Ep 294: Q&A - aspec activism, friendship, the allos, & more!
Transcription Details
Customer Name: Sounds Fake But Okay Podcast
Date: March, 10, 2024
Speakers in the Audio File
Speaker 1: Sarah
Speaker 2: Kayla
Episode 294: Q&A - aspec activism, friendship, the allos, & more!
[00:00:00]
SARAH: Hey, what's up? Hello, welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl, I’m Sarah, that's me.
KAYLA: And a bi-demisexual girl, that's me, Kayla.
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode, Q&A
BOTH: Sounds Fake But Okay.
[Intro Music]
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod.
KAYLA: My thing has already stopped recording once.
SARAH: Hee hee.
KAYLA: We just started.
SARAH: Hee hee. Hi, welcome back. I already said that.
KAYLA: Hi. How y'all doing?
SARAH: How is everyone?
KAYLA: Not good.
SARAH: The SFBO girlies continue to struggle.
KAYLA: Here's my housekeeping.
SARAH: Uh huh.
KAYLA: We don't often plug the Patreon hard. However, if there was ever a time to give us money, it would be right now.
SARAH: Well, tell them why.
KAYLA: I have been laid off. Yay.
SARAH: Hee hee. And as I've mentioned on previous podcasts, my rent just increased by a lot. So, between you being laid off and me still having a job but having to pay a lot more for rent, together we have no money.
KAYLA: Yes. We are suffering. I’m just a baby. I don't have any.
SARAH: So, you know, buy our book for your friends.
KAYLA: Yes. Use our bookshop.org thing. A couple people did. We received eight doll hairs last week.
SARAH: Honestly, that's way more than I expected.
KAYLA: I know, kind of a slay. Do you get many perks from being a patron, to be honest with you? No. You will maybe get episodes early. There is very occasional bonus content. There's a very unused Discord channel.
SARAH: I would say the biggest perk of being a patron, that is if you're five or above, you get the podcast a day early.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Usually.
KAYLA: Lately, yes.
SARAH: Most of the time.
KAYLA: Most of the time. We've been better about it lately. But really the biggest perk is knowing in your heart that you have supported some queer folks making an independent product who are poor.
SARAH: Relatively speaking, compared to what we were prior.
KAYLA: No, we're both very privileged and actually, for the most part, doing fine. However, …
SARAH: However
KAYLA: Not in my heart, no I’m not.
SARAH: If our patrons have any ideas of perks that you would like for us to do.
KAYLA: That’s very true
SARAH: Things you would like for us to do, Kayla has more free time.
KAYLA: I have a lot of time. Honestly, I was thinking about it. I was like, once I start applying to jobs in earnest, maybe I’ll just do those work with me live streams. So, that people can just be there and I won't be so, sad and alone while I have no co-workers to talk to anymore because I am jobless.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: LOL.
SARAH: It happens to the best of us. Alright, do we have any other housekeeping?
KAYLA: A lot of people sent in suggestions for our playlist, which is fun. It's like ten hours long now.
SARAH: That's like more than nine.
KAYLA: So, if you have more, you can always email them to us or comment on the post or DM us. Someone actually DM'd us a bunch today and I haven't put them on yet.
SARAH: Shout them into the void.
KAYLA: Yes, shout them into the void.
SARAH: Put a message in a bottle and just drop it in the ocean and maybe it'll eventually get to me.
KAYLA: If you live in Boston, which a good number of you do, you could just wander the streets. See if you run into me.
SARAH: I would say you could wander the streets of LA, but I’m never in the streets. I’m always in my house.
KAYLA: I am also rarely in the streets, but also, I don't have a job anymore. So, who knows?
SARAH: Who knows?
KAYLA: Maybe I’ll just be out, you know?
SARAH: Out and about.
KAYLA: Maybe.
SARAH: Alright. Well.
KAYLA: Anyway.
SARAH: Okay. Kayla, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week. Who knows what we're talking about? Because you, you're in charge. You asked us the questions.
SARAH: Vroom, vroom.
KAYLA: And we're going to answer them. Now you drive the podcast.
SARAH: Now, listeners, you're driving the podcast this week. Good luck.
KAYLA: And for once. I mean, it's a little rude. It has been like, what? Six years? And you've never once driven an episode? Like, put in some fucking work, you know?
SARAH: Hit the gas.
KAYLA: Like, what are you bringing to this relationship? You know what I mean? It feels like we're doing all the work.
SARAH: For legal reasons, this was a joke.
KAYLA: This has been a joke. This has been one of my classic jokes.
SARAH: No, but you all, the listeners, have indeed brought us the topics for this week because we are A-ing your Qs in an aspec way. I was asked on… So, I posted on our Instagram story and in our Discord. I pronounced that weird. Discooord.
KAYLA: Discooord.
SARAH: And I’m sure you all knew it was me based off of the wild change in tone and the meme use.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: We asked you for some Qs for us to A. Weasel asked on Discord if it was any particular topic or just an Ace-M-A.
KAYLA: Mm. That's good.
SARAH: Like an A-M-A. But ace
KAYLA: But ace
SARAH: And I said, “challenge us to make it aspec. Go wild.”
KAYLA: Oh, damn.
SARAH: So, I think let's start. We only have a couple from the Discord, but I think we should start there.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: The first one is, how is life?
KAYLA: Well.
SARAH: From… Whispers.
KAYLA: Well, well, whispers. (whispering) I think we've probably answered your question, already.
SARAH: It's poor.
KAYLA: It's bad.
SARAH: I’m ending this A-S-M-R segment immediately.
KAYLA: It's bad.
SARAH: What's the most Midwest thing about you?
KAYLA: Well, I know the Discord recently got into a whole thing about us saying pop.
SARAH: My refusal to wear coats. If I’m going to be outside for like short periods of time, I don't need a fucking coat. I don't care if it's 10 degrees.
