Ep 376: Winter Olympics Recap
SARAH: Hey, what's up? Hello! Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl (I'm Sarah, that's me.)
KAYLA: And a bi-demisexual girl (that's me, Kayla.)
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode: ‘Olympic Recap.’
BOTH: Sounds fake, but okay.
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod!
KAYLA: Hello.
SARAH: You know who is winning the Itchy Olympics?
KAYLA: You, always.
SARAH: Me.
KAYLA: Olympic record, world record holder.
SARAH: Olympic world record in Itchy.
KAYLA: In Itchy. Sarah, middle name, Costello.
SARAH: What Olympic record do you hold?
KAYLA: Oh, that's a good question, sleepiest?
SARAH: I'm pretty good at sleepiest, too.
KAYLA: Tooth grindiest?
SARAH: I'm pretty good at that, too, but only when I'm sleeping.
KAYLA: Yeah, I mostly do it when I'm sleeping. What do you think… hit my mic the mostiest? I don't usually do that. What do you think I could win? What do you think my Olympic could be?
SARAH: Silliest goose?
KAYLA: I don't know, there's a lot of silly goose out there.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Dean!?
DEAN: Yeah?
KAYLA: What do you think I could win the Olympics in? Like, not a sport, just like anything. No, a lot of people are faster than me.
SARAH: Did he say typing?
KAYLA: He said speed reading. Typing is also good, though. I am very fast at both, but there's people that are faster.
SARAH: I think you win the Olympics in... I was going to say understanding weird Sarah language, but I don't know, my mom is pretty good at it, too.
KAYLA: Yeah, I could maybe get silver to Julie.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Well, great, I'll get silver at something in the Olympic, there's nothing we can find that I'm good at out there.
SARAH: There is definitely something, we just are last place at figuring out what it is.
KAYLA: Demisexual host of this podcast?
SARAH: Exactly.
KAYLA: Gold medal.
SARAH: Gold medal demisexual.
KAYLA: Gold medal demisexual. I saw a comment in our Discord yesterday, not yesterday, for about last week's episode, maybe from Tort, about how from the very beginning, they could tell it was going to be, one of those ‘gas leak episodes.’ And I said, “hmm.”
SARAH: “Hmm”
KAYLA: “Interesting. Very interesting.”
SARAH: I wonder what it is that makes one able to tell that.
KAYLA: Well, probably how we fucked up the extreme beginning of the podcast last week.
SARAH: Yeah, no, that's really valid, I had forgotten about that. Okay, Kayla, do we have any housekeeping?
KAYLA: I don't think so.
SARAH: Great. Kayla, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week, the Olympics are over. Booooo! I guess, by the time you're listening to this, they've been over.
SARAH: The Olympics, Olympics, the Paralympics, they're still happening, they're going to happen.
KAYLA: Yes, in a week, I think, from the time you would hear this.
SARAH: Yeah. So maybe there's going to be so much more Paralympic drama that we will have to come back.
KAYLA: I hope so. But for now, we're going to be discussing the drama and the news from the Olympics that just happened, the winter Olympics.
SARAH: Yes. I know some people have strong feelings about the Olympics that are positive and some of them that are negative, this is not about that, this is about drama.
KAYLA: This is about drama. This is about drama.
SARAH: Some of it is queer drama, some of it is relationship drama.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And we will be serving it all to you on a hot platter.
KAYLA: On a hot platter. I think it is relevant enough to this podcast that we can discuss it.
SARAH: It’s close enough
KAYLA: I also was on the phone with my mom the other day, and we were talking about the Olympics and ice skating in particular, which we will come to. And she was like, “I haven't listened in a little bit, but I was wondering if you were going to talk about it.” And I was like, well, if my mom thinks we should talk about it, then.
SARAH: We have to do it for Sandy.
KAYLA: We must for Sandy. Where should we begin?
SARAH: I don't know, this is your episode, you're driving, you're driving the bobsled.
KAYLA: Okay. I guess I'll just start us off with some real drama, this was my favorite drama coming out of the Olympics, and that is the Norwegian skier that confessed to cheating. So how much do you know about this? Because I think there is surface-level information and then there is even juicier, more information that came out later.
SARAH: I know a bit. So, picture this, everyone, you've just won…
KAYLA: I'll look up so I can get names.
SARAH: You've just won the bronze medal in Olympic ski something.
KAYLA: Hold on. I'm looking it up.
SARAH: Okay. You're so happy, you've done it, your lifelong dream of medaling at the Olympics in ski something, you've done it. You are interviewed because you got the bronze medal at the ski something at the Milano Cortina 2026 Olympics.
KAYLA: It was… What was it? Biathlon? It's the one where you shoot a gun, so we should really… I mean, I think that really adds something to the story. You ski along this… like cross-country skiing, and then sometimes you stop to shoot a gun.
SARAH: Yeah. I saw a post that was like, okay, so if a triathlon is running, swimming, and biking…
KAYLA: What the fuck are these guys doing?
SARAH: Then a biathlon in the winter would be skiing and shooting? Who came up with this? It was the Norwegians, I believe, because that's like the thing that they do, they ski, and then they protect themselves from Russia.
KAYLA: Oh, oh!
SARAH: Anyway, so imagine that you've just won the bronze medal, you have a microphone in your face, they ask, “how do you feel?” And this is what you say.
KAYLA: “It has been the worst week of my life.” This man's name is…
SARAH: Finland is the one that has to defend against Russia. Sorry, I couldn't remember where.
KAYLA: Sturla Holm Lægreid is the man in question. “It has been the worst week of my life. There's someone I wanted to share it with who might not be watching. Six months ago, I met the love of my life, the most beautiful and kindest person in the world.” And then I think they don't say this in the quote in this article, but then I think he said, “and then three months ago, I cheated on her.”
SARAH: Yes, so they got together six months ago, three months ago, he cheated.
KAYLA: He cheated. “I had the gold medal in life and I'm sure there are many people who will see things differently, but I only have eyes for her, sports has come second these last few days, yes, I wish I could share this with her.”
SARAH: The girlfriend found out that he cheated three months ago, one week prior.
KAYLA: Yeah, he told her…
SARAH: And she dumped his ass.
KAYLA: And why the week before you go to the Olympics would you…
SARAH: That's crazy.
KAYLA: So, that's immediately after he finishes skiing, so, that's the first thing everyone sees, because that's broadcast.
SARAH: Yeah, and this is early in the Olympics, too.
KAYLA: Yeah. This was the first couple of days, I think.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And then they go into the press conference that they always do for sports after, and people are like, hey, what the fuck? And he was like… let me see if I can find it.
SARAH: While you're doing that, I would like to publicly apologize for flip-flopping the geographical locations of Norway and Finland, I didn't mean it.
