Ep 342: Listener Lore pt. 4
SARAH: Hey, what's up, hello! Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl (I'm Sarah, that's me.)
KAYLA: And a bi demisexual girl (that's me, Kayla.)
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode, ‘Listener Lore.’
BOTH: Sounds fake, but okay.
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod!
KAYLA: Hello!
SARAH: How is everybody?
KAYLA: I'm alive!
SARAH: That's a great place to start.
KAYLA: Yeah, it's kind of the only place to start.
SARAH: You know an actual thing I said to my coworker yesterday?
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: I was trying to schedule a meeting for her and I was like, “oh, she has got a good window at this time.” But then I looked at that day and I saw that she already had four meetings that day.
KAYLA: Mm. Mm-hmm
SARAH: And I thought to myself, if I schedule a meeting then, she will kill me and then herself.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And so, I told her this and she was like, “I appreciate that. I appreciate you looking out for me.” And I said to her, “I may have clinically low levels of serotonin, but I do still value my life.”
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And that's like where we're at.
KAYLA: That's where we're at.
SARAH: Because now we know that I do have low levels of serotonin, according to my blood.
KAYLA: Which we like knew, I did not know blood could tell you that.
SARAH: Apparently.
KAYLA: I kind of want to get that test now, just to be sure.
SARAH: I wish I could like look at the results, because like, you know how a lot of times these days, doctors have like an online portal and they'll like put your charts in?
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Mine doesn't have that.
KAYLA: Oh, ew.
SARAH: And I want to look at it, like I want to see what the values are.
KAYLA: Yeah. You know what I want to see?
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: It's I got x-rays last year.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: And I requested them, because I was like, “I want to look at my fucked-up spine.”
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And they were like, “oh, if you want to request them, you have to call this department and do this and this and this.” And I was like…
SARAH: “Not worth it.”
KAYLA: “I don't want them that bad.” But I do want them, and I'm sad that I don’t have them.
SARAH: I was at the dentist yesterday. I have to go back to the dentist next week because for some reason they couldn't do my cleaning, it's very confusing. It's stupid. Anyway, but I was at the dentist and they did x-rays and one of the x-rays, she was like having trouble getting it to stay in the right spot in my mouth.
KAYLA: I hate that.
SARAH: So, she… you know how like they have to leave the room?
KAYLA: Did she just not?
SARAH: She just didn't. She just stood there. She went and got the button and brought it over and then like fixed it in my mouth and then just hit it right there. And I was like, “girl, you're not supposed to do that.”
KAYLA: Okay, though, listen, I get it. Because at some points there are things that I'm trying to do at work and it's just not working. And if there is a way I could just have that fix of like, you know what? I'm just going to take a hit of radiation and that's fine.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: Just to get me through the day and get this done, that's… I get it.
SARAH: Yeah. I was like, “girl, I'm the one wearing that…” like whatever thing they put over you.
KAYLA: Yeah. Which probably does nothing, if we're being honest.
SARAH: It probably does something.
KAYLA: In 50 years, they're gonna be like, “it did nothing and you're all dead now.”
SARAH: Well, a lot of people alive right now will be dead in 50 years.
KAYLA: It's true.
SARAH: Regardless of the radiation they've been exposed to.
KAYLA: Speaking of this conversation, I have been at my current job for almost a year now.
SARAH: Damn.
KAYLA: And I feel like I've finally started fully acting like myself at work. Not like fully, but just acting more like myself at work.
SARAH: Your work self, your professional self.
KAYLA: Yeah. Which is probably too close to my real self, if we're being honest. And I've realized that my role in the office is that I'm kind of just a fucking bummer. Like, I just come in and I'm like, “y'all hear about this murder?” Or like, “hey, this is going on in the news, can you believe that?”
SARAH: Oh my God.
KAYLA: And I feel so bad.
SARAH: We were in a staff meeting the other day, and my boss said something about the Obamas getting divorced. And we were like, “what are you talking about?”
KAYLA: Oh, no.
SARAH: And he was like, “oh, supposedly, he cheated.” And we were like, “what are you talking about?” And I was like, “I mean, if anyone…” someone said, “oh, he was seen with…” whoever. And I was like, “okay.” But I was like, I mean, if anyone he would have been seen with, it's like he cheated on her with Harry Styles. And my coworker turns and looks at me. She goes, “you know that too?”
KAYLA: “Of course, I do.”
SARAH: She was like, “I thought it was just me.” And then she named the person who was my predecessor, who she still talks to. And she's like, “I thought it was just me and her. I literally sent her a meme about this yesterday.” And in the middle of the staff meeting, she pulls up a tweet to show me, because she was so excited that I was also aware of hashtag Obama.
KAYLA: I love that.
SARAH: And then my boss was like, “what?” And she was like, “don't worry about it.”
KAYLA: Don't worry about it. Do not worry.
SARAH: Anyway, should we do a podcast?
KAYLA: I guess.
SARAH: Kayla, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week, it is our fourth installation, I believe. Or maybe fifth. I just looked…
SARAH: We do be in stalling.
KAYLA: Of ‘Listener Lore,’ which is our episodes where we basically do Reddit-style episodes, but we get our stories from you instead of Reddit.
SARAH: I just thought of something funny.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: What if I submitted something for ‘Listener Lore?’
KAYLA: I would love that.
SARAH: Because I do have an entertaining thing that has happened to me recently that I told you about.
KAYLA: Oh, what is it? [Beep Sound] Oh. I forgot about that, that would be a good story.
SARAH: And it would be such a good story, but I don't think that I can really say it.
KAYLA: No, I wouldn't. But…
SARAH: In a couple of years, maybe.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But not right now.
KAYLA: Some things happen…
SARAH: But if I submitted it as ‘Listener Lore’ and y'all didn't know it was mine.
KAYLA: It could be anyone. You would just have to be good at acting. We would both have to be good at acting about, and go like, “Oh my God, this is crazy.”
SARAH: “Oh my God, this is so wild. I can't believe they would do that.”
KAYLA: Yeah. I don't even know if I've told Dean that story, I can't remember. But it really shook me, because it’s…
SARAH: Now we're really teasing our listeners.
KAYLA: And I’m sorry
SARAH: They'll never know.
