Ep 386: Fuck, Marry, Kill (But Aspec) pt. 2
SARAH: Hey, what's up? Hello! Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl (I'm Sarah, that's me.)
KAYLA: And a bi demisexual girl (that's me, Kayla.)
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode: Fuck, Marry, Kill.
BOTH: Sounds fake, but okay.
SARAH: Welcome back to... drum roll, please. The pod.
KAYLA: I don't know what that's going to sound like, I panicked, I didn't know what to start hitting.
SARAH: Well, here we are.
KAYLA: Well, yep.
SARAH: How is everyone?
KAYLA: Girl!
SARAH: Yeah?
KAYLA: Yep.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Okay, well, do we have any housekeeping?
KAYLA: Nope.
SARAH: Great. Kayla?
KAYLA: Mh?
SARAH: Kayla, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week, we're playing a game that we have not played since the year of our Lord… Where's my mouse? I lost it again. It's stuck in the iPad. Just kidding, it's just dead. Okay, well, what happened was, earlier, I wanted… Sarah froze, and I wanted to take a screenshot of her silly face, but my mouse was moving too slow to get from one screen to the other so I missed it. And I was like, why is it moving so slow to get from one screen to the other? And then I realized that earlier I had been using my iPad as a second screen for my laptop. And I guess I never disconnected it and so secretly across my house, there was a third screen that was in between my two normal screens and so my mouse was having to travel across it.
SARAH: Just going whiiiiii. It wanted to be involved.
KAYLA: It just wanted to be involved. But this time now my mouse is just dead, I need to get a new mouse. Anyway.
SARAH: Anyway. What were we talking about?
KAYLA: We have not played this game since 2021.
SARAH: Since the first… Since 2021?
KAYLA: Yep.
SARAH: Never mind, I guess Biden was president.
KAYLA: I was still demi-straight at the time, let's see. I was still doing the mh-uhs.
SARAH: Eww, not the mh-uhs.
KAYLA: Oh my God, it was also around the time of my birthday, that's fun.
SARAH: Oh my God, romantic. Yeah, wait. What's your housekeeping from your birthday? We’ll get to it at the end.
KAYLA: Wait, was there a housekeeping from my birthday?
SARAH: No, just in general. But it can be your beefs and juices.
KAYLA: Oh, okay. Well, it was my birthday. I will say, just starting out, that on the morning of my birthday, I found the fattest, juiciest gray hair in my head. I've been finding a lot of them lately, I don't know if it's age or because sometimes I get them with stress and it's been very stressful at work. So, I don't know, maybe they'll go away, but…
SARAH: I, the other day, used the other bathroom at work. And it was so hot in there, it was like a greenhouse, like a microwave. As my coworker said, she loves to be microwaved like a burrito when she's going to the bathroom.
KAYLA: Interesting.
SARAH: And then there was so much natural lighting from the skylight, which was why it was so hot that I found a gray hair.
KAYLA: Oh, tragic.
SARAH: So that’s that.
KAYLA: I've been finding, not like a ton, but definitely much more than usual the past couple of months. But I'm… again, it could just be stress. Because a couple of years ago when I was laid off, I started getting gray hairs a lot and then they kind of went away. So, we'll see.
SARAH: Well, it was your last ever birthday.
KAYLA: It was my last ever birthday, that's true.
SARAH: So.
KAYLA: So.
SARAH: Kayla is 29
KAYLA: 29 now.
SARAH: She's not going to get any more.
KAYLA: Nope, this is it. Anyway, we've not played this game since 2021, which is ‘Fuck, Marry, Kill, but Aspec,’ which is kind of wild. Oh, that's what I was saying, we were reminded of this because someone reached out, I'm not going to like give all their info because they didn't like…
SARAH: Consent.
KAYLA: That's not why they emailed us, but basically, someone reached out. If you're listening, we can shout you out, let us know. That they made a short film based on the concept of our aspec fuck, marry, kill, which was instead of fuck… Well, I'll start actually. So, kill stays kill. Instead of marry, we have QPR, or like a platonic marriage. And then instead of fuck, what we decided last time, in 2021, was that to emulate the kind of intimacy and kind of like ickiness of sex, it would be being stuck in an elevator with someone for two hours. So, we'll be doing that again.
SARAH: What was befriend or end?
KAYLA: Okay, so that's what… because I was trying to remember… I was trying to find the episode where we did this, because I was reminded of it. Which is funny because when the person emailed me, I was like, oh, that's such a funny idea and then I was like, oh. And then they were like, and it was yours. And I was like, oh, right.
SARAH: Great work us.
KAYLA: Great work me. So, we twice played a game that we called ‘befriend or end.’ And then we did this episode and, in the beginning, we were like, oh, we were thinking about doing ‘befriend or end’ again but then we decided to do this. So, befriend or end was an aspec version of ‘smash or pass.’
SARAH: Ah!
KAYLA: But I was reading through the transcript a bit and the couple of people we started with, I was like, it seems like why would I not befriend… I don't know if we made it that we could only be friends with a certain amount of people or something.
SARAH: I mean, yeah, it's a little… I feel like your audience for who you would accept as a friend is going to be a lot wider.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Than who you would smash.
KAYLA: I didn't read through the whole transcript so I don't know if we like tried to make it difficult in some way. Because at one point I was like, oh, I'm going to say friend for now but like, we'll see how it goes. So maybe we did put a cap on it or something to make it easier, but.
SARAH: Maybe.
KAYLA: So anyway, but we're not doing that today, we're doing elevator, QPR, kill.
SARAH: Elevator, QPR, kill
KAYLA: Certainly, there's a better way, what's like a snappier like…
SARAH: Lift.
KAYLA: Lift.
SARAH: Lift, QPR, kill.
KAYLA: Yeah, I don't know.
SARAH: I got nothing.
KAYLA: Carry. Marry.
SARAH: Carry? Like a child?
KAYLA: Like the elevator carries you.
SARAH: Oh, I was picturing like a pregnant person.
KAYLA: If you could think of something good, let us know. Okay, I have some written down.
SARAH: I have exactly one that I got from a fan fiction that I read yesterday. No, it was two days ago.
KAYLA: Oh, perfect. I just wrote some down really quick. There's one for you, I only have two of.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Maybe we'll start there. What would you say your current hyperfixations are? I have two written down and I'm struggling with the third.
SARAH: What do you have written down?
KAYLA: I have Heated Rivalry and BTS.
SARAH: I don't want to give you a third because I don't want to kill. I do have a third.
KAYLA: Come on, play with me in this space.
SARAH: I'm scared.
KAYLA: Play with me in this space.
SARAH: I can't kill them.
KAYLA: Play with me in this space! Get in here and play with me!
SARAH: You have to figure it out yourself.