KAYLA: Yeah, thank you. In the press conference, everyone was like, hey, what the fuck? And he's like, “I haven't heard anything from her yet, but I hope she sees it. And I don't know what's going to come from this, but I hope there's a happy ending.”
SARAH: How long after this was the press conference?
KAYLA: I mean, it must have been very soon after, because then…
SARAH: But then why would he have heard from her in the meantime?
KAYLA: Well, because it was live.
SARAH: I guess.
KAYLA: So, he could have.
SARAH: Her group chat with her besties was going crazy.
KAYLA: I know. And then… I'm forgetting the timeline a little bit of how this information came out, but then she eventually gets interviewed anonymously by a tabloid and she's like, “no, I'm not getting back together with this man.”
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: And then he gets interviewed again at some point and he is like, he just keeps talking about how he really fucked up. And my favorite part is that he's like, “I'm a member of Mensa, but I still do really stupid things.” Like, I really fucked up, I'm really stupid but I'm a member of Mensa.
SARAH: He drops the Mensa membership?
KAYLA: Right. So, he didn't… No one asked. So, if you don't know…
SARAH: Well, they never ask.
KAYLA: No one ever asks. Mensa is this fancy invite-only or whatever organization for people with really high IQs. You have to take like the IQ test, which is nothing. And then you get to be in an elite club of fucking insane people.
SARAH: I am kind of curious what my IQ is like just to know
KAYLA: Me too. Let's do it live on the podcast one time.
SARAH: Next week.
KAYLA: That'd be so fun.
SARAH: We can see which one of us is smarter.
KAYLA: Oh my God.
SARAH: And then the result is that we're both nothing in our brains.
KAYLA: Idiots, nothing, we're both nothing. So even before the Mensa thing dropped, everyone on the internet was like, clearly this man is a master manipulator, why else would you say all this in live TV if not to just manipulate someone into being like, oh my God, what a grand gesture, I'll get back together with you.
SARAH: He didn't say her name, did he?
KAYLA: He didn't. And then another statement after that, he was like, “I'm so sorry I did this, it's so unfortunate that she got dragged into this public thing.”
SARAH: You dragged her.
KAYLA: As if it isn’t he who had done it.
SARAH: You were the fucking sled dog. What are you talking about!?
[00:10:00]
KAYLA: I know, he was like, “it's so unfortunate, I hope she's okay, it's so unfortunate this happened.” Okay, so that is the initial information that comes out to like America, at least.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Then we learn that the gold medalist was also Norwegian… Do you know this part?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: Oh, Sarah!
SARAH: I'm excited.
KAYLA: Hold on to your ass. The gold medalist is also Norwegian, so they're on the same… It's not a team sport, but they're on the same team.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Okay, I need to look up some names for this part because I don't want to be insensitive. Where is it?
SARAH: Isn't it crazy how there's just like a little bit of Russia in between Lithuania and Poland?
KAYLA: Yep
SARAH: I'm looking at a map, there's just a little disconnected part on the Baltic Sea between Lithuania and Poland, and it's Russia.
KAYLA: Where is it?
SARAH: The population of that little bit of Russia is about a million. The capital city is Kaliningrad, and the region is Kaliningrad Oblast.
KAYLA: Okay, I found the names, I need you to lock in.
SARAH: Close this tab.
KAYLA: Okay, because you're going to scream.
SARAH: I've never been more locked in.
KAYLA: Are you ready?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Okay. So, his teammate, another Norwegian biathlon skier, won gold. Okay? So he crosses the finish line first, obviously. Like, right past there, past the finish line, everyone is like, “Yeah! Yeah!” The guy who won gold named Johan-Olav starts… he’s yelling out.
SARAH: Johan
KAYLA: Whatever. He starts yelling out, “Sivert, we did it. We did it, Sivert, we did it.” Sivert is their dead teammate who died weeks to months ago.
SARAH: I actually did know some of this information.
KAYLA: Who Johan found dead. He was the one who found him, and they were close, obviously. So, he crosses the finish line and is yelling, like, dedicating his win to their tragically dead teammate. And then, for some reason, whatever newscaster this is, goes to bronze medalist first. The gold medalist was probably collecting himself or talking to someone else.
SARAH: Talking to someone else, yeah.
KAYLA: And he proceeds to say, “it has been the hardest week of my life because I cheated on my girlfriend.”
SARAH: On my girlfriend.
KAYLA: The love of my life, who I met six months ago, cheated on three months ago, told one week ago.
SARAH: And you're not going to mention your dead teammate?
KAYLA: And we're not going to mention our teammate who died who didn't get to be here today.
SARAH: It's giving how the US men's hockey team had the jersey for the team member who died last year, I think. They made up a Team USA jersey for him, and his two young kids were there, and they brought his two young kids onto the ice, and they held up his jersey, and they took a picture. And then they went to the locker room, and they partied with Kash Patel, and they talked to Donald Trump, a noted pedophile, on the phone.
KAYLA: Yeah, I was going to ask if we should discuss the hockey situation in this Olympic weekend.
SARAH: I have thoughts on the hockey situation.
KAYLA: I wish you would share.
SARAH: Let me just say specifically about Quinn and Jack Hughes, specifically Quinn Hughes, who’s haunted by ghosts. They had the best PR. Like, people were learning about them for the first time, people were obsessed with the fact that Quinn Hughes is constantly seeing ghosts. He has this look where he just looks really blankly into the middle distance and doesn't move and so, people joke that he's seeing ghosts.
KAYLA: Yeah. And these are members of the US men's hockey team, by the way.
SARAH: Yes. And the Hughes brothers, including the one who did not make the Olympic team, which sucks for that one brother.
KAYLA: I mean, maybe he dodged a bullet, though, at this point.
SARAH: Maybe. No, but then he recently followed Kai Trump on Instagram, and they were like, oh, he wanted to get canceled, too. Anyway.
KAYLA: I'll see myself out.
SARAH: Point being, they were doing really well, they were gaining a lot of people who were like, oh my God, this is… like normies, were like, oh my God, it's the guy who sees ghosts. Jack Hughes scores the gold medal-winning goal in the gold medal match against Canada, loses like a tooth and a half, his mouth is bleeding.
KAYLA: Love it.
SARAH: And then Kash Patel, the director of the FBI.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm, in Trump's America.
SARAH: Who is, in fact, supposed to be on call 24/7. This man loves hockey.
KAYLA: Sure
SARAH: He somehow just happened to be in Milan during the gold medal match for FBI reasons.
KAYLA: Right. Right.
SARAH: And on his… he has to take a specific type of private jet for security reasons, so on the taxpayer dollar, by the way.
KAYLA: Naturally.