KAYLA: They'll never know. Okay, I do have some updates from last time.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: So, we haven't done one of these since like January. So, these might be a bit hard to remember.
SARAH: Look at us doing topics about other things.
KAYLA: I know. Okay, so one of our stories last time, if you'll remember, was the MLM story where someone thought that their friend was being human trafficked because they were invited to go to someone's house. But really, it was an MLM situation.
SARAH: It was an MLM.
KAYLA: And I believe we had a lot of questions about like where in the country it was because we were like, “this sounds like a very particular kind of scenario.”
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And we were also asking about when. So, Rubber Chicken, the name of the person who submitted it, they sent in an update. They said this took place in 2018 at the same time as all the stories about human trafficking in parking lots and stories of women and small children helping to traffic people were happening, so, they were quite paranoid in general.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: This does take place in Utah, which I think maybe was one of our guesses.
SARAH: I think that's what I said. Yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah. It wasn't a rural town, but nothing as large as LA, for example, that because Utah built its towns along the Wasatch? Wasatch?
SARAH: I couldn’t tell you.
KAYLA: Front, most of the towns do not have clear borders and it does make society function a lot more like one giant city. Interesting.
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: Utah also has a lot of issues with human trafficking, both sexual and labor in general, regardless of rural or large cities within the state.
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: Awful. More to the story, there was a lot of texting happening between a 17-year-old sister who was called Moth in the original story. During the time we had called the non-emergency line and getting those calls back where we had her text this stranger and ask clarifying questions. But this strange woman was genuinely being cryptic and refusing to explain what the event was in the same way the host of the house had acted. Almost like they knew what they were doing would be looked at as bad.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: The Utah part also explains that this woman was, in fact, a very young-looking mother because they love having kids young. Also just having a Mormon face. Look it up, Mormon face.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: So, everyone kind of looks the same. And Utah has the second highest number of plastic surgeons per capita. Oh, like Republican face we were talking about a couple of episodes ago, I bet. Which could also give the benefit of the doubt to the stranger not knowing how young Moth actually was. So, they might not have known that Moth, the sibling, was 17. They might have thought they were older.
SARAH: I see.
KAYLA: I do still think they should all be in jail and MLM should be illegal or at least let me get one free punch in without being arrested if you're trying to scam me. Thank you for reading my story. I sent the episode to Worm, who was their friend, like the other person in the story, to listen to without an explanation and their text reactions were great. If you have any other questions about Utah, I love talking about how weird the state is. Love, Rubber Chicken.
[00:10:00]
SARAH: Aw, thank you, Rubber Chicken.
KAYLA: Thank you, Rubber Chicken. I do love getting guesses correct. I feel like this is not the first time we've gotten like a location correct on one of these.
SARAH: Yeah. I mean, when you say MLMs, I think Utah.
KAYLA: Yes, Utah does make sense. Uh, the other update is, uh, do you remember the toilet situation from last time?
SARAH: Yes.
KAYLA: So unfortunately, by the time we got to this question and did the episode, the problem had already been resolved because they renovated the toilets.
SARAH: Tough.
KAYLA: So, we'll never know what they looked like. They sent a picture of the new toilets, but I find the picture completely unhelpful. It's just a completely different toilet. It's just a different toilet. And so, it's just… I appreciate that they sent it in.
SARAH: Yeah. It'll just be a mystery forever because we don't have a photo of the original toilet.
KAYLA: Also, we had a lot of discussions about where the person was from. I think based on the way they wrote things.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: They said, “first of all, congrats to Sarah for solving my riddle. I am Canadian, not Calgary or any major metropolitan center though.” Fun fact, they are Sexy Ryan Reynolds, but gender questioning from a different episode.
SARAH: Here's the thing. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's guessing the location of these stories.
KAYLA: It really, I wonder what it was that, why we were guessing. And I think it's because they maybe called it a washroom or something?
SARAH: They called it a washroom. And I was like, “that's Canadian.”
KAYLA: I think it is because they called it a washroom.
SARAH: Listen, I work with Canadians on the daily.
KAYLA: That's true, you do. So those are our updates from last time.
SARAH: Amazing. I love this for us.
KAYLA: Okay. Should we do like numbers at random?
SARAH: 34.
KAYLA: Ooh, okay. Okay. This has nothing to do with like sexuality or anything at all, it just looks like a funny story.
SARAH: It’s just tea? We love tea.
KAYLA: Just tea. I need to zoom in, my eyes are too small.
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: Okay. This is from Evie. She/Her. They did tell us their location.
SARAH: She, her, they.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: We're so used to automatically…
KAYLA: So inclusive. Actually, really funny of me. She does say where she lives. Do you want me to leave that out and see if you can guess it?
SARAH: Kind of.
KAYLA: Okay. I don't really know that there's any helpful information just from skimming, but I'll leave it out and I guess we can see.
SARAH: Okay. We can have a little game.
KAYLA: Yeah. Okay. Evie says I dropped a pizza on a customer's head as a food runner.
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: So, I worked at an Italian restaurant as a waitress for a few years. I'm still in school and live in blank.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: And in my first year of working there, there was a big function and the whole restaurant was booked out. There was maybe 200 people there and a band and it was absolute chaos. I am not the most coordinated person clearly, and everything had gone okay when I was carrying Arancini, yum, around to guests. You probably don't like an Arancini, do you?
SARAH: Excuse you.
KAYLA: Wow.
SARAH: There's a place we order from at work sometimes that has them and they're… so I will eat those.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: I can't vouch for any other.
KAYLA: I guess it really is just kind of like fried, like…
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Rice or whatever.
SARAH: Yeah. It's like, um, what's that thing called? That's rice, but you cook it, but you have to keep moving it the whole time.
KAYLA: What? Orzo?
SARAH: Risotto.
KAYLA: Risotto!? Hey, that's crazy.
SARAH: Listen, I just have a time when we were having risotto and my dad made me make it because he was like, “make yourself useful.”
KAYLA: Oh, that’s mean.
SARAH: And I was so nervous about it because you have to keep moving it the whole time.
KAYLA: Like on Hell's Kitchen.
SARAH: Uh-huh
KAYLA: Yeah. Okay. Anyway…
SARAH: It's like risotto, but fried.
KAYLA: Fried. Yeah. Which is… and risotto is rice. So, it's… as I said, a ball of fries.