KAYLA: Why are you doing this to me?
SARAH: How well do you know me?
KAYLA: Clearly not well enough. Is it a TV show? Certainly not.
SARAH: No, I don’t watch TV.
KAYLA: I know. Is it another K-pop group?
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: It's not TXT.
SARAH: Mm-mm, love them down though.
KAYLA: Well, I'm trying to remember their names, there are so many stupid groups with their stupid names.
SARAH: The names are usually pretty stupid.
KAYLA: I know TXT.
SARAH: Uh-huh
KAYLA: I know Blackpink, but you're not a Blink guy.
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: There's the one that's the boys and some of them are Australian and there's American ones, Stray Kids…
SARAH: Did you see the woman who got sentenced… No, there was a woman in Russia who got sentenced to 18 months of labor in a prison camp for writing gay Stray Kids fanfiction.
KAYLA: That's insane.
SARAH: Yeah. Her mom turned her in.
KAYLA: You’re joking.
SARAH: And she's like a grown woman, it's not like she's a teenager.
KAYLA: Yeah, you guys!
SARAH: So, that's cool. That's cool.
KAYLA: Aahhh. Okay, KATSEYE isn't technically K-pop.
SARAH: No. And I can't be hyperfixated on them because I really don't know what went on with Manon. So, I…
KAYLA: Me neither. And also, I don't like their newest song. Okay, anyway.
SARAH: I have not heard it in its entirety. Again, couldn't be my hyperfixation. What groups have I seen recently?
KAYLA: I know, I can't think of the name. Is it on your Instagram?
SARAH: Yes, it's going to be on my Instagram.
KAYLA: I feel like it's on the tip of my brain.
SARAH: The butt of your tongue.
KAYLA: It's on the butt of my tongue.
SARAH: I'm going to put a thing to like separate the time, but instead of the ‘we'll be right back’ sound, I know what sound I'm going to use.
KAYLA: Oh, noooo.
SARAH: And it's the sound from a song from this group.
KAYLA: SHINee.
SARAH: No. I love them down, but it's not SHINee.
KAYLA: What the fuck!? But that was your last Instagram post.
SARAH: That was the most recent, yeah.
KAYLA: Seventeen!
SARAH: Yessssss!
KAYLA: I'm stupid. I'm stupid. Anyway, Heated Rivalry, BTS or Seventeen.
[00:10:00]
SARAH: What's wrong with you!?
KAYLA: You can do a mean one for me, it's okay.
SARAH: Okay. I'm going to marry BTS.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: That's a really tiny ant on my desk, now it's dead.
KAYLA: Dead!
SARAH: I'm going to marry BTS because like I'm in this shit for life thing, you know like it’s… you have like to marry them.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Now, my instinct was that I would have to kill Heated Rivalry, not because I don't love it deeply, but because it would feel really mean to marry one K-pop hyperfixation and kill another.
KAYLA: I was going to say that a reason not to be in an elevator with Heated Rivalry for two hours is those boys would start fucking in the elevator next to you.
SARAH: Right. I forgot this was an elevator, wait a minute.
KAYLA: You're not killing them, you're being stuck… So, I guess really…
SARAH: No, no, no, we're killing them, it's just instead of fucking we’re in an elevator.
KAYLA: Oh, yes, that's right. Oh, that’s right.
SARAH: Hold on, wait, this is making everything…
KAYLA: Oh, that’s right, this changes everything.
SARAH: Because I was going to say the reason that maybe not kill Heated Rivalry is because I think they would be a great fuck because it’s Heated Rivalry
KAYLA: But you're not fucking them, you're going to be in an elevator with them.
SARAH: Here's the problem.
KAYLA: Seventeen, how many members are in Seventeen?
SARAH: There's 13 of them.
KAYLA: That’s a lot of people to be in an elevator with for two hours.
SARAH: That’s a lot of people to be in an elevator with.
KAYLA: Even with those big elevators that's kind of a lot.
SARAH: When I'm in an elevator with Heated Rivalry, what does that mean?
KAYLA: Perhaps the main players, the main actors, Rachel Reid. But not just the actors, like the characters. Okay, you’re in an elevator with the characters, the actors, Jacob and Rachel Reid.
SARAH: At that point, what's another five?
KAYLA: And like a sucker books.
SARAH: What's another five to get Seventeen in there? You know.
KAYLA: I'm just kind of thinking about the energy in the Heated Rivalry elevator and I'm afraid it's going to get a little sexually-tense.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And I don't think you're going to like that.
SARAH: And I don't think I'm going to like that.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And I don't want to kill Jacob and Rachel and Hudson and Connor.
KAYLA: They're just kind of collateral at that point.
SARAH: But yeah, but like it feels less bad to kill like fictional characters than to kill all 13 members of Seventeen.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So, I fear…
KAYLA: And also, they might be hard to kill, some of these are trained military operatives.
SARAH: Exactly. I'm wondering if I should QPR Seventeen.
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: Because there's 13 of them, if I ever get annoyed with them, I can just go hang out with the next one.
KAYLA: You can just go to the next one.
SARAH: Yeah. Also, Seungkwan is my biological son.
KAYLA: Oh, that’s nice.
SARAH: And Jeonghan is my wife, and he is legally married to Seung-cheol, so, it would just be like a polyamory situation.
KAYLA: There’s kind of a lot going on already, yeah.
SARAH: And then of course, Minghao would be the non-binary lesbian bestie.
KAYLA: Right.
SARAH: I think maybe if I QPRed Seventeen, I elevated BTS because I think we would form a bond.
KAYLA: Yeah. I mean, it's not like you couldn't stay in touch.
SARAH: Exactly. Fewer people… it would still be tight in there, but I think it would be very entertaining to be in an elevator with them for two hours.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And then unfortunately, I have to kill Heated Rivalry just because it's hard, it's also the newest hyperfixation. And I'm not killing Heated Rivalry for everyone else, like I'm just killing Heated Rivalry for me.
KAYLA: Just for you, yeah.
SARAH: Yeah, final answer.
KAYLA: That makes sense, thank you for your bravery.
SARAH: What would you? Of those three. What would you?
KAYLA: That's actually such an interesting question, I... Because the only one of these three I really care about is Heated Rivalry.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: However, I don't know that I want to marry Heated Rivalry because it also makes me stressed out. So, I don't really know.
SARAH: Do you feel more of a connection to BTS or Seventeen?
KAYLA: I would probably marry BTS, I don't really know Seventeen. I'd marry BTS, I would elevator Heated Rivalry, because I think it would be fine for two hours because then it would just be fun and then I get to leave when they start having emotions.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And then I'll be killing Seventeen.
SARAH: Okay, all right, fine.
KAYLA: Fine.
