Ep 42: Aromantic
SARAH: Hey what’s up hello. Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl (I’m Sarah. That’s me.)
KAYLA: And a demi straight girl (that’s me, Kayla.)
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else that we just don’t understand.
KAYLA: On today’s episode: Aromanticism
BOTH: — Sounds fake, but okay.
*Intro music*
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod.
KAYLA: Noot noot.
SARAH: Noot. So this week – Okay, hold on. We had the idea to talk about this because – Was it because of an email? Or was it because someone messaged us something?
KAYLA: I don’t know.
SARAH: Or did we just realize that we don’t really talk about the aro thing very often?
KAYLA: I think we might have just realized that we only talk about being ace really, but even when we’re talking about aromanticism, we just say ace.
SARAH: Yeah, we kind of favor aceness, I guess?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Not necessarily because we think it’s better, but because it’s easier to talk about that way, I think?
KAYLA: It’s easier to say the ace spectrum, I think.
SARAH: Yeah, and it’s also easier because other sexualities – Because everyone has a romantic and a sexual identity, but other sexualities don’t tend to differentiate, and so when you’re referring to an orientation, you usually refer to the sexual orientation.
KAYLA: I guess just to jump right into it, people just talk about sexuality more often than romantic orientation, and some people don’t even understand that romantic orientation is different than sexuality.
SARAH: Yeah, even in the queer community, I would say most people don’t know there’s a difference, to be honest.
KAYLA: No, it’s a hard one to explain to people. I was explaining to some friends the four types of – the four types of (pause)
SARAH: Attraction.
KAYLA: That we went over episodes and episodes ago, and it was difficult to explain, and for them to get. So I think that’s why it’s easier to talk about, because just more people are aware of it.
SARAH: And also when I talk about my own sexuality, I tend to say both because within the ace community, within this small community it is important to say both, because I feel a lot of people who do fall under the ace spectrum don’t necessarily – I would say it’s not a majority of people who are aro-ace who are under the umbrella.
KAYLA: Really?
SARAH: If you look at everyone under the ace umbrella, or even everyone who identifies as asexual, I would say the percentage of those people who also identify as aromantic is not a majority.
KAYLA: Really?
SARAH: I mean, it’s a solid plurality. Here’s the thing, so you know how there’s only been one study that remotely relates to asexuality, ever? So according to that study, which granted, I don’t necessarily put it on a pedestal, that found that – I want to say it was only 18 or 19% of people who – Maybe it was something else? I don’t know, whatever. It doesn’t matter. Some study somewhere that probably wasn’t super cohesive said that it was only 18 or 19% of people under the umbrella who identify as both aro and ace.
KAYLA: Hm.
SARAH: And I think part of the reason for that is because people in this community, it’s important to this community to educate people about the many different types of attraction, and the many different ways that you can feel attraction and what it all means, and so a lot of people, just because there are more terms, and because they’re able to understand those terms, they realize that their romantic and sexual orientations aren’t the same.
Whereas maybe other queer people, or even straight people, or people who think they’re straight, if they understood those terms better, we might find that more people have differing romantic and sexual orientations? That could be totally wrong, that’s just how I perceive it.
KAYLA: I’m surprised to hear you say that you think it’s a minority of people that are aro-ace, because looking at the community, I just hear the term aro-ace so often, it seems like a majority to me.
SARAH: Yeah. I mean, I also think it’s easier to talk about sexual orientation, but if you’re going to talk about both, it’s easier to talk about aro-ace, or it’s easier to talk about sexual orientations that I guess you could say match the romantic orientation? Because then you can just talk about them both as one.
KAYLA: That’s true.
SARAH: And then you end up just talking about the sexual orientation, because the romantic orientation is implied.
KAYLA: That’s true. And I guess I do see a lot of people on Tumblr talking about what their relationships are like when they’re asexual, what their marriages are like and I guess there’s not a real proper term for that, like there is aro-ace?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So I guess it’s just not as easily recognizable.
SARAH: Okay, so I just googled it. Based on the 2014 asexual community census data, 25.9% of asexuals are aromantic. Approximately 1% of the population is asexual, supposedly –
KAYLA: Yeah, right.
SARAH: But yeah, I want to know how many people answered this. It’s giving me percentages, but I want a number. Shoutout to the people who said they were fucking wtfromantic. I want a number, give me a number. I don’t want a percentage. (pause) Okay so, interesting. I’m just kind of – What’s the word?
KAYLA: I just don’t know.
SARAH: My phone just went off of wifi again, (frustrated) and I don’t have any data left. Sorry. I’m doing on my phone because Kayla always gets made that you can hear my typing.
KAYLA: It’s so loud.
