Ep 24: Pluto Is Asexual
SARAH: Hey what’s up hello. Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl (I’m Sarah. That’s me.)
KAYLA: And a demi straight girl (that’s me, Kayla.)
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else that we just don’t understand.
KAYLA: On today’s episode: Pluto isn’t ace?
BOTH: — Sounds fake, but okay.
*Intro music*
SARAH: Welcome back.
KAYLA: Here’s the thing you guys –
SARAH: (laughs)
KAYLA: Here it is. This has been the most dramatic weekend of my life.
SARAH: It’s been a weekend. We’ve had family emergencies –
KAYLA: I was at the hospital with one of our roommates all day today. He’s fine, do not worry, but I’m sleepy.
SARAH: Yeah, a lot has happened. Not going to go into detail but things have happened –
KAYLA: And I’m tired and it’s sad.
SARAH: And it’s honestly impressive that we’re recording today, and I know we say that every week –
KAYLA: But it is, you guys, but it is.
SARAH: It’s so impressive.
KAYLA: We’re out here winging it as well, is what we’re saying.
SARAH: We’re winging it. Well no, we talked about some ideas –
KAYLA: Topic, who? Prepared, where?
SARAH: Kayla’s wrong. We did talk about some ideas for this episode. About twenty minutes ago.
KAYLA: At first we were like, let’s just wing it but then I found a funny Tumblr post, so we’re not winging it as much, but we still didn’t prepare.
SARAH: We’re thriving. We make $2 a year off this podcast.
KAYLA: Yeah, if you want better quality, start paying me more, I don’t know, guys.
SARAH: And for those of you who say but guys, you have four patrons on Patreon, most of that money goes towards paying for our SoundCloud.
KAYLA: Almost all of that money pays for our SoundCloud subscription so that we can upload more minutes. And to those of you that are like, I am your patron, I deserve more –
SARAH: I’m sorry.
KAYLA: You’re right and I’m sorry. You’re very right.
SARAH: Oh, we’re thriving.
KAYLA: You’ve just picked the wrong gals. You chose poorly.
SARAH: I also don’t know if people have been appreciating our last couple of episodes but you know, here we are.
KAYLA: Yeah, let us know how you felt about the last couple of episodes, I guess.
SARAH: They’ve been interesting.
KAYLA: I saw someone was listening to our last episode where we rated song lyrics, and they after that gave us a new suggestion for our Spotify playlist.
SARAH: Oh nice.
KAYLA: So we should update that and also post it again, because I forgot it existed but they were listening to old episodes.
SARAH: That’s fun, okay. Sounds good. So this week we’re sort of winging it but also we’re talking about – We’re going to list some things and then decide which sounds most ace.
KAYLA: I saw this Tumblr post on our Tumblr - follow us, soundsfakepod.tumblr.com – and it was like, if the moon is a lesbian, then Pluto is ace and I didn’t really get it because I don’t know, like why is the moon a lesbian?
SARAH: We don’t know the sexualities of any of the planets, or any of the moons of the planets, or any of the dwarf planets.
KAYLA: I’m just wondering what the logic [is] behind the moon is a lesbian, because I have some logic to agree that Pluto is ace, but I just want to know why –
SARAH: Why is the moon a lesbian?
KAYLA: I want to know the logic between the – Between? (stutters) Oh I’m having –
SARAH: Wow.
KAYLA: I am having a stroke as we speak.
SARAH: Good. But I –
KAYLA: I need to go back to the ER.
SARAH: So Kayla, why do we think that, regardless of what the moon’s sexuality is –
KAYLA: What do I think the moon is?
SARAH: Why do we think Pluto’s ace?
KAYLA: Oh, because it’s excluded.
SARAH: Because it doesn’t exist as a planet?
KAYLA: Yeah, that was my reasoning, is that yours?
SARAH: Pretty much. Also, it’s on a different plane of existence, ba dum tss.
KAYLA: What?
SARAH: For those of you who don’t know, Pluto – I’m in an Astro class right now. All of the planets are on the same plane, they rotate separately but on the same plane –
KAYLA: “Did you know the moon is gay?”
SARAH: She just Googled “moon is a lesbian”.
BOTH: (laugh)
KAYLA: I know what I’m about, as well.
SARAH: But all of the planets are on the same plane except for Pluto, which is part of the reason why we were like hmm, maybe it’s not a planet. Pluto is a dwarf planet and I know it’s sad to have to demote a planet, but this is not the first time we’ve had to demote a planet.
KAYLA: Okay, I just found a video called “Do you know the moon is gay?” and I want to watch it.
SARAH: Oh no. Okay, please hold. (pause) We’ve watched the video –
KAYLA: Alright, listen. We just watched the three-minute video called “Did you know the moon is gay?” and listen, I’m going to post this everywhere when this episode goes out, because it’s literally the best thing I’ve ever watched in my entire life.
SARAH: Yes, it was a little aphobic though. Not quite aphobic.
KAYLA: Well, it just didn’t –
SARAH: It said something a little problematic about ace people.
KAYLA: So it was talking about how the moon is gay and alone, and I was like, same.
SARAH: I was at first confused because – I think this video is very entertaining but it has some logical fallacies.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So, she’s saying that the moon is gay and the moon is sad because Earth only has one moon and therefore it’s alone. However, she says the moon is attracted to other moons, but then later – So I was like, the moon is a man? And Kayla was like no, I think moon is just a gender of itself.
KAYLA: Yes, you have moons who are attracted to moons are gay, but moons attracted to planets are hetero.
SARAH: But then she was like, some people think the moon is a girl. It is not. So what I’m hearing is that moons can have gender.
KAYLA: Yeah. I mean, it wasn’t thought out that great but also, it was funny so I don’t –
SARAH: I just think it has some logical fallacies.
KAYLA: It does, but like –
SARAH: Let’s move on to the Sun, because this is another logical fallacy.
