Ep 264: Just a Silly Little Q&A
(00:00)
SARAH: Hey, what's up, hello, welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl, I'm Sarah, that's me.
KAYLA: And a bi-demisexual girl, that's me, Kayla.
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode, Q&A.
SARAH AND KAYLA: Sounds Fake But Okay.
(theme music)
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod.
KAYLA: Hello.
SARAH: Why are you stripping live on the pod?
KAYLA: Because I was cold because my air was on and my air blows directly onto my body, but then I turned the air off to respectfully record this podcast
SARAH: Thank you
KAYLA: so now I'm a little warmer.
SARAH: Okay, well, what a way to start the pod.
KAYLA: So I was just taking my jacket off, if that's okay with you.
SARAH: I accept.
KAYLA: New parade bra.
SARAH: New parade bra, what's your code?
KAYLA: I think it's just my social handle, Kayla underscore K-A-S.
SARAH: You don't even know, geez.
KAYLA: I'm pretty sure.
SARAH: What kind of walking advertisement for parade are you?
KAYLA: A bad one, a bad one.
SARAH: housekeeping. Come to our book event.
KAYLA: Come to our book event and make it normal. I don't know if I told you this, Sarah, but I had a really vivid dream a couple days ago about our book event and there was a lot of weird things about the dream, including the bookstore being like set up completely differently than it actually is, but notably we went to do like our standard like reading part of the book
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: before we start and I guess we hadn't planned what we were going to do beforehand, which seems accurate to what's going to happen.
SARAH: (laughs)
KAYLA: And so I was like, oh, so we're just reading the normal part, right?
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: The intro and you were like, no, that's not what we do. We read this part and I was like, what part? And I opened the book and it was completely different. The whole book.
SARAH: Oh, man.
KAYLA: And you were, and I was like, this isn't, I was like, what is this? And you were like, this is our book. And to you, it was very normal and I was being stupid, but the whole thing was just very, the whole book was different and I, and it was wild.
SARAH: Oh boy, howdy.
KAYLA: So come to the event to see if that happens, I guess.
SARAH: True. Also just an update. It is now going to be held on the main floor. I have no idea how. I have no idea what the setup is going to be. But, if you cannot do stairs, you will no longer have to worry about those.
KAYLA: So there you go
SARAH: So I literally, I, what is the setup going to be?
KAYLA: Well, they don't, they don't have shelves in the middle of the bottom floor anymore
SARAH: Oh
KAYLA: because they have more shelves upstairs because they took the cafe away.
SARAH: Yeah. Okay.
KAYLA: Have you not been recently in the last couple of years?
SARAH: not since they took the cafe away.
KAYLA: Okay. Yeah. So there's less, like the shelves that are in the middle – I think I'm remembering right – aren't there anymore because there's more books upstairs.
SARAH: Interesting. Anyway
KAYLA: This means nothing to any of you
SARAH: this does not mean anything to any of you.
KAYLA: Sorry.
SARAH: Sorry.
KAYLA: But if you come, then you'll understand.
SARAH: And you'll understand. But if you're able to go upstairs and downstairs, you should, downstairs is where the typewriter is.
KAYLA: You can leave a little note about us. That'd be fun.
SARAH: Um, other housekeeping. If you don't like our podcast, don't listen to it. That's always, I feel like maybe we should start saying that every time. Yeah. I had like written more, but like, I'm not going to say it. Just.
KAYLA: Yep. Sometimes I get like email notifications when we get reviews on Apple podcasts. And sometimes people say the darnedest little things.
SARAH: The darnedest little things. If you don't like this podcast, just don't listen.
KAYLA: Yeah. Yeah. My favorite one is when people are like, these narcissists only talk about themselves.
SARAH: Yeah, man. It's a podcast.
KAYLA: I don't know.
SARAH: What do you think a podcast is?
KAYLA: That's what a podcast is. I'm sorry that no one told you that before. But anyway, yeah, just go away.
SARAH: You heard, you heard what she said. It's certainly in your right to hate listen to our podcast, but I don't know what you're getting out of it.
KAYLA: Sure seems like a waste of time.
SARAH: I also wrote a whole other thing that I won't read. But just like an update on last week's podcast, we've had some great responses. But to be clear, when we say gender isn't real and that gender shouldn't exist and that we should eradicate gender, we don't mean your gender specifically.
KAYLA: Yeah. It's just like, these things are very new. It's like when you talk about like the fact that race is a social construct, right?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Inherently, race is a human made construct. It is not something that we were naturally born with.
SARAH: Mhm
(05:00)
KAYLA: However, that does not make race not important or not something that we need to obviously keep in mind. Like gender is the same way, right?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Like we invented gender. There is a lot of problems with it. There's a lot of thoughts and feelings about whether it should be there or not. But like…
SARAH: yeah, our point, which apologies if it did not come across properly, but our point is that we would all be society. Whoa, we would all be society. Hello?
KAYLA: And we would be, and we would be.
SARAH: We would all be benefited if society stopped imposing gendered limits and expectations and borders on us. Not that if you identify with a binary gender, you're a bad person or that your gender isn't valid or that… that's silly. No, it's not.
KAYLA: Yes, but to turn it around, people seem to really enjoy the episode and had a lot of really interesting thoughts, which were really fun to read in the Discord. And thank you to Canton for listening and saying nice things.
SARAH: Thanks, Canton.
KAYLA: That was very sweet.
SARAH: My sister lives in Canton.
KAYLA: I know people.
SARAH: Canton, my sister lives in your house.
KAYLA: That's… concerning.
SARAH: Canton, do you pronounce your name Canton or is it like canton? I don't think you're still listening to this podcast.
KAYLA: Probably not. I hope not.
SARAH: Anyway, shall we do a Q&A?
KAYLA: Yeah, let's… onwards.
SARAH: Sorry for doxing my sister. I mean, it's an entire town, but.