SARAH: And he said that his buddies on Team USA invited him back into the locker room and so then you see him like chugging beer with them after they've won.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Kash Patel calls up Donnie T. on a telephone. And there's a video of all the members of the men's team with their gold medals fucking getting drunk.
KAYLA: Which they also put on the FBI man, someone like drapes their medal on him, ew, gross, why?
SARAH: I saw a joke that was like, did someone have to find a women's medium jersey for him? Because…
KAYLA: He's so little.
SARAH: Because remember that one time a couple of months ago where he refused to get off the plane without having an FBI-branded jacket, but they had to find a women's medium for him?
KAYLA: I did not hear about that.
SARAH: And one of the other FBI employees literally like took off her jacket and had to give it to him.
KAYLA: Good God.
SARAH: Anyway. I believe this was when they were looking for Charlie Kirk's killer.
KAYLA: Sure.
SARAH: And he said, “no, wait, wait, I need my jacket.”
KAYLA: “I must have my jacket.”
SARAH: “I need my Jackie.” Anyway. They're talking on the phone with Donald Trump and Donald Trump makes a ‘joke.’ Mind you, the US women's hockey team also won gold.
KAYLA: In like a historic win-streak.
SARAH: They are incredible. In terms of like the team, the women's team is better than the men's team.
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: They both won gold, but the women's team swept and the men's team… they thought the men were going to get silver.
KAYLA: The whole tournament for the women, they gave up a goal.
SARAH: No, it was two.
KAYLA: I thought it was one because they won by one.
SARAH: 99 shots on goal, Aerin Frankel let two in.
KAYLA: Boston Fleet, let's go!
SARAH: And meanwhile, the men's goalie, who Donald Trump gave a presidential medal of freedom to yesterday, he let two goals in in the gold medal game, whereas Aerin Frankel let two goals in the entire Olympics.
KAYLA: The whole time
SARAH: Anyway, I was straight up rooting for Canada in the men's game. In the women's game, I was… we were rooting for USA, but in the men's game, I wanted Canada to win. If only Sidney Crosby hadn't been bamboozled and hurt. Anyway, point being, Trump makes a ‘joke.’ He's like, “I guess I have to invite the women's team to the White House, otherwise, I'll get impeached.” Basically, like implying that he doesn't want to invite the women's team, he just wants to invite the men's team. And all of them are laughing and they think it’s so funny
KAYLA: They go, “ha ha ha.”
SARAH: And Quinn and Jack Hughes are front and center laughing at this. Meanwhile, their mom, Ellen Hughes, is a consultant for the women's team.
KAYLA: She must be so embarrassed.
SARAH: They could have the next day been like, “I'm sorry, we were drunk, that wasn't really an appropriate joke for us to be laughing at.” But basically, they've all doubled down.
KAYLA: Yeah, insane.
SARAH: Have been like following more conservative accounts on Instagram, because there's this thing called the NHL tracker, at the Twitter and it tracks who NHL players follow and unfollow on Instagram.
KAYLA: Oh, good, I love that.
SARAH: And then all these other like, whatever… And like people knew that like the Tkachuks, those brothers, they were MAGA, everyone knew that. But people were like, oh, the Hughes brothers, like they have backed having like pride nights and stuff.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Which in the NHL is a whole stance to take. And so, they're like, “oh, they're not so bad.” No.
KAYLA: No, they are.
SARAH: The way that they got canceled so swiftly.
KAYLA: And then the men's team went to the White House, they were invited to the White House and they went. And the White House posted all of these insane like propaganda videos about like, “men being tough, America!”
SARAH: And they were like… a lot of them were like, oh, it's like, it's not political. Like, of course you want to like… the president might be at the White House, of course you want to go. But it's like, you were used as a prop in the state of the union.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And the women's team was invited, and guess what? They declined.
KAYLA: And they said no. And then you know who invited them…
SARAH: And they're going to Flava Flav.
KAYLA: Flava Flav tweeted and he was like, “fuck that shit, I'll show you a real celebration, come to Vegas, I'll show you around.” And they said, “yes, please.” And now they're going to Vegas with Flava Flav.
SARAH: He also invited… he invited them. And then he also added on… because he's… Flava Flav for those of you who don't know, in past Olympics has adopted the polo team, the water polo team.
KAYLA: I forgot about that.
SARAH: Yeah. And so, for this Winter Olympics, he adopted the bobsled and skeleton teams.
KAYLA: Work.
[00:20:00]
SARAH: And so, he invited the women's hockey team. He also invited the bobsled and skeleton teams.
KAYLA: And they are a slay. The bobsled women this year were like powerhouses.
SARAH: Yeah. And he also said any female Olympian or Paralympian medalist can also come.
KAYLA: Ah, what a slay.
SARAH: So, they're just going to have a party.
KAYLA: Thank you, Flava Flav. Everyone say, “thank you Flava Flav.”
SARAH: Thank you, Flava Flav. Well, and Donald Trump fed the men's team McDonald's.
KAYLA: Well, yeah, because that's the only food he eats.
SARAH: Meanwhile, what's his fangs from The Devil Wears Prada.
KAYLA: Stanley Tucci?
SARAH: Yeah, Stanley Tucci, treated the women's team to a really nice dinner in Milan.
KAYLA: Sarah, I don't know if you watched Olympics prime time, but they did a lot of like cuts to Stanley Tucci, just like wandering through Italy very beautifully and like eating fantastic food…
SARAH: Just hanging out
KAYLA: And speaking beautiful Italian, and it was hilarious. It was like cuts to Snoop Dogg and Martha, like doing whatever learning sports and then it would cut to Stanley Tucci, just like being very elegant at an Italian restaurant.
SARAH: Incredible.
KAYLA: And we love that
SARAH: Yeah, so anyway, basically the entire men's hockey team, fuck you, five of them didn't go to the White House.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: We don't know that that was for political reasons because it also is the middle of the NHL season.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And so, they may have just not gone because they're like, I need to fucking do my day job.
KAYLA: Girl.
SARAH: But yeah
KAYLA: So embarrassing.
SARAH: Well, and people were saying like, isn't Ellen Hughes embarrassed of her sons? But then people were like, hockey moms are some of the worst boy moms.
KAYLA: Yeah, I mean, also if all of your sons are MAGA like that, like what are the odds the mom isn't?
SARAH: Yeah. Also, hockey is a very white sport.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And it is a very conservative sport, even compared to other like sport culture things, which is part of the reason why Heated Rivalry addresses that shit.
KAYLA: Yeah, yeah.
SARAH: But Heated Rivalry has a happy ending, real life professional hockey, not so much.
KAYLA: Yeah, I saw a lot of people talking about like, y'all got a little too excited about Heated Rivalry and forgot what real hockey is like, and it's just a bunch of nasty men.
