KAYLA: I don't talk about anything as much as you talk about anything, and that's a good thing.
SARAH: Exactly. That's why this was harder for me than it was for you.
KAYLA: Anyway, this is Mason Ramsey as The Walmart Boy.
SARAH: I almost didn't put him on here because I'm like, he's a child, what if you kill him? But then I was like no, I'm going to make you make that moral decision for yourself.
KAYLA: Here's the thing, this is bad but I don't even think of him as a child anymore, because he's hanging out with Post Malone and has songs –
SARAH: He hung out with Post Malone?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Oh, I love it.
KAYLA: No there's pictures of them. He hangs out with adult weird celebrities all the time now. He has his own songs, he goes to summer festivals.
SARAH: (sings) I'm gonna to be famous for something, I wanna be famous for – (laughs)
KAYLA: Okay. Here is my thing, is that song a bop? Kind of. First of all, he's like 12. Also if you don't know who he is, who the fuck are you? Get away.
SARAH: Last year there was the kid –
KAYLA: (sings) All I want to do, I'm going to sit and cry, duh duh duh. The even better version is the trap version. I listen to it just every day and I love it.
SARAH: You should listen to it.
BOTH: (laugh)
KAYLA: It's actually a bop, is the sad thing. Anything, he this song that he wrote, or whatever. He sings it, there's no way he wrote that by himself. It's like (sings) "I want to be famous for loving you," and he's talking to some girl and I'm like, you're 12, where is that coming from? So that's why I don't think of him as a child.
SARAH: Also if you're famous for loving someone, that just means you married someone famous.
KAYLA: Mood. Man, okay. He's such a meme, because he's such an awkward person. You'll see videos of him, and he's just doing finger guns and it's like you are such a little weirdo. Oh man. I think my ranking would be – Oh man. Okay my ranking would be Mitch, Scott, Mason Ramsey, Jake Butt.
SARAH: Putting Mason above Butt.
KAYLA: But here's the thing, is briefly in my mind I considered putting him above Scott.
SARAH: (laughs)
KAYLA: He's just such a meme, because he's so funny.
SARAH: Oh my God.
KAYLA: But if we're going by your standards last time of killing people, oh wait if we're going by friends, I can't be friends with this kid, he's so awkward. Never mind. I'm okay with having him under Scott, but also the reason you killed ABBA last time which, why? was because they already did their thing, and it's okay for them to die. Well Mason Ramsey already did the meme, the –
SARAH: He's a child.
KAYLA: And it was ABBA, Sarah.
SARAH: (laughs)
KAYLA: Whatever. The trap remix will be there if he dies, you know. I don't need to be friends with him to hear it.
SARAH: I hope Mason Ramsey never hears this.
KAYLA: Yeah, this is definitely his kind of content for sure.
SARAH: So what's your ranking?
KAYLA: Mitch, Scott, Mason, Jake Butt. I don't think I would like Jake Butt in person at all.
(20:00)
SARAH: I'm sorry to hear that.
KAYLA: Most of the – Hockey team, who am I? Most of the Michigan football team got chlamydia two years ago anyway, that sounds like a mess to be friends with, I don't know.
SARAH: I'm going to move on. Ming-Na Wen, my queen. Ming-Na Wen plays Agent May.
KAYLA: I could not remember her name for the life of me.
SARAH: On Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Oh, she's the one you couldn't remember.
KAYLA: No, there was a different one. This one I had to look up “Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Asian actress”.
SARAH: There are two.
KAYLA: I know, and then I had to be like, no I know Chloe Bennet, it's the other one.
SARAH: She's also the voice of Mulan, not the singing voice, the talking voice. I adore Ming-Na Wen. She's also a lot, as a person, a lot.
KAYLA: I wouldn't know.
SARAH: On Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. they're all kind of the same as their character expect for Ming, who is the exact opposite. So I love her, but I don't know how much consecutive time I could spend with her.
KAYLA: That's how I feel about you.
SARAH: Yeah. Barrette, Ed, Ming, Tim. That's where we are. I like her guns. Ha ha, Tim Gunn. She's showing her guns –
KAYLA: She is.