KAYLA: Everyone remember when, speaking of reviews, I don't think I ever talked about this because it like really freaked me out at the time. But remember when I lived in Baton Rouge and someone left like a very hateful review of the podcast on Apple podcasts and they signed it like the Baton Rouge Committee of like travel or something? It was very upsetting to me because I was like
SARAH: weird.
KAYLA: Why do you listen enough to know where I live and why are you putting that there? Like, that's horrifying. That's horrifying, actually.
SARAH: I can't wait for my sister to listen to this episode in like a month and a half.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And her be like, hey.
KAYLA: My sister listens on time. So. Brag.
SARAH: I thought you said my sister lives in on time and I was like, where's that?
KAYLA: It's not true.
SARAH: She might listen on time for all I know.
KAYLA: She doesn't. She just bought a house.
SARAH: My sister didn't buy a house. Your sister bought a house
KAYLA: No, my sister bought a house in Kalamazoo.
SARAH: Now that we've doxed both of our sisters.
KAYLA: Now that we've doxed our sisters, let's get into the game.
SARAH: I have a sister related question that did come from my sister. So, I think we should just start there.
KAYLA: I had a start.
SARAH: But is it sister related?
KAYLA: No, but it's mostly housekeeping. So, I wanted to do it in the beginning while we were keeping our house.
SARAH: Okay fine
KAYLA: Whispers in the Discord asked, when are you taking your summer break?
SARAH: We decided that about five minutes ago.
KAYLA: And the reason I asked Sarah is so I could answer this question.
SARAH: It's like, let me look at a calendar again. We are going to be off starting July 30th and we will return on August 27th.
KAYLA: During this time, I will be frolicking in Dublin and Edinburgh. So, if you live in those places, which I believe some of you do
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: keep an eye out because I'll be in your streets.
SARAH: I won't be frolicking.
KAYLA: You could.
SARAH: I'll just be laying on the ground.
KAYLA: That's probably not true for the entire time.
SARAH: Yeah, that's true. It won't be the whole time. Anyway, now, can I do my sister one?
KAYLA: If you must.
SARAH: Okay. My sister says, who had the better wedding, Rachel or Emily?
KAYLA: Whoa. You're the only one who can answer this because you're the only one who was at both. I am the only one. I mean, I have to say my sister.
SARAH: These are our sisters for the record.
KAYLA: I went to my sister's wedding last year and I went to Emily's wedding a couple months ago. I mean, I obviously think my sister's wedding was better.
SARAH: You have to say your sister's legally.
KAYLA: Legally, I have to, but also I knew everyone there.
SARAH: That’s fair
KAYLA: It was also a party for me. So, it's all my friends.
SARAH: My sister's venue was slay.
KAYLA: Your sister's venue, I might have liked a little better.
SARAH: Did Rachel have Skeeter in the wedding?
KAYLA: Yes, her dog delivered the ring.
SARAH: So, both had dogs?
KAYLA: Both dogs. Yes. Your sister's venue, I might have to say, was better. But also my sister, the ceremony was supposed to be outside, then it rained. So, that took away from some of it.
SARAH: Okay. We can stop talking about things that no one here –
KAYLA: Yeah, no one cares.
SARAH: The other question is not a question. She said, I do think it would be interesting for you
(10:00)
SARAH: to compare your maid of honor experiences and your feelings about weddings and having a threesome with the government. I don't know what that means.
KAYLA: What is the last one?
SARAH: I don't know. I was hoping you would.
KAYLA: Having a threesome. Oh, okay. Maybe she means because you're legally married,
that the government is part of your relationship.
SARAH: I guess?
KAYLA: That's the only logical thing I can think. Have we done a weddings part two episode since your sister got married?
SARAH: Yeah, we did. I think this is just proof that she doesn't listen to every episode of the podcast.
KAYLA: Okay, I thought we had.
SARAH: Yeah, I just wanted to include the part about having a threesome with the government.
KAYLA: Yeah, thank you. I will say, on the maid of honor front, I was talking to my roommate the other day about weddings. And he was like, who would be your maid of honor? Like, would it be your sister? Would it be Sarah? And I was like, oh, it would definitely be my sister. And I was like, you know, Sarah's not really built for the maid of honor life. Like, it's a job and the job is like planning and stuff.
SARAH: Yeah, no
KAYLA: And that's not really Sarah's bag. So like, even if I didn't have a sister, would I ask Sarah? Not on her own. Like, I'd have you be a co-one just for like your benefit.
SARAH: The other Sarah helped out a little bit for my sister's wedding. Okay, what's our next question?
KAYLA: Okay, I have like three questions that I feel like all kind of go together. Okay, Yuck on Discord asked
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: you've been doing the podcast for a pretty long time now. Does it ever feel like a burden? And is it still as fun as when you first started doing the pod? Cassia on Discord asked, I think you've talked about this a bit before, but you two started the pod as just a couple of college kids goofing around. And now you're some of the frontmost voices – terrifying, horrifying. My reaction should perhaps answer your question.Some of the front most voices in aspec things online, how does it feel and was there a transition period? And then the third one that I feel like is similar. The lovely Barefoot Backpacker asked, you're seen as asexual activists. How's that feel and does it change your behavior at all?Because of your roles, do you feel over scrutinized? Do you care, do you worry about how people see you?
SARAH: (sighs)
KAYLA: (laughing) Deep sigh. I mean, things are absolutely different from when we first started.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I think, especially in the very beginning, things were very carefree.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: We were a lot less worried about everything.
SARAH: We were still disclaiming everything. We had so many disclaimers from the start, but it felt different.
KAYLA: Yeah, I think we weren't as, I don't know, there just weren't a lot of people listening. And the people that were listening were our friends.
SARAH: The stakes were so low.
KAYLA: The stakes were very low. And we were able to have the assumption that people would take us for our word, because we knew that the people listening knew us. And so we weren't worried about our thoughts or our words being misconstrued in any way. Which is obviously different now.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I also think just like, I don't know, we were just at a very different stage in our lives. And also recording together versus online just had a very different energy.
SARAH: Yeah. Recording laying in my bed.
KAYLA: Yeah, those were the days.