SARAH: Okay. So, the one that I got from a fanfiction.
KAYLA: Okay, perfect.
SARAH: Which is not exactly what I'm going to ask, it inspired this whole thing.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Because they were indeed doing ‘Fuck, Marry, Kill.’ It was one of the WAGs group chat ones, if you know, you know, if you don't, don't worry about it. And they said Chuck, Gritty, and Stormy.
KAYLA: Who the fuck are they!?
SARAH: We all know who Gritty is.
KAYLA: Oh, like the mascot?
SARAH: Gritty, mm-hmm.
KAYLA: I need to look up a picture of him; I don’t remember him.
SARAH: Chuck apparently is the Clippers mascot, and…
KAYLA: Chuck, Clippers… Wait, but these are not what you're asking me?
SARAH: No. Stormy is the Carolina hockey mascot.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: I would like to propose, we do Gritty, because Gritty…
KAYLA: Duh.
SARAH: Ellie, the mascot of the New York Liberty.
KAYLA: Ah, mm-hmm.
SARAH: And the sexy M&M.
KAYLA: The green M&M?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Where did that come from? Okay, this one is easy to me.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: I am marrying Ellie.
SARAH: For those who aren't familiar with Ellie…
KAYLA: Okay, yeah.
SARAH: Ellie is the mascot for the WNBA team, the New York City Liberty. She is an elephant. She wears a crown that is the Statue of Liberty. She is a black woman.
KAYLA: One very long braid, a ponytail.
SARAH: She has a very, very long braid.
KAYLA: And she whips it around.
SARAH: Occasionally, she has other wigs and weaves.
KAYLA: Oh, I didn't know, I’ve only see her…
SARAH: She had a bob recently.
KAYLA: Oh my God. I only see her with a braid because she takes it and she whips it around.
SARAH: And she whips it around.
KAYLA: And she'll like do a split and do a dance.
SARAH: Her hair is the reason that she is canonically a black woman.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: No, she had a bob the other day.
KAYLA: Good for her.
SARAH: I would like you to see this bob.
KAYLA: I'm looking on her Instagram, I'm not seeing a bob, I'm seeing her do a headstand though. Oh, she's wearing… is it for this Whitney? Okay, yeah. I don't know about this bob.
SARAH: And she's wearing sunglasses. And she has an earring, she has hoop earrings.
KAYLA: And I kind of like the bob, when she bobs it around like that, I do kind of like it.
SARAH: Yeah, anyway. She's an icon...
KAYLA: And she has a fresh set on.
SARAH: Yeah, she's a dancer, she's a queen.
KAYLA: So, I'm QPRing Ellie.
SARAH: And then Gritty for anyone who's not American or into hockey, describe Gritty.
KAYLA: She's kind of like… Okay, well, if you know Grimace from McDonald's...
SARAH: I should have done Grimace.
KAYLA: Yeah, you really should have.
SARAH: Can we make the third one Grimace?
KAYLA: No, we can't because I want to do a separate one for just McDonald's characters. But if you know Grimace, he's like Grimace but orange.
SARAH: Yeah, I think he's creepier than Grimace.
KAYLA: He definitely is.
SARAH: His eyes rattle around.
KAYLA: He has very large eyes.
SARAH: He's giant and orange. He has got like long… I guess that's facial hair.
KAYLA: I guess. Just look up Gritty mascot, he's truly something to behold.
SARAH: They've been playing the Penguins in NHL, and because it's Philadelphia and Pittsburgh, they're like, I think, kind of rivals. And so, they have posted at least one, possibly several videos of Gritty being so kind as to see the Penns players out of the stadium by chasing them full speed.
KAYLA: That's so nice, he's such a gentleman.
SARAH: Hi, this is Sarah from the future. I meant to say Penns fans, not Penns players, but now I'm just imagining, oh my God, I would pay so much money to see Gritty chasing Sidney Crosby through the darkened halls of the Philadelphia Flyers arena. Oh, it would be so good. Between the Flyers and the Penguins, I do have an affinity for the Penguins because that's where Papa Crosby plays, but I do love Gritty, Gritty is crazy.
KAYLA: I watched an Avalanche game the other day.
SARAH: Oh, how did that go for you? Did they win? Yeah, they did, right?
KAYLA: They lost really bad.
SARAH: Oh, they lost really bad?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Damn. Well, an avalanche for them, if you will.
KAYLA: Okay, so I’m QPRing...
SARAH: Was it when they played Wild? Minnesota?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: They were in a series, maybe I'm thinking of a different game, because I feel like a recent game they destroyed Minnesota.
KAYLA: Well, they had been winning a lot, and then I watched and they didn't, so.
SARAH: I see. I see. Okay, so that's Gritty.
KAYLA: So, I'm QPRing Ellie, I'm elevatoring green M&M, and I'm killing Gritty.
SARAH: Why would you do that?
KAYLA: Well, look at him.
SARAH: Look at him.
KAYLA: Is he dressed up as Barbie?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Mh.
SARAH: He gives people cakes to throw on people's faces. Look, he's a mermaid.
KAYLA: What's he there? A mermaid? Oh.
SARAH: Look.
KAYLA: I don't like it.
SARAH: Look.
[00:20:00]
KAYLA: I don't like it. I don't like it. And they can't even see it.
SARAH: Gritty has some good costumes.
KAYLA: Okay, wait.
SARAH: I would… personally, so you said QPR Ellie, elevator M&M, kill Gritty?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I disagree, I would QPR Elle, obviously that's the only choice.
KAYLA: Tough.
SARAH: I would elevator Gritty, because I think that would be a super-silly time.
KAYLA: It would be.
SARAH: And I would kill M&M, sorry.
KAYLA: That's crazy.
SARAH: I don't even eat M&Ms. Why does this one have titties?
KAYLA: Yeah, I don't like that one at all.
SARAH: If you look up ‘M&M sexy’ you might find it.
KAYLA: You might find a nude green M&M. Okay, here's one. Ready?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: The McDonald's clown, what's his name?
SARAH: Ronald.
KAYLA: Ronald McDonald, the Hamburglar and Grimace.
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: So, if you're not aware, these are… when we were growing up, there was like… McDonald's had mascots, like a group of them, and they were like a little cartoon. And sometimes there'd be like little statues of them and toys and they were kind of creepy. So, it's Ronald McDonald, the clown. And Grimace is like a big purple blob, he recently had a Grimace Shake. And then the Hamburglar… Did he have a hamburger for a head? Or am I making that up? I don't think he did.
SARAH: I don't know. I just looked up Grimace, and according to the AI overview, which is always right, it says as of May 2026, they brought back the iconic purple character Grimace through a new limited-time Grimace menu in Germany featuring a purple barbecue burger with purple cheese.