SARAH: And by her guns, I mean muscles.
KAYLA: It's her arms. Okay I'm scrolling. Jenna Marbles, my queen.
SARAH: YouTuber extraordinaire.
KAYLA: She's so funny. I feel like I don't know that she would want to be friends with me, but I would love to be her friend, so she's going straight to the top.
SARAH: Straight to the top.
KAYLA: Yeah, because I watch enough of her content anyway, so I feel like I spend a good amount of time with her anyway. (laughs)
SARAH: You spend time with her.
KAYLA: Her and her boyfriend do Twitch streams and podcasts, and I like to listen to those sometimes while I fall asleep.
SARAH: She's with you.
KAYLA: She's with me always. All right yep, next.
SARAH: Cool. All right my next one is Superfruit but together. See that's interesting. Kayla gave me Scott and Mitch together.
KAYLA: I did. Also I think they are different when they're together. They're very funny.
SARAH: Yeah. I think if we're framing this as, these are people who I'm being friends with, it's not just my favorites, it's like –
KAYLA: No it's Befriend or End, as if it were Smash or Pass but not, because we don't do that.
SARAH: Yeah. I'm going to put them above Ed. I don't know if I should – I think I'm going to have to put them above Barrette.
KAYLA: Wow.
SARAH: Just because I feel like I have a better grasp on what it would be like being friends with them, than I do with Barrette.
KAYLA: You've also followed them longer than you've followed Barrette.
SARAH: Yeah I've only known who Barrette is since April.
KAYLA: You knew before then, through me kind of.
SARAH: Not really. I knew of her, I didn't know her name. I think I'm going to have to put Superfruit above Barrette, just because I feel like I have a better grasp.
KAYLA: Superfruit is Scott and Mitch that we've been talking about, if we didn't clarify that by the way.
SARAH: Yeah. Yeah, Superfruit, Barrette, Ed, Ming, Tim.
KAYLA: Is Tim dead already?
SARAH: I think Tim is going to be dead on the next one unless you give me someone really bad.
KAYLA: I don't remember who's next. We're on five now so people are going to –
SARAH: People are going to start dropping.
KAYLA: I'm going on my six one right now, so I'm about to start killing people. Next I have Julien Solomita, who is Jenna Marbles’ boyfriend.
SARAH: I took several pairs of people and split them up.
KAYLA: So funny. They're both so funny. He just makes really good content too.
SARAH: Oh my God, I still haven't watched the new season of Last Minute Trips.
KAYLA: I watched them both. The first one is meh, but the second one, there's a couple of them they've done that are really cinematically beautiful. Did you watch the first season?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: The one where they went to those sand dunes. That is one of the most cinematic beautiful things ever. He just makes really good content and he's funny. Okay. My new ranking, Jenna, then Julien, then Mitch, then Scott, then Mason, then Jake Butt, so I've killed Jake Butt.
SARAH: I thought you put Jake Butt above Mason.
KAYLA: Jake Butt's always been last.
SARAH: Oh right, now I remember. I'm interested to see if you end up splitting up, putting anyone in between Jenna and Julien or in between Scott and Mitch.
KAYLA: (sighs) I would almost feel bad to.
SARAH: (laughs)
KAYLA: I could see myself – I guess it depends on who is coming up.
SARAH: We will find out.
KAYLA: I don't know man, I'm scared. I'm scared.
SARAH: My number six is Adam Rippon. What a guy.
KAYLA: I tried to find a good mesh picture, but really none of them did the mesh justice.
SARAH: We love the mesh.
KAYLA: He wore a lot of mesh at the Olympics.
SARAH: He's an American figure skater. He went to the Olympics. He has the butt of a God.
KAYLA: His butt is a shelf. It doesn't look real.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: It's wild.
SARAH: He's the one who did the routine to that Coldplay song that was beautiful and artistic and amazing.
KAYLA: He's also just so funny.
SARAH: Oh he is very funny. Okay I'm just trying to think, because we're also thinking about friendship compatibility here. He's a lot.
KAYLA: So are you.
SARAH: So am I, exactly. That can be a problem, but he would – I'm more shy than he is. When we first met, I feel like – listen I'm going deep. When we first met, I feel like he would just be like –
KAYLA: As if you already met him.