SARAH: (laughs) Okay, so I’m just skimming this thing, and it says, it looks like aromanticism is far more common among asexuals than among grey-a’s, demisexuals or non-aces. So basically, if you’re asexual, you’re a lot more likely to also be aromantic, but just because you’re asexual, does not mean you’re aromantic.
KAYLA: That makes sense.
SARAH: Yeah. I can’t find a fucking number.
KAYLA: To pedal back 10 years –
SARAH: Pedal.
KAYLA: (laughs) Go.
SARAH: (laughs)
KAYLA: Do you want to define aromanticism, just in case?
SARAH: Uh, that’s probably a good idea.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Oh, oh, okay, okay. So the survey – I’ve figured out how many the survey surved (laughs)
KAYLA: No, Sarah.
SARAH: Anyway, so non-aces was 3,330 and aces was 10,880. So that’s a decent number.
KAYLA: That’s a good pool.
SARAH: That’s a lot of people.
KAYLA: I tool a survey research class, that’s a good survey.
SARAH: Kayla’s taken so many fricking – She knows way too much shit about surveys and research.
KAYLA: I am so passionate about surveys, and how the Myers-Brigg is a joke, but we can get in that –
SARAH: Myers-Brigg is a joke, Myers-Brigg is a joke, but also I still enjoy it, so sue me.
KAYLA: (sighs disapprovingly)
SARAH: (laughs) Anyway –
KAYLA: For another time.
SARAH: So basically, 25% of aces are aro, which is a thing.
KAYLA: Wait –
SARAH: Sorry, going back to what you just asked.
KAYLA: You want to define it now?
SARAH: Maybe? (laughs) So aromanticism is when you are not romantically attracted to anyone of any gender. So that’s separate from sexual attraction, because sexual attraction is like, I want to fuck you –
I just used my hand as a microphone but I realize none of you can see it. I just thought you should know.
KAYLA: Oh my God.
SARAH: And then romantic attraction is, I want to go on dates with you, I want to –
KAYLA: Romance.
SARAH: I want to romance you, I want to hold your fucking hand, I want to kiss your fucking face, although then it starts bleeding into sexual attraction, which gets kind of confusing. We have a whole episode about it. It may not clarify anything, but you know (laughs).
KAYLA: But you can listen to it.
SARAH: You can listen to it. I mean, if you don’t know anything about it, it will probably enlighten you on something. But yeah, so romantic orientation is different from your sexual attraction in terms of what the attraction is, but I would say most people, their romantic and their sexual orientations are the same, myself included, but clearly within the ace community, I am a minority.
KAYLA: Look at you go.
SARAH: That’s fun. We love being minorities within minorities. Although I don’t think there is a majority in the ace community, I think it’s all pluralities anyway.
KAYLA: I think it’s pretty split, all the way.
(10:00)
SARAH: So that’s romantic orientation, and we just realized we hadn’t really talked that much about aromanticism, so we’re doing that now.
KAYLA: I feel like we’ve kind of mixed it in with a lot of things, like when we talked about, I don’t know, we talked about how you don’t want to get married and you don’t want to date people, and that goes into aromanticism, but we always just lump it with asexuality when it’s really different, so –
SARAH: Well, earlier today I texted Kayla and I was like, what do we talk about? I feel like we’ve talked about it all –
KAYLA: We have.
SARAH: Randomly in different episodes. But yeah, we’re trying to put it all in place and trying not to be too repetitive, I guess.
KAYLA: Story of our lives.
SARAH: Yeah. I guess I also think that part of the reason maybe we don’t talk about romantic orientation as much is because, this could just be me projecting, because I feel more confident in what my sexual orientation is than what my romantic orientation is, if that makes sense? So I could be totally projecting but it feels to me like there’s a cleaner divide between what is and isn’t sexual attraction versus what is and isn’t romantic attraction? And so it’s just easier to talk about sexual orientation.
KAYLA: Yeah, because I think it’s easy for romantic orientation to get blurry with just being platonic or having friends, and then you have squishes and you’re like, what am I?
SARAH: And I think that’s why – Okay, I just realized a thing.
KAYLA: A revelation.
SARAH: Ace umbrella, there are so many different identities that are kind of specific, but if I’m thinking about it, I feel like there are definitely more that have to do with romantic orientation than have to do with sexual orientation. And granted, you can take the prefix from any romantic orientation and just throw it on to sexual orientation too, but you don’t usually hear them that way. When you hear people talking about being grayromantic, obviously there are a lot of people who are graysexual, but I think if you want to get in a little deeper with wftromantic, which is also called quoiromantic, which, for those of you who haven’t heard the episode where we talk about this, that’s basically when you can’t tell the difference necessarily between romantic and platonic attraction, you can’t tell what you’re feeling. Which I think a lot of people experience in life, but they usually come to a conclusion, and people who identify as that have a lot more trouble doing that.