KAYLA: So they were like, sometimes the Moon likes to flirt with the Sun –
SARAH: Even though the Moon is gay.
KAYLA: But the Sun is asexual because it is too hot to love anyone. Well here’s the thing y’all, what?
SARAH: I will interpret that as I am too hot, I am too cute, therefore I can’t love.
KAYLA: But that’s aro also, and that’s only romantic love, so you know.
SARAH: Is she saying “Because I’m so cute, I can’t love anyone?”
KAYLA: You literally can’t – Yeah, that’s what I heard.
SARAH: I think that’s a little problematic.
KAYLA: But there’s a shit ton of stars out there Sarah.
SARAH: Okay, so then the moon – we’re just giving you a rundown of this video.
KAYLA: You really should watch it, it’s hilarious.
SARAH: Yeah, it’s funny, you should watch it yourself, don’t just trust our retelling.
KAYLA: No, don’t.
SARAH: But the moon wants to be a star, another logical fallacy. The sun is a star, and if all of the moons are gay, then I’m going to assume that with that logic, all of the suns are gay. And the sun is a star, which would make me think all stars are gay. Maybe not –
KAYLA: All stars are asexual.
SARAH: Sorry, yes, that would make me think that all stars are asexual.
KAYLA: So the moon wants to be asexual, is what I’m hearing.
SARAH: Yeah. But then if the moon thinks that the sun is too hot to love, and the moon doesn’t want to be lonely anymore –
KAYLA: Well the moon – Here’s my hot take, ha.
SARAH: Ha ha ha.
KAYLA: It’s that the moon is really lovely – lovely? The moon is really lonely –
SARAH: (laughs)
KAYLA: Lovely gay moon. The moon is really lonely because he wants love but can’t find it, because he’s far away from the other moons, so he wants –
SARAH: Do you realize how far away all the stars are?
KAYLA: Stop it. Stop talking to me. Stop it. And so the moon is like, well if I was asexual I wouldn’t care, and so I wouldn’t be lonely any more, is what I think the moon thinks. However, that’s incorrect.
SARAH: That’s just wrong, that’s just an improper interpretation of ace.
KAYLA: It is, but I also think that’s what they were trying to get across.
SARAH: Probably, but that’s wrong.
KAYLA: I am aware.
SARAH: Listen.
KAYLA: We should remake.
SARAH: We should remake this because at first, I thought that meant that they wanted to be a star because there are so many stars, but you know the nearest star to us is four light years away? That’s so far.
KAYLA: It’s out there.
SARAH: The moon is closer to the moons of Uranus and Jupiter than it is to any other star.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: (sighs)
KAYLA: We should remake it because it was hilarious.
SARAH: Yeah. Although also, are all – Okay, so we’re using the logic that because all moons are gay, all stars are gay, sorry, all stars are ace. Which may not be true but it’s all we have to base ourselves off of.
KAYLA: No one said all the moons are gay though. Just our moon is gay. It never said that all the moons were gay.
SARAH: I guess not.
KAYLA: It just said there’s so many moons to love on the other planets, but they never said that they were all gay.
SARAH: But that makes me think that –
KAYLA: Because if all moons are gay, if everyone was one sexuality, sexuality as a concept wouldn’t exist, you know what I’m saying?
SARAH: That’s probably true, but –
KAYLA: So if all the moons were gay, they wouldn’t call themselves gay because they wouldn’t need the concept for it.
SARAH: Here’s my question, are different types of stars different sexualities?
KAYLA: It would make sense to me that colder stars might not be ace, because they’re not too hot to love.
SARAH: Well the sun is a cooler star.
KAYLA: It’s in the middle.
SARAH: I guess it’s in the middle.
KAYLA: We literally are right in the middle.
SARAH: You’re right, I do remember that from my other Astro class.
KAYLA: Do you want me to draw you that fucking diagram? Because I will.
SARAH: No because I also took the Astro class that you took where we learned that, but we didn’t take it at the same time.
KAYLA: We really should have.
SARAH: I know. I guess that’s true, but does that mean that fifty percent, okay, not fifty percent, but yeah, sort of. Fifty percent of stars are ace? That’s a high population.
KAYLA: Here’s the other thing, suns or stars go through different phases of their life, they go from –
SARAH: Sexuality is fluid, Kayla.
KAYLA: Oh yeah, that’s true. Never mind. It’s fine.
(10:00)
SARAH: But is sexuality that fluid that you could completely change your sexuality four times?
KAYLA: Yeah but that doesn’t mean – That’s not fluid sexuality because it changes the same way for every star. So it’s changing, but in a very rigid patterned way for all stars.
SARAH: All stars have a sexuality cycle.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Interesting. So what if you’re with someone because you’re in love with this other star, but it grows older before you? And then it’s like, I actually don’t like you romantically any more.
KAYLA: Stars that are more massive grow faster so if you were a little star, I would just recommend – Listen, if there’s any little stars listening, I recommend maybe don’t get into a relationship with a bigger star, because they’re just going to mature faster than you, and you’re going to be in different places in your life.
SARAH: It’s going to be really difficult for you, and you’re going to live so much longer than this bigger star.
KAYLA: And you don’t want to lose your loved one and then have to live for another billion years.
SARAH: And then you’ll just be sad without them, that’s so sad.
KAYLA: I know you’ll think it’s worth it because you love them at first but listen, love dies.
SARAH: You’ve got to be careful.
KAYLA: You’ve got to protect yourself first. Go for the ones in your league, the other little stars. This is not what I had thought –
SARAH: This is not where we intended to go.
KAYLA: Well, so if the moon is gay –
SARAH: But you read that the moon is a lesbian.
KAYLA: I think the moon is a woman, personally.
SARAH: I think the moon is just the moon, you know?
KAYLA: I guess. I mean, I shouldn’t gender the moon, but I feel like if I were to gender the moon it’d be a woman, because I’m a woman and I want to relate to the moon.