SARAH: I know. He would be like (loud noise) and I would be like –
KAYLA: He might not be like that in real life.
SARAH: I mean I'm sure he plays it up a little bit, but you can't tell me that he's not, you know.?What's my ranking right now? Superfruit, Barrette, Ed – I think he has to go after Ed. Superfruit, Barrette, Ed, Ming, Tim Gunn.
KAYLA: You didn't put him in there.
SARAH: I didn't. (laughs) Superfruit, Barrette, Ed, Adam, Ming, Tim Gunn.
KAYLA: You've killed Tim Gunn.
SARAH: (laughs) Sorry Tim Gunn.
KAYLA: Now that I'm thinking about it, I feel like I'm ranking them right now, but I might have to revaluate at the end too.
SARAH: We can reevaluate at the end if we need, if we realize we've made a mistake.
KAYLA: I'm going to number seven. Oh my God, it's Adam Rippon.
SARAH: It’s Adam Rippon. (laughs)
KAYLA: Oh we stan a queen. See I would love to be friends with Adam Rippon, I don't know that we'd get along. I feel like we'd get along.
SARAH: I think you and him would be better friends than me and him, because I love him but I think you could handle more of him than I could.
KAYLA: I think that's true. Now that I'm thinking about it, I feel like I'd be better friends with him than Julien.
SARAH: Interesting. Julien is second.
KAYLA: You know?
SARAH: I can kind of see that.
KAYLA: Okay, okay.
SARAH: I feel like I would mesh better with Julien than I would with Adam, and you would mesh better with Adam than you would with Julien.
KAYLA: This would be perfect where we all become friends. My new ranking then would be – I'm about to kill Mason Ramsey.
BOTH: (laugh)
KAYLA: My new ranking is going to be Jenna Marbles, Adam Rippon, Julien Solomita, Mitch Grassi –
SARAH: Just short of gold again. Poor Adam.
KAYLA: RIP
SARAH: RIP-pon.
KAYLA: Then Mitch, then Scott, then Mason Ramsey, then Jake Butt. Mason Ramsey and Jake Butt are dead now.
SARAH: That's really unfortunate for them and their families.
KAYLA: (laughs) Damn.
SARAH: My next one is Sebastian Stan, my tiny son.
KAYLA: That's because – I could not remember his name.
SARAH: Didn't I put him in the last one?
KAYLA: I don't remember. Maybe for me you put him.
SARAH: Yeah no, I think I put him.
KAYLA: It doesn't matter.
SARAH: I love Sebastian Stan, he is my tiny son.
KAYLA: He's the one I was saying in some pictures he looks good, and in some pictures he doesn't look like the same person. If you just look him up on Google, every picture looks different. I don't think I could recognize him by face, because he always looks different. I'm stressed.
SARAH: I just disagree. Hold on.
KAYLA: I'm stressed.
SARAH: I mean the two different haircuts look pretty different on him.
KAYLA: I'm stressed.
SARAH: What are you talking about?
KAYLA: I don't know, he just doesn't look right.
SARAH: He looks the same.
KAYLA: He doesn't look right.
SARAH: Okay, well I adore Sebastian Stan, in case you were wondering.
KAYLA: I knew.
SARAH: He is one of those people though, he's a little elusive, so it's like I know what he's like in interviews and stuff? Him and fucking Anthony Mackey, together? A wild pair. He doesn't really have an internet presence very much. With that said, he is my tiny son.
KAYLA: He is.
SARAH: I think I'm putting him above Adam, below Ed. Superfruit, Barrette, Ed, SebStan, as is my Tumblr tag for him, Adam, poor Ming is dead, Tim Gunn is dead. Spoiler for Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Coulson is dead now, so –
(30:00)
KAYLA: Who isn't dead on that show, man?
SARAH: Poor May.
KAYLA: It never happened before he died, did it?
SARAH: They kissed.
KAYLA: Who doesn't? Whatever.
SARAH: On that show, not very many people.
KAYLA: Anyway, moving on. Barack Obama. I was not expecting that.