There are a lot of really specific things that have to do with romantic orientation, and I think that is because it’s just harder to figure out, and so people – I don’t know.
KAYLA: Yeah, it’s hard to define.
SARAH: And it’s also I think part of the reason why all of these terms are in the ace community and not really elsewhere is because we – I don’t know to, I had a thought and you know how there’s the front of your brain and the back of your brain –
KAYLA: Yeah, it doesn’t work like that Sarah.
SARAH: Okay, but bear with me. If it’s in the front of your brain, you can think it and make it come out of your mouth, but if it’s in the back of your brain, the front of your brain knows it’s there –
KAYLA: That’s not how that works, but –
SARAH: I’m being –
KAYLA: It’s like your conscious and unconscious –
SARAH: Yeah, it is kind of like that.
KAYLA: It is that.
SARAH: Oh, shhh. Okay. Where was I going with this? These terms are really specific to the ace community I think because we think a lot about the way we experience attraction, in the way that other parts of the community don’t. Even people within the queer community, because if you’re gay, and you’re experiencing this attraction that isn’t necessarily the norm, it isn’t the standard, it’s not necessarily socially accepted in the way that straightness is, but what you’re feeling? It’s the same as what straight people feel, it’s just towards a different gender, whereas –
KAYLA: Yeah, I think sexual attraction and romantic attraction are rather universal things. I mean, everyone talks about them, they’re everywhere in movies and songs and everything, and so to be completely out of that, you have to think about it a lot.
SARAH: You have to think about it. And I think if you’re – It’s the difference between who you’re attracted to being different than the norm, or not even the norm, but you know, the cultural norm, versus how you’re attracted being different from the cultural norm. You have to think about it differently.
KAYLA: I would say if you were going to make a flow chart, and the top said ‘Attraction?’, and it said ‘Yes’ and ‘No’, and the ‘Yes’ one branched off into ‘Who?’, but the ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are completely separate branches that are just like – You know?
SARAH: Yeah. And that’s definitely really tied to the community not being as familiar or as accepting with the ace community, where they don’t ask that first question of ‘Attraction? Yes or No’, they automatically assume the answer is ‘Yes’ and it automatically goes into ‘Who?’ rather than ‘How?’. We love a flow chart. (laughs)
KAYLA: Make that flow chart. Someone get on that.
SARAH: Incredible. And so I think that’s something that the ace community has had to face, or has chosen to face which other communities haven’t, which is probably why the divide is as it is in this community, and why I feel the need to specify that I’m both.
But then the thing is, is when – Oh, my roommates just got home. An announcement to our listeners, we just had to pause because my roommates got home and I knew it was going to make noise so we had to pause, but then I completely forgot what I was saying.
KAYLA: Yep.
SARAH: And now we just don’t know, and I don’t even think I started the thought really, so it’s lost to the void, so sorry about that.
KAYLA: But when I go back and edit it –
SARAH: We’ll find out. (laughs)
KAYLA: We’ll find out.
SARAH: Yeah. Maybe I’ll think of it in ten minutes, that happens sometimes. Oh, it was just at the tip of my tongue (pause) Oh fuck, okay, whatever.
Here’s a thing that I don’t think you’re prepared for, but I’m going to ask you anyway.
KAYLA: Oh, tea.
SARAH: It’s not really a question at you, but are there any things you don’t get about aromanticism, as a person who’s not aromantic? Is there anything that you think sounds fake, but okay?
KAYLA: I think before we started this podcast and before we started talking about this weekly, there were things that I didn’t really understand –
SARAH: Kayla?
KAYLA: Yeah?
SARAH: I just remembered.
KAYLA: Oh, tea. What is it?
SARAH: I’m going to say it before I forget, remember what you were saying. So because the community differentiates, when I explain my sexuality to other people who are not in the community, it’s a fucking ride because not only do you have to explain what asexuality is, because 9 times out of 10 they don’t understand, and they’re like, are you a plant? And I’m like, that’s not a funny joke, go home. I don’t photosynthesis, I eat fucking chicken.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: Actually, I had pork for dinner, anyway. (laughs) But you have to explain both, and then their mind gets totally fucked, ha ha ha, ace podcast. (laughs) Their mind gets totally fucked because they usually don’t know that there’s a difference.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So then you have to explain that whole thing and it’s like God, I’m so sick of explaining.
KAYLA: That’s fair.
SARAH: I’m glad to do it for –
KAYLA: It’s tiring.
SARAH: I like to contribute to a wealth of understanding, but as I was thinking about this episode a couple of days ago, I literally just started ranting in my own head about how I just get so sick of explaining things, and it’s like, why can’t you just let me sit here and be a human and not have to think about it all the time? But you know, that’s a topic for a whole other podcast, I could probably go on for 45 minutes about it.
KAYLA: The tea.