KAYLA: I do think my judgment of other people's winter wear, like my neighbors, they are from Connecticut. So, it's not even that they're not used to the cold, but they both like bundle up like crazy. And then my household is filled with Midwestern people. So, when we go out places together, it's very fun to see us all come out of our doors and see what everyone's wearing. Because there is a vast difference in outer apparel.
SARAH: It hits 60 here and you see people in their like puffer jackets.
KAYLA: Yeah, I know. That's so warm.
SARAH: I mean, to be fair for a lot of like restaurants and stuff that have outdoor seating, it can get chilly when it's like 55, but they have heaters.
KAYLA: Sure. In the dark. Yeah, sure.
SARAH: So, it's like, it's probably fine.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Probably that thing.
KAYLA: Probably that.
SARAH: Also, I will walk outside without shoes on.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: As long as there is not snow on the actual ground that I’m going to be stepping on, I’ll walk outside barefoot.
KAYLA: Have you ever gone into your parking garage with no shoes?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: Okay. That's good for your safety.
SARAH: Because I have to like, I… to get to my parking garage, I either have to go in the elevator or I have to walk outside.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So, I… no. Have you ever had a squish and how did you deal with it if so?
KAYLA: Um, I think yes. Have you had a squish?
SARAH: Yeah, I have. And what I did with it was nothing. Hope this helps.
KAYLA: Okay. Thank you. Um, I had a squish on my yoga teacher when I first started going to her classes, I was like, I am obsessed with you. And it was really funny because like, thinking about it, it makes sense to me why squishes and crushes the way they feel are so confused. Because the way I was like nervous around her and was like, I would talk to her and I'd be like, that was the stupidest fucking thing to say. I was like, I sound like an idiot because I just wanted to sound cool. And then I was just like, that was nothing. Which is, I feel like the same thing you do when you have a crush is you like want to impress someone and then you think about it a lot later and you're like, I’m a fucking idiot.
SARAH: And like you want to engage with them.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: But you also, don't…
KAYLA: You want to seem like…
SARAH: You don't want to seem like a ‘pick-me’.
KAYLA: Too much.
SARAH: You don't want to seem like embarrassing.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: I've had that problem where like, if it's someone that like, I kind of have a squish on and like, we like do an activity together and I’m like, “Oh, I would like to do this activity again.” But like, I can't ask you to do this activity again tomorrow. Like, well…
KAYLA: Sure.
SARAH: Like… and then what happens is then I don't see them for a year and a half. And then we finally see each other again. And we're like, “Oh my God, we should do this more often.” And then we don't.
KAYLA: My advice that I don't think either of us would ever follow – so do as we say, don't do as we do – is I would… If you have a squish on someone, just straight up be like, “I would like to be your friend.” Because I think if someone said that to me, I would respond to it very positively. Like that kind of just like blunt communication of like, “Hey man, I really think you're really cool. Let's be friends.” I think actually would probably work really well. So, I think you should do that.
SARAH: I think as long as you're not too overbearing about it.
KAYLA: Sure. Yeah.
SARAH: Especially if it seems like that person doesn't… isn't as reciprocating, which I know for some people, it can be hard, a little bit hard to read that.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Like whether they're just being like shy or whether they're actually busy or whatever.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So, try it carefully. But I mean, as a person, it's really nice to have someone say to you, like, I want to be your friend.
KAYLA: Yeah. Yeah. That makes people feel good. I think. Unless they hate people.
SARAH: Um, we have one more question from the Discord. So, I’ll just read it. It's from Taco Cat. Oh, also, those were from Weasel and Ladybug. Um, Taco Cat says, “Have you ever heard the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?” No. Next question.
[00:10:00]
KAYLA: Nope. Next.
SARAH: Okay. These are all from Instagram. We're not going to be able to get to all of them. But Maggie the songwriter asks most iconic Sarah and Kayla story.
KAYLA: I have a really good one that just happened that I am determined to remember forever.
SARAH: You can tell them
KAYLA: We were talking about the weather because our… Both of our internets are bad. And Sarah was like, “Yeah, there's a flood warning here.” And I was like, “Oh, that's wild. There's a flood watch here.” And I was like, “wait, which one is which?” Like… Because one of them is like, watch out, it's coming. And the other one is like, it's crappening right now.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And so, Sarah said…
SARAH: Yeah, the one that is watch out is watch.
KAYLA: Okay. Yeah. Well, it's hard to remember. But Sarah has a really good way to remember. So, don't you worry.
SARAH: I got it from Fox 2 News Detroit.
KAYLA: Sure.
SARAH: So, this came from a master a warning. This was in the context of a tornado warning. So, a tornado warning is when you have all of the ingredients for a coney dog in front of you. And you're making the coney dog.
KAYLA: No, wrong. It's the opposite.
SARAH: You're right. A tornado watch…
KAYLA: See? And I told you this wasn't a good way to remember. And I told you.
SARAH: A tornado watch is when you have all of the ingredients of a coney dog…
KAYLA: And you're watching yourself make…
SARAH: And you're watching yourself make the coney dog. And a tornado warning is when you're eating the coney dog. You are downing that coney dog. You are chowing down.
KAYLA: Watch out. We will… we will… warning coney dog being eaten.
SARAH: And if you're not from Michigan or somewhere that has coney dogs.
KAYLA: Even less helpful.
SARAH: It's like a hot dog with a lot of things on it.
KAYLA: Yeah. Like… I feel like chili most especially.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Here's the thing though is I understand the like oh you're watching out for it so, that it hasn't happened yet. But it also, could be I’m watching it right now. I’m watching the tornado outside of my house. That's not easy to remember.
SARAH: Well, I guess it's watch as in like watch out and then warning as in like if you don't move you're going to get swept out of Kansas into Oz.