SARAH: (laughs) Well I was looking at the old ones and I just saw Elon Musk and I was like, huh, Obama.
KAYLA: Would I be good friends with Barack Obama? He's just so much older than us.
SARAH: But also, can you kill a president?
KAYLA: You can. It’s proven, it's been done.
SARAH: Four people have done it in the United States.
KAYLA: You very much can do that.
SARAH: It can be done.
KAYLA: Oh man, Barack Obama. See if you had put Michelle Obama on here, I'd be like, yeah, we're friends. I don't know –
SARAH: You think you'd be better friends with Michelle than Barack?
KAYLA: Definitely.
SARAH: Okay why?
KAYLA: I feel like I have more things to talk about with Michelle than Barack, like being a woman, I don't know.
BOTH: (laugh)
KAYLA: Well because Michelle –
SARAH: And you can't talk to Barack about how you're a woman?
KAYLA: I can but he can't –
SARAH: Can't commiserate.
KAYLA: Yeah, but also Michelle is the one that does more social justice things, and I like that. I do those things. I mean, I'm sure Barack does too, but you know?
SARAH: Well when he was president, I hate to say he had bigger fish to fry, but he had bigger fish to fry.
KAYLA: Yeah there was some people dying around.
SARAH: Yeah and so it's like I'm sure he really is here for the social justice, but –
KAYLA: Well that's why it's always the first lady that does it.
SARAH: Right.
KAYLA: Anyway.
SARAH: Also it's the woman's place, because it’s –
KAYLA: Don't talk to me, just don't.
SARAH: Anyway, where’s Barack going?
KAYLA: Where does Barack go? I should have been writing down my ranking, now I'm stressed.
SARAH: Yeah I'm trying to remember mine.
KAYLA: Currently it goes Jenna, Adam, Julien, Mitch, Scott – I might have to kill Barack Obama.
SARAH: I cannot believe Kayla Kaszyca is out here killing President Barack Hussein Abama. Abama? (laughs)
KAYLA: Abama-nation.
SARAH: What an abomination that is. Unbelievable.
KAYLA: I think he might be dead. I'll reevaluate at the end, but I think I might have to kill Barrack.
SARAH: Oh I can't believe you would do that.
KAYLA: I just don't think we'd be good friends.
SARAH: But like – I would definitely keep him alive.
KAYLA: But it's Befriend or End, and I don't think that we'd be better friends than the other people on this list.
SARAH: I would love to be friends with Obama.
KAYLA: I'm not saying I wouldn't love to be friends with Obama. Would you be friends with Obama? What would we talk about?
SARAH: I don't know, his dogs, Bo and Sunny.
KAYLA: He does have good dogs. I have to think about this one.
SARAH: He has daughters. He knows how to hold a conversation with a woman who's younger than him.
KAYLA: I know but his daughters are my age, so I can't be friends with him, because then I'm just his daughter. That's not friends. That's like he's my, a mentor. I have to think about it. We have to come back to –
SARAH: Would you like Obama as a mentor, Kayla?
KAYLA: I mean yes, but this isn't Mentor or End.
SARAH: (laughs)
KAYLA: We can do that next time.
SARAH: Oh my God. All right the next one is Jeremy Jordan. I love Jeremy Jordan.
KAYLA: I know you do.
SARAH: I don't know what to do. So Jeremy Jordan, for those of you that don't know, if you're an avid watcher of the television, you might recognize him from Supergirl, he plays Winn. But perhaps more importantly, definitely more importantly, he originates in the world of Broadway. He played Jack, he played the lead character in Newsies, he was the original Jack.
KAYLA: The musical, not the movie, or the movie musical.
SARAH: The musical that came out – Not came out, but went on Broadway in 2012. He's my son, I love him very much. I'm trying to think of how we would be as friends.
KAYLA: I feel like he'd be a fun friend.
SARAH: I feel like he would be a fun friend. Is he fun enough to go – Oh no, I don't know where to put him. Oh no, okay. He's going to stay alive. I think I'm about to kill Adam Rippon, I’m so sorry.
KAYLA: Oh no.
SARAH: But I just –
KAYLA: You don't know where to rank him, but he's going to stay alive?
