Ep 31: Hooking Up and Kissing
SARAH: Hey what’s up hello. Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl (I’m Sarah. That’s me.)
KAYLA: And a demi straight girl (that’s me, Kayla.)
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else that we just don’t understand.
KAYLA: On today’s episode: Hooking up at parties.
BOTH: — Sounds fake, but okay.
*Intro music*
KAYLA: Well, hey guys. Bet you forgot that this existed.
SARAH: Um, quick side note before other side notes. The house diagonal from us has a band playing right now –
KAYLA: Like a polka band.
SARAH: A polka band.
KAYLA: They have an accordion, I think.
SARAH: So, if you hear that, that's what that is in the background. It's just a musical episode, you know?
KAYLA: To apologize for being gone for a month and a half, we hired you a band.
SARAH: Yeah, just for you.
KAYLA: This is our band.
SARAH: Yep.
KAYLA: And our accordion.
SARAH: Yep. It’s totally us in the background.
KAYLA: But also, so we were gone for a month. We were only supposed to be gone for two weeks.
SARAH: We were supposed to be gone for like zero, and then we were like, we're going to be gone for two weeks, and then just shit hit the fan.
KAYLA: And then we had finals.
SARAH: And then we were good for about 24 hours, but we didn't record in that 24 hours and then shit hit the fan again.
KAYLA: Yeah, so here we are.
SARAH: Here we are, apologies.
KAYLA: Sorry to anyone who pays us especially.
SARAH: Yeah. In this episode, we're going to talk about a thing that I thought of a month ago, when we were supposed to be recording the next one which was, we were at a party, and at this party, it wasn't just one person, it was a couple of people, a couple of different scenarios where people ended up hooking up.
KAYLA: Okay, so when you first brought this topic to me, you said hooking up. So, I immediately have a question of your definition of hooking up. Because I know people have a lot of different definitions of hooking up, and it constantly confuses me.
SARAH: I don't understand any type of hooking up at a party, although –
KAYLA: I want to know your definition of hooking up.
SARAH: Well, when I was younger, I thought hooking up exclusively meant having sex.
KAYLA: See, that's still what I feel like it means.
SARAH: But hooking up from my understanding, I believe now is just any sort of anything –
KAYLA: Physical?
SARAH: It can be making out, it can be having sex, it can be anywhere in-between.
KAYLA: Okay, because I recently had someone that I was involved with, tell someone else; like, yeah, I was hooking up with Kayla for a while. And I was like, excuse me, but we never had sex. Then I was like, oh, people think that means other things.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Because to me, I still feel like it means just sex, but I realize other people think it also means making out. But I still don't like people saying that I’ve hooked up with them, because to my demi little self, no sir. Anyway –
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So, people hooking up at parties.
SARAH: Yeah, I just don't understand how it starts, I don't get it. Because I understand if you're in a relationship with someone already, it's a lot more natural.
KAYLA: Well, yeah. It's one thing if you're drunk at a party with your significant other or person you're seeing, and you start making out. Because that's just like, it happens when you're drunk, I feel like.
SARAH: Or just in life, it happens.
KAYLA: Or in life, you either just start kissing. But especially, at least for me, especially when I'm drunk, I’m like, I don't give a shit about PDA. Because it's like, you're drunk.
SARAH: I know, Kayla. I know. (laughs)
KAYLA: But if it's not someone you know, do you just walk up to them and then you're like, hey, let's make out.
SARAH: I just don't understand how it begins.
KAYLA: Well, you touch faces with your lips.
SARAH: Thank you, I got that part. But I just don't get it. What is it in your head that's like, alright, now it's time?
KAYLA: Well, to be fair at a party you're usually drunk, so I don't know that there's so much going on.
SARAH: Not even necessarily – Even if you're – I don't know. Like, there are plenty of people who are like – Kayla, I don't know.
KAYLA: You're asking the wrong person.
SARAH: I have a question that I think you could answer though.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: First kisses in general.
KAYLA: Oof, so bad.
SARAH: How?
KAYLA: Like when you first kiss with a person?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like, how do you –
SARAH: How does it start?
KAYLA: One person usually goes in.
SARAH: (laughs) Okay, but like –
KAYLA: For a recent first kiss I had, a person told me, I want to kiss you. So, that one was like, yeah –
SARAH: Oh, okay I know what’s happening.
KAYLA: A more recent one, I mean, if you're – So say I was talking to you, we're about like, two feet away.
SARAH: It’s more, we're more than two feet away.
KAYLA: Alright. So, say we're standing, you know, it's the end of a date. We went on a date and we're standing, you brought me to my porch and we're standing here. And then you'd be like, all right, have a good night, you would come closer to me. And then you would kiss me.
SARAH: I guess, but like, I don't know, it just seems very stressful.
KAYLA: I mean, first kisses are stressful, I feel like.
SARAH: Also, I almost understand it better if we're going to jump back to the trope of like, enemies to lovers or whatever. I can almost understand that better, because there's clearly some tension there. But if it was just like, oh, we were just on a first date.