SARAH: Rice and cheese.
KAYLA: Cheese. Okay. Anyway. She was carrying Arancini around to guests.
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: I'd had a close call falling down a few steps leading from the kitchen galley to the restaurant while holding a tray. Restaurants shouldn't have steps.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Um, anyway.
SARAH: You know how Saba's in Ann Arbor; the bathrooms are downstairs? You have to go down a set of stairs to go to the bathroom, that is not ADA compliant.
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: Not at all.
KAYLA: That's a good… yeah, no.
SARAH: Anyway, continue.
KAYLA: Okay. But she managed to keep everything upright and kept walking. I already felt a bit out of place because clearly, I was the youngest person there, both amongst those working and at the party itself, but I figured nothing really crazy could go wrong and the rest of the night would be totally fine. All of the guests eventually sat down at tables and we started bringing around pizzas on these huge heavy pizza plates, one in each hand. The restaurant tables are tiny, so we have to lean over guests and try and essentially slide/throw the plates down on the pizza stands. We have to do this normally, even when the restaurant isn't booked up. So, I thought this would be the easiest part of the night. I had one pizza in each hand and went to put them down on a table where the people who had paid for the entire event were sitting. And as I was answering a guy's question about the pizza, holding the pizza over his head while I lent over to place the other one on the table, the pizza slipped off the plate and onto his head.
SARAH: Oh, no.
KAYLA: Okay, this immediately answers the question I was about to ask. He didn't have a lot of hair and it landed tomato side down on his head then, and I can't make this up, slipped down his face onto his shirt and all down into the floor, still tomato side down. It just slid down him. Um, like a huge paint brush all the way down his engagement party outfit. The worst part is that my shock reaction was to laugh. It was so bad. I was sitting there laughing and the poor man had pizza all down his head and it was in full view of the people paying for everything. It was like he, he, he, he idiot laughing directed at myself rather than huge evil me ha ha ha ha laughing, a really funny spelling. Um, but still not too good. And he was actually a really sweet old guy who wasn't even angry, although he had a hundred percent license to be, thankfully my coworkers stepped in to sort out the situation and I ran to the back of the kitchen. I had to keep carrying pizzas the entire evening after that. I was terrified, but I wasn't fired, so, that's a win at least. I still feel bad about it, but it really was quite a funny situation because I really don't understand how I screwed up quite that badly. And I'm starting work again there soon after I finish my end of school exams this month. Surely nothing worse can go wrong, dot, dot, dot.
SARAH: Okay. I did get a little distracted during that story.
KAYLA: Ma'am.
SARAH: Because you mentioned… no, because of the story.
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: I was thinking about where this could be.
KAYLA: Okay. I really don't think there's like any helpful information in there, but I can't wait to hear your guess.
SARAH: You said the pizza fell sauce-side down?
KAYLA: Tomato-side down.
SARAH: Tomato? Tomato-side down?
KAYLA: Let me reread it, it landed tomato-side down.
SARAH: Because if it were sauce-side down, that leads me to believe that it is somewhere where they put the sauce on top of the cheese, which is giving Detroit-style pizza. But then at the end, they said end of year exams.
KAYLA: My end of school exams.
SARAH: End of school exams. They didn't say final exams.
KAYLA: They did not.
SARAH: So, I'm back at square one and I don't know.
KAYLA: Okay. Would you like to hear the answer?
SARAH: Yes, please tell me.
KAYLA: It's Sydney, Australia.
SARAH: Yeah. I wouldn't have gotten that.
KAYLA: No, if they had called it university maybe, if she had called it university, sorry. I’m so woke.
SARAH: Too woke.
KAYLA: Too woke.
SARAH: Yeah. I really thought I had it when I thought it was sauce-side down, but then I got thrown off by end of school exams and then you said it was tomato-side down and you could have like a slice of tomato on top.
KAYLA: Yeah, it's still an interesting way to write it, but…
SARAH: OP, I need to know what you mean by tomato-side down.
KAYLA: I also… that was submitted in October of 2024. So presumably she has gone back to work.
SARAH: Oh my God.
KAYLA: I would love to hear if anything worse has happened to you.
SARAH: Okay, that would have been a huge clue if you told me that before, because October, if their end of school exams were happening and it was October, I would have immediately ruled out United States and Canada.
KAYLA: Okay. If you say so.
SARAH: Okay. Anyway.
KAYLA: Okay. Would you like to pick another number?
SARAH: Hold on. Let me just think about the pizza sliding down his face because that's when I got distracted and I really want to…
KAYLA: No, it's a really good mental image, because it goes top of the head, slides all the way down to the floor, all the way down his front.
SARAH: Really, really good.
KAYLA: It's a really good mental image.
SARAH: Thanks for that.
KAYLA: I think I would have laughed too, to be honest.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: How do you not? Like out of sheer shock?
SARAH: I'm an uncomfortable laugher.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Which can sometimes lead to awkward situations.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: A lot of people get that though. Like a lot of people are, I think.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So as long as they're a good sport about it.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Anyway, 12.
[00:20:00]
KAYLA: Oh, to the top. Okay. This one does not have a location said, so you can, and it was submitted again, October of 2024.
SARAH: Okay. Good to know.
KAYLA: So, you can feel free to guess, but I have no answer for you.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Unless Gracie, They/Them, who submitted this wants to tell us eventually.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Okay. Gracie says, my first semester of college, I was assigned to be roommates with a girl who I didn't really click with. We didn't have much in common and I think they only put us together because we had the same 8 AM classes. Awful.
SARAH: Ew.
KAYLA: Awful stuff.
SARAH: Also, you didn't get your roommate until after you already had your classes? But you used the word college. Okay. I'm really… I need to stop.
KAYLA: Yeah. Because I can't help you. Like you're going to guess and I'm not…
SARAH: It's ruining the experience.
KAYLA: Okay. Let's just not, let's just not. Let it happen naturally, you know?
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Okay. I had only figured out I was ace about a year prior and aro a few months prior and had waited until moving into my dorm to get pride flags. When my roommate saw the flags, she unsurprisingly didn't know what they meant. So, I gave her a brief explanation of asexuality and aromanticism to which she replied, “Oh, okay. I'm just glad you're not a lesbian, because then I'd feel like I'm always being watched.”