SARAH: Both of us in one bed was different from now.
KAYLA: In one bed. Yeah, just laying side by side, not looking at each other.
SARAH: Two bitches, one bed.
KAYLA: But to me, I don't know that recording the podcast itself is what it feels like a burden so much as the online presence and the expectations that people have
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: which I think is a huge reason why you will see that we are not really online anymore. Because Sarah was never really online at all very much. I was the one doing this.
SARAH: Not in the context of the podcast, no.
KAYLA: No, yeah, I was the one doing most of it. And I enjoyed it for a very long time. And then I think just got very burnt out. And it just wasn't really enjoyable to me anymore. So
SARAH: yeah, the thing for me about editing the podcast is when I'm doing it, it's not like a horrible experience, but just like it does take a long time.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And there's no getting around that.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: It usually takes about twice as long as the episode is for me to edit it. And as our patrons know
KAYLA: Heehee
SARAH: because they keep getting episodes late, it's been a little rough recently. But I agree that the actual recording
(15:00)
SARAH: like the sitting here and talking to you doesn't really feel like a burden. But sometimes the preparation…
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: our personal housekeeping stuff,
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: when we have business meetings, sometimes I'm like, oh my god.
KAYLA: Yeah, it's really like the extraneous stuff,
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: which is stuff that we never used to have to deal with. I also think there's something to be said about the fact that the podcast really blew up during quarantine when we had nothing else to do. And so we were able and also interested in putting a lot of extra time into it because it was like, I need something to do.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And then we started writing the book, and then we started transitioning back into post-lockdown life.
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: And so now with the book being done and being like fully, fully like world is pretty much back to normal. This is the first regular life with podcast experience. I feel like we've had.
SARAH: Yeah, speak for yourself. I took a COVID test this morning.
KAYLA: That's smart.
SARAH: I didn't even think about it until my coworker was like, do you have COVID? And I was like, fuck. And the fact that I didn't even consider that option says a lot about the state of America right now.
KAYLA: Wild.
SARAH: Anyway, I don't have COVID. I failed the test. I got an F.
KAYLA: Congratulations. So yeah, I feel like there's been just like a lot of different transitions we've gone through in a lot of different like stages of life that have made it very weird, but.
SARAH: Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of, it's good to have a constant and the constant is us just sitting here talking about shit.
KAYLA: Yes. And also like, I feel like we say this all the time, like when we do like the yearly podcast, like this is what keeps us in contact most regularly. Like both of us are not great at keeping in contact with people.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I feel like, but this forces us to. On the like worrying about what people think thing, obviously we addressed some things at the very top of this episode.
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: I think the most frustrating thing is like understanding that people have a very parasocial relationship with us and understanding that no one that listens to this knows actually who we are, really. Like they know us from the podcast, but like none of you spend the day to day with us.
SARAH: I thought your sister listens every episode on time.
KAYLA: You know what, that's fair, except for my sister, slay queen.
SARAH: And there are definitely some people that like, I know in real life who listen to this, but of course the vast majority.
KAYLA: Yes, and so it's, it's, I think often frustrating to see people have very like strong opinions about us and about like what our values or views are.
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: And like, it's, it's frustrating because I fully know why it has to be. I know why it happens and it's like hard to blame people for feeling that way because I feel that way about a lot of people.
SARAH: And there's nothing really to do about it.
KAYLA: there's nothing to do about it. And you can't even really be angry with people for it because it's like
SARAH: it's just their opinion. Like it's just, yeah, whatever. We're just, we're just like abstract things to them.
KAYLA: Right. Like I'm not a real person to you. So that's kind of frustrating. I will say though, it has radically changed the way that like I interact with media and I interact with like influencers or people, especially. Like, I feel like I see a lot of people as a lot more human now
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: and like I have a lot more empathy for people in that regard. So that's nice.
SARAH: and like I, this happened to me the other day where I don't even think the members of BTS can, at least it was Namjoon. I don't think he can read replies to his, to his Instagram stories.
KAYLA: Probably for the best.
SARAH: But you can still send them and he put, I don't even remember what it was. And my instinct was to reply with, I hate you, but like in a positive way.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But I, I was like, I cannot say that because on the off chance he does see it, he will not understand that I mean this in a positive way.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And then if I just say in parentheses, like in a positive way, like no
KAYLA: lovingly
SARAH: lovingly. Like, and so like I have definitely become more thoughtful about like the people that I don't know or have a relationship with and the way that I speak at them online. Because that's really what it is. It's talking at someone.
KAYLA: Yeah. Yeah. So hopefully that answered your question.
SARAH: As it pertains to being an activist, no offense. I kind of hate it.
KAYLA: I also like, don't know that we really are.
SARAH: We're not, but I think there is sometimes an expectation that we act like activists.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Just because of our position. And I don't like that expectation and I don't like that pressure and I don't want to be an activist. And that is not because I don't care about aspec causes
(20:00)
SARAH: because I obviously do, but that is not, for me, my calling in life is not to be an aspec activist.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And for those who it is, more power to you. But, you know, I definitely actively try and kind of dissuade people from viewing me as an activist
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: because I am just a person who makes a podcast and talks about things. I'm not out here lobbying people or, you know, making political change or that sort of thing. Like that's not my MO.
KAYLA: Yeah. I forget who said this to us. I think it was an email we got recently and it was like one of my favorite compliments we've ever gotten. But the person was just like, I really appreciate that you guys are just there. Like you're just, like you're just being aspec and you're kind of like, like you're just being aspec and you're just talking and you're just there. And I was like, honestly, that's all I want to be. Like I just like, which I think is really what our content has pivoted to at this point because we are running out of things to talk about and also aren't trying to be serious at this point.
SARAH: No
KAYLA: But that was like my favorite compliment ever because I was like, yeah, we are just here. And like, if that is helpful to you that we are like here being visibly aspec, like that's amazing. Like that's great. But like for us, we're just here.
SARAH: And I think one of the most common critiques we get is that we don't like take this seriously enough or that we're not
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: we don't talk about, why is my, oh, my Siri turned on.