KAYLA: Well no, but there is a tension because if I –
SARAH: I guess.
KAYLA: I’m going to describe to you my most recent first kiss in the hopes that my boyfriend doesn't care, but he doesn't listen to this anyway because he, "wants to get to know me himself without listening to the pod." I'm making fun of him, but that's completely valid. So, he drops me off at our porch, we're standing not this far away, but whatever. And so, we're saying goodbye and you can tell by the way you're looking at each other, there's this vibe that you're like –
SARAH: (unsure) Okay.
KAYLA: Okay, you know when you can just feel like something's going to happen?
SARAH: Um.
KAYLA: Have you ever been talking to someone and you know that they're thinking something, but they're not telling you that because they're too afraid to?
SARAH: I mean, I guess.
KAYLA: You've never been in a conversation where you can just tell what the other person is thinking, or tell that they're nervous.
SARAH: I mean, yeah, I guess.
KAYLA: Well, it's just like anything else that you intuitively know how another person is feeling. So, you just intuitively know, like, hmm, it's the look, they're giving me the look.
SARAH: Okay. But then, I mean, I guess I sort of get that. What if it's a situation where one person wants to kiss the other one, but then the other one either doesn't want to, or doesn't know if they want to?
KAYLA: Well, that would be awkward.
SARAH: How do you go about doing that? I mean, I've heard stories.
KAYLA: I've never been in that situation. I will tell you, my first date with my current boyfriend, we just hugged at the end. But he had asked me at a later time, he was like, did you think I was going in to kiss you? And I was like, no, I thought we were just hugging. Because he's like, I could have sworn you moved your head like you thought we were going to kiss? And I was like, no. So, I mean, there can be confusion.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I've never been in a situation where you've had to [swerve] out of a kiss.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But it seems like something that you would just kind of, duck and bob.
SARAH: Duck and cover.
KAYLA: Maybe they would – Because it's also not like when you go in for a kiss that someone just goes very fast, and slams into you. You have a face.
SARAH: Yeah. You need your teeth.
KAYLA: So, there's time to be like, no.
SARAH: Yeah, I guess.
KAYLA: And just pull your head away a little bit and be like, oh, I don’t know about that, sir.
SARAH: And I guess it does sort of make sense if it’s a drunk hookup of like, okay, I'm drunk so I –
KAYLA: Because you've also never been drunk.
SARAH: Yeah, that's also true.
KAYLA: From my experience being drunk, sometimes things kind of get fuzzy or wavy, I guess.
SARAH: That's what they say.
KAYLA: Also, when you go to do an action, you don't completely think through everything. And so a lot of times it does feel like you're just talking to someone, and then you might literally just be all of a sudden kissing them, and not know exactly how you got there.
SARAH: That's wild.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: How – Okay –
KAYLA: I'm completely legal, just so people know.
SARAH: Interesting.
KAYLA: Yeah. Just in case the cops are listening.
SARAH: Okay, how would that happen if you're not drunk?
KAYLA: You're asking me how you kiss someone?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: Like, are you asking me – Because I feel like the fact that you've only stage-kissed, is really what's not helping you here.
SARAH: Yeah, for sure. Because I've seen TV.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I've read fanfiction.
KAYLA: You know how kisses look like.
SARAH: I understand how they work.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I just a lot of times, just don't understand how –
KAYLA: You're worried about the nose?
SARAH: No, it's more so I just don't understand how they start. It's just the whole starting it thing, you know?
KAYLA: Sarah, listen to me. Say we’re like –
SARAH: I know, like I understand. (laughs)
KAYLA: I'm getting close to Sarah, we're like a foot – Okay, our faces are here, right?
SARAH: Yes.
KAYLA: Okay, so the first time my current boyfriend kissed me, we were standing like this, so he puts his hand here on my waist, and I was like –
SARAH: That's my rib, but okay.
KAYLA: He put his hand inside of my rib, and then we were like, we kissed.
SARAH: It just seems awkward.
KAYLA: Sarah.
SARAH: What?
KAYLA: If we're a foot away, our faces are a foot away.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: What do you have to do to kiss someone?
SARAH: You have to lean towards them.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Okay I get that, that's not what I don't understand.
KAYLA: Well, what don't you understand?
(10:00)
BOTH: (laugh)
SARAH: What I don't understand is what compels you to be like, right now, this is the time.
KAYLA: Well that's because you don't – Of course, you don't understand that Sarah, because you've never felt that.
SARAH: This is the point of the pod.
KAYLA: Okay, for you to understand that, you would have to grow romantic – I guess that’s sensual attraction, with kissing.
SARAH: Mmhmm, yeah.
KAYLA: So, for you to understand that, you'd have to grow sensual attraction.
SARAH: Grow it. (laughs)
KAYLA: And that's not about to happen. And so, that's like describing to someone why you are compelled to be happy or sad at certain points. There's just a feeling, you realize that, right?