SARAH: Mm, okay.
KAYLA: Yikes. I uncomfortably laughed it off at the same time even though something about it didn't feel right. Yeah, I should say so, it didn't feel right.
SARAH: Also, uncomfortable laughing.
KAYLA: Yeah, true.
SARAH: Here we all are.
KAYLA: I mean, yeah, in that situation, yeah.
SARAH: Yeah. What else is there to do?
KAYLA: What else are you supposed to do?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I later found out she had said something along the lines of, “you just never know who is gay nowadays, you know?” to my best friend at the time who is bi aro-ace. And then my best friend said, “well, I'm bi,” and my roommate was visibly wishing she hadn't said that.
SARAH: Like visibly wishing like foot in her mouth, visibly wishing? Or like, I wish I had never found this out because now I'm afraid of you.
KAYLA: I mean, it really could be either, I think both possible and…
SARAH: Both and… yeah.
KAYLA: At the end of the first semester, I was uncomfortable enough with this roommate to move into a different room. Slay. I still had her on my social media and the following pride month, she made a Facebook post that said, “all right, y'all it's June. So, I just got one thing to say. The rainbow is a symbol of God's love and promise point blank, period.”
SARAH: The rainbow is a scientific phenomenon.
KAYLA: I saw the sickest rainbow the other day.
SARAH: Hell yeah.
KAYLA: I was at the gym and I… our gym is like in the basement kind of.
SARAH: Mm-hmm. I know because there are mushroom battles there.
KAYLA: Oh, there are mushrooms there, you've been to my gym through your phone.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And so, I like walk up the stairs and I looked and it was like fully… I could see it from one end to the other.
SARAH: Wow.
KAYLA: It was crazy. And from a certain angle, it was right over the McDonald's, just like an arch.
SARAH: Oh, triple arches.
KAYLA: The triple arches. And from some angles it was a double rainbow, so, quadruple arches. Anyway, so their former roommate said the dumb shit about rainbows being God's love or whatever. I left a comment that basically said, I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt and letting you know this sounds homophobic. And she deleted the comment without reply. I eventually removed her from my social medias. Since then, I've had mostly crap roommate experiences, but my last year of school, I got lucky and had an on-campus apartment to myself. I've graduated and now live alone and I'm very happy to have my own place where I don't have to worry about someone else's opinions, unwanted guests, or having my plans or routines messed with. I don't think about that roommate anymore outside the connect of the story, but I've been questioning my gender a lot recently and can't help but wonder how she'd feel if she found out her old roommate is probably non-binary and not a woman like we had both assumed.
SARAH: Tea, Gracie.
KAYLA: I love that. I mean, I don't love that at all.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But I'm glad you have your own place now and you don't have to worry about that.
SARAH: Yeah, me too. It sucks to have bad roommate experiences. I just had the worst, you know, in college.
KAYLA: Yeah, I hated my fucking roommate in college.
SARAH: She was so bad.
KAYLA: That fucking bitch.
SARAH: We don't talk anymore.
KAYLA: No, never.
SARAH: Mm-mm
KAYLA: Enemies.
SARAH: We don't have a business.
KAYLA: We do not have a business or a podcast together.
SARAH: We are not co-published.
KAYLA: Anyway, pick a number.
SARAH: A number. How high can we go? Like in the 80s?
KAYLA: Uh, 86.
SARAH: 85.
KAYLA: Oh, she's crazy. Okay, this is a really short one. This is from Anan, she/her.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: She says, my friend shamelessly told a guy she recently started dating that if both he and her best friend were drowning, she would save the best friend and leave him to die. And apparently, he was just like, “yeah, it makes sense, I guess.”
SARAH: Respect.
KAYLA: Respect. However, she then says, apparently, he has massively problematic views in other areas, though. RIP.
SARAH: Oh no.
KAYLA: So, you win some, you lose some, I fear.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: That's nice of him to understand that though.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: It's him that's going to die.
SARAH: Yeah, that's… I appreciate that.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Great. What about 81?
KAYLA: Ooh, this is an ‘am I the asshole?’
SARAH: I'm here to pass judgment.
KAYLA: Okay, we can't be too mean because this is a real person. Unlike all the other people.
SARAH: But like presumably this person listens to our podcast.
KAYLA: Yeah, and those are the only people we care about.
SARAH: Yeah, those are the only people in the whole world.
KAYLA: Yeah. Okay, this is Yorch.
SARAH: Yorch.
KAYLA: Yorch. Y-O-R-C-H. Yorch.
SARAH: Yorch.
KAYLA: Yorch.
SARAH: I don't know.
KAYLA: Okay. It doesn't matter.
SARAH: Yorch, probably. I don't know.
KAYLA: Yorch, he/him. Here we go. Am I the asshole? I, 30-year-old male demisexual, started crushing on Meeps, 35-year-old female queer.
SARAH: Meeps?
KAYLA: Exactly. Shortly after she started working at the same nonprofit as me and was assigned under my supervision.
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: We worked in a really fast paced, high intensity setting and she often came to me to emotionally process her experiences, vent, ask questions, receive validation, et cetera. She's incredibly thoughtful and hearing her share about all of those things made me very close to her. She would text me to wish me things like happy Thanksgiving and happy holidays, ask to stay late at work so we could talk more, things like that. We were usually on the same page when it came to making work decisions with our team and also often chatted and shared stories with each other on lunch breaks. About nine months passes like this. I wanted to get to know her more, so I asked her about getting together outside of work and she said yes. We would go to the park, go out to dinner, et cetera. We would hug goodbye sometimes and these hugs would last… No, come on. And these hugs would last like 20 plus minutes and she would caress her hands all over my back, my neck, my sides.
SARAH: Oh no.
KAYLA: Now, that's not a hug anymore.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I don't know what it is.
SARAH: I don't know what it is.
KAYLA: But that's not a hug and you might as well kiss.
SARAH: You know that vine where they're in the restaurant?
KAYLA: Is this allowed?
SARAH: Yes.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: That's how I feel right now.
KAYLA: That's like more intimate to me than kissing, I think.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Anyway, that's not the end, not the end of the story.
SARAH: Scary. I'm scared.
