Ep 404: Do People Hate Their Friends?
SARAH: Hey, what's up? Hello! Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl (I'm Sarah, that's me.)
KAYLA: And a bi-demisexual girl (that's me, Kayla.)
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode: People Don't Like their Friends.
BOTH: Sounds fake, but okay.
SARAH: Taking that at a clip today, we're moving speedy.
KAYLA: Are we?
SARAH: I guess I was doing it faster than normal.
KAYLA: Oh. I got to get to bed, keep the shit moving
SARAH: I got to go. Welcome back to the pod.
KAYLA: Really fast. We're going to do this really fast.
SARAH: You don't need to put us on 1.5-speed, we got you handled.
KAYLA: Yeah, we got that for you. You're welcome.
SARAH: Hi everyone, how are you? Are you well? Okay.
KAYLA: You never give them enough time to answer.
SARAH: I would have cut it out anyway.
KAYLA: Ugh
SARAH: This is 1.5-speed podcast, come on, let's go.
KAYLA: Sarah just don’t care about you like I do. Sarah just doesn't care, not like me.
SARAH: Okay, Kayla, what do you want to know about them?
KAYLA: Everything.
SARAH: Like what?
KAYLA: How was your day? What's your favorite food? Where's like a bucket-list place you'd like to go?
SARAH: That's enough questions.
KAYLA: Do you have a good relationship with your mom?
SARAH: Oh, okay!
KAYLA: So
SARAH: Well, we gave them the opportunity to answer those because it took you so long in between each one that they had time to respond.
KAYLA: Oh my God, it took like two seconds.
SARAH: Yeah, when you're editing it feels like an eternity.
KAYLA: Oh my God.
SARAH: We don't have any housekeeping. Do we?
KAYLA: I don't think so.
SARAH: No. Kayla, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week… last week… this week we're talking about how last week Sarah sent… I think it was last week.
SARAH: Yeah, I think it was too.
KAYLA: Sent me this discourse that was going around, which I don't know if I had… I feel like I had maybe seen a video or something of people talking about it, but I hadn't really paid much attention to it, but some discourse regarding friendship. And I had considered… when we were trying to figure out what to talk about last week, I considered bringing it up and then it was like, oh no, whatever. But then I've like kept thinking about it.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So.
SARAH: I got to find it now. Now, this is about queer dating turning into an entry-level job market paradox, it's not that one.
KAYLA: A different one.
SARAH: Although that's also a conversation that I don't really feel like talking about right now.
KAYLA: For another time
SARAH: Yes, okay, I found it. So, the discourse I stumbled upon on the World Wide Web was… I'm just going to read it to you. So, this is a quote tweet of a tweet that is a screenshot of tweets.
KAYLA: Right.
SARAH: So, the screenshot of tweets… oh, is also a quote tweet.
KAYLA: Great, it never ends.
SARAH: So, here's the tweet that was quoted in the screenshot.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: You can't even see the whole thing. It's someone talking about discourse about whether it's rude to ask if you can stay at a friend's apartment when you're in their city.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And this person quoted it and said, “y'all ask people to stay at their place?” And then someone responded and said, “OMG, everyone in your replies was raised in a barn. It's fine to say, oh, hey, I'm coming to…” blah blah blah. “Do you have any advice on where I should stay? And see if someone offers. But it is absolutely classless to ask someone if you can stay with them outside of an emergency.” And then OP quote retweeter says, “I'm honestly aghast.” The person who screenshat this said, “there is truly another world out there.” And then the quote retweeter of that said, “it seems like a lot of discourse on here just represents a divide between people who like their friends and are always willing to do them a favor and people who are constantly engaged in psychological warfare with everyone they meet.”
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: To me it's so wild that there is this discourse on the internet about whether it's appropriate to ask your friend if you can stay at their place.
KAYLA: Yeah, I mean the thing that I keep going back to is when you were like texting me about this, I remember you saying, do people even like their friends? And I really just keep coming back to that, because I think some people don't like their friends.
SARAH: No. I understand… it's one thing if someone is like, can I stay with you for three weeks straight? Or can I and my six friends stay with you?
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But like when I went to Boston for like the book stuff, at no point was I like, hmm, I wonder where I'm going to stay. Like, the entire time both of us just assumed that I was going to stay at your apartment. And I did.
KAYLA: Yeah, because obviously. The only thing I can think of, because I also, I think I saw some people making TikToks about this too, maybe. The only thing, and I think I saw people making this thing of like, well, I live in New York in this really small like studio and so how dare they presume and whatever. So, in situations like that, like that is one situation where I'm like, okay, if you physically just don't have room to have someone in your house, then I totally get that. Also, the only other situation I could think of is like if the friend is coming to your city but not to visit you, like, I guess, I could see that being kind of weird.
SARAH: Yeah. But I have had friends, I have had like K-pop friends say, hey, I'm coming to the LA shows, can I stay with you? And yeah, like, that's a normal thing to ask someone.
KAYLA: Yeah, I just…
SARAH: I don't… and some people are just like, it's not bad to stay with your friends, it's bad for them to ask, like, they should offer first. But it's like, if I don't know… like, it's weirder if that friend were like, so I'm coming to the LA shows…
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I don't really know where I'm going to stay yet.
KAYLA: That feels like more rude to me somehow.
SARAH: Yeah, it feels like you're like prodding.
KAYLA: No, that feels more rude to me than just directly asking like, hey. Because also, like, you have the right to say no.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Like, no one is saying you can't say no. If you like physically don't have the space, if you have, like, you're really busy, if you have other people staying with you, like…
SARAH: You're allowed to say no.
KAYLA: Yeah. I don't think anyone is saying like you have to say yes to this kind of thing.
SARAH: And the original tweet that was quote retweeted in the screenshot that was tweeted and then quote retweeted, is cut off so I can't see the whole thing. But in it, the person is saying… you know, someone said, “I have a tiny apartment and a stressful job so that wouldn't work for me.” And they go, “okay, so then say that to your friend.”
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Like that's all you have to do.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I don't understand.
KAYLA: I just… the reason… I just… I don't know, I just don't think people are good at like being communities anymore.
SARAH: Mm-mm
KAYLA: Because I think, like…
SARAH: What was it lately that I saw where someone said… I'm going to butcher it, but they were basically saying like, everyone wants to live in a community but nobody wants to be a community member.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And I think that's very valid. I think post COVID, I think it has gotten a lot worse.
KAYLA: Yeah. Well, because it does take work, right?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Like, you do have to make sacrifices, take time out of your day, do things that like…
SARAH: It can be inconvenient when people stay in your house.
KAYLA: Yeah. I just mean like, being in community in general.
SARAH: In general, yeah, I know what you mean.