SARAH: Yeah, I saw a post that was like, “which is the woke NHL team?” And they were like, “you stupid bitch, there is no woke NHL team.”
KAYLA: It's called the women's one.
SARAH: Yes, PWHL. But also, I was talking to, I guess she's our friend, I was gonna say my friend, she's also our friend from college who played hockey growing up…
KAYLA: Wow, I have no friends.
SARAH: I said our friend.
KAYLA: Whatever.
SARAH: She played hockey growing up, and she was saying that… because there are like openly queer women's… like players on the women's team. On team Canada, there's a couple both on the women's team who are married to each other.
KAYLA: Wasn't there a woman on the Canadian team and a woman on the American team who had just recently broken up?
SARAH: Oh my God, I forgot about that.
KAYLA: Drama.
SARAH: I'm also gonna say the captain of team USA is also openly gay.
KAYLA: Slay
SARAH: Let me come back to that couple, let me finish this story.
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: But like my friend who played hockey growing up was saying that like, it still obviously means a lot that there are like openly queer people in women's sports, because like, you think like, okay, like soccer is already so queer, basketball is already so queer, but like she said that like, it does feel different now that you're also seeing that in hockey
KAYLA: Interesting
SARAH: Because she was saying that like her hockey team growing up… she also said that she is pretty sure she played against Aerin Frankel, which is crazy.
KAYLA: Crazy
SARAH: But she said that like her hockey team growing up, over half of them now turned out to be queer. Like married to women, dating women, one of them turned out to be a trans man, like it was a very queer team.
KAYLA: They just didn't know.
SARAH: But none of them were like out or like open about that at the time and they were throwing around queer slurs, like nothing, on a girls’ team.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So, like the culture is not…
KAYLA: Yeah, not great.
SARAH: Here's the drama.
KAYLA: Please tell me.
SARAH: There are two players. One of them is on Team USA, one of them is on Team Canada, they were dating each other in a lesbian way.
KAYLA: As one does.
SARAH: The Canadian one, her first name is Daryl, her name is Daryl Watts, she's a white woman from Canada.
KAYLA: I cannot get behind a single person named Daryl, gender and race aside. Sorry to anyone named Daryl listening, I just don't know about that.
SARAH: Anyway, they were together. And they… I don't know exactly what happened, but they like kind of very dramatically broke up right before the Olympics.
KAYLA: Ooh
SARAH: And mind you, they play for different countries and those were the two countries that were slated to be in the gold medal game, and they were the two countries in the gold medal game.
KAYLA: Do they play for the same professional team or different professional teams?
SARAH: I don't remember.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: But imagine you just broke up with your girlfriend, you're at the Olympics and now you have to play against her.
KAYLA: Yeah, twice, right?
SARAH: Yeah, twice. They play twice.
KAYLA: That's so drama.
SARAH: So dramatic. Nothing more lesbian than that.
KAYLA: I love that. Write that script, write that down.
SARAH: That's hockey. Do we want to talk about figure skating?
KAYLA: I do want to talk about figure skating. Who should we talk about first? I will talk about Alysa Liu.
SARAH: My girl.
KAYLA: Who is my bitch, I love her.
SARAH: I love her.
KAYLA: One of my favorite people from the Bay Area.
SARAH: Does she rank above or below, Dean?
KAYLA: One can never say. One can never say.
SARAH: I like go for all the press for like the singles girls, it was like the gay, the goth, and the one from New Jersey.
KAYLA: It was so funny. I don't know if you watched any of the press packages or anything, but it was so funny because the way they talked about them, it was, yeah, like Amber is so powerful, she's on this like redemption arc, she took a break, she came back, like she's so resilient and strong. Alyssa, the same thing, like took a break, come back, she's so joyful, she's so cool, whatever. And then they would be like, and Isabeau was like your quintessential… like this is like exact words that you use, like your quintessential figure skater, like ballerina in a globe, blah, blah, blah. Just like basically they were like, this is a basic ass, like any other bitch.
SARAH: Just a little girl
KAYLA: And like, clearly, she's amazing, but like there was nothing… like she's a figure skater. Like, I don’t know, it was so funny.
SARAH: I do feel bad though, she was the only Team USA figure skater who didn't leave with a medal.
KAYLA: And it's sad, but she could be back, I think she's still young.
SARAH: Yeah, she's young. But yeah, also people are like, oh, she's just the goth one. We're back to talking about Alyssa here. Sorry, we did not clarify that at all. Acting as if she's not also queer.
KAYLA: I don't know that she's out though.
SARAH: There are a lot of… she's not like open about it, but it's the sort of thing where like, if you know, you know, like she's telegraphing the vibes.
KAYLA: Oh yeah, I mean, the vibes are there.
SARAH: I have also seen multiple videos of her from when she was much younger that she posted on the internet that has a lesbian flag in the background.
KAYLA: Work. I've heard also that she uses she/they pronouns, but I've not seen that officially anywhere, so that could be like absolutely nothing. The thing I want to focus on with her, obviously, there are so many amazing things about her story from like an athlete perspective, just like a self… like her coming away, moving, coming back…
SARAH: Putting herself first
KAYLA: Putting herself first.
SARAH: And it making her a better athlete, her insane father.
KAYLA: Yeah, there's a lot there. The thing I want to talk about is she has made so many statements about how human connection is the most important thing for her. And like, she's always talking about her friends and her community. And she… this is from an interview in, that was from January, so pre-Olympics, but someone asked, I think it's a cosmopolitan interview, but they asked her about dating. And her quote is, “that's a whole other thing that I'm not feeling right now, I have so much love in my life already, I have so many amazing people, I just haven't felt the need to look for more or look elsewhere. I really love myself and my standards are quite high too, but also, my schedule, especially since starting to skate again, it's pretty hectic. If I were to date someone, we’d each have to make a ton of sacrifices, it's just not worth it at this point to build something. I think when it comes, it will. I love being single, I really do. I do see myself being single for a long time, especially right now, I choose friendships over relationships any day.”
SARAH: Yes, queen!
KAYLA: Work. I just love how openly she talks about community and friendships and especially the three women figure skaters, they focus so much on their friendship and their bonds. And I just thought that was so special because you look back even just a couple of Olympics ago and the rivalries that they pitted fellow U.S. skaters against was just so wild.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And I just think that's lovely.
SARAH: I even saw a video of one of the Russian female figure skaters say she really admired Alyssa's power as a skater, but also her joy as a skater. A like lot of that comes from… the quick version of all of this is she was skating since she was negative three years old.
[00:30:00]
KAYLA: Yeah. At a boarding school.