SARAH: I know. I can understand in certain situations, but sometimes there are situations where people kiss each other and I'm like, this seems like a weird time to kiss them, and I don't understand why you were compelled to do it right now. I get it in a situation – Okay, I'm thinking of the show Superstore, okay?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So, the first time Amy and Jonah kissed, it was because they were in a very dangerous situation and they were like, aaaah.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And then, the most recent - spoilers - the most recent time they kissed, it was a very confusing situation but Dina had told Amy, she was like, you know, if you want to do something, just do it.
KAYLA: Yeah, don't let anything hold you back.
SARAH: And so Amy, she walked in to talk to Jonah, and he was just talking or whatever, and then they just sort of kissed. Which I don't get that as much.
KAYLA: Well, okay –
SARAH: In a scenario, I understood it. I just don't understand –
KAYLA: You don't understand why she felt compelled to kiss him?
SARAH: I understand why she felt compelled to kiss him. I just feel like if I were in that situation, I would feel really weird about just kissing someone randomly.
KAYLA: Well, also, it's been a few days since I watched that episode. However, you can see when they're talking –
SARAH: You can see that he can tell –
KAYLA: Yeah, you see the look that I was telling you about, so then you know.
SARAH: Yeah, I get that. The thing I think I don't understand is how is one compelled to be like – Because she said that she didn't really mean to kiss him then, but also, why else would she –
KAYLA: Have you ever been hanging out with a really good friend, did they ever say something or do something and you're like, this is why we're friends, this is why I like them.
SARAH: I guess.
KAYLA: So often, in relationships, I find that your partner will do something, or the person you like will do something and you're like, oh, they're cute, this is why I like them. Even if it's something really small. And often, kissing is a way to convey your emotions.
SARAH: I get that. I get it when you're already in a relationship. It's the whole beginning thing that's just so difficult. On one hand, I get it. But I don't get it, you know?
KAYLA: So, you don't understand why people would kiss, when they're not in a relationship.
SARAH: I mean, I understand why you would want to kiss someone. For me, it's just figuring out when, seems a lot harder.
KAYLA: That's because you're trying to think about it logically, I think.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: When I go to kiss someone, I'm not thinking this is why I would like to kiss this person right now. It's a feeling that you just get, and you're trying to make it very logical when no one thinks through it like that. And if they do, that sounds like my first boyfriend and that was an awkward first kiss, because it was weird.
SARAH: Yeah, I think it's like, I might not ever be able to understand that.
KAYLA: But I mean, on the subject of hooking up or kissing someone that you just met, that is somewhere I also am like, why? That is somewhere I'm with you, where it's like, I don't feel the need to do that.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Because you just met them, what if they kiss funny? I don’t know.
SARAH: That's your number one concern?
KAYLA: No, I don't have a specific concern. I just don't want to. I don't know.
SARAH: Interesting. I don't know.
KAYLA: It sounds like they're singing Elvis outside.
SARAH: That's exciting. You know, Elvis was very scandalous because of his hips.
KAYLA: I know, they would cut his hips off TV, they would only do torso up.
SARAH: Hips are horrible.
KAYLA: Okay, Sarah.
SARAH: Yep. There was something else that I thought of earlier in this conversation.
KAYLA: You know what sounds awkward to me is if you meet someone at a party or whatever, you're dancing or you're making out. The moment you have to be like, want to go back to my place, or want to go find a room?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: That sounds like an awkward conversation to have.
SARAH: You know what else seems weird to me? Is if you are dancing with someone and then you just decide to start making out with them, just in the middle of wherever you are.
KAYLA: Like in the middle of a dance floor?
SARAH: In the middle of a dance floor. That seems a little – I would be very uncomfortable with that. Like some people, I get that they might not be.
KAYLA: Are you drunk or not in this scenario?
SARAH: I don't know either. Probably drunk, let's be real.
KAYLA: Because if you're drunk, then again, it just happens. But also, drunk or sober, it just happens. People aren't logically thinking through it, and if you asked them why did you decide to kiss that person right there, they would most likely not have an answer for you.
SARAH: That's weird.
KAYLA: What other answer are you expecting?
SARAH: I don't know. You know, people think kissing started because, you know how mama birds have to chew up their food to spit in their –
KAYLA: Ew, I disagree. I don't want that to be true.
SARAH: People think that's how kissing got started.
KAYLA: I would like that to be not true, please. Where did you find that?
SARAH: I don't remember, it was a long time ago.
KAYLA: I would like some sources on that. I'm going to look it up.
SARAH: Kayla's going to look it up.
KAYLA: All right, I did my research.
SARAH: She did the research.
KAYLA: I looked at Wikipedia and Psychology Today. So, according to this, you're kind of right. Some people just think it's innate or intuitive the way sex, I'm assuming, is. Because you’ve got to, to have a whatever. It possibly is a behavior that evolved from kiss feeding, the process by which mothers in some cultures feed their babies by passing food from mouth to mouth. So, it's not just birds, some people too.