KAYLA: It can be inconvenient. Like, there are… like, I have a very close-knit community, I'm very lucky to have that where I live. And it's all people I adore. Are there sometimes times where I'm like, hey, I'm really fucking going through it and I don't want to leave the house right now, but this person just asks me for this thing, like, I'm going to go do it. Like, it sucks and I'm going to be annoyed about it and like, throw a temper tantrum later by myself, but I'm going to do it.
SARAH: I never like driving my friends to LAX.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But if I can do it, I will do it.
KAYLA: Yeah. I just… it just… it feels also like a very like, straight, white, like, rich vibe to me too.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Of like, people that have never had to depend on someone else... Or they don't understand… because the thing about being in a community it is like, I don't know, the example I'm thinking of is like, in my friend group here, for a while, we had one shovel between the ten of us.
SARAH: The community shovel!
KAYLA: And we would just go, like, walk down the street. This is when we all lived close enough to each other, but it'd be like, oh, our cars all got snowed in. Like, can I come get the shovel? Oh, once you're done with that shovel, can I get the shovel? And then I'll bring it back. And we all were just shoveling out like four cars between ten people with one shovel.
SARAH: With one shovel
KAYLA: And it's like… like, at this point in our lives, could we have afforded to like, go out and buy a shovel, probably.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But also, like, if we weren't, great, you don't have to.
SARAH: A community shovel.
KAYLA: But I think when people are so hyper-independent, and you have enough money to be like, well, I don't need that, I can just pay for whatever myself, it like, reduces the need for it.
[00:10:00]
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And so then, you're less willing to help people because you don't like understand what it means to need that help.
SARAH: And because I do fly so frequently, I try not to ask people to drive me to the airport too much, because I know how fucking annoying it is. And like… especially with driving someone to LAX, it's like, you know, I'll drive you, you drive me. Like, it's, you know, at some point, well, it'll be even. But because I do have to go there more often than some of my counterparts…
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Sometimes I do feel really bad asking. Or I'll be like, I'm not going to ask this time because I'm only going to be gone for three days, so, I'll just pay for parking there and whatever.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Or also like, for your bachelorette party, when my flight was at like 6:40 A.M., I'm like, I'm not making someone drive me to the airport at 4 A.M.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But like, that's me making that choice. Like, I could still ask.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And would they maybe be a little annoyed sometimes? Yeah, sure.
KAYLA: Probably, but that's just like how… yeah.
SARAH: Also, it's like the same to people I always ask because those are the people who live relatively near to me.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Like, a lot of my other friends in the L.A. area live not remotely near me and I am not... they would have to go out of their way to come get me to go to the airport.
KAYLA: Oh, L.A.
SARAH: Yeah. Anyway. Yeah, I think a lot of people just aren't prepared to contribute to society, but we do live in a society.
KAYLA: We do. And it's also like, I guess, I just like, what are these people's definition of friends? And I understand that there's different levels of friendship of, you know, this is my more casual friend or my work friend, someone that I only see in group social settings, whatever. I understand that is kind of a different situation, maybe you wouldn't feel as comfortable like doing favors for them or having them stay in your house or whatever.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I'm talking about like friend-friends.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: Like, I'm confused, I guess, I just like don't understand how people are conceptualizing friendship if not like, I'm going to do things and make sacrifices for you.
SARAH: Yeah, I don't know, I…
KAYLA: Like, I don't know if it's a...
SARAH: Are those people just really leaning on their romantic relationships?
KAYLA: Well, that was what I keep thinking of, it is like, are these people truly just viewing friendships as…
SARAH: Accessories
KAYLA: A temporary relationship to have in the time of your life before you get into your life partnership and now that's your support system.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like, is it just like the holdover?
SARAH: I don't know. I saw a tweet yesterday that I got bored and decided not to watch that would have been relevant to this.
KAYLA: Well…
SARAH: But I didn't watch it.
KAYLA: Here we are.
SARAH: It was Andrea. What's her face? The girl who goes, ‘lock-in women's fear.’ You know her?
KAYLA: I don't.
SARAH: She makes videos about women on the internet and she always starts off with ‘lock-in women's fear.’
KAYLA: Love that.
SARAH: But I didn't watch it and now we'll never know. Okay, this is sort of related to some tweets I found that I have pulled that had been existing on my phone.
KAYLA: Oh, okay
SARAH: And this one is a quote retweet and the quote retweeted tweet is, this is not even a verified user, so, like, they're just doing this for the love of the game. Because if you're a verified user on Twitter, everyone knows that they make money off of that shit. But if you're not…
KAYLA: Oh
SARAH: Oh yeah.
KAYLA: I didn't know it was about that.
SARAH: If you're verified, they usually make money off of engagement.
KAYLA: Oh
SARAH: Or they can make money off of engagement, but if you're not, good luck.
KAYLA: I didn't know it was like that.
SARAH: These days, yeah
KAYLA: Great, I love it.
SARAH: So, not verified, just tweeting this for the love of the game. It says, “having a girlfriend is so fucking boring. LMAO.” And then laughing, crying emoji. And then it's a video. And it says, ‘most entertaining night with your girlfriend.’ And it shows like a couple like cuddling in bed and then they're fucking and then they're cuddling in bed again. And then she's like, just like, hanging out in the bed and he's just like staring at the ceiling.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: What? What were you confused about?
KAYLA: No, I'm not confused.
SARAH: It was an oh, like… oh, I got it.
KAYLA: Uh-huh.
SARAH: And then it says, ‘least entertaining night with your bro.’ And it's a bunch of pictures…
KAYLA: Okay, just say you're gay then.
SARAH: And it's a bunch of videos of just like men doing like stupid dangerous drunk shit, you know? Like jumping, dolphining onto a beer pong table. And punching one of those punching bag games, but bro's head is behind the punching bag, so, when you punch the bag, it hits bro's head. And like a guy jumping off a roof onto a man laying on a table. That's the vibe. Okay?
KAYLA: Right.
SARAH: And the quote retweet, verified, getting those coins.
KAYLA: Right.
SARAH: Says, “how do you explain to your girlfriend that you want to make a video about how much you fucking hate her and you're just thinking about men when you're together? Some men will build an entire relationship with a woman while knowing she was never the person they actually wanted.” And I feel like this is related. Of like, you see it particularly in like cishet couples where it's like, do you even like each other?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Why are you dating? Like, did you just get stuck here? And I think it's a similar vibe where it's like, are people just doing what they think they're supposed to do? And then even if it loses its shine then they're like, actually, I don't think I like you very much. They're just like, I guess I will stay here.