SARAH: Yeah, she was pushed very hard by coaches, by her father, her father was very overbearing about it.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: She went to the Olympics in 2022, at which point she was 16. Not long after that, she quit cold turkey, she was just like, I'm done. She spent two years just being a teenager. After that decided to return to skating, but on her own terms. Like, she didn't want her dad to be her manager anymore. She said that she would not let anyone tell her how much to eat or whether she was allowed to drink water or like all the horror stories that she experienced. And so, she's a much like… her relationship with skating now is much healthier and it's much more joyous and as a result, she is a better skater.
KAYLA: She's incredible, yeah. She talks all the time about… especially during the Olympics, she was like, “I don't care if I win. It's not about winning or losing to me, I just want to showcase my art. This is just me performing.” And then she won and then she didn't care. She was like, whatever.
SARAH: I know, I felt so bad for Kaori, but that's a whole other thing.
KAYLA: Well, yeah.
SARAH: I did feel bad for her. But also, there was that cute moment with Alyssa and the bronze medalist from Japan.
KAYLA: Oh my God, I'm obsessed with her.
SARAH: Who is like 17, she's young.
KAYLA: She's like the cutest little baby.
SARAH: And like the moment… because Alyssa was in first, so she was sitting in the first chair. There's like a chair next to the Kiss and Cry, for whoever is first.
KAYLA: Which is insane.
SARAH: It's like a weird cuck chair situation, I don't know what's going on there.
KAYLA: And then you just have to sit there and watch.
SARAH: Yeah, by yourself.
KAYLA: By yourself, it's so crazy. I don't know why they do that, it's so crazy.
SARAH: But Alyssa is sitting in the first chair and then a little ways over next to her, this girl is in the Kiss and Cry with her coach waiting for her scores and her scores come in, and she realizes that she got bronze. And she was so excited and she like turns to Alyssa and she was like third.
KAYLA: She's like, “huh!?”
SARAH: “Huh?” And Alyssa was like, “yeah.” And she was so excited.
KAYLA: It was so cute
SARAH: And then like they were like hugging and like celebrating together and it was so cute. And then also on the side where Kaori… because Kaori, my girl, it's her last Olympics, it was her last Olympics.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Everyone thought she was gonna get gold. She has been several times. Like it's the one thing that she hasn't won. It was just Alyssa did really, really well and Kaori had like one mistake and it cost her the gold. And so, Kaori was like… of course, she was happy to still have a medal, but like she was also really sad because she knew it was her last Olympics.
KAYLA: Yeah, it sucked
SARAH: And like it had been built up and you know, and figure skating is really big in Japan. And so, she's like trying to like put on like a good face for the press and obviously it's for her younger teammate who is like so fucking excited that she got bronze, but then she's also like kind of crying on the side. And there is a video of like her like sitting there like crying and her coach is talking to her and a bunch of press like come up to her and are trying to get into her face, and Amber Glenn, the skater from the United States is like… pushes them out of the way, is like, “get out of here.” And like, the community…
KAYLA: I know.
SARAH: That it was portraying, which is such a contrast to 2022 when there were skaters having meltdowns because their evil fucking coach promised them that they would win and then they didn't.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Anyway, shall that take us to Amber Glenn?
KAYLA: It shall. Queer icon.
SARAH: Queer icon.
KAYLA: Amber Glenn, who watching her short program actually like ruins my whole day, I was in such a bad mood the rest of the day.
SARAH: I still haven't seen it.
KAYLA: And you shouldn't. Watching her, it's like the program itself is like a tough watch because she fucks up and that sucks. But it's like the after, like the immediate after, it's like horrifying to watch, it's gut-wrenching. So, it ruined my whole day, I was so sad.
SARAH: Okay, Amber Glenn, she's a figure skater.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Openly queer.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: She was a medal contender.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: In figure skating, there's a short program and a free program, which is also known as the long program, they add those scores together.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: She fucked up in her short program, she missed a skill that is required and it was at the end of her program so she couldn't like add it in.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And as a result, she got zero points for it and as a result, her score… she went down to 13th place.
KAYLA: Yeah, it was bad.
SARAH: She knew after day one that she was not medaling.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But she did a great fucking free program and she ended up coming in fifth.
KAYLA: Which is so crazy.
SARAH: So impressive.
KAYLA: Very impressive.
SARAH: And she has also openly talked about how like she was on her period during the Olympics and how that impacted her physical wellbeing and her ability to skate.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And she was like, this isn't something that people ever talk about, but like as an athlete, your menstrual cycle impacts your ability to perform.
KAYLA: Imagine.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah. And she was getting so much hate online for being openly queer, for like not liking current politics, which like, duh. And she was so resilient and she was so lovely and she did such a good job.
SARAH: Yeah. And then she was also on the… because the United States figure skating, the team event, they won gold in the team event too.
KAYLA: Yeah. So, she did still get a gold.
SARAH: She still has a gold medal. And so, then like… like, I know that her and Alyssa were joking like, “ooh, the woke mob won one gold.” Can I also say, I have seen some very disturbing things about the way that men online are talking about Alysa Liu.
KAYLA: No, thank you.
SARAH: What the fuck?
KAYLA: I saw a tweet of someone, it was a picture of Alyssa and then whatever one of those hockey brothers. But I think the picture of him with like his teeth knocked out.
SARAH: Yeah, Jack Hughes
KAYLA: Yeah. So, it was two pictures, like iconic pictures of them from these past Olympics. And they were like, “I just know that the Tumblr girlies are freaking out right now.” Did you send this to me? Or did I see it somewhere?
SARAH: I don't know, but I know what you're talking about.
KAYLA: Yeah. They were like, “I know the Tumblr girlies are freaking out right now, this ship wrecks itself,” blah, blah, blah. And the someone on Twitter was like, “you know nothing.”
SARAH: You've never been on Tumblr. What are you talking about?
KAYLA: Like, who is interested in this at all?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: No one.
SARAH: And then there has been… as a response to that, people have been like, who can we ship Alysa Liu with?
KAYLA: Anyone else.
SARAH: They have been shipping her with female hockey players.
KAYLA: I've seen a lot of people shipping Amber with Chappell Roan because her…
SARAH: Oh, incredible.
KAYLA: Because her… She did a HOT TO GO performance in 2024 for a gala.
SARAH: Yeah. Also, the fact that Amber's gala performance was to ‘That's life.’
KAYLA: Ah, girl! The gala performances were so good.
SARAH: Also, Amber keeps thirst trapping her back to the lesbians online and she's so real for that.
KAYLA: One more thing on figure skating.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: Fuck the French.
SARAH: Fuck the French. Shout out to Amber Glenn for shooting her shot with lesbians on TikTok. Fuck the French.
KAYLA: I love that for her.
SARAH: Fuck the French.
KAYLA: Fuck the French.
SARAH: You know what you did.
KAYLA: And especially to that French judge.