KAYLA: No!
SARAH: And the return of the berry flavored Grimace Shake.
KAYLA: No! The Grimace Shake is funny, I never had it, but I liked the memes.
SARAH: He was introduced as a four-armed evil Grimace who stole Shakes.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: He has since evolved into a beloved two-armed ambiguous purple mascot, known as the gentle Shake-loving friend.
KAYLA: Yeah, there were some that were evil, like the Hamburglar, I think he maybe was just a boy, but he had like a striped black and white shirt and he would steal hamburgers.
SARAH: Yes, I'm looking at him, that's just a boy's face.
KAYLA: Just a boy. Okay, so, what do you think?
SARAH: See, it's hard because I don't really know these guys like that, you know, so…
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So, I think I… this is really just going off of vibes. Now I… I don't want to do this, but I think I have to kill the Hamburglar.
KAYLA: Interesting.
SARAH: Because he's a child, right?
KAYLA: Is he really? Let me look.
SARAH: I don't know, he looks like one. I'm looking at him right now.
KAYLA: That's going to make things Hamburglar difficult for me.
SARAH: There are images of it when…
KAYLA: Man, he does look like a boy.
SARAH: He looks like a little boy, and I can't QPR a little boy, that's too much little boy time.
KAYLA: Sure.
SARAH: And I don't want to be babysitting a little boy in an elevator for two hours.
KAYLA: Interesting.
SARAH: So, unfortunately, the only option is to murder the little boy.
KAYLA: Right.
SARAH: Something about Ronald McDonald's face I'm looking at these images, it's really disconcerting, I'm finding it upsetting. So, I will elevator Ronald McDonald because I'll just not look at him.
KAYLA: Okay, wait a second, I'm looking at the Hamburglar Wiki.
SARAH: Uh-huh
KAYLA: Originally, he was a trollish old man.
SARAH: Huh
KAYLA: And then he, they turned him into a redheaded Dennis the Menace type child.
SARAH: Huh
KAYLA: So
SARAH: Well, I don't want to take care of a senile old man in an elevator either. And I guess by process of elimination, I'll be QPRing Grimace, which honestly, I think Grimace gets a better out.
KAYLA: Okay, in 2015 he's a grown man.
SARAH: I don't want to be in an elevator with a grown man.
KAYLA: Okay. I don't quite know how to help you.
SARAH: Well, I'm killing him no matter what.
KAYLA: Species; human. Okay.
SARAH: I guess maybe if he's a grown man then maybe I would prefer the Hamburglar to Ronald McDonald in the elevator because the more I look at the face of Ronald McDonald…
KAYLA: Sorry, are you QPRing Grimace?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: The more I look at Ronald McDonald's face, the more upset I get.
KAYLA: Yeah, I'm killing Ronald.
SARAH: Yeah, I fear maybe we do have to be killing Ron and then elevatoring the child or the old man or the adult. I guess a kid I can handle for two hours, it would be unpleasant probably because he would be probably freaked out, but...
KAYLA: I think I'm going to elevator Grimace.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: I don't think I can QPR… I don't even know what he is.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Let's look at the Wiki because the Wiki said that the Hamburglar was species human, so maybe they'll tell me its species in the Wiki.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Its species, Grimace. Okay, well.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: And I think… I'm going to QPR the Hamburglar, because here's the thing, maybe he's doing like a Robin Hood type thing.
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: Stealing from the rich giving to the poor, so maybe he's like nicely stealing hamburgers to feed to people who need food.
SARAH: Right. Okay.
KAYLA: So.
SARAH: I have my next one for you.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: And these are creatures that I saw in large amounts in Ireland.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Cow.
KAYLA: Uh-huh.
SARAH: Sheep.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm.
SARAH: Horse.
KAYLA: Mm. I don't really want to be in an elevator with any of these, I have to be so honest with you.
SARAH: Yeah. I'm just thinking, here's the deal, I mean, I asked you but you're going to ask me anyway so I'll just contribute now.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: The cow, an icon of the community, we have to QPR the cow, I think there's no other option.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Now my instinct is to elevator the sheep, the shop, the singular, shop.
KAYLA: Shop, yes.
SARAH: Because it is just much smaller than a horse in an elevator.
KAYLA: Here's my thing with that though, because that's was my first instinct…
SARAH: Horses are so useful to society.
KAYLA: Yeah, that was my… my first thought was like, well, elevator the sheep no matter what, because it's the smallest. And for some reason in my brain the least stinky, that can't be true though.
SARAH: I mean they are stinky but like… I mean, I held some lambs and they’re all cute as fuck.
KAYLA: They're all stinky though. But then I was like, well, both cows and horses are very useful.
SARAH: Uh-huh.
KAYLA: And not that sheep aren't but like…
SARAH: They are if you're Irish.
KAYLA: But like the horses...
SARAH: But if you're not… but worldwide impact.
KAYLA: We do need a horse.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: I think we're going to have to kill the sheep.
SARAH: That's too bad.
KAYLA: The question is, do you QPR the cow or the horse?
SARAH: I think legally you have to QPR the cow.
KAYLA: I don't know, you can't ride a cow.
SARAH: You can still befriend the horse.
KAYLA: Yeah, but it won't live with me.
SARAH: I don't need a… between a horse and a cow you want to live with a horse?
KAYLA: I don't know, I'm trying to decide, I could ride it places, that's fun.
SARAH: Listen, I'm saying as a former horse girl, you have to pick the cow.
KAYLA: It's just like what are we going to do, you know?
SARAH: Have a good time. I was recently exfoliated by a cow; their tongues are like cat tongues.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So, it licked me and I was exfoliated.
KAYLA: I guess I'm going to QPR a cow because sometimes horses are mean.
SARAH: Yeah. I don't like looking at their teeth.
KAYLA: No, that's fair.
SARAH: Cow teeth aren't really any better but I think horses show them more often.
KAYLA: Interesting.
SARAH: If it's just personal, like, if I'm not eliminating… I don't want to kill the sheep but I just…
KAYLA: I mean…
SARAH: For the sake of society
KAYLA: I think we have to.
SARAH: Even for the sake of… if it's just me, but if I killed the concept of a horse for just me that would still be a problem.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I'm really sorry to the sheep, I'll like burn a pyre for you, you know
KAYLA: That's nice. Or some wool for the… pour out some wool.
SARAH: I'm not going to burn the wool...
KAYLA: Rip out a sweater.
SARAH: They work hard for that.
KAYLA: Mh.
SARAH: It's too bad. Love a chimp. Love a chimp, chimp, chimp, chimp, chimp.
KAYLA: Okay, ready?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Queen Elizabeth.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: King Charles.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: Prince Andrew.