KAYLA: Hey, I mean, you would hate that. So, all this considered, I thought maybe the crush feeling was mutual. The nonprofit we worked at was super small and had a pretty strict no dating among staff policy. Plus, I was worried how Meeps would perceive me as both a supervisor and human if I confess my feelings. So, I didn't tell her. I don't know about that. After almost two years of working together, one year of which we were getting together like this outside of work, I left and got another job.
SARAH: How often?
KAYLA: I couldn't say. Meeps was super sad, but supported me in leaving. This was about six months ago and we've gotten together a few times. We've been to some shows, comedy and music since then and held hands. Yeah. I still haven't really confessed my feelings fully. Meeps still has the same job where we met. Am I the asshole for feeling like I've fallen in love with someone I was supervising and then leaving that job to still be pursuing them? Am I making a bad name for Demis everywhere?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: Girl, please confess your feelings.
SARAH: You're not the asshole.
KAYLA: There is no asshole in this situation at all.
SARAH: No. And when this story first started, I thought to myself, am I even in a place to judge? Because listen, I know I said I would pass judgment, but…
KAYLA: I know what I promised.
SARAH: I know someone who, when we were in college, she was doing an internship and she started dating her direct supervisor while she was still doing an unpaid internship under this person. And I, and some of our other friends were like, “mm, hmm,” you know
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And we still had one more year of school. And this other person was at the time like 25, which felt like a hundred billion years old.
KAYLA: Yeah. I mean, compared to like someone who's still in college, I guess.
SARAH: It was like a three- or four-year age difference.
KAYLA: Yeah. But that's also just like a life stage difference.
SARAH: Yeah. But then also like, I've bonded with some of my like interns and they're like babies, but I also don't date them.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But here's the thing about that couple, it has been eight years and they're married.
[00:30:00]
KAYLA: I did not know they were married.
SARAH: Yeah, they got married last year.
KAYLA: That's very funny.
SARAH: We love lesbians.
KAYLA: Yeah, that is a very lesbian thing to do. I don't see any problem with any part of the story.
SARAH: I don't either.
KAYLA: Like it seems to me like if feelings are not mutual, I would be surprised.
SARAH: I would be surprised and concerned.
KAYLA: And annoyed. I would be like, “why are you acting like that if you're not returning my feelings?”
SARAH: Exactly. Yeah.
KAYLA: So, I think that you should confess your feelings and also like you did all the right things. Like you didn't actively pursue them while you were her supervisor.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I also… are you making a bad name for demis everywhere? No, I think this is incredibly demisexual behavior.
SARAH: It's so demi of you.
KAYLA: This is extremely demisexual behavior.
SARAH: Profoundly demi.
KAYLA: So, I think you're good on all fronts
SARAH: You’re in the clear.
KAYLA: And you should probably kiss if that's something you're into and then get back to us on that.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: On how that goes and invite us to the wedding.
SARAH: Hashtag slow burn.
KAYLA: Slow burn. Truly the slowest of burns. And that's very demi of you. So, you should not… you're not the asshole and you shouldn't be ashamed and you should be very proud.
SARAH: You should feel proud.
KAYLA: Probably kiss and get it over with. If that's something you're into.
SARAH: And she's into also.
KAYLA: You could just keep doing your long hugs, which I'm not against.
SARAH: It scares me.
KAYLA: I don't want it to seem like I'm like, “ew, a long hug.” Sarah is being like that, but just because she doesn't like hugs in general, I'm not against it. I'm just saying like, if you're gonna…
SARAH: Hugs are okay but not long.
KAYLA: If you're gonna do a long hug, you might as well be kissing is just how I feel personally.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: But I support whatever you want to do and I love you and you should kiss. And that's the end of that.
SARAH: Great.
KAYLA: Okay. Next.
SARAH: 50.
KAYLA: Oh, do you have any guesses of what location that was?
SARAH: Pacific Northwest
KAYLA: Pacific Northwest
SARAH: Or Maine.
KAYLA: We already did 50.
SARAH: 51?
KAYLA: Okay. Here we go.
SARAH: I'm ready.
KAYLA: Another, ‘am I the asshole?’
SARAH: Ooh, yes.
KAYLA: Oh, this is from Lia. She/her.
SARAH: Leaaaaah.
KAYLA: From November of 2024, if that matters to you.
SARAH: Goodness gracious. Is it Leah with an H?
KAYLA: It's Lia with an L-I-A.
SARAH: That's fun.
KAYLA: Yeah. Okay. Am I the asshole for cutting off my childhood best friend over a boyfriend?
SARAH: Probably not.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Just to start. Probably not.
KAYLA: And now let's judge. And now let's begin the judging. Okay. This happened a few weeks before I realized I was aro-ace. I had a childhood… That's when all the best things happen. You know?
SARAH: Right on the precipice, you know?
KAYLA: Pitiful, pitiful, maybe pivotal moments.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: We all remember. Okay. I had a childhood best friend and we were really close with each other. Let's call her C. I didn't know she was interested in dating until one day she called me and told me she had a date with a guy and became his girlfriend. I was like, “Oh wow. Why didn't you tell me?”
SARAH: How old are we when this is happening?
KAYLA: A great question.
SARAH: Because like it's different if they're like 15 versus if they're like 20, you know?
KAYLA: Yeah. I couldn't say. My guess would be teens.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: But I don't know.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: I was like, “Oh wow. Why didn't you tell me?” And started explaining the whole situation. We used to hang out with another friend, A, we both had and had fun. She would talk about this boyfriend and we would talk about our school and other things. I was developing a squish at the time. So, I was pretty confused about what I was feeling and what the name of that attraction was. So, things were like normal, I guess.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: The point is her birthday arrived and me and A, the other friend, prepared gifts for C's birthday. Everything was fine until C called saying something like, “Oh, I'm actually hanging out with my boyfriend. I forgot I had to meet up with you girls.” I had to? I had to? I had to for my birthday where you're going to give me gifts on my birthday? For my birthday party?
SARAH: For my birthday party.
KAYLA: We were shocked, but try to get another day. And the answer was similar. “I have to see my boyfriend this weekend. Maybe let's hang out another day.” I hate this bitch.
SARAH: You don't have to do shit.
KAYLA: You don't have to do anything. Uh, and one day she disappeared. She moved out without telling us. Where did she go? Boy, are you living together? What do you mean?