KAYLA: I… it just boggles my mind. Another thing I was thinking of in relation to the friendship thing when I was thinking about like this, do you even like your friends? Do you even like the people in your life? It is like, I know people in my… like, I am not friends with people I don't like, me personally, just kind of not my vibe. And I remember struggling through like high school and college of like being around people that I didn't particularly like. And it was just like, well, they're in my social group, they're in this, whatever. And I remember having a therapist that was like, well, the great thing about like leaving these situations is like you don't have to be friends with people you don't like anymore.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Like, you're about to be an adult and like you can really choose who you're around all the time. And I was like, lit.
SARAH: Unless your close friends are in relationships with people who suck.
KAYLA: And we can't get into all that. But I have friends now at my ripe old age of almost 30 who have friends who they've had for… like, friends from high school, friends from college, that they like don't like anymore. Or they like don't, you know, their like politics have diverged or they're like, yeah, like, they're kind of a shitty person in these situations. And so, they're not…
SARAH: You have to put in so much effort as an adult to be friends with people. Why are you putting the effort in?
KAYLA: Well, and that's the weird thing too, it's often… I've noticed like, they won't hang out with these people one on one. Like, it's really kind of just like a group social situation of like okay, I have this group of friends that we've all kind of like known each other since, whatever. Like, people have slowly trickled in and out of this friend group. And they're not people you would hang out with one on one, this isn't someone I'm like telling my secrets, it's not, you know, I don't know if I would host them in my house if they asked to come stay in my city, whatever.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But they're still friends with them. And it's like, well, I have to… And it's like, but you don't like them.
SARAH: You're not obligated. Like, you can just follow each other on Instagram and that's it, and that's okay.
KAYLA: Yeah. So, that's what… it is like, it just like baffles me. Of like, okay, so, you call this person your friend, you go to all these like social engagements, but you don't like them.
SARAH: Do you think that the advent of the social internet has amplified that problem?
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: Because on one hand, you can have so many friends from so many different places and it's not like you're like, oh, I'm stuck here and like, this is the friend group... Did you hear that?
KAYLA: What was that?
SARAH: Something outside.
KAYLA: It sounded like a weird noise…
SARAH: It sounded like a fart, it was like a whoopee cushion sound.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I have no idea what that was. Anyway. Like, if you're… especially if you're in a smaller or more siloed community, like, if that's the group of people and there's one person you really fucking hate. Like, there's not a ton you can necessarily do about that because those are your only options.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But with the internet, you have so many options. But you're also putting on more of a front all the time. And I think part of the problem with people like not actually liking their friends or not actually liking their partner is they're playing a role.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And they're playing the role of what they think they should be doing.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And so, they get stuck in that like front-facing acting sort of situation.
KAYLA: Yeah, and I… I mean, I think age has something to do with it too. Right? Of like, it is hard to make friends the older you get.
[00:20:00]
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: And so, I can understand being like, well, this isn't the best friendship, I don't really like this person but like I need something.
SARAH: Yeah, it's okay.
KAYLA: Yeah. Like, this reminds me of a TikTok I saw…
SARAH: They're tolerable if they've had a shot.
KAYLA: Yikes. This reminds me of a TikTok I saw just earlier and I saved it because I was like, this could be something we talk about, but I think it fits in here. Of this girl posted a TikTok and was like, my boyfriend just told me he's in a ‘I hate my girlfriend phase’ but that it's like normal and all guys go through that with their girlfriends. And I was like, hello?! So, I opened the comments and someone commented and was like, oh, he like doesn't like you but he's afraid to give up the chain… hold on, I want to find the comment
SARAH: But he's afraid to give up like the security of…
KAYLA: Basically, yeah.
SARAH: He doesn't want to have to start over.
KAYLA: Let me find it.
SARAH: In the meantime, let me read you these tweets that I found that were related.
KAYLA: No but I found it.
SARAH: Okay never mind, go.
KAYLA: This person said, “he's in his ‘I don't like her anymore’ but I can't give up on the advantages of a girlfriend so I will take some time to either find someone else or try and convince myself to like her again. Just like when you hate your job but you can't give up on the salary yet.”
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like, is that what people are doing with their friends too? Of just like, well…
SARAH: They’re thinking about people like that? Yeah.
KAYLA: I don't know, I don't know.
SARAH: And I think in terms of like the acting of it all, the playing a role, I think sometimes it is also like I need to be friends with this kind of person, I need to be… maybe I just live in LA, but… and I think this has to do with these other tweets that I have that are more about like relationships and like not really liking your partner where this person says, “men that act like body hair on women is hot are bigger disgusting perverts…”
KAYLA: What?!
SARAH: “Than guys who just admit that it's gross, because you can tell they're so desperate for pussy they pretend to like armpit hair.”
KAYLA: What?!
SARAH: Tweeted by a woman by the way.
KAYLA: Oh, okay.
SARAH: And someone quote retweets and goes, “it might sound crazy to you but some people actually are attracted to women.” And I think that… it kind of is going in the same direction, where it's like, you want to like and be friends with and be associated with a certain kind of person…
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And so that's what you do even if it's not necessarily what you want. In this case it's like, why are you even interested in women if you're afraid of body hair? The thing about human beings…
KAYLA: Right, hairy
SARAH: Interestingly enough.
KAYLA: Do you think… okay, not to do the like, oh, this evil person is just like a closeted gay. But how many men do you think are out there like this, who are like woman haters, hate their girlfriends, whatever, and they're truly just gay. Like that guy thinking of like, oh, my night with my bros while he's laying in bed with his girlfriend, I'm like, then go date a man, if you hate hanging out with women so much.
SARAH: Yeah. This reminds me...
KAYLA: Clearly you love hanging with the guys.
SARAH: Of a clip I saw on Twitter the other day, it was… what's his face? That fuck from the UK, Piers Morgan, it was his show. And on his show was like a right-wing American man…
KAYLA: Great
SARAH: Like, a manosphere guy. And then this gay British guy.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: And they were like having a little debate, whatever. And the manosphere guy was saying that like, gay marriage isn't natural, we shouldn't be encouraging it. And the gay guy was like, okay, so, you say marriage. He was like, do you think being gay is natural? Like, you see it in nature and other species. And he was like well, yeah, but like it's not right, it's not… like, marriage isn't natural. And so, he was like, okay, so, like, what about marriage is natural? And he was like, well, no, it's like it's the natural way. He was like… but like, other animals don't get married. He was like, it's a construct
KAYLA: Natural-occurring marriage.
SARAH: What are you talking about? And the guy was like so… he was like, no, no, no, like yeah, you might be interested in that, but like, it's not natural and we shouldn't be, whatever. And finally, the gay guy goes… he was basically just like… he said he was like… this isn't true in every case but he goes, I think in your case… he was basically just like I think you're a closeted gay. Like…
KAYLA: I bet he loved that.