SARAH: Hmm. Okay, I'm going to QPR Queen Elizabeth, no question, she has got corgis.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm.
SARAH: I'm going to elevate King Andrew because I feel like he wouldn't even…
KAYLA: King Charles.
SARAH: King Charles, sorry, King Charles. I feel like he wouldn't even see me, he's old.
KAYLA: Uh-huh
SARAH: And we have to be killing Prince Andrew.
KAYLA: Yeah. I do think I'll be doing the same. Because also I'm kind of hoping if I'm in the elevator with King Charles for two hours like it's just the two of us. And I feel like the royal family will maybe like give me something for like keeping him safe for two hours. Do you know what I mean?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like they'll be so thankful that I didn't do anything crazy and that I kept him company for two hours, I'll probably like… I'll get something maybe.
SARAH: Did you see the video? I actually didn't watch or hear the video but I saw that it existed, of the King, he was doing his like annual address of Parliament.
KAYLA: I have not seen this.
SARAH: And when he does that, he has to wear his super formal like King George and Hamilton…
KAYLA: Like the cape and shit?
[00:30:00]
SARAH: Like the cape and the crown. And…
KAYLA: Did he fall over?
SARAH: No but he was talking about like advancing technologies and AI.
KAYLA: That's funny.
SARAH: Just looking like he popped straight out of the 1600s.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Okay, I'm... Okay, I know what I'm going to do, okay. This is hard, okay. I’m like, wow, I did a good job. Okay, a Canadian goose.
KAYLA: The coat or the animal?
SARAH: No, the animal.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: An Irish seagull, which is…
KAYLA: This means nothing to me.
SARAH: I'm about to explain you.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: An Irish seagull is just a normal seagull…
KAYLA: But in Ireland?
SARAH: But imagine a seagull the size of a duck.
KAYLA: No, thank you.
SARAH: They're gigantic. And a swan.
KAYLA: Ugh.
SARAH: For those of you not in the know, for those of you who are like, oh, swan, of course I'm going to QPR a swan, swans are mean.
KAYLA: Mean. These are all mean though.
SARAH: Yeah, that's why it's hard.
KAYLA: I don’t want any of them. I guess I… I’ll tell you what, I don't want to be in an elevator with any of these motherfuckers, I'd like to kill them all. Canadian geese are like a classic goose.
SARAH: Uh-huh. Yeah, like the goose that you think of.
KAYLA: When I'm thinking… it's the one in my brain?
SARAH: Yeah. It's not like the white one, it's the one with the black head and the... The ones who pooped all over the field that we played quidditch on.
KAYLA: And they have scary teeth.
SARAH: Uh-huh.
KAYLA: How are they seagulls? Are they nice?
SARAH: They're just seagulls but they're just really big.
KAYLA: I really don't like a seagull. I think I’m going to elevator of the seagull.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: They seem to be the least violent to me.
SARAH: I think that’s maybe the safest bet.
KAYLA: I'm looking out for my safety, first and foremost.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Because here's the thing, even if I'm in a QPR with a goose or a swan, we could… you know, we don't have to live together.
SARAH: Yeah. Here's my thought, I'm elevatoring the duck-sized seagull.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I'm going to QPR the swan, and the reason I'm going to do that is because I feel like if you get a swan on your side they're a ride or die.
KAYLA: Interesting.
SARAH: So, if I have a swan on my side, that's great for me.
KAYLA: Uh-huh.
SARAH: And I'm killing the Canada goose because that is an evil creature, I cannot believe the country of Canada produced such a horrible, horrible goose. For those of you not familiar with the Canada goose…
KAYLA: They're mean.
SARAH: Kayla what's the problem with Canada goose?
KAYLA: They're really mean.
SARAH: They're mean, they poop on everything.
KAYLA: And they have like a lot of teeth.
SARAH: They have teeth.
KAYLA: I can't remember… They're not the ones with the corkscrew dicks? Are they? That's a duck.
SARAH: Ugh.
KAYLA: I think that's a duck.
SARAH: Ugh.
KAYLA: You know?
SARAH: Ugh.
KAYLA: I think that's a duck.
SARAH: Yeah, I don’t know.
KAYLA: I think I'm also going to QPR a swan mostly just because I think they're more aesthetically pleasing than a goose.
SARAH: Yeah. I think they look nice. And if you're QPRed with them they'll probably like you.
KAYLA: Maybe.
SARAH: We used to feed the swans at my grandparents’ house because they live in a lake. And we would call all of them swani. It was not the same swan the whole time.
KAYLA: Yeah. I guess that.
SARAH: But we would feed them bread which turns out really bad for them actually.
KAYLA: Yeah, you’re not supposed to do that.
SARAH: But… like, my grandpa would feed them even when we weren't there. Like my grandpa would just feed the swans. And like he kept a bag of like Wonder Bread for the swans.
KAYLA: Good!
SARAH: And one time I guess it had been a little while since he had fed swani and swani was a little annoyed.
KAYLA: Uh-oh
SARAH: And so, my grandparents’ house has a walkout basement with like a door wall. A sliding glass door for those of you dumbos who don't use proper terminology.
KAYLA: Oh! Mean.
SARAH: So, like you could walk out of the basement, and so, swani went up to the door wall and was like banging on it with his beak.
KAYLA: Oh! Mean.
SARAH: Because he was like, “where's my fucking Wonder Bread, old man!?”
KAYLA: Old man!?
SARAH: Anyway. Okay. What's your next one?
KAYLA: I'm trying to think, it's another one… I have two out of three.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: 10 Things I Hate About You.
SARAH: Mm, banger.
KAYLA: Oh, fuck, now, I can't even remember what the other one is called, you're going to be mad at me. I have to look it up, I don't want to ask.
SARAH: Is it Stick It?
KAYLA: Yes, it’s Stick it. 10 Things I Hate About You, Stick it, and I'm trying to remember what other movies you like. What else is this bitch watching? I would say Pride and Prejudice but I feel like it's more of a me thing.
SARAH: This is Sarah from the future, again. She absolutely could have done Pride and Prejudice, I just didn't want to make it easier for her to make it hard for me, you know.
KAYLA: You're being so nasty. I don't know if this is as much of a thing but I'll say Princess Bride.
SARAH: Okay. You know what I'm going to do? And everyone's going to be so mad at me for it.
KAYLA: Uh-oh.
SARAH: I fear I have to kill Princess Bride
KAYLA: Yeah. Okay. What would you have picked for the third one?
SARAH: Here's the thing, Kayla and our friends in college were convinced that I hated the movie Princess Bride.
KAYLA: I forgot that part.
SARAH: Because I had never seen it, and so we watched it together and they were like, what did you think? And I was like, uh, yeah, it was fine, it was pretty good. And they interpreted that…
KAYLA: To wasn’t enough love.