SARAH: Jeremy is going to stay alive. I don't know –
KAYLA: Where to put him?
SARAH: If I should put him above Ed? If I put him above –
KAYLA: Well in the end, we don't really need rankings, we just need five dead and five friends.
SARAH: I know but I think it's funner if we do it this way, because it's hard.
KAYLA: It is hard.
SARAH: If I put him above Ed, I almost feel like I almost need to put him above Barrette.
KAYLA: I would put him above Barrette.
SARAH: Either way he's staying alive, I'm sorry Adam.
KAYLA: (sings) Ha, ha, ha, ha –
SARAH: But you're keeping Adam alive.
KAYLA: I am.
SARAH: It’ll be fine.
KAYLA: Currently, he's alive.
SARAH: He's second, unless you switched your order?
KAYLA: I might, I'm rethinking everything. Barack Obama really threw –
SARAH: So you would take him from second to dead?
KAYLA: I don't know man, Barack Obama really threw me for a loop, as he does.
SARAH: As the man does.
KAYLA: All right next, Shane Dawson, oh man. We love Shane.
SARAH: In this picture a puppy is eating his chin.
KAYLA: I am not caught up on Shane's most recent series, which is about Jake Paul being a sociopath, which I feel like, I would really need to watch that to inform my decision, because here's the tea.
SARAH: See how he –
KAYLA: Handles it, because I know there's been some drama about it, but also people are dramatic about everything, so I don't know if it should be drama. Also as someone interested in psych, I know that you don't just throw words like that around flippantly, that's a really bad thing to do, so I don't know if he's doing that, or if he's talked to a professional. I think there might have been a professional in the series, but still just being like, this random person I know is a sociopath.
SARAH: It's a pretty big claim to make.
KAYLA: And broadcasting that to children –
SARAH: I mean granted I haven't watched any of these videos, but just based off of what I know of how he does these videos, I feel like he usually does a pretty good job, and also he wouldn't say something, it's not like he just said that offhand. If he's saying it, then he probably thinks it's founded, but is it?
KAYLA: I know he said some stuff and then people kind of freaked out so he re-shot some stuff and re-worked the end, the ending of the series. It's still coming out, the whole series isn't out yet. It seems like he's being at least somewhat responsible, but I don't know. Either way, aside from that, I love Shane. I feel like we'd be friends, because we're both self-deprecating and, I hate everything.
SARAH: I don't know how good of friends me and Shane would be.
KAYLA: Why?
SARAH: I have a lot of respect for him. I have never really enjoyed his videos. Back in the day, early, early YouTube days like 2007 my sister was really into Shane Dawson videos, and I just could not.
KAYLA: I think his most recent style of video I really like, because I like documentaries and that kind of thing, that's kind of what he's been getting into, and his scary videos are really funny because it's him – You know who would have been bad if you put on here is Garrett Watts, do you know who that is?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: It’s one of his friends, and he's just so silly and funny. He'll go to spooky places with his friends and they'll all freak out, and it's funny.
SARAH: That's just not my bag though, I don’t enjoy that.
KAYLA: See I like stuff like that. Oh no. Who do I even have anymore?
SARAH: You killed Mason Ramsey and Jake Butt.
KAYLA: I did.
SARAH: And who else?
KAYLA: Maybe Obama, I don't know.
SARAH: Oh right, you weren't sure. Obama.
KAYLA: Who's ever sure about Obama?
SARAH: I mean, I'm sure about a lot of things with Obama.
KAYLA: Yeah, okay.
SARAH: I want him back for example. He doesn't deserve that, you know.
KAYLA: No he doesn't, he’s old. I know Jenna, then Adam, then Julien – Who did I even just look at? Who was I just talking – Shane Dawson, okay.
SARAH: Then you had Mitch, then you had Scott, oh my God. Wait you had Scott at fifth, right?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Oh, I am excited to see what you do. Obama is just floating in the void.
KAYLA: Obama is in the void right now, which is pretty realistic, I think. Comparing Shane to other people that are on the top of my list, I don't think I'd be as good of friends with him as I would with Mitch or Scott, because I've just been following them longer. I feel like I know them better, as if I know anyone. So I think I might have to kill Shane, off the bat.