SARAH: I think I would gender the moon – Oh, see now I’m thinking about gendering planets, but planets kind of already are gendered because they named Greek gods after them. Or Roman gods after them.
KAYLA: Wait, which planets are women? Aren’t they all men?
SARAH: Venus.
KAYLA: Oh, Venus.
SARAH: Um, so what planets are there? There’s Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter –
KAYLA: My very…oh, what’s the thing?
SARAH: Oh, there’s a mnemonic device.
KAYLA: My very something mother brought us pizza, or something. I don’t know. I don’t remember the whole thing.
SARAH: I don’t either. Actually, now that I think about it, I think only one of them is a woman. I think it’s just Venus.
KAYLA: Seems about right. Unsurprised. Disappointed but not surprised.
SARAH: And of course, she’s the goddess of love, because that’s all women are there for.
KAYLA: Not love, just sex. Right?
SARAH: Yeah. Love and lust is what she's there for.
KAYLA: Tight.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Cool. Well now that we got that one out of the way, so Pluto was also an ace.
SARAH: Alright, next one.
KAYLA: We’re just saying that the sun and Pluto are the furthest away, but they're the ones that are ace.
SARAH: That's crazy. It's because it's so hard for ace people to find each other.
KAYLA: The drama.
SARAH: Speaking of, this next one is so easy.
KAYLA: Is it?
SARAH: We were talking about Roman gods so we're going to jump to Greek gods. Which Greek god is ace? It’s so easy.
KAYLA: Artemis.
SARAH: It’s Artemis. Artemis is my queen. She's an aro-ace.
KAYLA: Aro-ace?
SARAH: Yes.
KAYLA: I saw a Valentine on Tumblr that was like, ‘You’re Cupid's aros’ because it was like an aro Valentine's right? And it was like, have a very platonic Valentine's Day, you're one of Cupid's aros. And I was like –
SARAH: That is beautiful. I remember when I was younger, I read the Percy Jackson books because they're fucking great, would recommend. It doesn't matter how old you are, fucking read them
KAYLA: Yeah, they’re good. (pause) I’m so hungry.
SARAH: Shhh, Kayla. This is a professional podcast.
KAYLA: It isn't.
SARAH: We get paid!
KAYLA: I've got news though. We're laying in my bed.
SARAH: Stop making pauses, because I have to edit them out.
KAYLA: We're editing this out?
SARAH: No, it's just if you spend too long in between saying things, I have to edit it out.
KAYLA: Uhhhhh –
SARAH: (yells) No.
KAYLA: Uhhhhh, edit me, papi.
SARAH: I’m leaving that in. Okay, when I was younger, I read Percy Jackson and spoiler alert, one of the characters in Percy Jackson – (to Kayla) Stop.
KAYLA: I'm sorry.
SARAH: Are you looking at Tinder?
BOTH: (laugh)
KAYLA: It was a new message. I’m sorry I got distracted.
SARAH: So there was one of the characters who becomes one of the hunters of Artemis. If you're a hunter of Artemis, you can't –
KAYLA: Do the sex.
SARAH: You can't, technically – Okay, some people think they're all lesbians?
KAYLA: Well, yeah. Because you have to vow off men. So they're either – Some people think Artemis is a lesbian, and some people think she's ace.
SARAH: I think she's ace.
KAYLA: I think she could be both, is my hot take.
SARAH: Good. I prefer her aro-ace though.
KAYLA: Well, yeah, obviously.
SARAH: So I was reading about that, and I was like, I would want to be a hunter because that's fucking dope.
KAYLA: And then you were like –
SARAH: But then I was like, no, but what, I wouldn’t be able to, men? But I was in middle school at the time, so it wasn't like, oh, I want men now, it was like, but what if I did want men someday? And then I never did.
KAYLA: Soup-prise. She never wanted men ever, which sounds like a great choice. I hate men.
SARAH: So, now I'm like, hell yeah, I'd want to be a hunter. I'm way too old for it now.
KAYLA: Are you?
SARAH: Oh, yeah. The oldest was like, 15.
KAYLA: That doesn't seem right. Really?
SARAH: Well, they're immortal but they joined between like, 12 and 15, maybe 16.
KAYLA: But if they're immortal, age isn’t –
SARAH: Well, yeah, but that's how young look.
KAYLA: Honey, whatever. Listen to mom, you look young. You could still do it. You look young.
SARAH: I don't know how badly I want to be immortal. They can die, but only in battle.
KAYLA: Your back has been broken four times. It's over. Your career is over.
SARAH: Okay, well, listen, I used to be really into bows and arrows because I thought they were cool. But I'm actually not very good at shooting bows and arrows.
KAYLA: Me either.
SARAH: I'm much better with an axe.
KAYLA: I'm better with a gun.
SARAH: I'm better with a gun and I'm better with an axe. You know what the dream is though? Sword. I'm here for all the swords, big sword fan.
KAYLA: I - brag - have really good accuracy with a gun. I'm not for guns, but I really like shooting them.
SARAH: I like shooting guns, yeah.
KAYLA: And I was like, strangely really good at it? Like my accuracy in shooting targets?
SARAH: I'm okay at it.
KAYLA: I'm like, I don't know. Maybe it's because I play video games.
SARAH: That’s probably nothing to do with that. Because you really don't. It's not –
KAYLA: But it’s hand-eye coordination.
SARAH: I guess.
KAYLA: I don't know, I'm good at shooting. Let me shoot you.
SARAH: I just want to learn how to sword fight properly.
KAYLA: I took a stage combat class once.
SARAH: I so badly – They offer a stage combat class here, but it's in a different college within the university. So in the United States, if you go to a university, there's colleges within the university. And it’s in the theater college, which I'm not in, which means it's difficult for me to get in.
I could, in theory, still take the class [but] I don't have time and there are prerequisites. So literally, I can't take the class and I'm so mad because I had some extended family member, and they had taken the stage combat class at their college, university. And it sounded the dopest and I'm sad.