SARAH: Well no, that's what I'm saying –
KAYLA: Oh, I didn't know. I thought you were just talking about birds.
SARAH: No. Why would I just be talking about birds?
KAYLA: I don't –
SARAH: Do birds make out with each other, Kayla?
KAYLA: Maybe, I have no proof that they don't.
SARAH: I was talking about – I was making the comparison to birds.
KAYLA: Well, you should have made that more clear. Bonobo apes kiss, aw. Even snails and insects engage in antennal play. That sounds gross but they touch antennas
SARAH: That sounds really kinky, the way you said that.
KAYLA: I didn't mean it; I just was reading. Okay, well, the Kama Sutra apparently has an entire chapter of modes of kissing.
SARAH: That's interesting.
KAYLA: Well, that's exciting. Okay, Sarah, so asking me why people kiss at certain times. I would just like to know – So, I told you there's no answer, people don't have a reason and you were rude. What answer would you like people to have?
SARAH: I don't know. I just want a better answer.
KAYLA: Well, what is an answer that would make you uncomfortable?
SARAH: I don't know.
KAYLA: So, you want there to be an answer, but you can't tell me what you thought the answer was?
SARAH: Yeah, I didn't know what I thought, that's why I asked the question.
KAYLA: Usually, people have a guess.
SARAH: Well, I don't. Yeah, no, I don't.
KAYLA: Great.
SARAH: I have another question.
KAYLA: Great.
SARAH: So, you're kissing someone?
KAYLA: Yep.
SARAH: How does their tongue end up in your mouth?
KAYLA: Okay, this is a good question. Because I once also had this, and then one day there was a tongue in my mouth. So, you know how when you kiss – sometimes I wish we did video podcast. So, you know when you kiss, you don't just like peck?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: One lip goes in between the others.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Okay, so – (laughs)
SARAH: Kayla's using her hands right now.
KAYLA: I'm using my fingers as my visual. Okay, so you're doing – No, I can't do it. Okay, so you're kissing with your lips intertwined and sometimes, then you open your mouth wider, so there's a little gap between these lips and then the tongue just –
SARAH: It's just like, I'm here now.
KAYLA: They go in it.
SARAH: But then, what do your tongues do with each other?
KAYLA: Well, they can either just touch each other. Some people – Do you really want me to get in depth about this?
SARAH: Yeah, because I'm confused.
KAYLA: Some people will go on the roof of the mouth.
SARAH: Why is that exciting?
KAYLA: Sometimes it feels good. Some people will outline the lips so the tongue will come back outside of the lip.
SARAH: That seems very complicated.
KAYLA: It's not.
SARAH: It seems like a lot to be doing with your mouth.
KAYLA: Well, if they're doing that, then your lips are more separated because the tongue has to get out onto this lip.
SARAH: It just seems really complicated.
KAYLA: We were watching a That 70's Show episode the other day and they were talking about rolling their tongue in the mouth. I don't really get that one.
SARAH: That seems complicated.
KAYLA: Yeah, I don't know. I guess I was never properly taught. A lot of people I feel look it up, like how to French kiss. And then, they always tell you to have the orange or whatever. Have you ever seen a movie –
SARAH: No. I've never seen a movie. (laughs)
KAYLA: Well, I feel like a lot of teenage movies, they'll talk about you get a peach or something to practice kissing.
SARAH: Why a peach?
KAYLA: Because you take the pit out and so there's a hole. I think you cut a peach in half and then you take the pit out.
SARAH: I've really never heard that before
KAYLA: So, I'd never – that was not one of the things I ever googled, like how to French kiss. So, I might do it very wrong and suck at kissing. to be fair.
SARAH: That's good, that's fun. That's a wild time.
(20:00)
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: How long – Okay, here's another question.
KAYLA: Alright.
SARAH: How long is it before it's appropriate to stick your tongue in someone's mouth?
KAYLA: What do you – How long did you have to be kissing before the tongue, or how long do you need to know them?
SARAH: How long do you have to be kissing? I imagine it's very different depending on the person for how long you have to know them.
KAYLA: It's also different. Because sometimes – here's my least favorite thing, is when you can see the tongue when people are kissing. Because I was watching a movie, I was watching Good Will Hunting and the main love interest went in to kiss the guy tongue first, you could see the tongue going in.
SARAH: Usually, in movies, they don't use tongue.
KAYLA: There was definitely a tongue, and I was uncomfortable and I screamed.
SARAH: Interesting. Kayla likes to scream tongue a lot. Sometimes I really don't think there's a tongue there.
KAYLA: No, oh Sarah –
SARAH: I have talked about this with Miranda.
KAYLA: No, you can tell. To be fair –
SARAH: You think there's a tongue at the end of 10 Things I Hate About You but there's not, it's just very open mouthed.