SARAH: Okay, sorry Shane.
KAYLA: Sorry Shane.
SARAH: Make a documentary about your death.
KAYLA: He probably would.
SARAH: All right my next one is Lin-Manuel Miranda.
KAYLA: Now you have to choose between him and Ed. You said that earlier and I was like, hahaha.
SARAH: Oh no. I love Lin-Manuel Miranda.
KAYLA: I know.
SARAH: I've always said that if I could have lunch with one person living or alive – Living or alive? Dead or alive, it'd be Lin.
KAYLA: That’s a good answer.
(40:00)
SARAH: With the age thing, he's older than me, but he's not like my dad.
KAYLA: He doesn't act older though.
SARAH: Yeah, but I do have a thing where it's like if people are too much older than me I really struggle to be actually friends with them. It's a thing I have. I just – I think I have to kill Ed Sheeran.
KAYLA: Wow.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Wow. That's pretty wild.
SARAH: If we're looking at it solely from a friendship standpoint, I think I would be better friends with Lin than Ed.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I might have to put Barrette lower. I think Jeremy goes before Barrette.
KAYLA: That's where I'd put.
SARAH: Superfruit, Jeremy, Barrette, I lost track.
KAYLA: I know, we should have been writing this down.
SARAH: Superfruit, oh Sebastian Stan. Superfruit, Jeremy, Barrette, Lin, Sebastian –
KAYLA: You're going to keep Sebastian Stan alive but kill Ed Sheeran?
SARAH: No. I'm sorry Sebastian.
KAYLA: Oh you're killing Sebastian Stan.
SARAH: I'm killing Sebastian. I forgot about him. (laughs)
KAYLA: He's dead anyway.
SARAH: I have to kill. If it's between Sebastian Stan and Ed, I can't kill Ed. Okay, so It's Superfruit, Jeremy, Barrette, Lin, Ed.
KAYLA: Okay. All right we'll go onto my last one.
BOTH: (laugh)
KAYLA: (yells) This isn't fair, because I can't kill a dog.
SARAH: (laughs)
KAYLA: It's Marbles, which is Jenna Marbles’ dog.
SARAH: I could have put all of the dogs.
KAYLA: That would have been so cruel. You can’t do this, I can't kill a dog.
SARAH: So you're okay with killing a child, but not a dog?
KAYLA: Yes, yes. Oh.
SARAH: The Meeble himself. He's a little chihuahua, he's dumb and he's old.
KAYLA: He's so dumb. He never knows where he is. Oh my God.
SARAH: I don’t even like chihuahuas, but Marbles is just iconic.
KAYLA: He's just so stupid. Oh, Sarah.
SARAH: (laughs) I was wondering how you would take that last one. I told you I wanted to have a good last one.
KAYLA: This isn't fair. It's a different kind of friendship, Sarah. Oh God. I have to deliberate anyway, because this is our tenth one. I need to do my final deliberations anyway so I'm not going to say, because I need to deliberate.
SARAH: Let me get to my tenth then.
KAYLA: Your tenth isn't even good.
SARAH: Oh good. Stephanie Beatriz. I love her, but I'm sorry she can't stay, given my other options.
KAYLA: Yeah, it's true. Okay I'm going to –
SARAH: Why is everyone I'm befriending a white guy?
KAYLA: Well, that's just life.
BOTH: (laugh)
KAYLA: I'm going to write all of mine down, so I can see them next to each other.
SARAH: All right, while you're doing that I'm going to give my final –
KAYLA: Wow you're just – I thought you'd be more –
SARAH: I'm the one who can't make decisions. Okay I am befriending Superfruit, Jeremy Jordan, Barrette Wilbert Weed, Lin-Manuel – Oh, Lin's not white. Lin-Manuel Miranda, and Ed Sheeran. Unfortunately, I am going to have to end Adam Rippon, Stephanie Beatriz, Sebastian Stan, Ming-Na Wen and Tim Gunn.
KAYLA: Bye, Tim.
SARAH: I love all of those people very much but unfortunately, it's just the way the cookie crumbled, kids.