KAYLA: I think of warning as like it's coming but not right now. Like be warned soon.
SARAH: Well just remember that warning is you're eating the coney dog.
KAYLA: Yeah. Okay. See and clearly that worked out so well for you. Okay. What's your iconic memory, that's mine.
SARAH: For some reason the first thing that I thought of when I read this was that one time I believe it was freshman year of college you like went out with some people.
KAYLA: I also thought of this story first time I read this question.
SARAH: And I was like I don't want to go. So, I was staying at our dorm watching TV in my bed. I was… it was when I was determined to watch all of Teen Wolf. I did not finish it.
KAYLA: I thought you were watching Vampire Diaries but…
SARAH: No, I've never seen Vampire Diaries, it was Teen Wolf. I honestly didn't really get that far into my Teen Wolf journey but I was watching Teen Wolf and Kayla brought me trash cookies after going…
KAYLA: Yeah. I didn't even bring them to you, I lifted them up to you. Didn't… Weren't they in the room? You just didn't want to get off the loft?
SARAH: You know, I don't remember that. It's possible. I bet that you’re right.
KAYLA: What I remember is you were in your lofted bed and you were like I really want my cookies but they're down there. And I was like, “hold on.”
SARAH: I’ll be back soon.
KAYLA: I’ll be back soon. So, I came and I said “here you go.”
SARAH: And I said, “Thank you. Thank you.” That's all.
KAYLA: Very good.
SARAH: What country is on the top of your list to visit? Ireland. So, that we can visit…
KAYLA: Our plot of land
SARAH: Our one square foot of aspec capital of the world.
KAYLA: And I was in Ireland and I didn't see it.
SARAH: I will probably be in Ireland next summer.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: I forgot how time works.
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: I will be in Ireland at some point but actually that is the country I want to go to most right now, so.
KAYLA: I think the top of my list is probably Japan because it seems really cool. But also, that's like a way bigger like step to visit somewhere like that because like I've been to South America and I've been to Europe but both of those places are like Western and like I feel like the customs are like pretty easily transferable and like enough people speak English. But Japan I think is just like a lot different and I like don't know how well I would do traveling there.
SARAH: Yeah. And if you're in Europe at least Western Europe and South America, the language is in Romanics like…
KAYLA: Right. You can kind of like understand maybe
SARAH: Yeah, but like even if it's just like comparing something to a sign like you can look at it and say oh this says Roma boo and then you can see on a sign that says Roma boo
KAYLA: Right, yes. Because it uses the same like letters and characters
SARAH: Yeah, but for Japanese like…
KAYLA: There's nothing I can do about that
SARAH: You’re fucked
KAYLA: There's nothing I can do. I can use like the Google thing, the Google translate with pictures where I hold my phone up to the street sign. So, I would really like that I just feel like I would need to go on one of those like guided vacations where you're like with a group and they bring you around because I’m scared, I get scared
SARAH: Yeah, that's fair, that was from Riding2100. This one is from Rachel.gusfa is that how you pronounce it? Gusfa
KAYLA: That’s Gusfa
SARAH: Gusfa
KAYLA: That's my sister
SARAH: Yeah, this is Kayla's sister, she says how does it feel being the most famous person in your family
KAYLA: Oh my God, you know it's really glamorous, it's really exciting
SARAH: That's all?
KAYLA: I have nothing much to say, I feel like the level of fame I have is pretty small and doesn't really come with many benefits. So…
SARAH: That's fair
KAYLA: You know, like it's fun, I like… It's…
SARAH: Silly
KAYLA: It's silly but also, did it save me from getting laid off? No
SARAH: No, it didn't
KAYLA: But did it help me…
SARAH: That's tough
KAYLA: But did it help me get the job that I did have? Yes. Like it looked nice on my resume. So, that's something I guess we'll see if that helps this time around, anyway
SARAH: Hee hee. It helps you get a job not necessarily keep the job
KAYLA: Keep the job, yeah, it gets you in the door, it doesn't keep you inside the door
SARAH: Yeah, I feel the same way, I guess. Pet peeves about the allos? This is from Venable Hannah
KAYLA: I get really mad when they're like you can't be friends with the opposite gender or slash sex you… there's always a sexual tension, I think that's stupid
SARAH: Yeah. I mean we've talked about this a lot recently on the podcast but like my pet peeve recently has just been the allos thinking that there has to be romantic subplots always all the time
KAYLA: Fair, fair
SARAH: And that's the only thing that makes people interesting
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Because it's not
KAYLA: No
SARAH: It's not. Also, just my other pet peeve is like abandoning your friends if you're in a relationship like that
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Like that's…
KAYLA: That’s not good
SARAH: Don't be like Tina
KAYLA: Do not be like Tina, that vapid bitch.
SARAH: That was a little extreme but I know you're talking about a hypothetical Tina
KAYLA: Or am I?
SARAH: Oh. Sorry, this is just a funny progression of questions, two questions from the same person from Sophie Well, and Sophie says did you all attend summer camps growing up? Thoughts on Quakers? I assume for you those two things are related Sophie
KAYLA: Yeah, are there like Quaker summer camps?