SARAH: He was like, I think people like you feel this attraction, this experience in their hearts and are so scared of it that they convince themselves that it's unnatural and they push it away. And yeah, the guy did not like that.
KAYLA: I bet.
SARAH: Pierce Morgan thought it was funny.
KAYLA: Oh, great.
SARAH: But with like the how many of them do you think are just closeted gay guys or gay people or whatever. I can't decide if it would be better if the answer is more or less.
KAYLA: I know, yeah
SARAH: Because if the answer is more that means that these people hopefully can be like reformed, that they can…
KAYLA: In a way, to me, it's worse though because in trying to fit in and… first of all, it means that people are so afraid to be gay that they feel the need to like put on this face and fit in
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And that the correct way of being a man and fitting in is to do what they're doing.
SARAH: Yes
KAYLA: Like that's what we're teaching people. Like, that's even more sad, to me.
SARAH: Yeah. But also, I think there is more of an opening to be like, hey. Like, to treat them like a spooked deer, you know. Like, to be like, hey…
KAYLA: It's okay.
SARAH: So, you feel this because it's okay to feel this way. And like, I feel like there's more of an opening to get them to unlearn that. But if someone is just like bigoted and hateful.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Like what… it's much harder to break through that.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I think all options are bad.
KAYLA: I just don't think people know what a friend is or how to be a friend, because I was just about to… like, with what you were saying about oh, you need to be friends with this kind of person or like...
SARAH: Or like you have to be friends with this person because they can get you into this club or they can get you access to something, you know
KAYLA: Right.
SARAH: Hey, this is Sarah from the future, I would like to add that that is the only reason that people like Elon Musk have ‘friends’ because he is an abhorrent person and a horrifying personality and just seems not fun to be around at all, ever. But he's the richest man in the world. And so sometimes people who keep ‘friends’ around who they like actively dislike but they see a utility in their friendship whether it's with Elon Musk’s money and power and influence peddling or like this person can get me into this club or like this person's dad is the dean of whatever, you know. Anyway, continue.
KAYLA: Like, it's networking. But then in saying that, that it's so transactional, then you go back to the original like apartment thing and it's like okay, if you're going to have friendships that are so transactional at the base of like, I don't truly care about you in the deepest form as a friend. I'm just friends with you because of X, Y, Z. Then how are you going to be mad that this person wants to do a transaction with you?
SARAH: Yeah. Hold on, sorry. I just Googled, ‘do people like their friends?’
KAYLA: Great.
SARAH: First of all, there's a New York Times story from 2016 that says, ‘a study found that only half of perceived friendships are mutual.’
KAYLA: Great! That does remind me, I know someone who… the guy isn't his… there's this guy that like thinks that they're best friends and he's like, actually, this guy is like a piece of shit and all of us hate him.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: But he just keeps trying to be around us and he thinks we're best friends and we all hate this piece of shit man.
SARAH: It's hard to get rid of someone sometimes, nicely.
KAYLA: Yeah, he won't go away. I've been hearing about this man for years.
SARAH: Oh. This is from r/AskReddit, 17 days ago. Logical-Plum-2499 says, “do you like your friends? And if so, why?”
KAYLA: Oh, no!
SARAH: And the top fucking reply, “currently, I have three friends. I love two of them and one of them I can't stand.” No further elaboration.
KAYLA: I understand this sort of thing in like high school, I think.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Where everything is very dramatic. Like, one of my co-workers has a young teenager who is like going through a lot of like friends, like, they're not talking this week and now they're friends again and whatever. And it just makes me think back of like, okay, when you're 13 and you have your friendships, especially when you're a girl, I feel like everything is so dramatic. At least like the girls I knew. Not trying to stereotype. But like, everything is just so dramatic. And it's like well, I have to be friends with this person but I also hate them and we're enemies but I'm jealous of them, whatever. But as a full-grown adult?!
[00:30:00]
SARAH: And like people who are like competitive and always trying to like out do their friends to like try and win at friendship.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Or just trying to win as being like the cooler, better person. It's like what are you doing?
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Okay, so here's a question. Take stock of yourself. Do you like your friends? No, here's a question. How do you… I don't want to say how do you know if you like your friends. But like, I feel like there are definitely people out there who this applies to that they don't realize it. Do you agree?
KAYLA: Yeah, I do agree. I mean, I'm thinking of the person I was kind of talking about earlier where they're like, they don't… some of their friends they just like don't like. And I think it… I think that they… like, I have watched them kind of go through phases of realizing like, oh, I think the people around me like maybe aren't great. But I think if you don't know any different...
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Maybe you just think that's what friendship is.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like, I think maybe we're coming from a very like privileged place of like, we've had really great friendships and we also…
SARAH: ‘I'm Kayla, and all my friends live in Boston, we're all close with each other and we share a shovel.’
KAYLA: I’m not saying… but that's… okay, we do share a shovel, we can't really do it now because everyone moved to different neighborhoods. But I don't mean that in like physical proximity.
SARAH: Who got the custody of the shovel?
KAYLA: Probably the person who owned it originally that we just kept taking it from.
SARAH: I know you don't mean like proximity, but yeah, yeah
KAYLA: But if you have never had like close friendships like that, where someone is like willing to do favors for you or like go out of their way or make sacrifices or whatever, then maybe you just like don't know that that's what you could have.
SARAH: I feel bad for those people.
KAYLA: I know, but I mean… and again, there's something that feels very straight about that to me. I think queer people are just much better at like building community because we have to.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I mean like, aspec people, of course, I feel like they're just like the pinnacle of friendship because you really are like granular about like what a relationship means to you and like, you know, the difference between platonic love and romantic love.
SARAH: And what purpose it serves in your life, yeah.
KAYLA: Right. But I think if you're just like an average straight person who like assumes that they're like going to get married and have kids, you have your like work friends, you have your casual whatever friend. Like, I don't know, maybe you think that that's what it is.
SARAH: Yeah. I think it also like… I think it depends on the culture that you were raised in and I don't necessarily mean like, people of this demographic are so much better at community, I just mean that like… like, my family is all like quite close and generous with each other and generous with the people that we care about. Like, I have a K-pop friend that lives in Michigan who has stayed at my place in L.A. who has met my mom a couple of times.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And now like my mom texts this person sometimes and is like, hey, if you ever need anything.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Like, let me know. And this person was like, “you're being too nice.” And it's like, no, that's just like what she's like.
KAYLA: That’s just how it is, yeah
SARAH: Compared to like other… if I'm thinking about like L.A. how people… people in L.A. are nice but they're not kind and people in New York are kind but they're not nice.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And in the Midwest, they're typically both and in the South it depends.