KAYLA: Siri, get out of here.
SARAH: But one of the bigger critiques that we get is just like, you know, you, it's too silly. It's not serious enough. And it's like, that's not what this is.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And I'm sorry if that's what you want and you feel that it doesn't exist in this space, but that's not what we're here to do.
KAYLA: Yeah, more power to the people making very serious, like educational content.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: It is very difficult. It is not our interest.
SARAH: And like, I get, I get the frustration because there's a small, even today, there's still like a small aspec podcast landscape. Small aspec media landscape. And I can understand people's frustration if that's what they want and it doesn't exist or it once existed and doesn't anymore.
KAYLA: But that is honestly, I feel like the hardest part is like the vast majority of the criticism we get, I'm like, yeah, I get it. I can't even be that mad at you because like, yeah, there's rarely things that people say that are like completely out of left field.
SARAH: Yeah, it's like, I get it and when it is appropriate to do so, we will absolutely try and make changes.
KAYLA: We’re also just a guy
SARAH: But if it comes down to just, yeah, if it comes down to this like fundamental misunderstanding of what this podcast is, we're not going to change that.
KAYLA: can't really help you there. Well, hopefully that answers your question.
SARAH: Hopefully that answers your question.
KAYLA: Hee hee hee. Serious time. If anyone gets mad at us for anything we just said, I will quit this podcast.
SARAH: If anyone gets mad at us for anything we just said, stop listening to the podcast. Stop it. Respectfully stop.
KAYLA: Respectfully leave. Oh, so the gram I posted today, if you missed it, asking for questions was like a 0.5 up pic of my cat, Gnocchi. So we received several questions about cats for those of you asking that, is my cat Gnocchi, for those of you asking how are the cats, they are good. I think someone asked how many cats there are in our lives total. I'm trying to find that question.
SARAH: Three total podcats.
KAYLA: Three total podcats. Two are – what? Sorry, I just read a question I hadn't seen. Two cats are mine, Billie and Gnocchi, and then Sarah's roommate has a cat named Bogie.
SARAH: He's my stepson.
KAYLA: Oh my god, so many questions. What are your favorite aro/ace characters in media and why?
SARAH: Myself.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: I mean, I feel like I always say the same thing, but it's Katniss and my girl Jo from Little Women.
KAYLA: Yeah, one that hasn't happened yet, but I am really hoping that we can do another Little Women-esque episode on, is the Barbie movie. I saw one of the articles that Margot Robbie was talking about, the Barbie movie. She talks about how a theme, because you see in the trailer, I could talk about the Barbie movie for hours, but you see in the trailer, there's at one point all these men are like, oh, Barbie's so hot, and then someone smacks her ass and she punches him in the face. And so the interview, Margot Robbie was talking about, yeah, Barbie is a very sexualized character
(25:00)
KAYLA: but she doesn't have any sexual parts.
SARAH: That's how I want to be.
KAYLA: She was like, I don't see Barbie as someone that has sexual desire.
SARAH: Barbie doesn't fuck.
KAYLA: Right. She was like, I don't see that for her. And so I saw people on Twitter like, oh my God, Barbie, ace icon?
SARAH: Ace icon?
KAYLA: So I'm really hoping that that pulls through. Is your book available in European bookstores? Yes.
SARAH: Yes. If you walk into a bookstore, you might not find it, but if you order it online from your local European bookstore, it will exist.
KAYLA: It will exist. Bugs in my house. There are these bugs called clover mites. Look it up if you don't know clover mites.
SARAH: What? I don't know.
KAYLA: They're like these very small red bugs. You may have seen them out in the world. They're like not harmful at all. They don't bite. They don't do anything.
SARAH: Oh. I killed one of those at work the other day. They're like so tiny. They're so, so little.
KAYLA: They're so, so little, but like in the summer, I guess they just like invade houses, especially like through windows and my desk is right next to a window. And so there's just, they've been all over my fucking desk.
SARAH: I should stop looking at pictures of them.
KAYLA: Probably.
SARAH: Not gaining anything from this.
KAYLA: How did you come up with the idea to write a book about aromanticism and asexuality? We were asked to do it.
SARAH: Somebody said, want to write a book? And we said
KAYLA: Okay, yeah, actually I do. And that's how it happened.
SARAH: Yeah. I mean, we kind of narrowed down the topic with some time, but like the general subject was always there.
KAYLA: Yeah. It’d be weird if we wrote a nonfiction book, not about that.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I don't really know what else we would write a nonfiction about.
SARAH: I don't even know how to write nonfiction. I know I've published a nonfiction book.
KAYLA: But according to a lot of people, we did it wrong. LOL.
SARAH: Lolsies
KAYLA: This episode is getting a little too spicy. Hee hee hee
SARAH: We move, we groove.
KAYLA: Sarah, I think this is really a question built for you. Are guinea pigs just small capybaras?
SARAH: You know what? Okay. That's a really important question and I'm about to do some Googling because I think yes, but I don't know which one came first.
KAYLA: (laughing) Okay.
SARAH: Guinea pigs, when were they invented? Mm. When did they evolve? I don't know how to ask this question. Okay. Guinea pigs began to be domesticated around 5000 BCE.
KAYLA: Mhm
SARAH: Capybara, when I pull up, that was, that was the first suggestion on Google.
KAYLA: Of course it was.
SARAH: When did they evolve? Around 80 million – Oh no, but those were the ancestors.
KAYLA: Why don't you just look up like capybara versus guinea pig? Fight. Yes.
SARAH: Um, it seems, okay, when did capybaras evolve? Okay, when did capybaras evolve? I think capybaras have been around much longer than guinea pigs
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: based on this rudimental Google search.
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: So a guinea pig is like a mini capybara.
KAYLA: Okay. Thank you so much. A couple people asked what were some obvious signs that you had before realizing you were aspec?
SARAH: Didn't have crushes on people. Didn't want to fuck them.
KAYLA: Mhm
SARAH: Didn't want to date them
KAYLA: Was mad when you found out your favorite teacher was trying to fuck.