SARAH: There must be
KAYLA: There must be
SARAH: I mean, they've got oats. You think they can't…
KAYLA: I don't have many thoughts on Quakers, I don't think…
SARAH: I don't know anything about them
KAYLA: Mostly because I think I get them confused with the Amish most of the time
SARAH: Yeah, I think I think a lot of people do
KAYLA: So, I don't, I really couldn't say
SARAH: I did attend summer camp growing up. I went to a Christian summer camp for like eight years um…
KAYLA: Nice
SARAH: I mostly went to it because it was fun not because it was a Christian summer camp, that's all I have to say on the matter. It was fun
KAYLA: I also went to summer camp, I went to Blue Lakes Fine Arts amp for six years in middle school and high school and it was a great time
SARAH: Okay. Well, if we're name-dropping, I went just I went to Spring Hill the one in Michigan not the one in Indiana
KAYLA: Okay. I knew a lot of people that went to Spring Hill, I think
SARAH: Yeah. It was a very interesting experience for me because I was raised Catholic and Spring Hill was non-denominational
KAYLA: Mm, that is very different
SARAH: And so, that's… It's a very different experience. It was also… just to make everything a little bit aspec, it was very like split gender-wise
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: There were like the boys’ cabins who we would interact with sometimes but like it was very much like the girls are doing this thing and the boys are doing this thing
KAYLA: Interesting
SARAH: Like it's very…
KAYLA: Did you like do activities together?
SARAH: We did to a certain extent I think we had what we called a brother cabin but like we weren't like super… we didn't interact with them a ton. Also, because it was a Christian camp we also… we had to do our prayers before and after everything and relate everything to God…
KAYLA: Of course
[00:20:00]
SARAH: Much like we do on this podcast with aspec identities
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: But to do that like you like hold hands with people like to do the prayer and it's you interlace your fingers and they always called that boyfriend-girlfriend style
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And sometimes I just think about that
KAYLA: Yeah, I don't know how I feel about that, did you… Were you allowed to have phones at camp?
SARAH: Oh, no
KAYLA: Okay, me neither. I've been thinking, I had thought about this recently actually because the camp I went to it was like no phones nothing you would like write letters back home, it was like two and a half weeks, I think. So, you could like write home or whatever but I was thinking about that recently, I was like, “do they still do that?” do you think?
SARAH: I don't know
KAYLA: It seems hard to enforce
SARAH: We weren't allowed to have phones but like I remember in my later years like I had like a point and shoot digital camera that like I like…
KAYLA: Yeah, we could bring cameras but you couldn't bring a phone
SARAH: But you couldn't bring a phone?
KAYLA: Yeah, everyone had digital cameras because that was like the only way. If you go on my Facebook there's like albums still from when I was at Blue Lake and you could find some truly horrid pictures, would recommend
SARAH: Yeah. I'd be curious to see how much that has changed. I would also, just be specifically with Spring Hill I would just be curious to see like how the culture has changed in addition to the phone thing
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: You know, I knew people who… or I knew of people who like became camp counselors because like once I was in college I realized how young all of my camp counselors were
KAYLA: Oh, yeah, they're all like college students
SARAH: Like, they're college kids
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And when you're like more upper high school that the way that it worked was at Spring Hill you did this thing called TST which was like you worked and…
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And you did the camp things and so, the TST kids tended to have older counselors
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But they can't have been any older than we are right now
KAYLA: No
SARAH: No way
KAYLA: Yeah, thinking back like because it was a fine arts camp so like all the camp counselors would like help us. So, like I went for band. So, there was like six different like band slash orchestras you could get placed into there was like a theater program of like art, like traditional art program there's like a bunch of different stuff and then there was like minors you could take. So, like I would… Like one year I majored in band and I like minored in theater or I minored in like art or whatever anyway. So, all the counselors would also be like teacher's assistants for all of the programs. So, it'd be like a music major in college or like one of my camp counselors one year was like an opera student at college and then this was like all summer she lived at this camp because it was like all summer like it ran through like, you know?
SARAH: Right. Yeah
KAYLA: I was a child
SARAH: Yeah. I also, wonder too like how many of my counselors like actually believed the shit that they were telling
KAYLA: Yeah, probably… I mean definitely not all of them
SARAH: Definitely not all of them
KAYLA: No
SARAH: Not to the extent that they claimed
KAYLA: No
SARAH: So, I’m very curious to see like in a post-Trump age
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Whether I could still tolerate that being there
KAYLA: That. Yeah. Because I think the act of like going to a Christian summer camp when we were younger it's like you didn't have to be that religious to go like people just kind of like…
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: If they wanted to… if their parents wanted them in a summer program like and they happened to be religious that was just like an option but these days if you're not that religious I don't know that you would send your kid to a religious summer camp
SARAH: Right, like we went for the first time because our family friends had gone before and they were going and they went to a Lutheran school and so, like they were a little bit more in it and I remember the first time we went my mom was like… had to like prep us. She was like, “they're going to talk about Jesus”
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And like I would always kind of leave and be like a little more religious for like a month and then it would just wear off
KAYLA: Sure
SARAH: It was just like…
KAYLA: No, that… yeah, yeah.
SARAH: But even if you're not religious like I think you could just kind of like bite your tongue and…
KAYLA: Sure
SARAH: Get through the more religious stuff and still have fun doing the camp stuff but I’m just I’m very curious to see if you could still pull that off
KAYLA: Yeah. I don't know
SARAH: The Lord's year 2024
KAYLA: I don't know, that's a great question
SARAH: Now that we've gone down a summer camp rabbit hole…
KAYLA: I miss summer camp, dude. Sometimes I’m like, “maybe I’ll just work at a summer camp forever”
SARAH: I know
KAYLA: Maybe that's my new job
SARAH: Did you did you watch Theater Camp?
KAYLA: No, Dean actually just watched it and he really liked it but I haven't
SARAH: I watched it on the plane it was good
KAYLA: Dean also watched it on a plane
SARAH: Gerwig Films asks, “do you ever wonder how many ace people back in the day probably became nuns or something?”