KAYLA: Yeah. I was actually trying… we were talking about that at work the other day because we have a lot of people from the East Coast and obviously, we have some from California and they were asking me because I'm like, I think the only Midwestern are they're like, oh, like, is it true that everyone in the Midwest is just like really nice? And I was like, yeah, kind of. Like, I mean like, you know, not… you have your like mean ones…
SARAH: Right, there's always going to be…
KAYLA: Whatever, but like, yeah, in general, everyone is like just like pretty chill.
SARAH: Yeah. And I think living now in L.A. where people are nice but not kind there's like walls up and it's harder to build a certain kind of community. I was listening to an episode of Normal Gossip that was from a little while ago that I hadn't listened to yet and it was a story about this gay couple and their older neighbor who turned out to be also a gay man who they got close to during COVID. Because COVID was weird because like people who didn't know each other were like… like, neighbors were like actually getting to know each other, but then also it was more separate, and it was like… it was weird.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And like they got to know this guy over COVID because they were having charcuterie out by their pool and he was having charcuterie out by his pool and they were like, we should do this together.
KAYLA: Hang, yeah
SARAH: And then part of the story was his nephew was going to get gay-married and his nephew asked if he could get gay-married at his house and he said yes. But then his like sister and brother-in-law and then like an older woman needed somewhere to stay and so the neighbor asked the couple, they were like, is it okay if these people who you don't know, but are there for the wedding who like are close to me and close to the groom stay at your house? Part of the problem though was that they weren't going to be at the house the whole time these people needed somewhere to stay.
KAYLA: Ugh, yeah, that’s tough
SARAH: And so, then they're talking about like, okay, what would you do? And I'm like, I'm sorry, but no.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's hard
SARAH: Like, it’s hard enough to have like three people you don't know stay at your house for three days.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: If I am not going to be there, no.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But they agreed.
KAYLA: Good for them
SARAH: And then they also agreed to let them borrow their truck while they were gone to pick stuff up.
KAYLA: Oh, wow!
SARAH: Now, that was the same reaction the people on Normal Gossip had, where they were like, oh, no, this is where you draw the line. To that I say, I would much sooner let someone drive my vehicle than stay in my house without me.
KAYLA: I mean, I don't want to do either.
SARAH: I think it's because I view my vehicle… not as a temple, but as a vessel.
KAYLA: Yeah, an expensive one though.
SARAH: Yeah…
KAYLA: And they're not on your insurance. And do they even have insurance?
SARAH: But he was like, my old man's boyfriend, who was the young poor boy, because stereotypes. He was like, he'll drive the car. It won't be me, old man.
KAYLA: Yeah, I still don't like that.
SARAH: Things went wrong…
KAYLA: I bet
SARAH: And you know where they went wrong? With the truck. There was no issue about the people staying in their house…
KAYLA: Yeah, you can't be doing that.
SARAH: Young boyfriend was working on a project regarding drag queens and didn't have time and so old man neighbor drove the car and somehow flooded their entire yard.
KAYLA: Oh!
SARAH: Anyway, point being, it was just interesting hearing like what people would be okay with versus what I would be willing to do.
KAYLA: Will to do, yeah
SARAH: I don't remember how I got on this tangent.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Or what it related to. Just that… COVID maybe? Was it about COVID?
KAYLA: I don't know.
SARAH: I don’t know. Community…
KAYLA: Community…
SARAH: Some people have it…
KAYLA: I mean, the thing I will say in regards to like some people just don't have good friendships like that. I don't… I don’t know, I don’t want it to be like, oh, we're hating on people that don't have good friendships. Because I think some people it's just like okay they're not good at friendship so they don't value it. I think the other reason people are getting into these relationships or these friendships is that they don't have another choice. Like, there have definitely been times in my life where I've been somewhere without friends and I'm like meeting new people and I need people around. Like, you need friends, like I need people around me. And it's like, well, these are the people that are here. And I don't necessarily like them all…
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But like, these are the options right now.
SARAH: This will do.
KAYLA: And I think like again especially as you get older and it's so hard to make friends, it's kind of… I think you sometimes do end up in those situations where it's like, okay, I either have no friends and have no socialization or there's these people that like, yeah, maybe I do kind of hate them sometimes, like… it's like, what do you do?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I don't want to tell people just like don't ever be friends with someone that you don't really like, because it's like, well, I'd rather you have someone in your life.
SARAH: Right. I think it's just… it's helpful to think about like all of your relationships and being like, how much do I like these people? Let me rank all of my friends by how much I like them.
KAYLA: Perfect, perfect, nothing could go wrong.
SARAH: Nothing could go wrong. But just like, you know, especially like the relationships that you might put time or energy into. It's like why are you putting time and energy into them?
KAYLA: Yeah. And are you getting the time and energy back?
SARAH: Mm-hmm. Or if you aren't putting time and energy into them, why aren't you? And do you wish you were?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Which easier said than done. And again, as Kayla has said it's so… the older you get the harder it is.
KAYLA: Yeah
[00:40:00]
SARAH: But I think the older you get the more… it is both true that it is harder to find people that stick. But you also have the opportunity to be choosier and not get stuck with someone just because they're there and they're like in the group.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: It's both easier and harder in terms of being stuck with people you don't really like that much.
KAYLA: Yeah. But I mean, I even think though even if you don't do anything about it, being honest with yourself about like, okay, maybe I am just friends with this person for like networking purposes.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Like, okay
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: You know.
SARAH: Or like I have people who like I consider myself friends with them but it's like, how often do I see you?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Maybe once a year? We live in the same city!
KAYLA: But I mean I think just like taking stock of that and then being honest, so, that like, you have situations like this where it's like someone's trying to stay in your house and whatever. And like maybe you truly aren't friends like that. Like, I could definitely like… there are definitely people that I'm like okay, yeah, I guess I would consider them a friend but I don't think I'd be comfortable with them maybe like staying with me for an extended period of time.
SARAH: Right.
KAYLA: Like, I just don't know them like that, and just like being honest about that.
SARAH: Maybe back to the original question of like is it appropriate to ask, if it's someone you don't know very well, maybe not.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Like, maybe… like, don't be assuming.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But like when I did my summer out here doing internships, I worked Comic-Con, I worked the floor for Comic-Con for like a week. And we were making very… that was the only time we were making money that summer, was working Comic-Con and we were making like minimum wage.
KAYLA: So wild
SARAH: And we didn't want to have to spend a bunch of money staying somewhere because staying anywhere near San Diego during Comic-Con is… absorbantly?… exorbitantly?
KAYLA: Exorbitantly
SARAH: Exorbitantly expensive. And we didn't have like a ton of prior notice. So, we ended up staying with one of my roommate’s cousin?
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: And they just housed their cousin and three friends they had never met on their couches for a couple of days.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And that was so fucking nice of them.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Like I don't know these people. Why did I bring this up?