SARAH: Okay. So, it was maybe in college.
KAYLA: Maybe. Oh my God. I just run ahead. Okay. I don't know. Maybe we're in college. One day she disappeared. She moved out without telling us and stopped replying to our messages. It was pretty confusing. So, me and A said, “okay, I guess she's busy with her boyfriend.”
SARAH: Did she ever get her Christmas or her birthday gifts?
KAYLA: Probably not. I don't know. We moved on from the situation and one month later, C came to my house, crying, telling me, “he was a drug addict, I broke up with him.”
SARAH: Okay. There's a lot to take in here. First of all, classic story.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: It's giving my Tina story from the book.
KAYLA: It's giving… I was just thinking it's giving Tina from our book.
SARAH: Second of all, “he was a drug addict so I had to break up with him,” is a wild statement to make. Maybe that's the simplified version, but I need you to expand.
KAYLA: Well, Lia does go on to say the situation was way more complicated, but it ended up on C cutting contact with that guy and moving again to another house.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: So, it was more complicated, but I guess we're just not going to get into it.
SARAH: Okay. That's fine.
KAYLA: And that's fair.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: I was mad at her for not answering before, but said, “okay, I have to forgive her. This is a bad moment.” I thought we were actually gonna be closer now, but she stopped answering messages again. One day I invited her over to my house and noticed she was kind of pissed off as if she didn't want to be there. And I was right. C told me and A that she was back with the guy and surprise, disappeared again. I sent her messages saying, “Hey...”
SARAH: This is literally what happened with Tina, except there was no drugs.
KAYLA: Yes. Did you submit the story? So, Lia sent her a message saying, “Hey, I know you're my friend and everything. But I really don't understand what's going on. You treat me like I'm always going to be there when something goes wrong. And you don't even seem happy to see me when I invite you to come over. I know you're busy with your boyfriend, but friendships go both ways. I'm done.” She read my message and ignored it. My birthday is in a week. I don't know what will happen. Am I the asshole? No, bitch.
SARAH: Mm-mm. You are so justified for that.
KAYLA: Yeah. Because you also like weren't even mean or anything.
SARAH: No
KAYLA: Like you could have been probably really nasty.
SARAH: And you weren't.
KAYLA: And you were just like, “Hey, this sucks, I'm done.”
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Which is very acceptable to do.
SARAH: It's just that you had a more dramatic friend break up than like a friend drifting, you know?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And so, it feels more confrontational.
KAYLA: Yeah, it's always going to feel bad. This is… it is. And it's just a shitty situation that is not fair to you. But…
SARAH: I don't like C.
KAYLA: I don't like C.
SARAH: I hope she stubs her toe.
KAYLA: I do too. I hope she learns off her ways.
SARAH: Have you seen that guy that's kicking a rock until it becomes a sphere?
KAYLA: I saw him like a year ago, has he not succeeded yet?
SARAH: Maybe it's a different guy.
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: Because the one I saw was like fairly recent.
KAYLA: Oh, okay. I remember seeing that a while ago.
SARAH: He’s weighing it every day and then he kicks it for a while.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm.
SARAH: And then he weighs it to see…
KAYLA: Oh, that's fun. The person I watched did not weigh it.
SARAH: Yeah. I saw one recently where a chunk came off.
KAYLA: Oh no.
SARAH: And so, it lost four grams that day. And he was like, “I'm worried. What if the chunk is going to make it harder?”
KAYLA: Yeah, it probably will.
SARAH: What if that's going to inhibit? Also, it's not a round rock at all.
KAYLA: No, and it's never going to be, is the thing.
SARAH: It's like a triangular rock.
KAYLA: Yeah. It's not and it won't be because that's not how it works.
SARAH: But he really kicks it
KAYLA: Good for him.
SARAH: I think he like kicks it depending on how many comments he gets.
KAYLA: Okay. I know we were doing numbers, but I just caught a glimpse of one.
SARAH: Hit me with it.
KAYLA: And the first line really got me…
SARAH: What number is it?
KAYLA: It’s 57.
SARAH: I just moved my ear closer to the microphone to try and hear you better.
KAYLA: Did it work?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: Okay. This is from Jay. She/her.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: The first line that really got me was, ‘my grandma told me I should have sex in her house.’ I had to read it.
SARAH: Go on.
KAYLA: Of course. Let me begin by saying that my grandma is the sweetest person ever, but she is also known for saying very out of pocket things sometimes.
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: Like the time she told me I should start working on getting her great-grandchildren while I was visiting her during the summer. For a bit of context, I, 22F, and my now ex-boyfriend, 22M, met at uni. Okay, British.
SARAH: Uni. Well, it could be Australian.
KAYLA: Whatever. We come from different countries and met studying in yet another country.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: European.
SARAH: Oh, I was going to say like Southeast Asia.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: It could be that also.
KAYLA: I was just… because all the European countries are so close, but.
SARAH: Yeah, that's fair.
KAYLA: Okay. Anyway. After dating for a year, he came with me to my home country for a summer where, among other things, we spent a few days at my grandma's house. She liked my boyfriend very much, even though they couldn't communicate because she doesn't speak English. Interesting.
SARAH: Interesting.
KAYLA: Very interesting. Okay.
[00:40:00]
SARAH: And she was like, “let's get cracking. Give me some…”
KAYLA: I'm reading. One evening, the three of us were sitting in the kitchen. I was talking to my grandma and translating the conversation for my boyfriend when out of nowhere, my grandma told me that I should have children soon and that I should actually start working on it right away because ‘nights at grandmas are lucky.’ My boyfriend witnessed me get incredibly flustered, look at him terrified and just say, “I'll translate it for you later.”
SARAH: Nights at grandmas are lucky, who else has gotten knocked up at grandma’s house?
KAYLA: Well, I wonder. Is that like a thing? Do you think?
SARAH: Maybe it's like, it's… okay, it's either a cultural saying, or I think more likely grandma being out of pocket.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And her just being like, “well, I mean, I've had some good nights at this house.”
KAYLA: Okay. Anyway, that wasn't going to happen for a few reasons. One, neither of us wanted children, especially in our early twenties. Two, we're both aspec and didn't engage in potentially baby making activities. Three, how disrespectful would it be to do that while sleeping in my grandma's living room?