KAYLA: You can take yoga for credit.
SARAH: Why would I want to take yoga for credit when I could take stage combat for credit?
KAYLA: You can't take stage combat for credit, but you can take yoga.
SARAH: I could, it would just be a lot of hoops to jump through.
KAYLA: (groans loudly)
SARAH: Don't be so loud, I have to edit that too. I'm lazy. But I have actually heard that the stage combat professor is not that great. The class is interesting but professor is not that great. This is really not relevant to most of our listeners, so we're going to move on. What's the next category of things with –
KAYLA: Oh, wait, I want to –
SARAH: Go ahead.
KAYLA: Okay, so you have all your types of makeup like foundation, mascara, eyeliner, which one is ace?
SARAH: The first thing that came to mind was highlight.
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: Why? What sexuality is highlight?
KAYLA: Super gay.
SARAH: Okay, you're right. I would say just like, maybe just like eyebrows.
KAYLA: I was going to say eyebrows also.
SARAH: I think just like a solid eyebrow –
KAYLA: Eyebrow pencil
SARAH: Why?
KAYLA: Because, to me ace people, they seem very strong, because we have to put up with a lot of shit. But also, there's always the thing that ace people are obsessed with swords and dragons, and whatever –
SARAH: But I do like swords –
KAYLA: I know you do. But that's an aesthetic that goes with good eyebrows, a good thick eyebrow is an aesthetic that goes with like, I'm a hunter, or I'm going to slay your dragon with a sword.
SARAH: Big fan. Yeah, I don't know why I said eyebrows. I just think it’s like, because this is really based off of sexuality stereotypes –
KAYLA: Most definitely
SARAH: Which aren’t, you know, the best thing in the world. But when you think of gay men, you think of flamboyant, or whatever. And when you think of lesbian women, a lot of times people think butch.
KAYLA: See, but when I originally was saying highlight is gay, I was also thinking of lesbian women, for some reason. I'm not just saying gay men. I'm saying highlight also is lesbian to me also. Yeah, I don't know why, but that's how it feels in my socks.
SARAH: Good. But I was just going say I feel like, this is horrible, and not at all true –
KAYLA: Oh, I have another good category, sorry.
SARAH: Shhh. It's horrible and not at all true but a lot of times people are like, oh, you wear makeup to impress the gender of who you would like to attract attention from, and ace people generally don't want to attract attention from other genders depending on, you know, what kind of ace they are. But eyebrows are something that it's not like, oh my God, look at that girl's eyebrows. I want to fuck that girl. But if you look at someone and you’re like, nice eyebrows.
(20:00)
KAYLA: Listen, one time a Tinder match complimented my eyebrows, first message. That was his opening line, and I would marry him today. So I don't know about that logic.
SARAH: But I'm just saying your eyebrows aren't something that's like super like, oh, you're attracting people with your eyebrows.
KAYLA: They are also not gendered; good eyebrows are good on men and women. We just love a good eyebrow no matter what gender you are.
SARAH: Yeah, I know. It's been a while since we gave a disclaimer. But disclaimer, we know that these things don't have sexuality.
KAYLA: We know, or genders. And we know we're using stereotypes.
SARAH: This is just for fun.
KAYLA: We're just – I'm sleepy. Okay, what's more ace, Star Wars or Star Trek? I looked at my Star Trek poster. I have a Star Trek poster, yes, I do. Why haven't I – Oh, I just thought of another good one.
SARAH: Kayla, you can't be jumping ahead like this. Kayla, here's the thing. I really love Star Wars and Star Trek.
KAYLA: Star Trek is way more gay than Star Wars.
SARAH: Way more gay?
KAYLA: Spock and Kirk are the gayest.
SARAH: Oh, yeah. But also okay, so for one of my classes –
KAYLA: Oh no, but the robot in Star Trek is so ace, dammit!
SARAH: Okay, but that's the stereotype that all ace people are robots anyway
KAYLA: But he is –
SARAH: C-3PO? R2-D2? BB-8?
KAYLA: No, Star Trek.
SARAH: Oh, Star Trek.
KAYLA: The robot in Star Trek –
SARAH: Whomst?
KAYLA: What’s his name? I don’t remember his name, but he’s green and he has weird skin and he’s a robot, and he’d be ace if he was a human.
SARAH: I had to watch an episode of the original Star Trek –
KAYLA: So good, so good.
SARAH: No, I suffered through it.
KAYLA: Listen, I know it’s bad writing, acting could not be worse, graphics - where? But it’s so campy and it's like ugh, it's so good.
SARAH: It’s also really sexist.
KAYLA: Okay, here's the thing –
SARAH: It was racially progressive
KAYLA: For its time –
SARAH: Gender-wise, horrible.
KAYLA: It came out in the 60s. For its time, incredibly progressive –
SARAH: Racially.
KAYLA: Racially, yes, a woman, a Black woman was a lead on the deck.
SARAH: There is an Asian American on the deck.
KAYLA: It's really progressive. Sexist? Yes.
SARAH: Very.
KAYLA: You kind of have to look past it.
SARAH: But I just couldn't. It was funny though because we went to class and we were talking about it, and my professor was like, how do you guys like the William Shatner School of Acting?
KAYLA: So bad.
SARAH: Because some of the other actors on there are okay, but William Shatner in that is awful.
KAYLA: Here's what I will say about how sexist it is. Star Trek fans, Trekkies, were the first big fandom ever to exist. And a big reason that fanfiction was so important is because a lot of women wrote fanfiction to write the women into more progressive roles. So I know it's bad, but if you think about in the history of fandom, it's because of that that we have fandom like it is today. So I mean, there is that.
SARAH: I mean, personally, I do not represent all ace people, I love the Star Trek reboots. And I really want to watch Star Trek: Discovery, the new show, because there are gays on that show.