KAYLA: I don't know.
SARAH: I keep losing it, I keep losing the thread. Oh, you don't have to do that. Like, you're not obligated to be that generous with your time and your space. If you want to be, cool, great. And like, I guess there's a line of like… there are some friends that I would be completely comfortable being like, hey, can I stay with you and other friends maybe not, it depends on the nature of the friendship. Like, if they're like an internet friend, I will ask them if I can stay. Like, when I was in Toronto with my mom, had my mom not been there I would have been staying with internet friends.
KAYLA: Yeah. I mean I think it's also… like, obviously, there's always different like scenarios and variables. It's like, okay, yeah, if they ask you… like, if it's once a month they're coming to do this, or like they're trying to stay with you for like three weeks then like…
SARAH: That's different.
KAYLA: Yeah. Obviously there comes a time where like, okay, this person is like asking to borrow this or like asking to stay with me all the time, like, this isn't reasonable, sure.
SARAH: Yeah, this person is like living in my house.
KAYLA: Right. But I'm just like… I don't know, man, it just doesn't feel that deep to like make a whole Twitter stink about it.
SARAH: I'm an introvert, I get it. But like if I have the room… like, even before… like, even when I had a roommate previously, so, like, there was less room. I have a deeply comfortable couch…
KAYLA: I slept on it
SARAH: I sleep on that thing all the time.
KAYLA: I slept… when I stayed there, I think your roommate must have still been living there at time or maybe you just didn't have the futon yet, I don't know, but I slept on couch.
SARAH: Yeah. At one point, my friend, my K-pop friend from Michigan and my mom were staying here at the same time because of concerts.
KAYLA: And what are you going to do?
SARAH: And what are you going to do? Or like recently I… there is a K-pop concert I want to go to but I have no one to go to it with, because I only have a couple of friends who are into this group and I have a friend who is into this group and they're one of my Toronto friends and they're not going to Toronto and I was like, you should come to LA, I have a couch, it's so comfortable. I was like, come to LA, go to the concert with me. And ultimately, she was like, I don't think I can
KAYLA: Booooo!
SARAH: But like, I don't know
KAYLA: I also think that people just need to become more comfortable saying no.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like, it's okay to say no when someone asks you for something. And it doesn't…
SARAH: Yeah. It's hard.
KAYLA: It is, it is hard. But I think… like, it's a skill to be able to be like, hey, I'm not comfortable with that. Like, I just can't. You know?
SARAH: And some people are going to take that better than others depending on their relationship to you, like, sometimes saying no to family is really, really hard.
KAYLA: Yeah, yeah.
SARAH: But you got to do uncomfortable things sometimes. So, let's practice right now. Everybody say, auga. Out loud, wherever you are.
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: That was your practice.
KAYLA: Interesting.
SARAH: Anything else?
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: What's our poll for this week? Do you like your friends?
KAYLA: Do you like your friends? Do you have any friends that you hate? Tell us the drama.
SARAH: Do you have friends? Do you like them? Do you have enemies? Do you like your enemies?
KAYLA: Mm-mm
SARAH: Listen, I've said it before and I'll say it again. One of the great things about fan fiction is that they always just have like a nice group of friends in fan fiction, because that's how it works.
KAYLA: I haven't had an enemy in a while.
SARAH: No, you haven't. I don't have enemies. Well, my enemy is Rita.
KAYLA: It's true. At my old job I had a lot of work enemies because people… there were some really stupid people.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I feel like the work enemies I have now I'm just not as passionate about.
SARAH: Right.
KAYLA: Is this 29?
SARAH: Is this growth?
KAYLA: Is this… mm
SARAH: Is this being an adult? Is this maturity?
KAYLA: It can't be.
SARAH: I don't know. Yeah, I want to know if you have friends and do you like them? Kayla, do you like your friends?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I like my friends too but a lot of them live really far away and I don't like that.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's fair.
SARAH: Why don't they all live in my neighborhood?
KAYLA: Because LA is stinky.
SARAH: Well, and many of them don't live in LA.
KAYLA: Brother, I told you when you moved to LA, if you were moving anywhere else, I would have moved there with you, I told you that. But you had to move to LA!
SARAH: Well, this can begin into our beef and juice. I've spent some time recently torturing myself.
KAYLA: Oh!
SARAH: And by that, I mean looking at adoptable kittens and dogs on the internet.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: You know what I learned? Delta, you used to be able to put dogs in like cargo-hold. Which like questionable as to whether you really want to do that or not.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But they wouldn't allow pit bulls.
KAYLA: Sure.
SARAH: They don't let anyone do that anymore.
KAYLA: Yeah, they've really tightened that stuff up.
SARAH: Only military. Only if you're like a military family moving from one base to another can you do that.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And so, I was trying to pump the brakes by looking at all of their air travel regulation rules, because I think Addie… I think if I got Addie a kitten, it would be good for her.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: It would have to be a kitten because Addie needs to be able to be the alpha.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And she's not great with other cats. So, it needs to be someone that she...
KAYLA: Well, what's the issue with flying with two cats?
SARAH: The issue with flying with two cats is that I am aromantic-asexual and do not have a partner, and one person can only fly on Delta, which is where I have status, you can only fly with one pet.
KAYLA: Oh
SARAH: You can fly with two kittens in a single carrier if they are six months or younger.
KAYLA: Oh, I didn't realize they had put so many shit around it.
SARAH: But you can only… even if you buy another seat, if you are one person you can only have one animal.
KAYLA: No way, I figured like if you could get them into one carrier it would be fine.
SARAH: Other airlines are more loosey-goosey but I think like Alaska tends to be the chillest about animal travel.
KAYLA: That's wild.
SARAH: And then I was looking at other… like, there are like airlines where it's like private or like semi-private, like, they're like sort of charter but like…
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: They're still really expensive and none of them fly to Detroit anyway. And then there are like the really expensive, like, basically, private ones where it's like, you want to pay $30,000? I don't have $30,000 to spare, buddy!
KAYLA: No!
[00:50:00]
SARAH: So, I pumped the brakes on that because I can't get her a kitten. Basically… it's because… if I could drive in a single day from LA to Michigan.
KAYLA: Then a lot of things would be different.
SARAH: I would get as many pets as I want. But as long as I am living in LA, if I have more than Addie, I will have to either leave them here when I come home for the holidays or I will have to drive to Michigan every day.
KAYLA: Eww!
SARAH: Yeah, that's a three-day drive.
KAYLA: Yeah. And I've done long drives with cats before, not fun…
SARAH: And it would be me by myself.
KAYLA: Not fun.
SARAH: It would be like me personally driving 10 to 12 hours a day.
KAYLA: Yeah, no.