KAYLA: I don't like it. Well, I don't like it when it's open mouthed either then. But also, I'll bring up that [neither] you nor Miranda have ever kissed someone with a tongue that I know of. So, who is the expert?
SARAH: You're an expert now, that's interesting.
KAYLA: I'm an expert, who's probably not good at it. So, for me, I don't usually go tongue first. I don't think I've ever dated anyone that's done tongue first. Some people do.
SARAH: If someone is completely sober and this is the first time you're kissing them, I feel like it would be weird to do tongue first.
KAYLA: Yeah, if this is the first time I was kissing someone – If it was a first kiss with someone and they decided that they thought they were going to tongue – Okay, if it's a first kiss with anyone and they're going tongue first or tongue at all, I'd probably be like –
SARAH: What are you doing?
KAYLA: Because usually, a first kiss isn't – Okay for me, I feel like if you're dating someone traditionally, you go out on dates, and then you have your first kiss.
SARAH Yeah.
KAYLA: Usually, it's not like your first kiss is a make-out. So, now if you're at a party, and you're just hooking up with someone, then your first kiss is probably going to be a make-out.
SARAH: Yeah, that's a different scenario.
KAYLA: But usually, in the traditional sense, I feel like first kisses are just like a little boop. And so, why would your tongue be involved? And if it is, get that out of there.
SARAH: What if one person is going for a peck, and the other one is going tongue first?
KAYLA: Well, then the tongue would just boop you in the lips, I guess.
SARAH: [You’ll be] licked in the mouth.
KAYLA: Also though, like I said, it's not like kisses are going fast. So, if one person is going open mouth and the other person isn't, these people would know, something's not right.
SARAH: Something’s wrong.
KAYLA: They probably would reassess.
SARAH: Okay, you know how a lot of times in movies, teen movies where it's like, oh, this couple's finally having their first kiss; It's the end of the movie, there's a dramatic song playing in the background. I feel like they close their eyes very soon and I'm like, what if you miss?
KAYLA: Um, yeah.
SARAH: Like, I get that the closing your eyes thing happens –
KAYLA: Are you sure they are closing their eyes? Because to be fair, if your eyes aren't closed, you're probably looking at the other person's lips. And if we're this close –
SARAH: Hello.
KAYLA: And I'm looking at your lips, my eyes are pointed down.
SARAH: Honestly though, also, you can't focus that close. I can't focus that close.
KAYLA: On what?
SARAH: On anything.
KAYLA: You don’t need to focus; you just need a general idea of where the lip is.
SARAH: I know, but I feel people are like, oh, that's so romantic, their faces are just really close to each other and they're just hanging out there. But it's like, I can't see a damn thing.
KAYLA: Or if your foreheads are against each other.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I mean, that's not the point.
SARAH: I know but that would bother me a lot.
KAYLA: To be fair –
SARAH: Yes?
KAYLA: I think being that close to anyone, in general, would bother you a lot.
SARAH: I guess, but if I'm going to be that close to you, I might as well be able to see you.
KAYLA: I don't think you're getting the point of why people do that. The point of doing something like that is not to look at someone.
SARAH: I know, but it still bothers me because my eyeballs are like, I need to focus and then my eyeballs are like, but I can't.
KAYLA: My first boyfriend didn't know that you were supposed to close your eyes when you kiss.
SARAH: How do you not know that?
KAYLA: Because he was Mormon.
BOTH: (laugh)
KAYLA: And so, at one point he mentioned; oh, you always close your eyes. And I was like; are you telling me that you don't, and you've just been staring at me? Because that needs to stop.
SARAH: I also - When people kiss with their eyes open and I think they're like, looking at each other –
KAYLA: (sings) Eyes wide open.
SARAH: Stop. But it's not like you can focus on them if your eyes are open, so why are you doing that?
KAYLA: It makes me uncomfortable when people –
SARAH: I get it if people are like – Someone kisses you and you're like, what? What is happening? I don't want this. I get eyes open then, but sometimes it's like people are like oh, they kissed with their eyes open and it was so sensual because they're looking at each other, but you can't see them.
KAYLA: It makes me uncomfortable because I don’t think anyone – If you're looking at someone's face while kissing them, it's probably not the best look.
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: Because you're doing other things.
SARAH: Yeah, you're busy.
KAYLA: You're not aware of what your face looks like, and anytime you're not aware of what your face looks like, it probably doesn't look good.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So, I don't want anyone staring at that, because I probably look dumb.
SARAH: Probably.
KAYLA: So, I don't want anyone seeing that.
SARAH: I don’t know, but I do feel like – Okay, listen back to the closing your eyes too soon thing.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: There's definitely been movies where they just shut their eyes, and then they lean in.
KAYLA: Yeah, that seems dangerous.
SARAH: It’s like, you're going to miss. You're going to end up with a mouth full of chin or something.