SARAH: The French judge was so unfair.
KAYLA: You know what you did. I saw a chart that was the French judges…
SARAH: The numbers.
KAYLA: It was insane.
SARAH: It was insane.
KAYLA: How was that not under review? Like the most…
SARAH: Chock and Bates, gold. Gold in my heart.
KAYLA: Gold in heaven.
SARAH: TL;DR, one of the French, is it ice dancing or is it…
KAYLA: It is ice dancing
SARAH: Ice dancing. They only partnered up with each other about a year ago. Why? Because the man had previously skated with another woman for a really long time and then she accused him of being abusive and wrote a whole book about it and somehow the media ended up on his side.
KAYLA: Yeah. She was supposed to commentate at the Olympics and they…
SARAH: And they kicked her out, yeah.
KAYLA: Girl!
SARAH: And then the girl is currently dating someone who has sexual assault allegations against him.
KAYLA: Who was her old partner.
SARAH: Yes. Who was her old partner, who he got canceled because of the sexual assault allegations, but she still stands behind him and she is still dating him.
KAYLA: But he's not allowed to compete.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Two of the worst people with some of the worst Botox you've ever seen.
SARAH: And they weren't coached by that horrible Russian woman, were they?
KAYLA: I think they might have been.
SARAH: I think they may have been, because basically the Russian coach who's the absolute worst, who was the reason those girls were having meltdowns before the podium last time, who is a truly horrible person. I'm blanking on her name, but who fucking cares?
KAYLA: She also has crazy Botox, that's what I can say.
SARAH: Yeah, she was at these Olympics again.
KAYLA: But she wasn't allowed out… like she had to stay back at the tunnels for like… she was allowed there, but couldn't be seen, so they would just like cut the camera. Did you see any of that?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: They would cut… so they explained it at one point, but I don't remember. But for some reason she was allowed to be there, but maybe because she was Russian and there's the whole like Russian athlete thing, I don't know, whatever. She couldn't be out with the skaters, like in the Kiss and Cry, like around the edge of the rink.
SARAH: Well, she shouldn't be trusted with children.
KAYLA: She had to be back in a tunnel, like watching on TV. So, they would just like cut the camera to her, like looking really like weird and suspicious in a tunnel watching on the TV, like kind of hiding her face from the camera, it was very bizarre.
SARAH: Well, also the French ice dancer’s boyfriend who has been banned from IOC events was there in the audience.
KAYLA: Fow now, I think only for like an amount of time though, I don't think they've banned him forever.
[00:40:00]
SARAH: But it's crazy though, that like he is literally banned from IOC…
KAYLA: But there he was.
SARAH: But he was there, because he's her boyfriend, so, he wasn't there in an IOC capacity, he was just there as a…
KAYLA: Girl! I'm sorry if you're French, but your ice dancing team sucks.
SARAH: Yeah, they suck. And that one judge sucks.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I also have thoughts about the issue with the ice, with the men's program. I feel really bad for Ilia Malinin, I have thoughts about his parents, but I don't think…
KAYLA: Because they're skaters too.
SARAH: Yeah. And I'll give you a short version. His mom for the past… both of his parents were ice skaters. His mom for the past several years does not go to any of his competitions because they make her too nervous, she gets too stressed out, so she doesn't go. And then his dad, when Ilia cracked under pressure, he was supposed to win gold and he didn't.
KAYLA: He's a baby, he's 21.
SARAH: It's his first Olympics.
KAYLA: He's 18.
SARAH: He's 21.
KAYLA: I thought he was 18.
SARAH: Part of the tea was that he could have gone to Beijing in 2022 and the US skating federation people chose not to send him.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: Even though he had good numbers.
KAYLA: Weird.
SARAH: And so then one of the things he has said, which I think is very valid, is that if he had gone to Beijing, this wouldn't have happened.
KAYLA: Yeah, probably.
SARAH: Because part of the problem was that the entire pressure was on him as Quad God to be perfect and win. And this is the exact same thing that happened to Nathan Chen, his first Olympics, there was too much pressure on him, he fucked up, he didn't podium. If Ilia had gone in 2022, the pressure was all on Nathan Chen, it wouldn't have been on him, he would have been able to get experience on Olympic ice, but he... Well, and he did fuck up in the team event, but then he just made up for it by throwing everything in the second half of his routine.
KAYLA: Yeah. I think he'll be fine, I'm not as worried about him. I think this sounds bad, but I think it's gonna be good for him to have… because he's so good that he's so used to winning, I think it'll be good for him to have a tiny setback.
SARAH: And he like fucked up that, he ended up eighth, they thought he was going to win and he ended up eighth.
KAYLA: But listen, you don't name yourself Quad God and… you know.
SARAH: It was his dad's birthday, and he referred to his dad as the Quad God father, which…
KAYLA: I love that.
SARAH: Is really funny. But I am mad at his dad though, because when he fucked up his program, and it was clear that he was not gonna make the podium, his dad just seemed so upset about it for him personally.
KAYLA: Ew.
SARAH: And it's like, not only are you your son's coach, you are your son's father.
KAYLA: Dad, yeah.
SARAH: And like that's also the reason why I'm so mad that his mom never goes, is because yes, she's his coach, but first and foremost, she's his mother.
KAYLA: That's the thing, I would never want a parent as my coach, like, that is just like too much.
SARAH: I personally, my personal uninformed opinion is that he should go train with someone else in a different state, like away from home for like a month, and just try it out, see how it goes. And if at the end of the day, he ultimately decides he wants to come home and still have his parents be his coaches, then fine. He had the experience; he was able to make a choice for himself. I think he needs to experience being coached by someone who is not his own parents. Oh, also the other thing, his parents would like reward him for winning.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: So, like he got… he has these two cats that he really loves, and he got the cats because his parents told him that he could get the cats if he won gold at some event.
KAYLA: I don't love that.
SARAH: He doesn't have a therapist or a sports psychiatrist.
KAYLA: I think he should. Can I say one last unrelated thing before we go?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Penisgate.
SARAH: Yeah, Penisgate, let's talk about it.
KAYLA: The ski jumpers, the ski long jumpers, you go down the really big hill and you go whoosh, and you fly through the air on your really weird long skis and go as far as you can.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: There are allegations that the men of this event are getting injections into their beanets, because when you go… the outfit for the sport is like this really tight, like a unitard.
SARAH: Skin tight. And it can only be like however tiny bit of a percentage more than your....
KAYLA: Yeah, like more than your body.
SARAH: Yeah, than your body.
KAYLA: And so, if your penis is bigger, you get to have more extra fabric in that area between your legs and the bigger the fabric, the more of like a sail you are, like a flying squirrel.
SARAH: Yeah. The more height you can get.