SARAH: To mean that I hated it.
KAYLA: Oh wait. Maybe I should have picked… how do you feel about a Princess Diaries?
SARAH: One or two?
KAYLA: Two.
SARAH: Ugh.
KAYLA: Okay. Change it. Change it. Change it.
SARAH: Fine, okay.
KAYLA: Stick It, Princess Diaries 2, 10 Things I Hate About You.
SARAH: Okay. So, all of these films I just checked have a runtime of under two hours…
KAYLA: Which is perfect
SARAH: So, I could watch the entire film in the elevator.
KAYLA: Oh. I didn't even think about that, my God, your mind.
SARAH: I don't think it is good to QPR 10 Things I Hate About You because it feels a little toxic at times.
KAYLA: That's fair.
SARAH: So, I don't think I can do that. Stick It, also, I feel a bit toxic to be QPRing.
KAYLA: Why?
SARAH: I mean, obviously over the course of the movie there's growth of… you know.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: But prior to the growth, there's some real animosity.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's fair, that's fair.
SARAH: And I don't know that I need to be QPR to some animosity like that. You know?
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Also, there's that scene where Jeff Bridges is on the riding motorcycle.
KAYLA: Lawn mower.
SARAH: Lawn mower. Hold on. I have to write that down in my new note where I write down when I fuck up.
KAYLA: Good. You were close, that was one of your better ones.
SARAH: You know what I said the other day? You know how I often say microwave instead of mailbox?
KAYLA: Maybe
SARAH: Sorry. What did I just say?
KAYLA: Microwave and mailbox.
SARAH: No, no, no. Sorry, when I fucked it up.
KAYLA: Motorcycle instead of lawn mower.
SARAH: Yep.
KAYLA: I feel that you said riding.
SARAH: Yes.
KAYLA: And then da da da, so you really were close
SARAH: And also, I don't know if you could hear it but there was someone revving their engine in the background.
KAYLA: I did not hear that, that makes it not as good.
SARAH: I often will say microwave when I mean mailbox.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: The other day I was trying to say mailbox because I was doing an escape room.
KAYLA: Ah, yes.
SARAH: And there was a mailbox involved. And I said… Microsoft?
KAYLA: Good.
SARAH: And then I said microwave. And then I said, what the fuck is it?
KAYLA: Getting closer. Getting closer.
SARAH: I still think that the one that I did in Ireland where I was trying to say sideburns and I said hash browns is some of my best work.
KAYLA: I mean, I really think that is a good one, genuinely.
SARAH: Okay, anyway. The scene where he's on the riding lawn mower just like driving around and he's making them just like do conditioning and do cardio and stuff like all day, like, you don't want to be QPRed to them.
KAYLA: That's fair. That's fair.
SARAH: I think I'm going to have to QPR Princess Diaries 2.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Princess Diaries 2 has everything.
KAYLA: Literally everything.
SARAH: Mattress surfing.
KAYLA: Chris Pine.
SARAH: Chris Pine's blue, blue eyes.
KAYLA: Anne Hathaway.
SARAH: Anne Hathaway. Julie Andrews.
KAYLA: Julie Andrews singing
SARAH: Raven. Actually, isn’t she…
KAYLA: I don't know what her deal is now. Young Raven, when she was fine maybe.
SARAH: Young Raven. Raven-Symoné is proof that even lesbians can be weird sometimes.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So, I'm going to QPR Princess Diaries 2.
KAYLA: And the one you kill you can never watch again, like it's dead to you.
SARAH: Can other people watch it again?
KAYLA: Yeah, but it's dead to you so they can't talk to you about it, like to you it does not exist.
SARAH: It ceases to exist?
KAYLA: For you.
SARAH: Or it is deleted from my memory?
KAYLA: I think it's deleted…
SARAH: You can’t delete it from my memory, I think it's from that moment.
KAYLA: It's not deleted from your memory but like if I were to try to talk to you about it, it wouldn't work, I don't think.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Or you would like immediately forget that we talked about it.
SARAH: I think you're going to find this controversial.
KAYLA: You're going to kill Stick It?
SARAH: I have to kill Stick It.
KAYLA: That's actually crazy.
SARAH: And let me tell you why, nobody talks to me about Stick It anyway.
[00:40:00]
KAYLA: That's so true, that's so true.
SARAH: 10 Things I Hate About You I think is a cultural milestone of a film.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: It comes up, people talk about it, young Heath Ledger, I mean come on.
KAYLA: I mean, come on.
SARAH: It's the reason that I know what Sarah Lawrence College is.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: A great elevator watch.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I fear just by a process of elimination, we do have to kill Stick It. Which, a beloved, beloved movie, iconic, no one has ever done it like her. But I mean compare it to Princess Diaries 2 and 10 Things I Hate About You just from a cultural milestone standpoint and like a movie that people would remember enough to talk to me about, you know.
KAYLA: Everyone's homework is to go watch Stick It and then come back and talk to Sarah about it.
SARAH: Everyone's homework is to watch all three of these movies and let us know.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's actually good, that's good, that's the poll.
SARAH: Great.
KAYLA: I would do the same thing.
SARAH: Okay. Similar reasoning? Well, you just don't have the love for Stick It that I do but for…
KAYLA: I don't have a connection to Stick It that you do and I have more of a connection to Princess Diaries 2, so.
SARAH: The first ever fan fiction I first ever started writing was a Princess Diaries 2 AU and I never finished it, it's still out there, incomplete.
KAYLA: I remember writing a story or a book when I was a kid and it was like just the plot of Princess Diaries.
SARAH: Amazing
KAYLA: I was like, this is my original novel I'm writing.
SARAH: Princess Diaries 2 is one of the rare situations where the sequel is better.
KAYLA: Sequel is better.
SARAH: And the first one is good, like it’s not like the first one wasn’t good.
KAYLA: They're both really good. I need to watch those, I should really be watching those, I haven't watched them in a long time.
SARAH: Oh, what's the song that plays at the beginning when she's like in the car going through town waving at people?
KAYLA: Not the beginning.
SARAH: At some point.
KAYLA: Of the second movie?
SARAH: Yeah, yeah.
KAYLA: When the little girl is there?
SARAH: Yes.
KAYLA: The only song that's in my head is the one from Legally Blonde, so I don’t remember.
SARAH: Is it Break Away by Kelly Clarkson? I think it is.
KAYLA: I think it might be.
SARAH: I think it is. What a banger.
KAYLA: Speaking of Kelly Clarkson…
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Go on this trip with me. Kelly Clarkson, American Idol. Other show, The Voice. Did you know that Melanie Martinez is from The Voice?
SARAH: I think I knew that.
KAYLA: Isn't that great?