SARAH: Yeah, upsetting.
KAYLA: (laughing) Upsetting.
SARAH: Uh, yeah, that about covers it.
KAYLA: Yeah, I feel like the fact that I never had like a crush until sixth grade, maybe.
SARAH: (blows raspberry)
KAYLA: That seems like quite normal to me, but like.
SARAH: I think that is a normal time to have a crush.
KAYLA: No, no, from what I've heard, people started having crushes when they were like in kindergarten.
SARAH: I'm way too aspec for this.
KAYLA: That's what I'm saying. So like, I think that's a sign, but like that seemed pretty appropriate to me.
SARAH: Oh man.
KAYLA: This wasn't an early sign. This was like a sign that it was like a late sign, but like maybe vomiting every time you think someone wants to have sex with you is like not good. I don't know.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: (laughing) Maybe that's something to consider.
SARAH: Also, like deciding to have a crush on someone because you think you should.
KAYLA: I didn't do that, but.
SARAH: It's a pretty common one. I think my examples of just not wanting to date and not wanting to fuck are less applicable to the broader aspec society if you're not like aro and ace, but I do think that just like picking a crush because you feel like you should is probably it.
(30:00)
KAYLA: I have thought, you know, the like canon event trend on TikTok?
SARAH: Uh, yes.
KAYLA: Okay. Are you sure?
SARAH: No, sorry. You like cut out and you were like, (noises) so I, it took me a second to process what you had said.
KAYLA: I see. You seemed very unsure. Anyway, I've thought about making a TikTok. That's like me watching an aspec person make up a crush just to fit in, but I can't interfere. It's a canon event.
SARAH: It's a canon event. Everyone should see Spiderman across the Spider-Verse. It's so good.
KAYLA: So good. Um, I recently found, I don't know if I've talked about this on the podcast, but I am in my clown era and I found a really good clown, Spidersona.
SARAH: I love that for you.
KAYLA: Thank you.
SARAH: Did you show it to me and I forgot?
KAYLA: I don't think so. I will though.
SARAH: Slay
KAYLA: That's like, I have folders on almost every social media now for pictures of clowns. Good. When we were at Pride over the weekend, we were looking at stickers and Dean goes, oh, we have to keep an eye out for clown stickers. It was so sweet.
SARAH: Oh my God. Get you a man.
KAYLA: Get you a man who looks for clowns. Okay. I will look for the Spidersona while I ask you this question for you. Favorite thing about being aro for Sarah?
SARAH: Favorite thing about being aro? You know what my first thought was?
KAYLA: I'm scared to know.
SARAH: I think it's a Whoopi Goldberg quote where she's like, I don't want a man in my house. Like when she was asked why she's not married, she was like, I don't want a man in my house. There's that. I think the, the like independence and the freedom of it, like as much as sometimes you're like, oh, I wish I didn't have to raw dog this whole thing all by myself.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And like, it's not, you're not really like, obviously you have a support system, but like without having that built-in partner or without at least being in the process of seeking that built-in partner, when you're not being annoyed about it, I think it can be very freeing. Like you're not tied to anyone and you don't necessarily have to consider a specific partner to, when you make your decisions, unless you're in a QPR or something, in which case, probably should, but I think it's just not, not, also just like dating sounds horrible.
KAYLA: Yeah. I will say as someone who has not been actively dating in a while, shit sounds fucked up actually.
SARAH: Sounds horrible. Dating sounds like the worst.
KAYLA: Yeah. Good answer. Here's the clown.
SARAH: Oh, wow. That's a spider clown.
KAYLA: I want to be clear that my clown era is not like creepy, scary clowns. It's like cute little baby clowns.
SARAH: (singing) Dah dah dah dah dah dah circus, Afro circus, Afro circus, Afro polka dot, polka dot, polka dot.
KAYLA: This is my clown era. Just a sweet little baby.
SARAH: They can't see.
KAYLA: I'm showing you.
SARAH: I know, but I see it.
KAYLA: I just want everyone to know that I don't like clowns in a weird way. You know what I mean?
SARAH: Okay. Not like in 2016 when they were like attacking people in the woods.
KAYLA: Yeah. I like them in a sweet way, in a sweet gay way.
SARAH: Sweet gay way. Happy pride.
KAYLA: Happy pride. Speaking of QPRs, we had a couple questions about QPRs. One was, is there a type of relationship or something that's like platonic girlfriends? I crave that. That would be a QPR. I think you might answer to that.
SARAH: Queer platonic relationship.
KAYLA: Oh, how do you ask someone if they want to be in a QPR with you or bring up the topic?
SARAH: Hey, bitch.
KAYLA: No, no. Wrong.
SARAH: Why?
KAYLA: Wrong answer already. Wrong. Try again.
SARAH: I imagine it's like asking someone out.
KAYLA: I think that the best way would be to find some sort of casual way to be like, hey, have you heard of this thing? And like gauge their reaction to it first of like if they seem to like find it interesting or like.
SARAH: Or you could lament loudly to yourself, oh, I wish I had a queer platonic partner and then look at them in the eyes without blinking.
KAYLA: Yeah. Yes. Yes.
SARAH: It's just a little hint.
KAYLA: It’s just very subtle. So either do that or yeah, I feel like maybe just like bring it up. Ask how they feel about it. Be like, oh.
SARAH: Or you could just be like, hey, are you would like would having a queer platonic partner be something that you're interested in?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And you can just bring it up as like a general thing.
KAYLA: Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't have to be about you. That could come later if they are. Yeah.
SARAH: And then when they say, yes, I want one so bad. And also, I love you. You're the greatest. You're the most best. You can say, okay, we're QPRs now.
KAYLA: Yeah. We are zucchinis.
(35:00)
SARAH: There's got to be a faster way to say that. Then we're like, oh, we're girlfriends.
KAYLA: We're QPPs, queer platonic partners.
SARAH: We're Qoops. This podcast is not brought to you by Quip.
KAYLA: No, that'd be nice though. I have one.