KAYLA: It is. (sighs)
SARAH: All right, Kayla.
KAYLA: Do I have to rank them, or do I just –
SARAH: I'd prefer a ranking.
KAYLA: Okay, all right. All right. I hate this.
SARAH: I was the one who was like, oh I'm rushed, mine are going to be bad. You were like, oh they're crack. Now you're dying.
KAYLA: The only reason this is hard is because you put a dog in this. That is the only reason this is hard.
SARAH: I gave her Obama and a dog and she lost her shit.
KAYLA: You gave me a president and a dog.
SARAH: And a child, but she's really overlooking that.
KAYLA: Whatever, he's really not a child anymore.
SARAH: (laughs) He's like 12.
KAYLA: Yeah, but not in his soul, he's been 80 for years. All right my ranking is Jenna Marbles, Julien, Adam, Mitch, Marbles the dog –
SARAH: Oh my god she's choosing Marbles over Scott and Obama.
KAYLA: (yells) He's a dog, what do you want me to do? Literally what do you want me to do? I'm not just going to keep Obama because he's a president.
SARAH: (laughs) This is the funniest thing I've ever done. I'm just watching Kayla suffer. She is not pleased.
KAYLA: I hate you a lot of the time, but I hate you a lot right now.
SARAH: This game is based on decision making –
KAYLA: And neither of us like that.
SARAH: But I'm worse at it. We both hate it but I am just, I think at a basic level much worse at it.
KAYLA: You're worse at everything.
SARAH: Yeah, so – I'm just shook that this is what happened. You're ending President Barack Hussein Obama.
KAYLA: I'm killing President Obama.
SARAH: Mason Ramsey, child wonder. Jake Butt, tight end.
KAYLA: Jbooty88.
SARAH: Who else?
KAYLA: I don't remember.
SARAH: Scott Hoying.
KAYLA: I know, I know.
SARAH: And who else?
KAYLA: Who else am I killing? Shane Dawson.
SARAH: Shane Dawson, wow. Not the decision I would have made.
KAYLA: Really? What would your decision have been?
SARAH: I would have kept Obama alive.
KAYLA: Well, you gave me a dog Sarah. Would you have killed a dog?
SARAH: Marbles is old.
KAYLA: You're going to kill ABBA and a dog?
SARAH: Given the options, I would –
KAYLA: Sarah's a dog killer.
SARAH: I'm going to tell you what mine for yours is, and you're going to have to tell me what yours for mine is.
KAYLA: You're so bad.
SARAH: I'm keeping alive Jenna, Julien, Scott, Mitch, and Obama.
KAYLA: You're killing a dog.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: No, yours is worse than mine.
SARAH: Okay, listen. The fandom all makes jokes about how he's dying soon anyway.
KAYLA: That doesn't make it okay.
SARAH: What would be your –
KAYLA: For yours? I'm keeping Lin, Jeremy, Adam, Superfruit, Barrette.
SARAH: Okay, so only different by one. You're killing Ed, unbelievable.
KAYLA: If you can kill a dog, I can kill Ed. This here first, Sarah is a dog killer. Sarah just killed a fucking dog and ABBA.
SARAH: Kayla just killed the president.
KAYLA: She just killed a fucking dog. He's not the president anymore.
SARAH: Wouldn't you rather he be?
KAYLA: Yeah but me killing him isn't going to do anything.
SARAH: Marbles for President.
KAYLA: He would die.
SARAH: (laughs) Well then why are you mad?
KAYLA: Because it's either him dying naturally while he's a president or you murdering him.
SARAH: He won't know.
KAYLA: We'll know. You trash human.
SARAH: She's going to kill a – It's not like I want to kill Marbles.
KAYLA: So I can't be mad at you for killing Marbles, but you're mad at me about killing Obama? Double standards yet again.
SARAH: (laughs) Kayla, what’s the poll?
KAYLA: Why? We can't do anything about killing Barrack Obama, because then –
SARAH: We would get banned by Twitter.
KAYLA: Someone would get very angry.
SARAH: Was it last time, who would you most like to befriend?
KAYLA: I think maybe.