SARAH: Living room?
KAYLA: Grandma, please.
SARAH: It’s not even like it’s a guest bedroom, it’s the living room.
KAYLA: Especially because she would frequently enter the room without knocking while we were already in bed. Four, there was a huge painting of Jesus hanging above the bed, looking at us judgmentally all night. Yes. My very religious grandma apparently encourages extramarital sex as long as it results in her getting more grandkids. I didn't explain any of that to my grandma. Instead, I stuttered something in response and quickly changed the subject. But I guess that meant that my boyfriend got approved by grandma, or she just doesn't care where she gets her great grandkids.
SARAH: She just wants them.
KAYLA: Grandma, please.
SARAH: That is really funny. The large painting of Jesus makes me think that if it is Southeast Asia, it's like Philippines or it's Europe or it's like Latin America.
KAYLA: Well, it could just be anywhere, couldn't it?
SARAH: Well, Latin America, I don't know if they would say uni.
KAYLA: I guess we'll never know.
SARAH: Maybe it's Europe. That is really funny.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And it reminds me of when someone that I was working with professionally told me that I should peg someone. And it was really funny.
KAYLA: That was different, though. Slightly.
SARAH: Slightly. It was slightly, but it was…
KAYLA: Also, was it so much a suggestion that you should peg someone? Or like…
SARAH: Yes.
KAYLA: Oh, I don't remember it that way.
SARAH: Yeah, because I said that I was not good at advocating for myself, and she said that the way to really fix that is you just need to peg someone.
KAYLA: Peg someone, yeah.
SARAH: Like, I need to peg someone, and then after that like I won't have problems with it.
KAYLA: I could see that working for someone, though, is the thing.
SARAH: Yeah. And I could also see her doing that.
KAYLA: Good for her.
SARAH: And the funny thing is that she was not someone that I worked with, she was the wife of someone that I worked with.
KAYLA: That's the best position to be in. As someone who has spent a lot of time at work functions as the plus one.
SARAH: Uh-huh.
KAYLA: I love to just be saying shit.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Because what are you gonna do to me?
SARAH: That's very silly.
KAYLA: Nothing. We've all been drinking. You're not gonna remember this.
SARAH: Yeah. I love that woman. She's insane.
KAYLA: Good.
SARAH: She's the silliest. Anyway. Should we stop?
KAYLA: Um, oh, it has been so long. Yes, I suppose so.
SARAH: Would you be the asshole for fucking in grandma's living room?
KAYLA: I mean, if she told you to, like, no.
SARAH: Here's a question…
KAYLA: She can't get mad.
SARAH: Would Grandma be the asshole for walking in on you fucking in Grandma's living room if grandma told you?
KAYLA: Yes. If Grandma says, “hey, you should do this,” and then walks in on it. Yeah, she's the asshole because you told us to.
SARAH: But I feel like she would be so chill about it. She would be like, “nice work.”
KAYLA: No, she would be like a Regina's mom about it.
SARAH: She would give suggestions.
KAYLA: Yes, she would probably be like way too chill about it.
SARAH: She would be like, “okay, if you really want to get pregnant, hit that position.”
KAYLA: Yeah, no, she would. She would.
SARAH: She would go full Sabrina Carpenter, ‘Have you ever tried this one?’
KAYLA: Mm-hmm. That's true.
SARAH: Wow. Okay.
KAYLA: Well, there you go.
SARAH: There it is.
KAYLA: There it is.
SARAH: Kayla, what's our poll for this week?
KAYLA: Would you have sex in Grandma's living room?
SARAH: No. Under no circumstances.
KAYLA: What's a good poll? Should, York, Yorch tell Meeps his feelings?
SARAH: Meeps! Meeps is a real auditory stim for me. Every time you said it, I was just like, Meeps. It's so fun. Meeps.
KAYLA: I know.
SARAH: Meeps. Anyway. Meeps. Yeah, no, I think we should all vote. And then whatever the crowd says goes. Yorch, gotta do it.
KAYLA: Good, helpful.
SARAH: Okay. Um, Kayla, what's your beef and your juice for this week?
KAYLA: My beef and my juice is… my beef is that I'm getting to the end of my semester of classes that I'm taking. It's just one class, my semester of class. And I am… I've completely run out of motivation.
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: And there's like literally one thing, basically, I have left to do. And I just really don't… I'm not feeling it.
SARAH: Yeah, that's tough. I'm sorry to hear that. That's what you get for going back to school.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: For $40.
KAYLA: For $40, one class a semester. It's really big stuff happening over here.
SARAH: I mean, yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I'm not taking any classes a semester for $40 or any other amount of currency.
KAYLA: It's okay. It's kind of… it's a lot.
SARAH: Yeah. I don't think I would be able to handle that.
KAYLA: Um, yeah.
SARAH: With the amount that I do the working and then the this. And then I have to go to the gym or else I'll die.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: It's already so much that I can't do my writing.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: So
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Anyway.
KAYLA: My juice is that my parents are coming to visit for my birthday weekend which means that they get to come to my birthday, my princess birthday party.
SARAH: Oh my God. They better dress up. Look, I think…
KAYLA: They're excited about it.
SARAH: I can see Kevin doing it, but I really want to make sure that my girl Sandy is committed.
KAYLA: Sandy gets in on it?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I think they will. We were discussing like makeovers. Like the kind of like nasty makeover you'd give your dad when you were a child with like barrettes and blue eyeshadow?
SARAH: Yeah. You know, like that other vine of the girl in the back seat of the car with the glitter on her eyes? Yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah, that is… I really want my parents to find, there's this picture of my uncle from when me and my sister were younger, because my aunt and uncle never had kids. And so, we did like the full makeup on him and he was like this like big, just like man. So, it's just like extra funny. But we like put makeup all over him and had like barrettes in his hair. And I really want to find that picture so I can have it during my birthday. But either way, they're coming to visit and they're going to come to my… I'm calling it my pretty sticky birthday.
SARAH: Pretty sticky.
KAYLA: My pretty sticky princess party instead of pretty, pretty princess. It's pretty sticky princess party.
SARAH: I love that for you. There's a photo of my dad somewhere with a lot of very tiny ponytails in his hair.