SARAH: I don't.
KAYLA: It’s pretty good.
SARAH: I use a bamboo toothbrush.
KAYLA: Well, aren't you special? Will you be roomies again?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: No, probably not. My roommate was asking me today how we can convince you to move here. And I said
SARAH: no
KAYLA: I don't think that's going to happen. I said, we have to wait for her to be rich and famous enough to have an LA and a New York apartment. And then we will have her more.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah. What are your personal thoughts on hetero-romantic aces that use the LGBTQIA+ label?
SARAH: Go for it, besties.
KAYLA: I mean, the A is.
SARAH: The A is for us.
KAYLA: Right there. Yeah, I don't know. I understand, I guess, why it's a controversial thing.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: When the word hetero is right there, I get it, I guess. I get the gut reaction, but also asexuality is not straight. It is a queer identity. I think if a hetero ace person doesn't feel comfortable taking that label
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: obviously that's completely fine.
SARAH: Well, it's like bi people and pan people can still be in hetero relationships.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And that does not make them any less queer. Some people will probably try and tell you it does, but it doesn't.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And that same thing, that same edict applies to hetero-romantic aces or aromantic heterosexuals or wherever someone might fall in that combination of things.
KAYLA: Yeah. I feel like my love for animals is very connected to me being aro ace. Any similarities with you guys?
SARAH: I like dogs.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: I saw a TikTok today that was like a little puppy. It was like a little short-legged dog. I don't know if it was a corgi or a… I don't know that it was a corgi or a dachshund, but it was like, you know, little short legs, floppy ears, like standing up ears, but flopping, you know? And it was like, this video will make you feel better. And it was just this dog walking. And it was like, actually, that video made me feel worse because I don't have a dog.
KAYLA: Dean recently saw a video of a corgi and then had a dream that we had a corgi. So that's been a rough one to contend with. I had never thought about like a specific link between animals and aspec people, but I think it makes a lot of sense. Like, if you take certain relationships out of your life or you deprioritize them, it makes sense that others would like be raised up.
SARAH: And also, like, a deer is not going to walk up to you and be like, who do you have a crush on?
KAYLA: This is very true.
SARAH: A fox is not going to be like, hey, bitch, why aren't you dating?
KAYLA: No, a fox is going to be like (noises)
SARAH: What does the fox say?
KAYLA: This has been a 10-year-old joke. I mean, yeah, like animals aren't going to put societal pressure on you. So it makes sense.
SARAH: They might shit in your house, but I mean, so do people.
KAYLA: First of all, so do people. And second of all, which would you rather, you know?
SARAH: Yeah, exactly.
KAYLA: I think we should do a would you rather episode. What do y'all think?
SARAH: I think people would have to give us good ones.
KAYLA: Yes, that's true. Will you answer this question in the negative?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: But you did. Moving on. Favorite cheese?
SARAH: I like a very sharp cheddar. It's got to be real sharp, though.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I like a provolone. I love a Parmesan. I eat so much Parmesan cheese on all of my noodle products.
KAYLA: I do love a Parm.
SARAH: Recently, I've taken to buying feta cheese and just eating it.
KAYLA: Very yummy.
SARAH: Like, I don't put it on anything. I just eat it.
KAYLA: I recently made Kraft macaroni and cheese, but was out of milk. So I used ranch as the wet. First of all, highly recommend. Very yummy. Do you hate it or are you awestruck by how yummy it is? I can't tell.
SARAH: Okay, first of all, I don't eat ranch.
KAYLA: Oh, yeah.
(40:00)
SARAH: You should really get on that. That is the most unhinged but in-character thing I think you've ever said.
KAYLA: I want to be clear that it wasn't my original idea. It was suggested to me by a person and the internet.
SARAH: Wow. I think I'm going to need three to five business days to process this.
KAYLA: What I was going to say is I also, because I always add extra cheese. You can't just use the powdery cheese. That's literally a war crime. And we had feta in the house and I put feta in it. Very good.
SARAH: I don't like, in general, I don't like soft cheeses.
KAYLA: That tracks.
SARAH: Mozzarella is about as soft as I'll go. There's something about soft cheeses that's just not.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Well, feta is in the category of blue cheese, but it's not blue.
KAYLA: I actually don't know. They are similar in texture, for sure.
SARAH: I've never eaten blue cheese.
KAYLA: It's grown on me.
SARAH: It's because it's a mold. It grows.
KAYLA: Okay. My favorite cheese – enough – is I can't remember what the base cheese is, but I recently had this cheese that was like truffle cheese. So it was like cheese, but it had truffle in it. So good.
SARAH: I think truffles are.
KAYLA: Have you ever had one?
SARAH: I had truffle fries once.
KAYLA: You hated it?
SARAH: Yeah, they were like Parmesan truffle fries. I didn't like it.
KAYLA: No, that's the best fry. You idiot.
SARAH: Truffles are just like expensive. And for what?
KAYLA: Because they're really yummy.
SARAH: Aren't they like mushrooms?
KAYLA: I think so. They're good. I'm sorry. Remember I had a truffle burger from Shake Shack when we went to New York for our book event.
SARAH: Is that something that they always have?
KAYLA: No, I think it was like special. I don't know.
SARAH: I was gonna say I've been to Shake Shack since then, and I don't think they've had a truffle burger.
KAYLA: Well, it was there. I'm feeling very contentious now. You didn't like my ranch idea, and now you don't like truffle and…
SARAH: Why would you take into consideration any of my food opinions?
KAYLA: You know what?
SARAH: Why would you place any value on any of my food opinions?
KAYLA: You're right. Moving on.
SARAH: That is a you problem.
KAYLA: That is, you know what?
SARAH: User error.
KAYLA: Just like the opinions of the people that listen to this, I should just stop.
SARAH: You should just stop.
KAYLA: Stop it. Anyway, are you guys religious or spiritual?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: We were raised Catholic.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Not together.
SARAH: Yeah, I was about to say not together.
KAYLA: Separately. I would say I'm like spiritual, I guess. What is it? Is it like agnostic where you like aren't part of an organized religion, but you believe in like a something?