KAYLA: Yeah. I mean probably
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Like especially back in the day where it's like you have to get married as a woman and your only other option is to be like a spinster who can't support herself or a nun like yeah man
SARAH: Well, and my sister is a le dollar bean said that she would absolutely be a nun because you don't have to deal with men, you don't have to get married and you're surrounded by like a really good library
KAYLA: Yeah, and a lot of other women
SARAH: Like, come on
KAYLA: No, I think… I mean, yeah, I think it makes a lot of sense to me that there would be a lot of queer nuns back in the day
SARAH: Oneanxiousace asks tips for maintaining friendships after college
KAYLA: Start a podcast
SARAH: So, when you're in college start a podcast with them, and that's the most effective way we've found
KAYLA: Yeah, my tips are to start a business with someone or to continue living with someone
SARAH: I would agree
KAYLA: But you also keep up with a lot more people from college than I do, so
SARAH: Keep up is a strong way to put it. I would also say that you have made friends after college, I have not really. I have made like a few
KAYLA: That's fair, I guess, yes, from living in how many places I've lived in and how many jobs I've had, I've had more opportunities to make friends after college where you have not had as many. So, that's fair, because it does… I will say as I continue keep moving places and getting new jobs and making new friends it gets harder and harder to keep up with people because there's just too many of them
SARAH: Yeah, and then they like leave the industry and move to San Diego
KAYLA: Bitches
SARAH: And then they start working at the comic-con museum which is like cool
KAYLA: Who is doing that?
SARAH: Cat, my friend… anyway that's all very specific
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Yeah, I think the other thing to do is to just Benjamin button yourself and like go back to school
KAYLA: Okay, do you have any actionable tips?
SARAH: Reverse
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: No, I don’t have friends
KAYLA: I would say… Yeah, I don't know… like if there's like activities that you're both… like hobbies you're both into, I feel like that's an easy way because then you like have something to like continue talking about or like, you know?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: That kind of thing
SARAH: Yeah, you have something to bond over
KAYLA: Face time, schedule visits
SARAH: Fromvegan Lana asks, “do you think social media is endorsing allonormativity or helping to fight it?” Porque no los dos
KAYLA: Probably both but I think allonormativity is winning
SARAH: I do… I agree with that
KAYLA: Because just the internet in general lets you spread more information and lets like minority groups have a bit more of the platform assuming they have access to the internet
SARAH: Well, because the thing that that drives everything on the internet is engagement
KAYLA: Sure
SARAH: And so, if you outrage people or if you make people who are in the majority feel seen then they will engage with it right more
KAYLA: Right
SARAH: And it's not about deep thoughtful engagement it's about…
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Literally like number of comments
KAYLA: Yes. So, yeah, I think I mean there are just more allo people so, there's just more allo content
SARAH: We have to convert more
KAYLA: And I think also, just like the way that dating is talked about online in recent years I think just with like dating apps and like just even stuff we've talked about recently about like dating tips and like online dating coaches and stuff you know like just like the fads of dating that come through a very like fast-paced internet culture does not help allonormativity
SARAH: No
KAYLA: Like I think in a lot of ways like things have gone a bit backwards in the way that we think about dating and like what a “successful dating life” looks like
SARAH: Well, because we can see every aspect of the lives of everyone we went to high school with
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: And everyone we went to college with and everyone who lived on our street when we were kids except for like the few who like don't use social media and then I’m like wow I really admire that but how am I supposed to know what you're doing
KAYLA: What are you doing though?
SARAH: I’m nosy. So, there's that. Friend of the frogs 27, says “why?”
KAYLA: Yeah, exactly
SARAH: So, to answer your question in German I would say
KAYLA: Parque los dos?
SARAH: Darum
KAYLA: I don't know what that means
SARAH: What porque no los dos or what?
KAYLA: No
SARAH: Darum means…
KAYLA: That one
SARAH: So, in German the way to say why or like mostly why is varum and you can respond to that just by saying darum which is basically like because
KAYLA: Oh, that's fun
SARAH: Barefoot Backpacker has several pressing questions
KAYLA: Mm, okay
SARAH: First of all, what are your favorite words? I don't know, get back to me
KAYLA: Yeah, I don't know about that one
SARAH: I don't know why I asked if I didn't have an answer. Also, Barefoot Backpacker asks with hindsight would there be anything about the pod or your journeys that you'd have changed?
KAYLA: Yep
SARAH: Y'all should have seen the face Kayla made before she said that
[00:30:00]
KAYLA: Yeah, yes, I think that we've learned a lot through this process and there's definitely things I regret
SARAH: As a follow-up to that barefoot backpacker asks do you regret being seen as ace-aro activists?
KAYLA: A little
SARAH: A little bit
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Someone needed to do it but did it have to be us?
KAYLA: Probably shouldn't have been, no. Yeah, listen I think everything happens for a reason I think the way things happened for us was very random and very like Covid-fueled and so, things happened very very quickly and we were not prepared for them and we were not probably right for them
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And it happened anyway and we probably didn't handle everything the best, we definitely didn't handle everything the best way…
SARAH: Yeah, I was going to say probably
KAYLA: We definitely didn't handle everything the best way, I think we've both learned a lot. So, yeah
SARAH: Would you want to at least the stepping off point of where we got to… where we are today not necessarily every single detail of what we did but would you do that again like basically starting with like let's say like the Covid live stream we did
KAYLA: I would do it again, there's things in between that I would absolutely do differently
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But I think like the COVID live stream as our like launching point got us a lot of things like the book or like a lot of our listeners like I would do that again
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: There's just a lot of things in between that I would have handled very differently
SARAH: Yeah, final question from our good friend the Barefoot Backpacker, if you had been born male or assigned male at birth as they say what would your names have been or what names would you have wanted? I would have been John Robert, which is…
KAYLA: A terrible name, respectfully to any John Roberts out there
SARAH: Even more white bread than my actual name…
KAYLA: Than Sarah, redacted middle name that I don’t think I would like to say
SARAH: Yeah, redacted middle name that is very easy to find. I think it's… yeah, because it's after people… like my dad's name is John but he doesn't go by John but because he goes by Jack I would have had to go by John like Johnny
KAYLA: Ew, Johnny
SARAH: And then Robert was both of my grandpa's names, so
KAYLA: Ah, if I had been born male slash assigned male at birth my parents would have gotten a divorce because my grandpa's name is John and my dad's name is John and so, my dad if he had had a boy would have wanted to name it John but my mom didn't want to do that because she thought it was stupid because my dad also, doesn't go by John because there's too many Johns and it gets…
SARAH: He goes by Kevin
KAYLA: Kevin, which is his middle name but it causes a lot of confusion
SARAH: Wow
KAYLA: So, my mom sometimes says that it would have caused a divorce
SARAH: Hi, this is Sarah from the future, this is so unimportant but I was just thinking about it as I was editing, can you imagine if we had both been named John and this was just like the Johnny John show the Johnny John podcast like imagine? Can you just think about that for a second? Okay, thank you, bye.