KAYLA: We love a girl, dad. Love a girl, dad.
SARAH: Okay. My beef and my juice is, my beef is I'm hungry. My juice is, I'll think about it. You can tell us about your beef.
KAYLA: I have another beef.
SARAH: What?
KAYLA: When the Pope died…
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: It was too early in the morning. And so, we didn't call each other and I was really looking forward to that call. I was awake, you could have called me, I was just getting up for work.
SARAH: I know but it was 5am for me.
KAYLA: I know you didn't want to, that's fair, but it did make me sad.
SARAH: I happened to wake up and I saw a text that the Pope had died. And I was like, “I want to go back to sleep. I don't want to have to call Kayla right now.”
KAYLA: To have to report the news.
SARAH: So, I texted her and I said, “it's the middle of the night. So, I'm not calling you.”
KAYLA: Which it wasn't. It was the morning.
SARAH: For me, basically.
KAYLA: I guess. But that made me sad because I was looking forward to that call because I knew it was coming.
SARAH: I'm going to call you right now to tell you the Pope is dead?
KAYLA: No, it's too late.
SARAH: I mean, we started this podcast by Kayla sending me a video of the dead Pope's body.
KAYLA: You guys, they should not be parading dead bodies in the street like that because he looks like a dead body and it's disturbing to see.
SARAH: I need to look up, ‘Why is the Pope not embalmed?’
KAYLA: I mean, if the church doesn't want you to get cremated, it makes sense that they wouldn't want you embalmed either.
SARAH: In the past, Popes were subject to embalming, a more invasive technique involving the removal of internal organs and the injection of substances such as formalin and alcohol. They remove all of your organs? Anyway, over time, however, more attention was paid to the dignity of the human body, prompting the church to adopt more discreet and respectful methods.
KAYLA: Well, he certainly doesn't look embalmed. He looks like a zombie. Because he's dead. But they shouldn't have showed me a picture of that. I didn't like seeing it.
SARAH: Yeah. Previous… okay, the first pontiff to be embalmed with modern methods was Pope Pius, it's a little on the nose for a Pope name.
KAYLA: I know.
[00:50:00]
SARAH: Who died in 1914. Previous to this, Popes had organs removed to keep their bodies from decomposing. It was abolished by Pope Pius. What do you mean to keep their bodies from decomposing? It'll still decompose. Is it just like slower?
KAYLA: Maybe.
SARAH: It involves a zinc-lined coffin. It used to require three caskets. One from Cyprus, one from oak or elm, and a metal one.
KAYLA: Did you know we have a patron saint at video games now?
SARAH: Okay. Slay.
KAYLA: The first millennial was saint recently.
SARAH: Oh.
KAYLA: Um, and he's the patron saint of video games.
SARAH: I forgot that you could just do that.
KAYLA: Yeah, they say he did some miracles. I'm skeptical about the miracles they're saying he did, but it's, you know, it's fun.
SARAH: Okay. Yeah. Did you know… Okay, so the Pope is from Argentina. He has not been to Argentina since he has become the Pope.
KAYLA: Well, he won't now.
SARAH: No. Because he's not being buried there.
KAYLA: No, that's tough.
SARAH: The thought was that he didn't want to get involved in Argentinian politics by like giving a win to whoever was in charge when he went there because they have some yikesies in their politics.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But that also like sucks. Like you don't get to go home.
KAYLA: Yeah, you don’t get to go home. That's sad.
SARAH: Anyway, you can tell us about your beef, your juice, your thoughts on whether Yorch should confess his feelings to Meeps on our social media @Soundsfakepod. We also have a Patreon, patreon.com/soundsfakepod if you would like to support us there. Our $5 patrons who we are promoting this week are Jolly Lizbert, Katharina, Kelly, Lily, and Mark Cornick. Our $10 patrons who are promoting something this week are Maff, who would like to promote the Don't Should Sweatshirt, Martin Chiesl, who would like to promote his podcast Everyone’s Special and No One Is, Purple Hayes, who would like to promote the musician Vinther, Barefoot Backpacker, who would like to promote their YouTube channel, rtwbarefoot. Fuck it, let's keep going. SongOStorm, who would like to promote a healthy work-life balance, and Val, who would like to promote never having told me what they want to promote.
KAYLA: Hell yeah.
SARAH: Our $10 patrons are Alastor… or the other ones who are not promoting something this week, I'm doing my best, are Alastor, Ani, Arcnes, Benjamin Ybarra, Clare Olsen, Derick & Carissa, Elle Bitter, Eric, my aunt Jeannie, Kayla’s dad, who will be a pretty sticky princess. And that is the end. Our $15 patrons are Ace, who would like to promote the writer Crystal Scherer, Andrew… no, that's not even true, Nathaniel White, who would like to promote NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com, Kayla’s Aunt Nina, who would like to promote katemaggartart.com, and Schnell who would like to promote accepting that everyone is different and that's awesome. And lesbians are cool, and they're not gonna hit on you just because they're a lesbian. Get over it.
KAYLA: You're not cute enough for that.
SARAH: Rainbows are from science.
KAYLA: Not God.
SARAH: And our $20 patrons are Dragonfly, Dr. Jacki, my mom, and River, who would like to promote the science of rainbows.
KAYLA: Speaking of lesbians, I'm going to a queer women bar for the first time this weekend.
SARAH: Ooh.
KAYLA: I'll report back.
SARAH: Are you allowed to bring Dean?
KAYLA: He's not coming. We're having an innies outing. It's all of the friends who are innies. We're going to the club, and the outies are going to see a Star Wars movie.
SARAH: Okay. Define innies?
KAYLA: Vagina.
SARAH: I don't like that at all.
KAYLA: Well, it's more inclusive.
SARAH: It is. It is, but…
KAYLA: So, take that. We're having an innies outing, okay?
SARAH: I find it really upsetting, and honestly, I had no idea what you were talking about until you said that.
KAYLA: Well, it's the innies.
SARAH: I was like, “an introvert outing?”
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: “Why is Dean not attending?”
KAYLA: No, we're having an innies outing. The innies are all gay, going to the gay innies club.
SARAH: Gay innies club. I hate it. Thanks for... I mean, I like the gay sapphics club. Queer... The queer… fuck innies is... Okay. Thanks for listening, tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cows.
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]