KAYLA: I've heard it's so good.
SARAH: I’ve heard it’s really good, but it's not anywhere for streaming yet.
KAYLA: I just love Star Trek, you guys.
SARAH: Yeah, it's great. But earlier Star Trek, I kind of suffer through –
KAYLA: No, it’s so good.
SARAH: Whereas earlier Star Wars, I don't suffer through. The prequels, however –
KAYLA: It’s the prequels that are trash
SARAH: The prequels, I wouldn't call it suffering through –
KAYLA: I hate sand, but you're definitely laughing at it, not with it.
SARAH: Yeah, for sure but whether that makes me more of a Star Trek fan or Star Wars fan –
KAYLA: I think I have to be more of a Star Trek fan. I really do think I'm a bigger Star Trek fan.
SARAH: I don't know. It's like choosing between children.
KAYLA: I chose. Okay, which one's more ace, though?
SARAH: Which one’s more ace? For some reason my gut is telling me Star Trek and I'm not sure why.
KAYLA: See, Kirk and Spock are just far too gay.
SARAH: I think it's just because Star Trek, it's historically been so progressive, and there are gays on Star Trek: Discovery, and there are interracial relationships. I just feel like it's just more progressive in terms of sexuality in general. So it makes it seem more ace to me.
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: But you agreed with me.
KAYLA: No, I do. But it has a history of having gay couples on it, and that just makes it more gay to me.
SARAH: Yeah, but I think it just makes it more LGBTQA+.
KAYLA: A lot of people do say Rey is ace.
SARAH: I have so many thoughts about shipping Rey with anyone, and I hate all of it. FinnPoe for life.
KAYLA: When I first saw the movie, I shipped her with Finn just because that's how they played it off. But then I saw the FinnPoe stuff and I was like, hell yeah. And then after that, the latest movie, I don't ship her with anyone. I'd much rather her not have anything to do with that.
SARAH: I came in with a weird bias, because when Episode VII came out, I hadn't yet seen all the Star Wars films, and I’d heard really good things about Episode VII, but I wanted to watch all the other ones first. I'd seen Episode IV before, but I didn't really like it, it was because I had watched it in school over the course of two days –
KAYLA: VI is the best.
SARAH: But I wanted to give it another chance, even though I didn't like it at first, which was crazy, because I love it now. But I had to wait until I watched all of them –
KAYLA: All the prequels?
SARAH: Yeah, before I watched Episode VII. So I had been on Tumblr, and I was generally avoiding spoilers, but I did see a lot of FinnPoe stuff on my dash and so I kind of went in with a bias towards FinnPoe, because I had kind of already started shipping it before I even saw it. So there's that.
KAYLA: So you think Star Trek is more ace, and I think Star Trek is more gay.
SARAH: Yeah. All right. Well, I don't know. I think also just because I know that Star Wars is owned by Disney, and they are very anti-anything that's not traditional.
KAYLA: Gaston was so gay in the new movie.
SARAH: I know but – Was it Gaston or was it –
KAYLA: It was Gaston, in the new Beauty and the Beast. It was Gaston. No, shit, it was LeFou.
SARAH: Yeah, it was LeFou, it wasn’t Gaston.
KAYLA: I was picturing him in my mind. LeFou was gay as fuck.
SARAH: Yeah, but they never say stuff explicitly.
KAYLA: Oh, it was pretty fucking explicit.
SARAH: They'll do subtexts, but Disney is not super keen to let stuff come out - ha ha come out - really clearly. You know what I mean?
KAYLA: Yeah, I guess
SARAH: I don't know. Let us know.
KAYLA: Maybe we can –
SARAH: Oh my god. Have we decided our poll early on in the episode for the first time since episode 3? Whomst?
KAYLA: They’re shook, audience shook.
SARAH: Okay, well, we'll get to that in more detail later.
KAYLA: The next one which I thought of – Which is more ace, In the Heights or Hamilton?
SARAH: (gasps) Hamilton.
KAYLA: My gut is to say Hamilton, but then I think of how much sex Hamilton has?
SARAH: Yeah but like, not Hamilton the character –
KAYLA: I know, I know. But that's just what I think of. It’s like him and Lawrence are def gay for each other -
SARAH: Super gay for each other.
KAYLA: I was reading an article the other day about their letters. I read a line from their letters and I was like, yeah okay, you’re gay. I also watched a video on BuzzFeed recently about how Eleanor Roosevelt was definitely a lesbian and I was like, tight.
SARAH: Nice. Abraham Lincoln was gay.
KAYLA: I mean, yeah, look at his hat. That’s just a comment I saw on Twitter, I said yes. Yeah, my gut is to say Hamilton.
SARAH: But I don't know why.
KAYLA: I have no idea why.
SARAH: It's kind of like with Star Trek and Star Wars, I have a gut feeling but I can't explain why.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Yeah, well, I say Hamilton.
KAYLA: Yeah, I do too but I don’t know why.
SARAH: All right. What's the next one?
KAYLA: I don't know. I already thought of all of them.
SARAH: I know. What is the most ace clothing item? Because I am told fairly regularly that I dress like a lesbian.
KAYLA: Not all the time.
SARAH: Not all the time but sometimes.
KAYLA: When you actually put an outfit together, it's almost always looks gay.
SARAH: Really?
KAYLA: Because a lot of times we will just wear like, whatever. Right now, we're wearing sweats and sweatshirts.
SARAH: Yeah, I slept in this sweatshirt. Because I was woken up and was like, hey, can you drive me to the hospital?
KAYLA: Anyway, wit. When you put yourself together, if it's fancy, you don’t look gay.
SARAH: Usually. Except for that one time I wore a suit.
KAYLA: When you are casually dressing up, you’re wearing a leather jacket and you're wearing like leather - I just said that - and flannel and a hat.
SARAH: But also if I want to be comfortable but also sort of try I'll do the thing where I wear soccer pants but also a jean jacket –
KAYLA: That’s gay.