SARAH: Anyway, that wasn't even my official beef and juice. I had official beef and juice, let me get it. My official beef and juice is that I signed up for email up to dates about ticket sales for the XLOV North American tour, which I was trying to convince my friend to come to the LA date for. Because I have no one to go with. Like, I have some friends who were like, oh, yeah, I kind of like them. But they're not into them enough to warrant spending the money. You know?
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: And tickets were not that expensive but like, I get it. You know, gas prices are… hold on, let me check, $6.25.
KAYLA: Oh, good!
SARAH: Across the street. Um, $6.09 if you pay with cash. But who does that?
KAYLA: Well…
SARAH: Anyway. I sign up for email updates about ticket sales for this tour; I receive nothing.
KAYLA: Oh!
SARAH: And today I think, huh, let me check on that. So, I look. Tickets went on sale yesterday, they're sold out.
KAYLA: I thought you were about to say that they've been sending you like too many emails because that's what always happens to me when I sign up for anything related to an email. But no, quite the opposite.
SARAH: And then they have the audacity…
KAYLA: Uh-oh
SARAH: About four hours ago they emailed me, and they said, guys, the New York City and LA dates are sold out…
KAYLA: That's fucked up.
SARAH: Bitch!
KAYLA: Damn.
SARAH: You never told me they were on sale. I told you specifically that I was interested in LA and general information, and then you sent me none of that. I sent them an angry email also because it's this like tour... it's this touring company that like kind of sucks, like, it's not… because they're such a small company that they have to kind of like outsource like tour stuff. And this company sucks. And I looked at… So, they posted three times about when LA presale was or when sale was, but it was all in a larger context, like, it wasn't like, hey, presale is… or sale is this day and time. I looked at them, all of them, it did not have the day or time in the text of the tweet or the Instagram; it was all only in the image.
KAYLA: No, you can’t do that
SARAH: And did they have alt text? No.
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: So, like, I think I saw some of the tweets, but I did not register what they were because it was like, oh, here's like what the VIP package is.
KAYLA: Oh. What the fuck?
SARAH: And I'm like, why would I expect to see the dates that it's going on sale in the same tweet about VIP packages. And it's not in the body of the tweet; it's in the image. So, I sent them an angry email; we'll see if anything comes to that.
KAYLA: I can't wait.
SARAH: Because it's sold out. You could buy… there are… some people are selling tickets online but they're like price-gouged. Like, I don't want to fucking do that. So, I sent an email and I was like, “please let me know how this happened and what we can do to rectify it.” Like, I went full Karen. And I was like, also, because of the whole like it wasn't in the body of the thing and it was only in the image and they didn't have alt text. I was like, just like an FYI, the company itself is not based in the US but I was like, because this is a US tour that is not in compliance with the Americans with Disabilities Act, by the way.
KAYLA: Sarah! Damn!
SARAH: Which like it's questionable whether… because like…
KAYLA: Yeah, I don’t know about that
SARAH: It's questionable whether they actually have to abide by it if they're not the federal government.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But I still threw that in.
KAYLA: I hope you get the most beautiful VIP package out of this.
SARAH: Me too, me too. Oh, my other beef is that I bought a birthday gift for myself; it got porch-pirated…
KAYLA: No!
SARAH: And now the HOA won't answer any of my fucking emails.
KAYLA: That's wild.
SARAH: So, it got delivered at 1:15 on Friday. I was unwell. I was working from home, so, I was actually home. But I didn't like see it and realize it and process it until like 10:30 at night. So, I go downstairs, it's not there, there's no… it's nowhere, it's not on my doorstep, it's not on my mailbox, it's not upstairs. So, I email them and I'm like… oh, and then also I went to the tracking and it was like, this doesn't exist.
KAYLA: Oh! Right.
SARAH: So, I emailed them and I'm like, hey, it says it was delivered, I didn't get it. Also, the tracking says it doesn't exist. And they were like, oh, sorry, I know it says that the tracking was SpeedX. And that's what the email and the link says, it's actually SwiftX, here's your tracking. And there behold it was the tracking and it had photos showing that it had been delivered to my house. And I said, it has only been like eight hours in between…
KAYLA: That’s pretty long
SARAH: Like, it hasn't been that long. So, then I got this response and I woke up in the middle of the night because I was ill. And it was like 3 A.M and I saw this response and I was like, fuck. So, I literally went downstairs at 3 A.M just to like double-check. Just to be like be sure of what I'm seeing. And there were other packages down there, that were there at 3 A.M. Like, several, it wasn't just for one person. Like, it was a couple for a couple of different people. I email the HOA. I say, hi, I think the porch pirates are back. Can you post about this? I want to make sure it wasn't like someone accidentally taking it. Because they put it in a spot… because usually they put it by wherever your mailbox is, but they put it not really by where my mailbox was. So, I was like, maybe someone grabbed it on accident. Who knows?
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And they didn't respond. And then the next morning, 9 A.M. I leave my house, no packages were there.
KAYLA: Uh-oh
SARAH: Between 3 A.M and 9 A.M all of the people whose packages had arrived that were there the night before at 10.30 are now gone.
KAYLA: Well, suspicious
SARAH: That doesn't seem likely.
KAYLA: No
SARAH: So, I emailed again on Saturday night. I was like, hey, I haven't heard anything. Because like I can't have any recourse with the company until I've heard from my HOA. Of like, you have security footage. Like, what's going on? They don't answer me. On Monday I get an email back being like, we've passed this along, they're reviewing it, they'll get back to you.
KAYLA: Oh! Who is they?
SARAH: The board? I don't know. And then today I still haven't gotten anything. So, I emailed them back today and I said, hi, it has been five days. You've sent out several building wide- blasts in the meantime.
KAYLA: What's a building-wide blast?
SARAH: About not this. Can you answer me? Because like I cannot have any recourse with the company until I know what fucking happened. Until like I know for sure that someone stole it. Hi, this is Sarah from the future. I'm just here to let you know that the HOA did finally get back to me and they sent me screenshots of the security footage and this man, like, full HD, you can just see his whole ass face. He goes in and he… there are so many packages and he only takes mine. That's the thing that makes me the most mad; he only takes mine. He doesn't live here but he had the code to the front door and then he only takes mine. That's… okay. Thank you. Goodbye. This is what I get for buying myself a Christmas or a birthday present. Fuck that shit. I wanted that sweater. Motherfucker! And now I can maybe wear it because my hives are gone except maybe the hive medicine is making me fatigued but maybe it's not. TBD. Kayla, what's your beef and your juice?
KAYLA: Um, my beef is that…
SARAH: Oh, that was only beef; my juice is that it rained today. Kayla what's your beef and your juice?