SARAH: But it was a surprise when I first learned it.
KAYLA: And so is, I think Luke Combs. Was it Luke Combs? Who's the big country guy?
SARAH: I don't know. Because I saw a thing about like how like, oh, The Voice is on season 30 and they've never produced anyone notable.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Which they did…
KAYLA: I saw the same thing and then I looked at the comments and they were like, actually…
SARAH: I mean, Christina Grimmie was on The Voice but I knew her from before, like I knew her from YouTube.
KAYLA: Yeah. Who is the… okay, it's not Luke Combs. Who is the other big country guy? But whoever he is, he started as like...
SARAH: Most famous The Voice contestants, Morgan Wallen.
KAYLA: Yes. He started out as like Pop Rock or something.
SARAH: Oh, Cassadee Pope
KAYLA: And then went on Usher's team and still came out country on the other side.
SARAH: What!?
KAYLA: You would think he like went on Blake Shelton's team, no, he was on Usher's team got poached by Adam Levine and still managed at the end of the show to come out a country star.
SARAH: What is his deal?
KAYLA: I don't know.
SARAH: Huh. Yeah, it says that, according to the very trustworthy Google AI overview, the most famous and successful were ones who didn't win. Morgan Wallen, Melanie Martinez and Christina Grimmie. And then there were successful winners like Cassadee Pope, Jordan Smith, who I recognized when I saw a picture of, and girl named Tom, who I have absolutely no idea who that is.
KAYLA: It's always the people that don't win that are the best, that happens with American Idol, too. It's because they don't make them sign terrible record deals.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like the winners have to.
SARAH: Yeah. Melanie Martinez, what year was that? It was season 3, but what year? 2012.
KAYLA: Isn't that crazy?
SARAH: She's performing at the Kia Forum on August 14th.
KAYLA: I saw her at Outside Lands
SARAH: Anyway. Okay, I need to come up with one, don't I? What time is it?
KAYLA: Well, we should be done.
SARAH: Oh, we're done, I didn't realize so much time had passed.
KAYLA: Oh, we’re done.
SARAH: That's it.
KAYLA: Okay, so the poll is everyone watch Princess Diaries 2, Stick It and 10 Things I Hate About You and then tell us what you're QPRing, elevatoring, and killing. Okay?
SARAH: Mm-hmm. And listen, I killed Stick It, so I understand. But if all of you come back killing Stick It, I'm going to be kind of offended.
KAYLA: No, that's fair. At the very least, you guys should be watching Stick It and talking to Sarah about it, she needs this.
SARAH: It's masterful.
KAYLA: I haven't watched it in a long time.
SARAH: I haven’t watched it in a while. I think I made Kyla watch it at some point a couple of years ago.
KAYLA: We should do a Patreon episode where it's like us doing director's commentary so people can watch it while listening to us at the same time. You know, when people do that?
SARAH: That's actually a good idea.
KAYLA: I know.
SARAH: Because who other than the patrons would want that?
KAYLA: No one.
SARAH: Many of the patrons probably don't want that.
KAYLA: No. Okay, if you want that, let us know and we'll think about it.
SARAH: We'll think about it.
KAYLA: We'll see.
SARAH: We can do a Pride and Prejudice one where we just gasp.
KAYLA: Just scream. We're not even saying anything, we’re just… That was me when I saw it in theaters, I was just screaming the entire time.
SARAH: The hand! All right, Kayla, what's your beef and your juice for this week?
KAYLA: My beef is, I won't spoil it, but there's only like one and a half people left on the season of Survivor that I like and next week is the finale and I don't think the person I like best is going to win.
SARAH: There's another small dead ant, it was crawling on your face.
KAYLA: I don't like that, you know how I feel about ants.
SARAH: I've never seen an ant that small, I don't know what their deal is.
KAYLA: Ozempic ant.
SARAH: Ugh, surely.
KAYLA: My other beef is that it's commencement season and my brain hurts.
SARAH: Would you say the commencement season is commencing?
KAYLA: Oh, it commenced months ago.
SARAH: Is it commensurate with something?
KAYLA: My other beef is what you're doing right now.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: My juice is I've been listening to the Dungeon Crawler Carl audiobooks, very good. I think I mentioned that last week actually.
SARAH: Yeah, I think you did too.
KAYLA: My other juice is it was my birthday and I went to Seattle to visit my very good friend and meet her boyfriend for the first time and good news, we like him
SARAH: Great.
KAYLA: Which is good because they've been dating for like four years and this was my first time meeting him so that would have been bad.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And her boyfriend showed us a bunch of their classic YouTube videos that they love and so now I have a whole new list of references and things to giggle about.
SARAH: Oh, I was going to do a ‘Fuck, Marry, Kill’ but our version of old school YouTubers and one of them was going to be Jenna Marbles.
KAYLA: Well, we'll save it for next time.
SARAH: I'm QPRing Jenna Marbles.
KAYLA: Duh. Have you seen… it's a 14-year-old news clip of this lady like behind the desk at a news thing and she's like, up next, we're interviewing this man who climbed Mount Everest, but there's a twist, he's gay. And then she's like, wait, no, he's blind. And then there's an extended cut where they cut to the guy and like the interviewer out by the mountain and he's like, I have a wife and kids. You have to look it up, just look up like Mount Everest but he's gay. It's so… and it's 14 years old so it's… and it's like a YouTube clip of the TV show. It's grainy as fuck, it's so bad.
SARAH: You know that clip, it was from like a British morning show and it's like the two hosts and then there's a guy that's on, and he asks, he's like, did your grandmother ride a bicycle… Hold on.
KAYLA: No, you have to look up mine first.
SARAH: I did, but I'm just trying to find what the… grandmother ride a bicycle morning show. Right, that's what it is, it's not bicycle. It was from a British morning show and there was an Italian chef and these two British hosts and one of the hosts suggested that the recipe would taste better or become similar to a Carbonara if ham was added. And then the chef goes, “if my grandmother had wheels, she would have been a bike.”
KAYLA: Damn, get him.
SARAH: And then there was like a very delayed reaction and then they were laughing very hard and it was so silly.
KAYLA: I love it.
SARAH: Anyway, sorry. What?
KAYLA: You have to watch the Mount Everest one.
SARAH: I will. Do you want me to watch it live?
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: It's very important to me. It's like two seconds.
SARAH: It's 15 seconds.
CYNTHIA IZAGUIRRE (NEWS ANCHOR): Right after the break, we're going to interview Eric…
SARAH: The quality of this video is so bad.
KAYLA: It's so bad.
SARAH: Like I can't even see their eyes.
[00:50:00]
KAYLA: No, it's terrible.