KAYLA: You know what another thing about kissing is? When you're kissing, your lips go in between each other. So, one person has to go on top, and the next person has to go on the bottom and that's usually something that like – So I know with my last boyfriend, it was one way and then this kid I'm dating now it's a different way. And so, I had to adjust which way I was going and I was displeased. I was like, no, this is my space, I want to be on top.
SARAH: Oh, my God.
KAYLA: I did not say that, I said nothing about it. Good thing he doesn't listen.
SARAH: But also, um. (pause) I forgot. Please hold.
KAYLA: Alright.
SARAH: Also, isn't it 80% of people going to the right, and 20% of the people go to the left?
KAYLA: I have no idea.
SARAH: Because Fitzsimmons always goes to the left.
KAYLA: I guess you do both –
SARAH: You have to both go that one way.
KAYLA: Huh, I never thought about that. That's also something that I don't think about. Because I feel like in teen movies a lot too, they're like, oh my God, which way do I lean my head?
SARAH: I think most people go right, so go right.
KAYLA: But it's also when you actually kiss someone, it's not something you think about.
SARAH: You'll be able to tell which way they are going.
KAYLA: Because one person usually initiates it, so whatever way they're doing it is the way you also go. It's not that complicated, kids.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Now I’m trying to think. It also depends on where you are. Because if you were laying –
SARAH: Oh my God, that's a dog. Oh my God, it went down the stairs. Wow, we can see into our neighbor's house –
KAYLA: We’ve been blessed.
SARAH: And there's a dog that was just there, and it was really floofy.
KAYLA: I pet a dog yesterday, it was pretty magical.
SARAH: It’s exciting. I saw a little tiny puppy today just laying on the ground outside of a restaurant.
KAYLA: What a good boy.
SARAH: I know.
SARAH: Anyway –
KAYLA: Anyway, because if you were laying down and you were facing each other, there's only so much you can do.
SARAH: I'm just thinking if you're standing up face to face, you know? I hear most people go right, which makes sense, because most people are right-handed.
KAYLA: I’ve never thought about it. Next time I kiss someone, I'll think about which way my head is going and I'll report back to you, Sarah.
SARAH: Report back. Because I feel my instinct would definitely be to go right. Also, because for me, my left eye is jacked and so, I don't ever, at least in terms of my head, I don't ever favor my left side. (long pause) Kayla’s just sitting here –
KAYLA: Bobbing my head.
SARAH: Moving her head.
KAYLA: Not kissing, but still eye contact thoughts. Well, you're going to have bad thoughts about it, but eye contact during sex.
SARAH: It seems – People seem to make it seem – Woah. (laughs) People make it out to be this very intimate thing. But do people really look that good when they're having sex? I think probably not.
KAYLA: I tend to not have my eyes open, because I'm busy.
SARAH: Doing things?
KAYLA: Well, here's my thing about closing eyes during kissing too. When you remove one sense, your other senses are heightened, like if you close your eyes, you can usually hear better.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So, if you close your eyes, you can usually feel better, which is why I think closing your eyes during kissing happens. That's my theory.
SARAH: Hot take.
KAYLA: That's my hot take. So, during sex, I feel it would also be like, why would you want to pay attention to what you're seeing, because then you'd be distracted from everything else?
SARAH: Yeah. It just seems like a lot of effort to maintain eye contact, because you're moving, and you have to put effort in.
KAYLA: Yeah, I'm not a huge fan.
SARAH: There's just a lot of moving parts.
KAYLA: I mean, just one.
SARAH: Yeah, but it depends on what you're doing, you know?
KAYLA: Yeah, I mean that's true.
SARAH: You know, some people use lots of body parts
KAYLA: That is true.
SARAH: (laughs) Kayla just made a strange face.
KAYLA: I don’t like it.
SARAH: You're the one who brought it up.
KAYLA: I was thinking about something icky.
SARAH: You're the one who brought it up.
KAYLA: I know, but then I thought of something gross that I think some people do –
SARAH: No, don't tell me.
KAYLA: But I don’t want you to suffer. Fisting.
SARAH: Ew, that was not at all what I was talking about.
KAYLA: Because you said multiple parts so I was like, what parts can you use? And then I was like, a fist.
(30:00)
SARAH: I was talking about hands, I was not talking –
KAYLA: I mean, a fist is a hand.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA That's just where my mind went, because I think that's icky. If you do it, good for you, but I would never. I'm not shaming you, but I just don't want to.
SARAH: I don't get it.
KAYLA: She doesn't get it.
SARAH: What else don't you understand, Sarah?
SARAH: Most things.
KAYLA: Oh, all right.
SARAH: I feel like there are a lot of things I don't understand.
KAYLA: Well, yeah.
SARAH: Okay, here's a question.
KAYLA: Oh, she's excited.
SARAH: Two questions, okay?
KAYLA: Oh, my God.
SARAH: Say that you went on a date with someone, and it was not a very good date, but they want to see you again and you don't. I'm very non-confrontational, so that seems very horrible.