KAYLA: Mm, my beef is my like jaw has been feeling kind of weird. I don't know if I'm like clutching my teeth extra-hard or if I'm just like making it up at this point, it just feels kind of weird.
SARAH: My right upper side of my mouth has felt a little funky when I wake up sometimes.
KAYLA: Oh
SARAH: But I'm like, I've been wearing… Okay, not always.
KAYLA: Maybe your teeth are moving.
SARAH: But like, I've been wearing my night guard, sometimes.
KAYLA: Well…
SARAH: But like, the same sometimes as I've always worn it, you know?
[01:00:00]
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Like my habits haven't changed.
KAYLA: I just don't know.
SARAH: Like, even after I wore my night guard like sometimes I wake up and I'm like, oh, that feels weird. What’s going on? Continue. Go ahead.
KAYLA: That's my beef. My juice is I've been listening to a lot of This American Life lately.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: Which is an NPR show. I was an NPR child and so I listened to a lot of This American Life in the car growing up.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: And I think I like saw some of their like TikToks or something recently. Because like I listen to other NPR shows. But I hadn't listened to that one since I was like a child. But I think I saw their TikToks. So, I was like, oh, I should listen. And so, I've just been listening to a bunch of it. And really good stuff.
SARAH: Yippee! What is it? I've heard a lot about this podcast over the years; I don't fully understand what it is.
KAYLA: Um, I would say it’s… it's hosted by Ira Glass.
SARAH: Yeah, this I know.
KAYLA: He's like the main guy at least, they have like a lot of contributors. But they kind of have like a kind of broad theme each week. And then they'll do maybe like three stories. And it's just kind of just like… it's This American Life, you know, it's just kind of like showcasing just kind of like average life.
SARAH: What's an example of the stories?
KAYLA: Okay, so, the last episode I listened to was actually a rerun episode from 2002.
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: The reason they reran it was because it was an episode about testosterone. And like recently the Head of War was like, we're going to make all of our military people get testosterone testing.
SARAH: Oh, Pete Hegseth fuckass?
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Who renamed the department…
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: The department of… what's it called? What was it used to be called?
KAYLA: I don't know.
SARAH: Fuck, I don't even remember.
KAYLA: I don't know, I don’t know. Anyway.
SARAH: No, I have to look this up, I need to know.
KAYLA: No, no, no, I'm not listening, I'll never finish my story.
SARAH: What was the Department of War…
KAYLA: Defense?
SARAH: Department of Defense
KAYLA: Okay, great.
SARAH: Sorry, continue.
KAYLA: So, they were rerunning that. Like, they rerun old episodes because they've done like hundreds over the years, and so, they rerun them sometimes when it's like relevant. So, this episode was about testosterone. So, one story was this guy who had like a medical condition and so his body wasn't producing testosterone for a couple of months. And it was him talking to a reporter about like how that like felt for him. Like, how that affected his life and whatever. Also, in that episode was this mom who's a writer interviewing her like 15-year-old boy trying to like understand like what is life like as a 15-year-old boy, as like, you know, your hormones are changing or whatever. And another one of the stories was the staff at This American Life decided to all get their testosterone levels tested. And so, then they all were like guessing like, oh, which of us is going to have the highest levels, whatever. And then they like got their tests and they talked to a doctor about like how testosterone like affects your, you know, like your personality or your whatever. Which was actually very interesting because… and maybe this is like a 2002 thing, but like all of them cared a lot about what their testosterone levels were going to be and all the guys were like really competitive about it. And there was this one woman who was like, I really don't want to have high levels because it's going to like confirm all of my fears about myself that I'm really aggressive and bossy and whatever. Which was like a really… just like a really interesting perception. But that was like one episode where that was the theme. And so, then they just like have different stories. And like some of them are stories that have already been covered in the news in other ways. And so, they like bring the original reporter in who like wrote the piece to then like talk to whoever.
SARAH: Okay, I sort of understand better.
KAYLA: It's just this American life.
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: It's just stories of this American life.
SARAH: Was that beefs and juices?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: If you want to tell us about things…. we also have a Patreon…
KAYLA: Okay, nope.
SARAH: You can tell us about your beef, your juice, your favorite This American Life episode on our social media @soundsfakepod.
KAYLA: Honestly. One I was listening to they were talking about like the secret recipe of Coke. Someone had like found… I think the episode theme was like, I don't know, about like missing things or something. But someone had like found an old original Coke recipe. And then the other story was like this guy who like thought he found these like letters from JFK's lawyer about covering up his relationship with Marilyn Monroe but then they ended up being fake and it like ruined his life, I don’t know
SARAH: Oh, no!
KAYLA: Continue.
SARAH: Okay. You can tell us on our social media @soundsfakepod. We also have a Patreon, patreon.com/soundsfakepod if you want to support this shitshow. Our $5 patrons who we are promoting this week are Lowe, Mary S., Mel McMeans, and possibly Philip Rueker. But when Kayla checked, they couldn't find you on Patreon. So, I don't know if you still exist.
KAYLA: Who knows?
SARAH: And also, Rachel. Give me a minute. Give me a minute, she said. Our $10 patrons who are promoting something this week are Danielle Hutchinson who would like to promote Rainbow Pride Knits. Derick & Carissa who would like to promote supporting each other through the transitions we face including our senior year of college. Elle Bitter who would like to promote normalizing the use of tone indicators /srs. Eric who would like to promote Queer ASL. And Johanna who would like to promote being kind to one another. Our other $10 patrons are Kayla's dad, Maff, Martin Chiesl, Purple Hayes, Quartertone, Barefoot Backpacker, SongOStorm, Alastor, Ani, Arcnes, Benjamin Ybarra and Clare Olsen. Our $15 patrons are Kayla's aunt Nina, who would like to promote katemaggartart.com. And Schnell, who would like to promote accepting that everyone is different and that's awesome. And our $20 patrons are Dr. Jacki and River who would like to promote I saw a dog named Cher.
KAYLA: What?
SARAH: Cher, like the singer.
KAYLA: Right, okay
SARAH: And it's the same kind of dog that Jungkook has. What's it called?
KAYLA: I don't know! What’s it called?!
SARAH: They usually clip their ears and their tails and they dock their tails. But when you don't do that, they're really cute.
KAYLA: I don't know.
SARAH: It's a big brown dog.
KAYLA: Why are you asking me?!
SARAH: Jungkook, Bam. Doberman.
KAYLA: Okay, yeah
SARAH: Cher was a very cute Doberman. And also, I saw a dog called Shine and I saw that dog both times when I was looking at an adoptable dog and I said, “Shine I love you, but I can't have you.” Thanks for listening, tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears, with or without your real or fake friends.
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cows.
SARAH: They don't really choose who they're hanging out with.
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