If you were to rename yourself in a gender neutral name would you call yourself like leaf or something? Not leaf as in Lafe, I mean Le actually, I do know someone who recently legally changed their name to Leaf
KAYLA: I love that. I don't think that's for me
SARAH: It's the first thing I thought of, yeah
KAYLA: Like object names I don't think are for me like I like them for other people but I don't think that suits me
SARAH: So, you wouldn't want to be like spatula
KAYLA: Probably definitely not Spatula
SARAH: Spatula Kaszyca
KAYLA: There's maybe some other objects that I would lean towards more than Spatula
SARAH: Like Free Weight
KAYLA: Probably not, are you just looking around your room?
SARAH: How about Shaker of Garlic Salt
KAYLA: No, that's pretty long
SARAH: Gar for short like the fish
KAYLA: Nope, nope
SARAH: Anyway, let's… wow, Barefoot backpacker actually asked more questions than that but we're not going to hit all of them. Rebecca Mananas, what's your favorite kind of pasta? Obviously, a bow tie for folly type of girly. I also, like cellentani
KAYLA: Which one is that?
SARAH: They're very like robust spirals
KAYLA: Yeah, I like a big noodle. I like a bow tie, I like the mouth feel of a bow tie, I like a swirly one, I also, just like a fettuccine
SARAH: Yeah, it's a little boring but…
KAYLA: I also, kind of like an angel hair
SARAH: I prefer the angel hair to a spiral
KAYLA: I like how you can just eat… like I like… So, you can get so many noodles at once, you know what I mean?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Then it's like, wow, that's a big mouthful of noodles
SARAH: Yeah, Boscracker111 says, “how do you feel about worms?” I think it's a little unsettling how you can cut them in half and it'll become two worms
KAYLA: Yeah, I don't like that
SARAH: I think that's what happened to us
KAYLA: That makes a lot of sense, that actually explains a lot, do you like that better than when I say that we have one long worm that goes… that connects us via the ears. I know you don't like when I say that
SARAH: Why would you say that again?
KAYLA: Because I think it's true
SARAH: Every time you say that on the podcast, I have to listen to it twice
KAYLA: Yeah, but then I have to read it in the transcript you know so it’s like…
SARAH: Ooh
KAYLA: Ooh. I like worms, I like when it's springtime and you go outside, and you go… it smells like worms and then you see them wiggling about
SARAH: Arteas asks, “favorite fact about yourself or favorite species of fish?”
KAYLA: I don't know if this is a fish but I think they're called garden eels
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: If you ever go to the New England aquarium they are on the top floor and they're just these like little green worm looking things and they stick out of the sand and they wiggle around and they look like… just kind of like little pieces of grass because their booties are in the sand and their heads are up
SARAH: You have identified something I hate
KAYLA: You don't like a sea worm?
SARAH: I don't like how I can't tell where they originate
KAYLA: Garden eel
SARAH: It's like parasites, now I brought up, now I have to listen to that
KAYLA: I don't know what parasites have to do with anything. Look, look though they're dancing around
SARAH: I mean they're cute, they're cute. I just… I get a little unsettled when I can't identify
KAYLA: I also, like a very tiny seahorse that's not really a fish either but…
SARAH: I like that one, shark or whatever that's like the virgin Mary
KAYLA: The stingray?
SARAH: Yeah, the stingray
KAYLA: Still hasn't given birth, it has been years
SARAH: We'll never know
KAYLA: Charlotte you bitch get it over with
SARAH: Final question
KAYLA: Make it a good one
SARAH: Hello, Sophia here says, “do you ever let guys flirt with you for fun? I do because I like the attention”
KAYLA: I love that. Um, yeah…
SARAH: No
KAYLA: Especially… mostly when there's free drinks on the line
SARAH: Yeah, see I don't drink so I’m like…
KAYLA: Yeah. So, there's not much, yeah. If there are free drinks in the line or if it is with the bouncer and there is getting inside out of the cold
SARAH: So, you can get something out of them?
KAYLA: If there is something for me to gain, absolutely, because then also, I’m like, “oh, I’m sexy lady and I got something for being a sexy lady”
SARAH: Hee hee
KAYLA: A nice little confidence boost
SARAH: Hot girls win.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: I would say I wouldn't like encourage it at all
KAYLA: Sure
SARAH: But I also wouldn't be like
KAYLA: Stop it
SARAH: Stop, stop. Because I’m really non-confrontational. So, I would, you know… I would just try and wiggle my way out
KAYLA: Yeah, you're not leading someone on but you're also not punching someone in the face
SARAH: Yeah, like I’ll just be like what I consider to be friendly and if you consider that to be flirting then like that's your problem
KAYLA: Sure
SARAH: Okay, I lied, there's one more. It's from Rica Sophie, “who's your dream guest for the pod?”
KAYLA: You know, what I’ve been thinking about?