KAYLA: I have never had to deal with this in person. I had someone, I went on one date with them and then he was like, oh, do you want to meet up next week or whatever? And so, I also didn't know how to deal with it, and I made my friend text him for me.
SARAH: Good, good.
KAYLA: Because she had been in a situation where she'd gone out with this guy a couple times and just wasn't feeling it. So, she was just like, oh, whatever and she texted him and was like, hey, maybe not. And she sent a very good text and it ended up working fine, so I handed her my phone and I was like, here you go. And I think what she said – Because usually, you either have to choose between telling them the truth, or making kind of an excuse.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I think what she used for this guy, when texting this guy for me was oh, I just got out of a long-term relationship and I thought I was ready but I don't think I am anymore, blah blah blah. It was a lie, but he didn't know that. [Unless] he listens to this podcast. So, you have to either choose a lie like that and be like, I'm busy, I'm too busy for a relationship. Or you could just be like, no, I don't like you.
SARAH: What if it's someone that you're already friends with? That feels horrible.
KAYLA: These are situations that I haven't been in and so, I honestly don't know the best way.
SARAH: I think, like rejecting a friend, that's something I've had to do and that’s horrible. I think it would be even worse if you were like, alright, I'll give you a chance, and then you weren't digging it. And it's like, then what?
KAYLA: Yeah, but I don't know that conversations like that typically happen right after the date. Typically, you'll be texting after or something.
SARAH: Yeah, I mean, it's very different as millennials, I'm sure.
KAYLA: Yeah, I feel like that would be a conversation, that you go on a date or whatever and then this person might text and be like, hey, I had a lot of fun, let's do it again. And the other person might be like, meh.
SARAH: Yeah, okay next question. I also thought of another question that I may have forgotten, but it's okay. What happens if you are kissing someone and they're a bad kisser, and you're like, I don't want to kiss a bad kisser.
KAYLA: My last boyfriend, not my current one, was not a great kisser at first, because he had not been in a relationship for two years, but he got better.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: So my thing is, since I don't date that many people, I don't go around kissing a lot of people, But it's like, if I'm already dating them, I'm not going to break up with them because they're a bad kisser.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So, usually, I'm just like, I will teach them and they will get better.
SARAH: But is it, I'm going to teach you how to kiss better because you suck, or is it low key (whispers) I'm teaching him?
KAYLA: Yeah, I never told him that he was a bad kisser, because that's mean.
SARAH: I mean, I feel like some people would just tell someone that, and be like hey, you suck.
KAYLA: I mean, I feel like there's some people out there that probably would, I'm not one of those people. And so, just over time, it got better. But if it was someone at a party that I was just kissing them to kiss them and they sucked, I'd probably be like, no. Because, if the reason you're kissing them is just to kiss them for the enjoyment of kissing, then it's like, why would I want to kiss someone that sucked?
SARAH: Yeah. I forgot my other question now.
KAYLA: Oh, no.
SARAH: It had something to do with the first topic, but also with being a bad kisser, and now I don't remember what it was. Oh, no that's not what it was to do with. Okay, on a similar note, if you’re – I guess we kind of already touched on this. If you're at a party and someone is like; I want to kiss you and you're like, no, you can just duck and run away. But what if it's someone you know?
KAYLA: I mean, I think at a party, it's even more acceptable to duck and run away because there's usually a good amount of people there, and usually people are under some kind of influence.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: With someone that you already know, are you thinking a good friend or someone you're an acquaintance with?
SARAH: Hmm, I don't know.
KAYLA: Because it depends on your level. Because if you were really good friends with them, and they went to [kiss you], you could, if you were comfortable enough with them, just be like; what are you doing?
SARAH: I feel like that goes either one of two ways. It either goes like, hey, what? Or it totally ruins your relationship.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: It’s one of the two.
KAYLA: Yeah. But I think also if it's someone you just casually know, or even someone you don't, they could go in and you could just kind of – I mean, I feel like with kissing it's usually subtle movements that you pick up on. You can tell that someone is getting closer to you, or looking at your mouth, and so you're like, okay. So, even moving your head away a small amount is a pretty good indicator that like, no. So, it's not like you have to do something huge to dodge it.
SARAH: (sings) Duck and cover. You ever heard that song?
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: That’s a song they played in World War II.
KAYLA: Oh, to teach kids how to get away from bombs?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah, I have heard of it. Great.
SARAH: Anyway, I feel like that's a lot of reason though why people, if they are attracted to someone who they're friends with, are very nervous to make a move,, because they're like, I don't want to ruin this relationship, which is understandable. But also, it leads to some intense mutual pining on television programs.
KAYLA: Which is a fun thing to watch unless it lasts too long.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Then I'm angry.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And just want them to kiss already.
SARAH: Yeah, you got it.
KAYLA: I mean, I feel like I've had people before that are friends, but you could tell they liked each other. And so, you're sitting there and you're like, oh my God, just make a move. We all know, just come on, let's get this over with.