CYNTHIA IZAGUIRRE (NEWS ANCHOR): Weihenmayer, who climbed the highest mountain in the world, Mount Everest. But he's gay. Excuse me, he's blind
KAYLA: But, he's gay.
SARAH: He's gay. Sorry, he's blind. Girl, what were you thinking about!?
KAYLA: What was she doing?
SARAH: Was her co-anchor… did she have suspicions?
KAYLA: That's what I was like, did he tell you secretly he was gay and you accidentally let it slip?
SARAH: This video is called an explanation for Gay Mount Everest…
(Clip playing in the background)
KAYLA: Is it like with lady?
(Clip playing in the background)
SARAH: They're showing her reacting to watching this.
KAYLA: But he's gay…
(Clip playing in the background; Cynthia Izaguirre reacting saying she doesn’t think it’s that funny)
KAYLA: Ma'am.
(Clip playing in the background)
KAYLA: Well, that’s not very fun.
(Clip playing in the background)
SARAH: That's good. Did you hear what he just said?
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: The blind mountain climber who she was talking about, uses that clip to introduce himself when he does speaking engagements.
KAYLA: Oh my God, I love that. The one other video… you could cut all of this out, I don't care. The one other video we watched that you need to be watching is… is it Eric Adams, the former New York mayor?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Have you seen the video of him searching his home?
SARAH: No, but he has a lot of insane videos, you'll have to be more specific.
KAYLA: Okay, there's one of him teaching New Yorkers how to inspect their home to see if their teens like have contraband in it. And it is the most insane thing I've ever seen, mostly because it watches exactly like an SNL sketch. And it is extremely real, at some point.
SARAH: Eric Adams has said some truly…
KAYLA: You have to watch it.
SARAH: Eric Adams' best quotes.
KAYLA: One of his best quotes from this video is, “a popular knapsack carrying a simple ass crack pipe.” “What's this behind the picture frame? A gun.” You have to watch it.
SARAH: This is just a website that just has a bunch of Eric Adams greatest hits. “I'm not taking you anywhere with me to a $500 dinner, if you got two tattoos on your neck saying ‘lick me’ it ain't happening.”
KAYLA: Good. Okay. So anyway, that's my juice. And also, my other juice is for my birthday. Dean got us Olivia Rodrigo tickets and he got extremely lucky in the Ticketmaster War and he got… oh, she's reading.
SARAH: Sorry. “We can talk about erectile dysfunction but not clitoral stimulation, something is wrong, something is just wrong.”
KAYLA: Something is wrong, Eric. That's so true.
SARAH: “I am perfectly imperfect and have occasionally eaten fish.” “I would marry capitalism, Israel. Socialism, I would kick to the curb.” Oh, that was when Israel wasn't an option.
KAYLA: Huh!
SARAH: He just said that he would marry Israel out of nowhere.
KAYLA: Good.
SARAH: Sorry. I'm closing this.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Got lucky in the Ticketmaster War.
KAYLA: Yes. And we got floor seats or like floor, general admission floor for like the price that like nosebleeds were going for.
SARAH: Can you remind me who you were ticketing for?
KAYLA: Olivia Rodrigo.
SARAH: Right, I wasn't listening to that part.
KAYLA: I know. Okay, I'll be done now.
SARAH: Okay. My juice is, you know those Dot’s Pretzel twists?
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: I recently got some for free, I was at someone else's office and I stole them and I ate them. And I was like, yeah, these are pretty good. Like I had them before but like I…
KAYLA: They are good.
SARAH: They're like Chex Mix if it were just Pretzels.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's true.
SARAH: And so, then I bought some for myself. And my juice about them is that I like them. But I don't like them so much that I can't stop myself. You know?
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: I was eating kind of a lot before this podcast. But like if I really like a food, it's very difficult to get me to stop eating it, because I have no self-control.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But it's like, I like them but I don't like them so much that it's a problem, which I think is probably good.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: My beef is… I think sweating, it's my forever beef, I don't like sweating, I think it's bad.
KAYLA: Everyone here used to not sweat.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah. Good old days.
SARAH: I blame the Prozac and the California.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So… yep. Thank you for telling… what!?
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: What happens next? You can tell us about your beef, your juice, your favorite scene from Stick It. The one thing that bothers me about Stick It is they call it a Tard. No one calls it a Tard, it's a Leo.
KAYLA: A Tard? I have not heard that.
SARAH: It's a Leo, it's always a Leo, it's not a Tard.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Anyway. You can tell us… social media. We also have a Patreon, patreon.com/soundsfakepod if you would like to support us there and maybe get some exclusive Stick It content in the future. Our $5 patrons who we are promoting this week are Jolly Lizbert, Katharina, Kelly, Lily and Lindsay. Yippee! Our $10 patrons who we are promoting this week… who are promoting something this week. Bing Bong. Bing Bong! Our… speaking of Eric Adams, it wasn't him that said that, but his New York… it doesn’t matter. Barefoot Backpacker who would like to promote their YouTube channel rtwbarefoot. SongOStorm who would like to promote a healthy work life balance. Sydney Price who would like to promote their Instagram @sydneyxprice and Val who would like to promote… I don't know if Val wants to promote this but the sad thing about… like some of the worst politicians in terms of the impacts of what they've done are some of the funniest fucking people.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Trump, fucking Eric Adams.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Like funny, objectively funny.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: That's why I saw someone who was like, we should… when Eric Adams was running for mayor, running for reelection, and there was another guy, oh, Curtis Sliwa who is… he's the Republican that always runs, but he's also like funny in like a weird way and people were like, we should have a runoff to be the New York City court jester.
KAYLA: Mm, they can just do that.
SARAH: They can do that, yeah.
KAYLA: I like it.
SARAH: Anyway. Our other $10 patrons are Alastor, Ani, Arcnes, Benjamin Ybarra, Clare Olsen, Danielle Hutchinson, Derick & Carissa, Elle Bitter, Eric, my aunt Jeannie, Johanna, Kayla’s dad, Maff, Martin Chiesl, Purple Hayes, and Quartertone. Our $15 patrons are Ace who would like to promote the writer Crystal Scherer. Nathaniel White who would like to promote NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com. Kayla’s aunt Nina who would like to promote katemaggartart.com. And Schnell who would like to promote accepting that everyone is different and that's awesome. Our $20 patrons are Changeling & Alex who would like to promote their company Control Alt Access (dot com). And Dr. Jacki, Dragonfly, my mom and River who would like to promote rest in peace Spirit Airlines.
KAYLA: Mm, indeed.
SARAH: My friend was actually supposed to take a Spirit Airlines flight like the week that it happened and she just got an email that was like…
KAYLA: Psych.
SARAH: It's cancelled.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears. And maybe, a special guest.
KAYLA: Ah, perhaps. And until then, take good care of your cows.
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]