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: Is I haven't watched the newest season of ‘Queer Eye’ but there, my sister says, is a biromantic demisexual nun that was on the latest season and I would like to watch her episode and then invite her on because I bet she slays
SARAH: Amazing. I have had a note pinned on my Notes App since December 1st 2021
KAYLA: Okay, old
SARAH: That says get Michaela Coel on the pod
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Have we done that? No.
KAYLA: No. I don't know that she does… It's the person I’m thinking of, I don't think she does interviews
SARAH: Yeah, that's like the thing like she doesn't really… like she has talked about… like she has mentioned being aspec but like she doesn't talk about it
KAYLA: Yeah. I think Paula Poundstone would be cool, she's ace
SARAH: Nice
KAYLA: I know Tim Gunn doesn't currently identify as ace but I’m obsessed with him. So, that would be…
SARAH: So, does my mom
KAYLA: Also, cool. Good
SARAH: My mom would love that
KAYLA: Did you know “So You Think You Can Dance” is coming back? That is so tangentially related but…
SARAH: Yeah, I knew that
KAYLA: It's the truth
SARAH: Yes
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: Jojo Siwa is a judge
KAYLA: Okay. Well, I’m not watching it then, that just ruined it
SARAH: Wow, okay
KAYLA: I don't find her enjoyable, I’m sorry
SARAH: Okay. Wow, yeah, I know
KAYLA: Sorry
SARAH: Some controversy
KAYLA: Jojo Siwa lovers
[00:40:00]
SARAH: Great, that's it
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: Sorry if we didn't answer your question or if we didn't answer your question but you don't feel we did a good enough job
KAYLA: That's fair. I don't think we answered many of them well at all. But did you come… but did you click on this episode expecting anything? You know, because if so, I do think that's on you
SARAH: Yeah, and if you're still here here's a reminder that we don't often give… give us give us some stars on…
KAYLA: True
SARAH: Rate and review our podcast but preferably only if you're rating it at four or five stars
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: If you'd like to rate it below that…
KAYLA: Keep it to yourself
SARAH: You know, email it to yourself
KAYLA: Not to us.
SARAH: Not to us
KAYLA: I have no interest. We have gotten enough emails from people who don't care for us. I've had enough
SARAH: But they care enough to email us
KAYLA: Which is the interesting thing
SARAH: We're living rent-free in their little dungeons
KAYLA: We really are
SARAH: I wish I could live rent-free generally
KAYLA: Me too, me too
SARAH: That'd be great
KAYLA: Me and our friend Asritha were just on the phone talking about moving to a cave. So, if you want in on that
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: We were… she was thinking Nepal
SARAH: Is it like wet?
KAYLA: It doesn't have to be, we're open
SARAH: I feel like if it's in Nepal that's in the mountains, that's going to be snowy
KAYLA: Well, yeah, because then I was also, talking about if we could just get to the top of Mount Everest, barely anyone would bother us, you know we just have to get up there first
SARAH: It'd be hard to breathe
KAYLA: Yeah, but then no one… Like most people die on their way up. So, we have very few visitors
SARAH: Okay, a better idea…
KAYLA: Die?
SARAH: Do the peak like next to Mount Everest like…
KAYLA: Oh, that’s true
SARAH: So, it's not… but like one that people like aren't constantly trying to climb
KAYLA: Yeah, that's fair, but anyway if you have… if you want to join the cave situation, well, let us know
SARAH: There's an application process
KAYLA: Yeah, yeah. I’ll put in a good word for you though
SARAH: Great. Okay, what's our poll for this week?
KAYLA: Thoughts on Quakers? I’m not doing that
SARAH: Quaker? I barely know her. We just got a new question and it's good
KAYLA: What is it?
SARAH: What are you better at than anyone else you know?
KAYLA: Typing
SARAH: Eva_hm_. Kayla is a very good typer
KAYLA: I’m the best typist I know
SARAH: I’m really good at procrastinating
KAYLA: You might… Actually, yeah you might be the best I know with that
SARAH: Thank you so much
KAYLA: You're so welcome
SARAH: Should we ask the people what their favorite type of pasta is?
KAYLA: Sure
SARAH: Or where they'd like to visit?
KAYLA: I already wrote down pasta type. So, it's too late
SARAH: What type of pasta would you like to eat at the place… what type of pasta…
KAYLA: No
SARAH: Is served…
KAYLA: Nope
SARAH: At the place you'd like to visit?
KAYLA: No
SARAH: You would say Ramen. I would say potatoes
KAYLA: How is that the answer? What type of… No, what type of pasta… potatoes… what are you saying?
SARAH: I couldn't think of an Irish pasta so…
KAYLA: No, no, no, no, but you said…
SARAH: Potatoes, pasta that's just potatoes
KAYLA: Okay, no
SARAH: You know, I found out that my last name is from first of all county mail Mayonnaise
KAYLA: I love that
SARAH: But second of all I learned that that's where like the most people in the great Potate famine, the greatest percentage of the population had to leave because they were starving
KAYLA: Is that why there are so many Costellos? Because they all dispersed?
SARAH: And I was like, “damn.” I actually don't know when the Costellos that I descend from first came to the United States, it was not within the last 150 years
KAYLA: Well, I guess we'll never know
SARAH: So, maybe it was the famine, I don't know
KAYLA: Maybe, who knows? What's your favorite famine?
SARAH: What? No. Favorite famine is when there's not one
KAYLA: Yeah, that's a good answer
SARAH: Especially not when it's a man-made famine, anyway
KAYLA: Anyway
SARAH: You can tell us about your… No, what's your beef and your juice for this week?
KAYLA: Wouldn't you believe it Sarah? My beef is being laid off
SARAH: That's wild, I didn't expect that one
KAYLA: It's not good, it sucks, actually. My juice is…
SARAH: My beef is… Can I tell you my beef?