SARAH: Which is very gay looking.
KAYLA: Stereotypically.
SARAH: Yeah, stereotypically very gay.
KAYLA: What do I think is most ace? My first instinct was shoes and then I thought hat, but then hat seemed too gay.
SARAH: It's hard for me to tell because I'm always thinking of it in terms of a scarf.
KAYLA: A sweater?
SARAH: Dyeing your hair a weird color.
KAYLA: That's not a clothing item at all, not even a little bit.
SARAH: Okay, but it's how you look, you know.
KAYLA: A sweater. Sweaters are ace.
SARAH: Like what kind of sweater?
KAYLA: Comfy. Big sweater.
SARAH: Like a giant sweater that you drown in?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Like a cable knit sweater or just like a –
KAYLA: Cable knit big sweater. The kind that I like to wear a lot. I am wearing aces constantly.
SARAH: Okay, interesting. Do you even have a cable knit sweater?
KAYLA: I don't know what knit they are, Sarah.
SARAH: Okay but cable knit is like, think about my blue one. You know my blue sweater?
KAYLA: I do. It doesn't have to be – I'm just thinking of a big cozy sweater. That’s what’s ace to me.
SARAH: I'm a big fan of that.
KAYLA: I don't know why. We're just here.
SARAH: Yeah, but see the weird thing about me is that my fashion sense doesn't make sense very much.
KAYLA: I don't know that I have one anymore, because I'm so tired all the time.
(30:00)
BOTH: (laugh)
SARAH: Same. I have worn for the entire past week, nothing but soccer pants. You know those Adidas pants with the stripes down, I wear them all the time.
KAYLA: I'm gonna tell you the answer, but for a second here’s the question, how many different pairs of Adidas pants do you think Sarah has? Take a moment, guess. (pause) It’s four. She has four different separate set of pants.
SARAH: Two of them are identical because I wear them so often. I want to get another pair that's identical to the ones that go all the way down.
KAYLA: You should get seven pairs at this point.
SARAH: I should so that I stop having to rewear my pants.
KAYLA: One for every day and label the tag what day of the week it is.
SARAH: Oh my God, incredible. You can dress them up a little
KAYLA: A little.
SARAH: Not that much, a little bit. Because, I'm not a particularly femme dresser, but I'm also not always butch-looking.
KAYLA: No, you go back and forth.
SARAH: I do. I just, you know, do what I want. Kayla's going to be really annoyed that I say this, but I'm just saying if I were a guy, I would be really fashionable.
KAYLA: Sarah tells me at least once a month. I don't think I'm exaggerating at all.
SARAH: I bought another button-down shirt. Very excited.
KAYLA: Yeah, she likes a good men’s shirt. But Sarah will remind me, she texted me a couple weeks ago, just to remind me –
SARAH: Just as a reminder –
KAYLA: That she would be really fashionable as a man. And you would be, but you've been telling me that every day of my life since we started living together in freshman year, and I'm over it. Intervention, make Sarah stop talking about it. Brag, it’s a brag.
SARAH: It’s not a brag.
KAYLA: I would be really fashionable as a man? It’s a brag, don’t @ me.
SARAH: Listen, and this is also kind of going along stereotypical lines because it's not like gender has, sorry, not like clothing has a gender. But if you think of more stereotypical male clothes, listen, I wouldn't know what my style is.
KAYLA: I've been listening.
SARAH: What's the next one?
KAYLA: Wait, you didn’t answer.
SARAH: Oh, I don't know.
KAYLA: Sarah.
SARAH: Sorry. Just like a nice pair of jeans.
KAYLA: Which state is most ace?
SARAH: Oh, Montana.
KAYLA: I literally thought Montana.
BOTH: (laugh)
KAYLA: Boom.
SARAH: Whomst?
SARAH: I initially thought California is the gayest.
KAYLA: I thought Alaska at first because it's also so excluded.
SARAH: What about Hawaii? Hawaii has all that ocean.
KAYLA: But people go to Hawaii. No one goes to Alaska.
SARAH: We bought Alaska, but we stole Hawaii.
KAYLA: I feel so bad for Hawaii.
SARAH: I know, they don’t deserve this.
KAYLA: They do not.
SARAH: Also Mark Zuckerberg keeps buying Hawaii.
KAYLA: What?
SARAH: Mark Zuckerberg – There's one of the Hawaiian islands where it's mostly owned by really rich mainlanders. Anyway, I just thought Montana because it's sort of out in the middle of nowhere but it's not – When I think of like racist states, I don't think of Montana.
KAYLA: It’s Arkansas and Tennessee that are racist.
SARAH: It's super duper Alabama.
KAYLA: Oh fuck, I forgot about Alabama. Sometimes I just black Alabama out of my mind.
SARAH: Interesting that you would say black in that scenario. I would say Tennessee is not one of the most racist states. Alabama, Mississippi, Georgia, Texas, Missouri, because my grandmother is from Missouri.
KAYLA: Where is Montana?
SARAH: Montana is up north.
KAYLA: Is it by Colorado, that area?
SARAH: It’s north of Colorado. It borders Canada.
KAYLA: Yeah. And Colorado seems pretty progressive to me.
SARAH: Yeah. And also because when I think of Montana, my closest association with Montana is that Hank Green lives in Missoula, Montana. And that's also where DFTBA Records is because that's where Hank is. So yeah, I think Montana is the most ace state.
KAYLA: Montana is just honestly what came to my mind. I have no gut explanation for it.
SARAH: I think the second most ace state is maybe Maine.
KAYLA: Why?
SARAH: Just because.
KAYLA: See Maine to me, like they're not racist, but they seem just like, I'm a rich, white family that goes skiing. And that doesn't seem ace or gay to me.
SARAH: There's actually a really big issue with guns in Maine.
KAYLA: Really?