SARAH: I think let's maybe not be so negative, even though we're full of negativity here. Okay what are our top ones? We both really put Superfruit up there, but I feel like a lot of our listeners won't.
KAYLA: No one knows who that is. Ooh – No. Who would you befriend and who would you end, Kayla or Sarah?
SARAH: I feel like no one would vote on it. It is anonymous though.
KAYLA: I'm making them.
SARAH: But Kayla, no. I don't know what would happen if we had that information.
KAYLA: I don't either, but I want it.
SARAH: I can't imagine it would go well.
KAYLA: No but I need to know.
SARAH: We're both fragile.
KAYLA: I'm going to therapy on Thursday, it's fine. I'll talk to her about it.
SARAH: I don't know if we can do that Kayla. Also I feel like a lot of people just wouldn't vote, even though it is anonymous.
KAYLA: I think they would vote. I think people are more savage than we think.
SARAH: The people we know in real life? I feel like they're a lot of our voters. I have no grounds for this.
KAYLA: I need to know.
SARAH: No that's not what we're doing.
KAYLA: People are going to now tell us anyway.
SARAH: They'll just tell us. They can't do it anonymously. Who would you most like to befriend? Obama, because that one is clearly contentious –
KAYLA: Mason Ramsey.
SARAH: Obama, Mason Ramsey, do we want to just throw Jake Butt in there just for fun?
KAYLA: No one knows who Jake Butt is.
SARAH: He has a fun name.
KAYLA: No. Also, what if he found it?
SARAH: Adam Rippon, because I unfortunately had to end him.
KAYLA: You did.
SARAH: We could just do three.
KAYLA: Yeah.
(50:00)
SARAH: Obama – I already forgot.
KAYLA: Mason Ramsey.
SARAH: Mason Ramsey and Adam Rippon. Who would you most like to befriend? Kayla, what's your beef of the week? I don't have beef prepared. I'm trying to prepare my pork downstairs, but it won't thaw.
KAYLA: It won't thaw. Maybe it's because it's two degrees in this house. My beef of the week is –
SARAH: My beef of the week –
KAYLA: Oh, alright.
SARAH: Is when you have professors who don't give you enough warning about assignments, because in my German class, we always get exactly one week's notice for our essays, and that's inconvenient, so now I have an essay due tomorrow and an exam tomorrow and then a big assignment due on Thursday, and then another paper due the next week which I haven't started because I've been trying to do everything else, and I feel like all of our beef recently has been school related, but that's what happens when you're a college kid in America.
KAYLA: My beef of the week is my brain. Why is it so sad? (laughs)
SARAH: Oh no.
KAYLA: I've just been in a funk for the last month, I feel like.
SARAH: Get funky.
KAYLA: I have been getting funky, and it's just not good.
SARAH: That's not good.
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: It is funky though.
KAYLA: It is pretty funky. Some very good things have happened recently, some not so great things have happened recently. I feel like it's keeping me from enjoying things, you know?
SARAH: I don't know what to tell you.
KAYLA: Yeah, you're not good at this.
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: Yep.
SARAH: Cool. You can find that poll, or you can share your beef with us, on our Twitter @soundsfakepod or you can tweet us your questions for a future episode, #asksoundsfake. You can also email us, soundsfakepod@gmail.com or you can find us on Tumblr at soundsfakepod.tumblr.com.
We also have a Patreon, patreon.com/soundsfakepod, where you can give us your money, if you are interested in that sort of thing. Our $2 patrons are Sara Jones and Keith McBlaine, our $5 patrons are Jennifer Smart, Asritha Vinnakota, Austin Le, Drew Finney and Perry Fiero.
And our $10 patron is Emma Fink, you can find her on YouTube by looking up Emma T Fink. Thanks for listening, sorry about Marbles.
KAYLA: (sighs)
SARAH: Tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your crows.
SARAH: Crows?
KAYLA: And befriend them.
SARAH: Your crows? Crows or cows?
KAYLA: It doesn’t matter.
SARAH: Take good care of your Marbles, please.
KAYLA: Nothing matters.
SARAH: What a way to end it.
KAYLA: (laughs)