KAYLA: I guess
SARAH: My beef is I found a carpet beetle in my bed today
KAYLA: Burn your bed
SARAH: And I took a little video of it and I sent it to my sister and I was like, “I don't know what kind of bug this is and I don't know if I want to know” And I was like, “what kind of bug is this?” and then I was like “please don't tell me…” like if your answer is not, “oh that's just like a harmless random bug”
KAYLA: Yes, don't tell me
SARAH: Don't, I actually don't want to know
KAYLA: Don’t want to know, yeah that's fair
SARAH: It turns out it is like pretty harmless but it did inspire me to move my bed like hulk and vacuum a lot which I still need to complete before my evening wraps up
KAYLA: Fair, my juice is that I cleaned four trash bags of clothes out of my clothes areas
SARAH: What did you do with them?
KAYLA: Some of them were incredibly old, I’m going to donate two of the bags and try to sell two of the bags but the Buffalo Exchange I feel like will look at them all and be like, “um, these are out of style, we'll take this one thing for five dollars” and I’ll be like, “I got laid off, buy my jeans bitch”
SARAH: Wait another five to ten years, that shit is cyclical
KAYLA: You're so right listen, some of this shit is five, ten years old, so, anyway
SARAH: Slay
KAYLA: Oh, my other juice is that did you know New Hampshire has no sales tax?
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: I was in New Hampshire for a second and I went to an indie bookstore and it was cool I also had just like free like plan B just out and I was like that's nice
SARAH: Mm, nice
KAYLA: But I bought a bunch of books because I had just gotten a bonus and I was like, “I have so much money I’m going to live forever” little did I know. Anyway, I bought a bunch of books but they were cheaper really, I was saving money
SARAH: Karma
KAYLA: Because there was no sales tax. So, really it was smart what I did
SARAH: So good. Yeah, my juice is also a little bit beefy, it's a bit gravy which is that my sister and my sister-in-law are coming next weekend and I don't have a roommate anymore which means that I have a room for them to be in but you know what's in that room right now? Nothing
KAYLA: Nothing
SARAH: And I was like, “oh, no.” I have an air mattress but I was like I need to get like a fucking lamp, like a light, a light to go in that room
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And like curtain, I need shower curtains
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And so, yesterday I went on a home improvement online shopping spree
KAYLA: It's true
SARAH: And as a result, I didn't eat dinner until like 10 P.M because I was very focused on buying all the things I needed and then some things that I didn't need but would benefit me anyway
KAYLA: Sure
SARAH: And my beef part about it is that that costs money
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: Do you have an Ikea near you?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I would recommend Ikea futons for guest rooms
SARAH: I haven't decided yet what I’m going to do
KAYLA: Well, also day beds day beds are nice, I like a day bed, little trundle situation
SARAH: Okay, you can, you…
KAYLA: Me?
SARAH: Yeah you. You know, also my other beef is that I was talking about lamps and I was like damn floor lamps are expensive because I was looking at Target
KAYLA: Yeah, don’t shop at Target for that one
SARAH: And she was like, “or you could get this one.” And it was from Wayfair, and I was like don't make me buy something from Wayfair like a real adult and she was like, “you're 26 years old and you've lived in the same apartment for four years.”
KAYLA: No, have you looked at the Marketplace of Facebook?
SARAH: The most upsetting thing is that she… The lamp she sent me I liked and I did end up buying it
KAYLA: That is upsetting. Well, you should look on Facebook Marketplace
SARAH: I don't have toes. I do have toes. It'd be really hard to stand without enough toes, I’m so sorry. What? You can tell us about your beef, your juice, your marketplace on our social media @soundfakepod. We also have a Patreon, if you want to support…
KAYLA: They're not going to give us money now…
SARAH: Kayla’s unemployment
KAYLA: You've ruined it. I’ll be destitute forever
SARAH: I’m sorry. Patreon.com/soundsfakepod. Our $5 patrons who we are promoting this week are Brooke Siegel, Byron Rusnak, Chris Lauretano, Cinnamon Toast Punch and Clare Olsen. Our $10 patrons who are promoting something this week are Kayla's dad who would like to promote JandiCreations.com, Maff would like to promote the don't should sweatshirt, I would also, like…
KAYLA: It’s another great way to give us money, that’s true
SARAH: That's another way we can make money. And someone commented on our recent pictures…
KAYLA: Me, it’s funny
SARAH: On the socey meeds being like, “oh my God, where's that don't should shirt from?”
KAYLA: Our website
SARAH: Martin Chiesl who would like to promote his podcast, ‘ Everyone’s Special and No One Is’ Parker who would like to promote being a silly little guy and Purple Hayes who would like to promote their friends’ podcast, The Host Club. Our other $10 patrons are Barefoot Backpacker who contributed quite a lot to this episode, SongOStorm, Val, Alyson, Ani, Arcnes, Benjamin Ybarra, Celina Dobson, David Harris, Derick & Carissa, Elle Bitter, and my Aunt Jeannie. Our $15 patrons are Ace who would like to promote the writer Crystal Scherer, Andrew Hillum who would like to promote The Invisible Spectrum Podcast, cod past, the a previous cod fish. Dia Chappell who would like to promote Twitch.tv/MelodyDia, Hector Murillo who would like promote friends that are supportive, constructive, and help you grow as a better person, Nathaniel White who would like to promote NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com
[00:50:00]
SARAH: Kayla’s Aunt Nina Maggart who would like to promote katemaggartart.com, Schnell who would like to promote accepting that everyone is different and that's awesome. And our $20 patrons Dragonfly and my mom who would like to promote…
KAYLA: Oh. Thank you, thank you, thank you
SARAH: Kayla finding gainful employment on a preferable timeline
KAYLA: Thank you, that's very nice, thank you.
SARAH: Thanks for listening, tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cows
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]