KAYLA: Yeah. And so, the people are saying that men are getting penis injections to make their penis longer so that their suits can be bigger, so that they catch more air, so that they can go further when they do their big, stupid jump off the big, stupid hill.
SARAH: And you only have to do it right before you get fitted for the suit, like you don't have to continuously do it.
KAYLA: Like how does that even… what do you mean, a penis injection?
SARAH: Yeah, so that was a drama. Let's do a lightning round of the other dramas. There was the one skier person who defrauded another skier person.
KAYLA: Yes!
SARAH: And then the one who defrauded got gold, and the defraudee got like third to last.
KAYLA: No, it's crazy.
SARAH: The Canadian curling team cheating scandal.
KAYLA: Ooh, and the Swedish that set up a sting on them to catch them. So good.
SARAH: They set up a camera because they've been known for cheating, but it has just never been enforced and so they set up a camera, and then the Canadian guy he was like, I can't believe you would set up a camera. Like that was a thing he was angry about.
KAYLA: He was doing big swears.
SARAH: And then they won gold.
KAYLA: No, it's crazy. Another one of my favorites is when Eileen Gu, who is a… I forget what the name of the sport is, but she does skis and big… and she has a flip and a trick.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And she is American, but also Chinese, and she was competing for China.
SARAH: She competes for China.
KAYLA: And people were pissed about it. And I'm like, girl, whatever gets you to the Olympics, I don't give a fuck.
SARAH: She's from the Bay Area, there's pictures of her and Alysa Liu when they were young together, I guess their dads went to the same Chinese community center.
KAYLA: Well, I wonder too, because Alysa Liu went to a skiing, winter sports boarding school. So, I wonder if Eileen was around there too.
SARAH: Also, I just think that she… Eileen Gu, was seen by so many people as such a villain.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And Alysa Liu was supposedly the foil to that, which is crazy, because Alysa Liu is a goth girl with one of those piercings in the front of her mouth.
KAYLA: I know
SARAH: And her hair… she has dyed hair.
KAYLA: She has a raccoon hair.
SARAH: She has raccoon hair. But the men of the internet were like, “oh, she's hot, it's fine.”
KAYLA: It's weird, because Eileen Gu is a model, she's a signed model. So, it's… anyway.
SARAH: Yeah. But because she competes for Canada… but then people were saying, “well, Trump has been saying for the last year, you're not one of us, get out, go back to your home country.” And so, she's competing for China and suddenly they're mad that she's giving them medals instead of us.
KAYLA: Yeah. My favorite was, she won two silvers, and a man in a press conference was like, “does this feel like two silvers won or two golds lost?” And she was like, the fuck is wrong with you, I have Olympic records and have done things no one else has done, like shut the fuck up.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: So that was fun.
SARAH: Anyway, that's all the controversies I can think of.
KAYLA: They ran out of condoms really fast, again.
SARAH: Always
KAYLA: But I also think part of it, because Adam Rippon said that when he was in the Olympics, he just like went into the first aid tent where they have the condoms and like opened up his backpack and dumped boxes in and that was like his souvenir he gave to his friends when he got back. So, it's like, are they all being used? Are we just taking them home to say that we took a little bit condoms home? I don't know, you know, but it's so fun.
SARAH: Right.
KAYLA: Okay, we have to be done now.
SARAH: We're done now. One of the women's hockey players proposed to her other women's hockey player girlfriend
KAYLA: Slay
SARAH: And they had met at the previous Olympics.
KAYLA: Ah, cute, I like it.
SARAH: Anyway, that's all the drama. Is it related to the topic of this podcast?
KAYLA: I think so.
SARAH: Sure.
KAYLA: I think some.
SARAH: Listen, it is good… community is important.
KAYLA: I think it's as related as when we read Reddit things, like if you think about it.
SARAH: That’s true
KAYLA: That Norwegian skiing story could have easily been a Reddit story.
SARAH: Yeah. What's our poll for this week, Kayla?
KAYLA: Why do men?
SARAH: Why do men? That's a great question.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Kayla, what's your beef and your juice for this week? Also, what was your favorite Olympic scandal?
KAYLA: I mean, the Norwegians… oh, I thought you were asking me and I was like the Norwegian skier, but that's the poll. No, that’s a good question; what’s your favorite?
SARAH: No, that's the poll
KAYLA: I also want to know ones from other countries because the Norwegian was really the only one from another country that I guess in the curling thing, but
SARAH: Yeah, were there any that we didn't know about?
KAYLA: I'm sure there's many from every country that we just don't hear about. My beef is men. My beef is blizzard in my city. My beef is we don't have real snow days anymore because remote work. And so, we worked remote on Monday because the school was closed, but the children… I mean, the young school children, I guess I don't know if they had a true snow day or if they did remote, like high school and grade school. But the children of the school I work at, they just had to do remote class and I had to do remote work and I was told that back in the day before COVID, when they did that, it was just like snow day, no one works, no one does anything. And so that could have been me, but COVID ruined it.
[00:50:00]
SARAH: Snow days have been ruined by COVID.
KAYLA: Except for in New York for one day, my Mamdani gave the children a real snow day. My juice is that The Traitors is a really good show and I'm gonna go to Ikea this weekend to buy a really big leaf.
SARAH: You're doing it?
KAYLA: Yeah, Dean pinky-promised he would take me to Ikea on Sunday.
SARAH: Romantic.
KAYLA: So, when you're listening to this, I could be in Ikea right now.
SARAH: Wow.
KAYLA: If you're in the Massachusetts, Boston area, Ikea right now, just start screaming my name, maybe you'll find me.
SARAH: Maybe you'll find her. Okay, my beef is that I have learned that in the United States, there are two different configurations of butter, of sticks of butter.
KAYLA: I'm already exhausted.
SARAH: There's East Coast butter and West Coast butter.
KAYLA: Oh
SARAH: I recently decided to make some cookies because I've been wanting cookies and also, I had one spare egg.
KAYLA: The other day I ate five eggs in one day.
SARAH: I had six eggs today.
KAYLA: God damn it. I can't even win the egg-eating Olympics in this goddamn podcast. Fuck this shit, I'm quitting.
SARAH: I'm sorry. I don't usually have six eggs a day.
KAYLA: I don't usually have five, I thought I was being special. Fuck!
SARAH: I usually have three eggs a day.
KAYLA: I usually don't eat a single egg, ever.
SARAH: So, I bought and it was like, you need butter. And so, I was like, I'll just buy sticks of butter because it's easier to measure because it's like, it says like a stick of butter. But then I get it and I'm like, this looks short, it looks like one of those half sticks of butter, but it says that it's a stick of butter or one half of a cup of butter, but the stick of butter says one half cup, but it's a short stick. And so, I text my sister and I'm like, what? And she goes, “that is a full stick of butter.” And I was like, “no, a full stick of butter is longer than this.”