SARAH: Yeah. When I was in Germany, we had to do presentations for one of my classes, and they could be about anything. And there was a kid in my class who was an American, and he was from Maine, and he did his presentation about gun control in Maine.
KAYLA: Huh, the more you know.
SARAH: I know.
KAYLA: When this becomes a factual podcast –
SARAH: (laughs) I still want to go to Maine though, I’d like to go to Maine.
KAYLA: I would too, let's road trip.
SARAH: I already promised I'd road trip with Emily.
KAYLA: No, can I come?
SARAH: Yeah. Okay.
KAYLA: Emily, if you're listening, I’m coming and you're not getting a choice.
SARAH: What else? Let's do one more.
KAYLA: Which style of shoe? Flip flop, sandal, tennis, high heel.
SARAH: Oxfords.
KAYLA: I don't have an answer. Sandals.
SARAH: Oxfords. Or Birkenstocks.
KAYLA: Birkenstocks, fivesure. Ugg boots.
SARAH: Absolutely fucking not.
KAYLA: I think Uggs are ace.
SARAH: Oh my god. I like how you referred to them as, what type of shoe, tennis?
KAYLA: Would you prefer me to not say –
SARAH: Yeah, but you never [just] call them tennis. ‘Tennis shoes’ is one thing.
KAYLA: Yeah, but I was saying the flavor of shoe, so shoe was already specified and the flavor is tennis.
SARAH: I know. But now I'm thinking about the linguistic tendencies of when we say tennis shoes. It creates a new sound because we combine it –
KAYLA: (groans) No.
SARAH: Sorry.
KAYLA: If you call them sneakers, you're wrong and stop.
SARAH: If you call them gym shoes –
KAYLA: Ew, stop.
SARAH: Maybe not.
KAYLA: If you think tennis shoes are only for tennis, and not all sports shoes. You're wrong. And it’s also pop, don’t @ me. Do @ me, fight me about it. I dare you.
SARAH: Got that Midwest pride over here, specifically that Michigan pride. You know, I don't think I'm like, that proud to be American.
KAYLA: Okay, here's the thing, I'm obsessed with the Olympics. You don't even know, I woke up at 6am to watch the live stream of the opening ceremony because I was going to have to miss it later that night. I love the Olympics. It is the only time I care about this country. That’s it.
SARAH: For those of you who are not listening around the time this was released, we're currently in the middle of 2018 Winter Olympics.
KAYLA: It’s going strong, except America has only won two medals and Norway is sweeping, and listen, you guys –
SARAH: It’s cold in Norway.
KAYLA: What?
SARAH: Michigan. The United States always does way better in the Summer Olympics than the winter.
KAYLA: Yeah, but they should like step it up a little, like come on guys.
SARAH: I'm sorry.
KAYLA: Me too.
SARAH: Also, there are fewer events, so we can't get as many medals.
KAYLA: From our university, there are like six university alumni competing. Just bragging.
SARAH: We’re bigger than some other countries who are there.
KAYLA: So true. Bermuda had like four people and they wore their Bermuda shorts.
SARAH: Also, when you leave the country, I'm partially apologetic for being American –
KAYLA: I’m very apologetic for being American.
SARAH: But also, if someone tries to insult my American ways –
KAYLA: It's like how you feel about your siblings. You're the only one that can shit on your siblings, not anyone else. You can make fun of your siblings.
SARAH: You can shit on Donald Trump –
KAYLA: But not my country.
SARAH: You can shit on certain things, but you have to run them by me first. Yeah. And Michigan. The only thing about Michigan that you can shit on is Michigan State University. I'm sorry. But also –
KAYLA: Our government, you can shit on Michigan's government –
SARAH: On the Flint water crisis –
KAYLA: And how the government isn't handling it.
SARAH: If you try and Flint on Detroit, I'll murder you, because Detroit is doing so much better.
KAYLA: Listen Detroit’s on the rise and I recently was reading an article where they were ugh, Detroit and I was like, boy. Chef boy if you don't.
SARAH: Anyway – See, we sort of came in with a plan, but even when we come in with a plan, it goes off the rails.
KAYLA: This literally does happen every time.
SARAH: Every episode.
KAYLA: We never stay on topic. It does not happen.
SARAH: Listen, you start talking about the state of Michigan and I get so fucking hype.
KAYLA: We have so many lakes. Do you have so many lakes? Can you be seen from a satellite? No.
SARAH: Minnesota calls itself The Land of 10,000 Lakes and it thinks it's cool, but it's lakes are like two inches wide, they're basically ponds. We have better lakes.
KAYLA: It's named after our state. Shook, you’re shook, all the other states are shaking. You know why California constantly earthquakes? It’s shook by Michigan. Shook.
SARAH: It's like when Wisconsin tried to be like, we want to rename the lake Lake Wisconsin –
KAYLA: Never.
SARAH: And we were like, wrong.
KAYLA: The only good thing about Wisconsin is its cheese and it's really good, but not good enough.
SARAH: Actually no, okay. Milwaukee’s really great.
KAYLA: I’ve never been.
SARAH: Milwaukee is like so underrated.
KAYLA: Either way, not good enough to have my lake.
SARAH: And Green Bay is overrated because it's actually very small.
KAYLA: Not my lake. Hashtag yes my lake.
SARAH: Also cheese curds come from Wisconsin.
KAYLA: The first time I had Culvers was in Wisconsin and Culvers is the best.
SARAH: Culvers cheese curds aren't even good.
KAYLA: Okay, but the ice cream though.
SARAH: But if you are here for cheese curds, you need to go to Wisconsin.
KAYLA: Or go to B-Dubs.
SARAH: Or go to B-Dubs But if you’re in Wisconsin, go somewhere else, not B-Dubs.
KAYLA: I want wings, I’m so hungry.
SARAH: Okay, poll. We actually have one.
KAYLA: Shook, shooketh.
SARAH: What was the poll?