SARAH: Yeah, I’ve also heard of people being like, two of their friends have told that person that they like the other friend, and that person is like; well, what the fuck do I do now? Because I know, but it's not my job to, you know.
KAYLA: If that was me I would – Because I have been in situations before where I know two people like each other, or at least one person likes each other in a group that I'm in. And usually, I'll make jokes about like, stop flirting. And usually that can kind of help.
SARAH: Or it makes them run away even harder.
KAYLA: Or it can make them run away. The most recent time that happened, obviously they both liked each other and everyone knew, even them, and they just weren't making a move about it.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And so, we were just sitting there and I was like, y'all going to stop flirting or what? And fortunately, it didn’t do anything bad, because we all knew.
SARAH: I guess. It's just complicated
KAYLA: I mean, it is but usually, I feel like it's more of an intuitive thing. You're trying to analyze it, and it's something that's not super analyzable.
SARAH: Oh, good word. Okay, Kayla, what's our poll?
KAYLA: Yeah, I was just thinking about that and I don't know. All right, here it is. Choose Your Own Adventure. A good friend goes to kiss you and you're like, I don't want that. What do you do?
SARAH: The reason you don't want it is because you're not interested in them romantically. Not because you don't want it now, you just don't want it.
KAYLA: You're just not interested in them.
SARAH: Choose Your Own Adventure.
KAYLA: So, what do you do?
SARAH: One.
KAYLA: Run away.
SARAH: Run away. Two.
KAYLA: Kiss them anyway? That's the incorrect choice, in case you're wondering.
SARAH: Three.
KAYLA: Yell at them.
SARAH: Yell at them? That's mean.
KAYLA: I don't mean yell, just exclaim.
SARAH: (laughs) Aaah! Yeah okay, an exclamation. And then the last one is stop them and be like hey, I’m not into you –
KAYLA: Let's sit down. Number four is sit down and have an adult conversation.
SARAH: Yeah, wild. I wonder who would do that? Alright, you can find that on our Twitter @soundsfakepod.
KAYLA: It’s been so – Dust off the cobwebs when you get there.
SARAH: Apologies.
KAYLA: She’s been empty.
SARAH: We also have some things to figure out about this summer.
KAYLA: Yeah, me and Sarah are going to be living in different states, in very different time zones so there’s a possibility that podcasts won’t be up as often, maybe not every week.
SARAH: We’re going to have to figure something out.
KAYLA: We’re going to sit down and have a chat. Like adults.
(40:00)
SARAH: Like adults. But yeah, we’ll let you know in upcoming episodes what the situation there is going to be. You can find us on Tumblr at soundsfakepod.tumblr.com. You can also email us at soundsfakepod@gmail.com and say Sarah and Kayla, why didn’t you post for a month?
KAYLA: Yeah, we know.
SARAH: Kayla, where can they listen when we actually post?
KAYLA: Wow. I haven’t been on any of those websites in a while. SoundCloud, iTunes, Stitcher Radio, Google Play. Literally anywhere you get your podcasts, you can find us there.
SARAH: Yeah, give us a listen. Listen to our old podcasts because you’re sad because we don’t have any new podcasts.
KAYLA: Leave us a nice review if you want.
SARAH: Our semester is over now, though.
KAYLA: We’ve done it, we made it.
SARAH: We made it.
KAYLA: I have all my grades back.
SARAH: I don’t. It sucks. For me especially, it’s been a rough couple of weeks.
KAYLA: Sarah didn’t have a good time.
SARAH: I did not have a good time these past couple of weeks.
KAYLA: She did not.
SARAH: (groans) So, you know –
KAYLA: So, anyway –
SARAH: So we also have our Patreon patrons, bless their souls.
KAYLA: None of them removed their money, even though we were gone. I was like, Sarah, we should really check that before we record, because I bet you some of them stopped paying us –
SARAH: Stopped giving us money.
KAYLA: But no one did, which is so sweet –
SARAH: It’s very kind of you.
KAYLA: And probably stupid of them. But thank you.
SARAH: For our $5 patrons, first is Jennifer Smart, you can find her on YouTube by looking up Lehen Productions. Then we have Asritha Vinnakota, you can find her on Instagram @asritha_v. Then we have Austin Le. Is he still doing – I forgot, oh no. Because there’s the one on here, but that’s the old one.
KAYLA: Oh no.
SARAH: Oh no. Austin is advertising – I’ll just say what the first one he gave us was, which was twitch.tv/aris_tier. Austin, let us know what your updated thing is.
KAYLA: Sorry Austin.
SARAH: We don’t know, because it was the Quidditch team, but that’s over now. Unless you still want to give the Quidditch team money, I don’t know. Then we have Drew Finney, his Twitter is @midwest_drew. Then we have our $10 patron Emma, you can find her on YouTube by looking up Emma T Fink.
Thank you for listening and thank you for bearing with us, we will be back next week, I can tell you that.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Tune in next Sunday actually, for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: Until then, take good care of your cows.