KAYLA: Do they just make chode butter over there?
SARAH: Yeah, they do.
KAYLA: Why? Is it to trick Californians into like thinking they're eating less butter or something?
SARAH: So, there's East Coast butter and there's West Coast butter.
KAYLA: That’s bizarre
SARAH: The contents of the butter, exactly the same, the difference is in the shape of the stick of butter.
KAYLA: Why!?
SARAH: The East Coast butter is…
KAYLA: Normal.
SARAH: Like they're both like square but the… rectangular
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But it's just a smaller rectangle and it's longer.
KAYLA: Yep.
SARAH: It's a smaller square around diameter.
KAYLA: Thinner.
SARAH: Square diameter, but longer.
KAYLA: Yeah. The thing you need to know is one is a chode and one isn't.
SARAH: And then the West Coast is a chode, it's thicker and shorter.
KAYLA: Why? I’ll it look up, I’ll look up chode butter, west coast butter…
SARAH: And I discovered this and my sister was like, “you've lived in California for six years…”
KAYLA: Ew! What’s the point?
SARAH: My sister was like, “you've lived in California for six years and you don’t…”
KAYLA: European style?
SARAH: Yeah, Europeans are like, it's like flatter…
KAYLA: It's like two.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: It's like two sticks of butter in one.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: What the fuck is their problem?
SARAH: Yeah, I don't… yeah, so that's that. But I would say, I don't remember how… what the diameter of a normal long stick of butter, is it just looks short to me.
KAYLA: West Coast butter stick, why?
SARAH: Okay, while you do that, I'm going to give you my juice. My family is in town, we're seeing Brandi Carlile on Friday and on Saturday we're going to the Getty.
KAYLA: Ooh
SARAH: And then on Sunday, we're going to Disney. It's a big weekend.
KAYLA: Disney! Bitch.
SARAH: Yeah, we're bringing Kyla.
KAYLA: You have the expert, you have to.
SARAH: Yeah, yeah, so that's that. Do you have an answer?
KAYLA: It's that like when they first started doing butter sticks, the East Coast was dominating dairy and then the West Coast when they finally started ramping up production they had to get different machines because the other ones weren't there anymore.
SARAH: What!? What do you mean they weren't there anymore?
KAYLA: I'll read it to you. ‘To understand why East Coast and West Coast butter sticks come in different sizes, we'll need a quick history lesson. The machines used to first process and pack butter were purchased in the 1920s and 1930s. At that time, the East Coast dominated dairy production. While the West Coast had butter cooperatives, the industry wasn't at the caliber it is today. They began ramping up production in the ‘60s and by ‘75, California was the second leading dairy production in the country. By that time, the original Elgin machines used for processing and packing the longer, skinnier sticks of butter were no longer available. They instead purchased new machinery that cut the sticks into shorter fatter sticks.’
SARAH: So, you're telling me that for East Coast butter, all of them are made with machines from the 1920s?
KAYLA: Well, that's, and then there's…
SARAH: I mean, I'm sure they have new machines now that like… and they were just like, “let's just keep this shape because that's what we do,” but like, that's wild.
KAYLA: ‘Yes, there are a few brands that still make both East Coast and West Coast butter, including Challenge Dairy and Land O'Lakes. As national dairy brands dominate grocery store shelves, many opt to produce only the Elgin style.’ Like, the East Coast style sticks. So, it seems that the East Coast style is dominant, but some West Coast places still make chode butter.
SARAH: You know what I just realized that's crazy? I bought it at Ralphs and I bought the generic brand which means the brand…
KAYLA: Yeah, that’s the problem
SARAH: No, the brand name on the butter is Kroger.
KAYLA: Oh, huh!? No.
SARAH: Because Ralphs is owned by Kroger so all of the generic Ralphs’ stuff says Kroger on it.
KAYLA: But why is Kroger making chode butter?
SARAH: For Ralphs, I guess.
KAYLA: That is so stupid, ban chode butter. My new platform, no more chode butter.
SARAH: You can tell us about your beef, your juice, your thoughts on chode butter on our social media @soundsfakepod. We also have a Patreon, patreon.com/soundsfakepod if you would like to support us there.
KAYLA: You know, the thing is though, if you have East Coast butter, you can have a bigger suit for when you're doing your downhill ski, your ski jump.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Do you get it? Because it's longer.
SARAH: No, I do.
KAYLA: Do you get it? Continue.
SARAH: Can you get more if it's wider or just longer?
KAYLA: I would guess it has to be length, because it's… you want the length because then the fabric goes out further, so it makes more of a sail, I think thicker wouldn't really do much for you, in my opinion.
SARAH: Okay. Our $5 patrons who we're reporting this week are Colleen Walsh, Danielle Frye, Emily Jean, Galvin Ford, and Green_sarah. Our $10 patrons who are promoting something this week are Eric who would like to promote Queer ASL. My Aunt Jeannie who would like to promote Christopher's Haven. Johanna who would like to promote being kind to one another. Kayla's dad who liked to promote JandiCreations.com. And KELLER bradley who would like to promote European butter, I guess.
KAYLA: It looks like… European butter to me looked like a block of cream cheese.
SARAH: It does.
KAYLA: The shape of it, I mean.
SARAH: Yes. No, you're right. For Americans who don't… or North Americans, I guess, who don't know what European butter looks like, imagine cream cheese, but butter.
KAYLA: Imagine cream cheese that come in the tinfoil, not the soft kind…
SARAH: Yeah. Our other $10 patrons are Maff, Martin Chiesl, Purple Hayes, Quartertone, Barefoot Backpacker, SongOStorm, Val, Alastor, Ani, Arcnes, Benjamin Ybarra, Clare Olsen, Danielle Hutchinson, Derick & Carissa, and Elle Bitter. Our $15 patrons are Ace who would like to promote the writer Crystal Scherer. Nathaniel White who would like to promote NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com. Kayla’s Aunt Nina who would like to promote katemaggartart.com. I put an extra dot in there, you figure it out.
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: And Schnell who would like to promote accepting that everyone's different that’s awesome. Our $20 other patrons are Changeling & Alex who would like to promote their company Control Alt Access (dot com). And Dr. Jacki, Dragonfly, my mom, and River who would like to promote…
KAYLA: Promote, someone tell me what I would win the Olympics for, please.
SARAH: Yes, someone please tell us that.
KAYLA: I just thought of something so mean, I'm not gonna say it, but I think of the reasons people make… our listeners make fun of me, and I thought of some, but you keep that to yourself.
SARAH: Okay, let's end this podcast so you can tell me. Thanks for listening, tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cows.
SARAH: Dairy cows.
KAYLA: Dairy cow.
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