KAYLA: Which is more ace, Star Wars or Star Trek?
SARAH: Do we want to just give the two options this time? I think we should in this scenario.
KAYLA: We’re forced.
SARAH: Only two options, which is more ace, Star Wars or Star Trek? If you have really good reasoning, please let us know, because it's very gut for me and I want better –
KAYLA: I feel like I have good reasons.
(40:00)
SARAH: I mean, I came up with reasons –
KAYLA: They’re not good.
SARAH: I think I – It's just gut.
KAYLA: It’s all in the gut. I'm just tired, you know?
SARAH: Yeah. Incredible. Well I'm used to the poll taking longer, so now I'm looking at the clock and I'm like, we could have done one more. But we're not.
KAYLA: Oh, an emergency one.
SARAH: No, we're not doing one.
KAYLA: Which one of us is more ace, Sarah or Kayla?
SARAH: That's not a contest. Technically, we're both under the ace umbrella.
KAYLA: Technically, everyone's on the ace spectrum because it's a spectrum, Sarah.
SARAH: Yeah. The world is a spectrum Kayla.
KAYLA: Yeah, but we are, you're more – Okay, I think you're more ace than I am, man.
SARAH: I guess I do have two ace identifiers and you have one.
KAYLA: And mine isn't even fully ace –
SARAH: Yeah, it is.
KAYLA: But I'm still straight.
SARAH: But it's still under the ace umbrella.
KAYLA: It’s under the umbrella, but I’d say it's on the edge of the umbrella. You’re in the middle of it.
SARAH: I mean, to some extent, yes. But that doesn't make you any less ace than me.
KAYLA: I think it does.
SARAH: I will fight you.
KAYLA: I think you’re way more ace than I am
SARAH: But I just think this is part of the fact that you are not as far along in your –
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I think that's the only reason why we have different opinions.
KAYLA: I was listening to a couple of friends talk about being bi yesterday, and they were like, I just don't feel like I'm part of the gay community. And I was like bitch, you don’t think you’re part of the gay community? Because they were talking about all these issues, and I was like –
SARAH: Also, we should not make it a contest between people, because we both struggle.
KAYLA: It isn’t, but it was just funny how much I felt left out. I was like, aw, me.
SARAH: Ace people, always left out, here we are.
KAYLA: And if you're listening, and you were part of that conversation, please don't feel bad. It's not your fault, it’s me.
SARAH: It’s not your fault at all.
KAYLA: It’s not you, it’s me.
SARAH: Okay, so you can find that poll on our Twitter @soundsfakepod. You can also hit us up on our Tumblr, that’s soundsfakepod.tumblr.com or you can email us soundsfakepod@gmail.com. I did all three of those without pausing and almost saying the wrong one.
KAYLA: Shook.
SARAH: Incredible. Yeah, professional. Where can you listen?
KAYLA: Oh, girl, where can't you listen is the real question. Our main places are SoundCloud, iTunes, Stitcher Radio, literally everywhere you find a podcast except for Spotify.
SARAH: Google Play?
KAYLA: Yes. I tried, I asked Spotify and they didn't answer me, okay?
SARAH: That’s rude.
KAYLA: I saw recently that we have a new five-star rating on our iTunes and I sent it to Sarah and I was very excited. So I think you should all give us a rating so I can get excited about it.
SARAH: But please give us five stars. Okay you know what, you can give us whatever you want, but preferably five stars.
KAYLA: Yeah if you're going to give us one –
SARAH: Who gave us the one-star review?
KAYLA: Yeah, our iTunes says someone gave us a one-star review but we can't see it.
SARAH: It’s probably not an American.
KAYLA: I'm like, mad.
SARAH: If you want to support us with your money dollars –
KAYLA: If you think that’s a worthwhile endeavor
SARAH: So that maybe we have more quality content than right now, although I can make no guarantee.
KAYLA: We're busy you guys.
SARAH: We’re really busy.
KAYLA: We need to figure out what we're going to do over the summer because we're going to be in different places –
SARAH: We’re going to be in different locations, we just don’t know what to do.
KAYLA: It’s going to be wild.
SARAH: And also the American school system is a disaster, and we're stressing so much.
KAYLA: I’m dying. I have several exams.
SARAH: I want to die. I don't actually, I don't.
KAYLA: We're okay. We’re just college students is all. We’re okay, guys.
SARAH: So we do have some patrons on Patreon.
KAYLA: They're great.
SARAH: And if you'd like to have your name said at the end of all our pods –
KAYLA: By these famous ladies.
SARAH: You can donate. So our $5 patrons are Sydney Mook, you can find her on Instagram that's @sydneymoo. We've got Jennifer Smart, we can find – we can find her?
KAYLA: We can all find her.
SARAH: We can all find her but like, maybe not me and you together, unless I know you in real life.
KAYLA: What is happening?
SARAH: Jennifer Smart, you can find her by looking up Lehen Productions on YouTube. Asritha, you can find her on Instagram @asritha_v. Why do we not have Asritha’s last name?
KAYLA: Because we know it. I don’t know.
SARAH: Should we be saying her last name? All right, we've got Asritha Vinnakota, her Instagram is @asritha_v.
KAYLA: Like Minnesota but not.
SARAH: One time she tried to tell me that it was like Minnesota but with a V and a K but that's wrong. That is completely wrong.
KAYLA: That’s not really how you spell it. She tried.
SARAH: I got really mad that day. I hope it's okay to say her last name, I think it’s on her Instagram.
KAYLA: Yeah, it is on her Instagram
SARAH: I think we just put her first name because we know her. Our $10 patron is Emma Fink, you can find her on YouTube at Emma T Fink – Not at, you look up Emma T Fink.
KAYLA: I forget what her most recent video was. Usually I tell you, but I don’t remember what it is.
SARAH: I'm sorry. Well, thank you for listening. Tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears. Until then – Oh, this is you.
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cows.