SARAH: Yeah, I guess I would call. Yeah, I would call myself agnostic, I guess. Not like hardcore atheist.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But more so like my opinion is as follows. What a way to start a sentence. I think personally, wow, we're getting so loosey goosey.
KAYLA: This is certainly an episode.
SARAH: Certainly an episode. No, I think there are too many coincidences in the world for there to be nothing.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But I don't think it's like some dude.
KAYLA: Well, God's a woman, first of all.
SARAH: I don't think it's some bitch.
KAYLA: You know, God is supposed to be like non-binary. Like the way God is described is like God doesn't have a gender. And I feel like if I had been taught that originally, I would have like prayed more because I have no interest in like praying and like telling a man my problems.
SARAH: I saw a sign recently of someone talking about like they, them pronouns. And they were like, God was the original.
KAYLA: It's true.
SARAH: Like, yes, he with a capital H, H-I-M, Lady Gaga, born this way.
KAYLA: But technically, no.
SARAH: But yeah.
KAYLA: I just think I would have, the few times I prayed and I saw God as a woman, it was a lot better for the experience. It’s a lot better
SARAH: That checks out.
KAYLA: I'm not religious. I would say I am spiritual though. I'm more like woo-woo than Sarah, for sure.
SARAH: You're a little crystal girly.
KAYLA: I'm a little witch girly. Yeah. I don't know. There's definitely too many coincidences. I definitely think ghosts are real. Weird shit. There's lots of just energy. I'm more of like a Mother Earth Gaia lady, you know?
SARAH: Kayla's like wearing, Kayla's dressed like a Christian camp counselor.
KAYLA: I'm not. I'm wearing a bra.
SARAH: I'm metaphorically.
KAYLA: Oh. Oh, I'm the, is she a Christian girl or a lesbian? Is that what you're saying?
SARAH: Yeah, kind of. You're wearing the, fuck what are those shoes called? Those sandals?
KAYLA: Chacos, which I will be buying soon because I want them desperately
SARAH: You're wearing Chacos and some
(45:00)
SARAH: weird patterned skirt or really loose pants. And you've got your hair in a braid. But it's not like, it's not dreadlocks, but it could almost be. So like, you're not –
KAYLA: Don't put that on me, please.
SARAH: No, you're not culturally appropriating. But like, if you just like didn't wash it for like another little while, you might accidentally be, but you wouldn't do that on purpose.
KAYLA: Interesting. Alright.
SARAH: Well, that's your vibe, but no Bibles involved.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Just some crystals.
KAYLA: Interesting. Thank you.
SARAH: Also, your hair is never in braids. You’ve got too much of it.
KAYLA: I don't know how to braid good enough. I would love for my hair to be in the braid, but I don't know.
SARAH: I wish I could braid hair better.
KAYLA: I can't do it. I understand how to French braid.
SARAH: Me too
KAYLA: It just like never works.
SARAH: I'm just not good at it.
KAYLA: It just doesn't work. And my arms get so tired.
SARAH: Yeah, same.
KAYLA: There was also quite a few questions about like our thoughts on the intersection, between the intersection between religion and asexuality and like whether we would ever do an episode on it. I think we would if we had like a guest that was more informed. I also think like the intersection there is definitely very interesting to me between like purity culture
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: and like, I definitely think that if I had not been raised Catholic, I might have realized I was demi earlier.
SARAH: Yeah, but you're just a good Christian girl.
KAYLA: I was just a good Christian girl. So like, you know, there's definitely something there, but I don't think either of us are like educated enough to be able to do that on our own.
SARAH: Yeah, I recently spoke via a group chat to my friend who went to seminary school.
KAYLA: Oh boy.
SARAH: And I'm like, you know, it'd be interesting if I asked him.
KAYLA: What? Asked him what?
SARAH: just like about like his view of like queerness and asexuality in the church.
KAYLA: That would be interesting. Last Q. Ready?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Well, this is two, but I'm putting it together, but one person asked what brings you aspec joy, and one person asks what brings you queer joy.
SARAH: I thought it was going to be aspec fear, aspec joy and aspec fear.
KAYLA: Aspec horror.
SARAH: Body horror. What brings you aspec joy?
KAYLA: I'll tell you what brought me aspec joy recently. I went to pride over the weekend and I saw so many ace flags, a couple aro flags too, not as many. But I saw a ton of ace flags and I feel like last time I went to a pride thing, I saw like maybe one and I wasn't really expecting much, but it was very exciting to see how many there were. Why are you so sad?
SARAH: I'm too warm. I'm wearing shorts for the record. I had to roll up my pants. I'm not just Winnie the Pooh-ing this podcast.
KAYLA: I've done it. I'll say it. I’ve Winnie the Pooh’d the podcast
SARAH: Amazing. Yeah, I think on that note, I think what brings me queer and aspec joy is that on my BTS Twitter, like I am in a queer corner of Army Twitter and that's intentional, but I like accidentally have a lot of aspec mutuals and I did not do that on purpose.
KAYLA: I love that.
SARAH: We just kind of flock to each other, I guess.
KAYLA: I do enjoy that. I enjoy learning that someone I know is aspec.
SARAH: Like that one time that one of my mutuals was like, wait, do you have this podcast? Because I've been listening to it.
KAYLA: That is so good to me.
SARAH: If you're still here, hi.
KAYLA: Hi
SARAH: Queer joy. Should we do something separate for queer joy?
KAYLA: I just really like seeing queer people out and about.
SARAH: Yeah, that's nice.
KAYLA: That's not something I grew up with. And I feel like it's only something that I've really gotten into enjoy in recent years and as an adult. And it's just really nice to be able to be like, oh my God, a queer.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: It's just, I don't know, it's very nice.
SARAH: I saw a TikTok or Instagram, whatever, today that was a pair of girlfriends. And one of them looks, she just presents in a very like, cishet way. And so she had a rainbow dress on because she was like, this is how, this is how I identify myself.
KAYLA: This is the only way.
SARAH: And then it went, and it went to a video of her girlfriend who looked so queer.
KAYLA: I love this.
SARAH: And it was like, it was like something to the effect of like, you know, how I show, how I show I'm queer, how she shows she's queer. You don't, you don't have to say it. You know, you just like, ah
(50:00)
SARAH: I guess that's a queer one.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Okay. Everyone.
KAYLA: That's it.
SARAH: What's our poll for this week?
KAYLA: Oh, I don't know. I’m just a girl.
SARAH: What brings you queer joy this pride month?
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Kayla, what's your beef and your juice this week?
KAYLA: My beef is that I am on my period this week
SARAH: Boo hiss
KAYLA: and it has been a rough one.
SARAH: Boo hiss
KAYLA: Oh, lots of, lots of a cramp, many a cramp, but, uh, I guess this can be my juice. For my birthday. My friend got me this like heating pad thing, but like it, I'll show Sarah, but it clips on like a, like there's a clip, like it goes around like
SARAH: It’s like a fanny pack
KAYLA: a fanny pack. Yeah. And it's like electric. You charge it and then you do whatever. And so you can just like walk around with it. Um, and that's, and it gets hot so fucking fast, like so fast. Um, I don't have anything else. Animal Crossing Island is going strong. I'm realizing how much harder it is to like be good at it when everyone isn't playing it and you can't like trade things very quickly. I'm just like out here on my own surviving.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I only have two fruits.
SARAH: Oh my god
KAYLA: Like by now I would have had 50. What fruits are they? I, my Island started with oranges and then my mom, not my real mom, the mom in the game sent me apples and then I, but I have coconuts too, but that's it.
SARAH: I think I have peaches.
KAYLA: I thought you didn't play.
SARAH: No, I, but I, when I recently restarted my island
KAYLA: I see, I see
SARAH: I literally restarted it like four different times until I got a fruit that I wanted.
KAYLA: And then you stopped playing.
SARAH: And then, yeah, it might be peaches. It's definitely not pears. Cause fuck those things.
KAYLA: I think I had pears were my first fruit.
SARAH: My original Island was cherries.
KAYLA: It's a good one.
SARAH: It's possible that I got cherries again. It's possible that it's oranges. I would have accepted cherries, oranges, or peaches.
KAYLA: Anything but pears.
SARAH: Anything but pears.
KAYLA: And pears aren't good. Y'all I've never heard of anyone that's like, oh yes, a pear.
SARAH: I'm going to be real with you. I've never eaten a pear.
KAYLA: Pretty mid, not bad, but like doesn't really taste like much.
SARAH: I also just don't like the visual of it. Cause it's like green on green, you know, I like the contrast.
KAYLA: There's a yellow pear
SARAH: in Animal Crossing.
KAYLA: Okay, fine.
SARAH: My juice is the trend that's going around with that DaBaby verse from Levitating by Dua Lipa that people are doing with their pets. And I also saw one today that was a Jimin doll.
KAYLA: I did see that on your Instagram.
SARAH: Where it's like left foot, right foot, Levitating. And then you do a different picture to represent the things that he's saying. And some people have said DaBaby in this Pride Month, but we're taking back our right to make
KAYLA: Who is DaBaby?
SARAH: I believe he's homophobic.
KAYLA: Okay. I don't know anything about this baby.
SARAH: Dat Baby. You don't know anything about Dat Baby. But I think it's all about reclaiming our space. And not saying that only the homophobes can have this trend.
KAYLA: I love that.
SARAH: My beef is, I'm ill. You can tell us about your beef, your juice, your answers to the questions that we were asked on our social media @SoundsFakePod. We also have a Patreon, patreon.com/soundsfakepod, if you'd like to support us there, we have a new $5 Patreon. It is Anna Gervacio, Gervacio (pronounced with an S)? Gervacio (Pronounced with emphasis on the “a”)? Gervacio (pronounced with a Ch). Gervacio. Gervacio? Maybe it's Anna. I don't even know.
KAYLA: There's no knowing.
SARAH: There's no way to know.
KAYLA: Thank you so much.
SARAH: But thank you. Our other $5 patrons are who we are promoting this week are Rachel, Ria Faustino, Sam, and Savannah Cozart. Our $10 patrons who are promoting something this week are Barefoot Backpacker, who would like to promote the question that they asked us, and also their podcast, Travel Tales from Beyond the blowchure. Blowchurer. You heard me. Ruby, who would like to promote their blog and Instagram @aspeculation, Songofstorm, who would like to promote a healthy work-life balance, The Steve, who would like to promote Ecosia a search engine for the trees, and Zirklteo, who would like to promote England isn't real. Our other $10 patrons are Arcnes, Alyson, Ben MacLeod, Benjamin Ybarra, Boston Smith, David Harris, Derick and Carissa, Elle Bitter, my Aunt Jeannie, Koolin, Maggie Capalbo, Martin Chiesl, Mattie, Potater, and Purple Hayes. Our $15 patrons are Andrew Hillum, who would like to promote the Invisible Spectrum podcast. Changeling and Alex, the Ace Cat, who would like to promote StarshipChangeling.net. Click for Caroline, who would like to promote Ace of Hearts and is an aspec activist.
KAYLA: That's true. Good job, Caroline.
SARAH: Dia Chappell, who would like to promote Twitch.tv/MelodyDia. Hector Murillo, who would like to promote friends who are supportive, constructive, and healthy, and help you grow as a better person. John Young. Maff, who would like to promote catching up on the podcast after two years. It sounded like Hector Murillo was promoting John Young as a friend who was constructive.
KAYLA: And maybe. And maybe.
SARAH: Maff, who would like to promote catching up on the podcast. Nathaniel White, NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com. Kayla’s Aunt Nina, who would like to promote KateMaggartArt.com. And Sara Jones, who's @eternalloli everywhere. Our $20 patrons are Hauck, Christmas, and Dragonfly, who would like to promote Not Christmas. Thanks for listening. Tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cows
SARAH: Oh yeah
(55:45)