SARAH: I actually think I put it on the list, so that was just a nice little sneak peek for you. But even other queer people, you have to explain the difference and it’s not even like within the queer community you can just say it and people will understand, because they won’t.
KAYLA: I’ve seen people joke about oh, I’m going to come out to someone, getting ready with my fifty PowerPoints.
(20:00)
SARAH: Oh, legitimately. So I didn’t really come out to my parents, I just – My sister had to help them figure it out, because [it was] over their heads. But once I got home from Germany, because everyone comes out when they’re across the ocean from most of the people they know. That’s the most Sarah thing I’ve ever done. My mom, she was very good about it but she just didn’t understand any of it, so I had to sit down with her for 45 minutes and explain it, and even then there were still things she didn’t get, and I directed her towards those videos by that person who, once again I don’t remember if they still go by the name of Ashley, so I’m very sorry if they don’t still go by that name, but that person who I’ve talked about those videos before, and I was like, here are a lot of resources which will re-explain/explain better what I just tried to explain. (sighs)
There’s so much to learn, and for some reason, I have to teach all of it, ha ha.
KAYLA: You don’t have to.
SARAH: I mean, I don’t have to, but I want to contribute to understanding although it’s tiring. Anyway, now that I remembered that after forgetting it for five minutes. Jumping back to what you were saying about questions, not getting things about aromanticism at the beginning, you something –
KAYLA: So I think now I feel like I have a pretty good understanding of it. I don’t relate to it, obviously, but I get it. But I think something I hear from a lot of people when I explain it, and I was just talking to someone about it the other day, and the first thing that they said was, I just can’t imagine not wanting to be with someone for the rest of my life, that seems so lonely. And I had to explain to them –
SARAH: Don’t be a ho. (laughs)
KAYLA: First of all, don’t be a ho. But you have friends that are going to be there your whole life, and it’s not just your significant other that’s there. And I’ve had people say they assume that aromantic people don’t value any relationships, and I’m like, no.
SARAH: Right, because I think the thing about the difference between aromanticism and being asexual, when other people look in on it is I think other people can get not wanting sex, I think that’s a thing that people, even if they can’t necessarily understand how it would feel for themselves, they can understand how someone might not want that.
I think people wrapping their heads around someone not feeling romantic attraction is much, much harder because as much as sex is pervasive in our culture, it’s still a little bit taboo. Romantic stuff is not taboo, and it’s very pervasive.
KAYLA: I think that a lot of people when they hear romantic attraction, they automatically think love, and then the only kind of love they think of is romantic love. So they think if you’re aromantic, you don’t love anyone when it’s like, no, there’s other kinds of love.
SARAH: Right, and I also think that in adulthood – When you’re a kid, when you’re young, when you’re growing up, even when you’re in college, people see the value in platonic relationships. But I think once you’re “in the real world”, the mindset kind of shifts and it changes to where people are like okay, most important thing, most fulfilling thing is your romantic relationship and getting married. And then platonic relationships are like, okay, whatever, you can get drinks after work, but you’ll do it once a month.
And then the next time that platonic love is important is when you have kids, and so it’s just like, there’s this disconnect between once you’re out of college, or once you’re out of your mid-twenties, even your late twenties, but you know, around by the time you’re hitting thirty, platonic relationships with people your age are suddenly just not a thing anymore to a lot of people. I don’t think it’s necessarily intentional –
KAYLA: I don’t think it is either.
SARAH: But society treats it as if it’s okay, and so even if people are doing it unintentionally, it’s happening. So you know, we love that.
KAYLA: That’s something I understand now, but I don’t know, if you had asked me that a year ago before we started this, then I don’t know.
SARAH: To me, again it’s just a thing where it’s like, whatever you feel, it’s hard to imagine feeling another way, and for me it’s much easier to imagine feeling like other people because I’ve been bombarded with it since I was a child.
KAYLA: Yeah, you grew up watching other people feel that way.
SARAH: And then also just because I’m a little less confident in being aromantic than I am in being asexual, so it’s like, I don’t know.
KAYLA: You know you said several episodes ago how there’s one person who held you back from identifying as aro?
SARAH: Yeah?
KAYLA: If I guessed who it was and I was right, would you tell me?
SARAH: I don’t know. I don’t really want you to guess, I’m afraid. (laughs)
KAYLA: Can I?
SARAH: Maybe, but not right now. (laughs)
KAYLA: Fine, okay.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: I think I’m right, though. I feel it, in my body.
SARAH: That’s interesting.
KAYLA: Alright, anyway.
SARAH: I was kind of at the end of a thought, I think.
KAYLA: What?
SARAH: I said I was kind of at the end of a thought, I think.
KAYLA: Oh, at the end of a thought.
SARAH: So I don’t really remember what I was saying.
KAYLA: I thought you said a fan of a thought, and I was like, who’s the thought?
SARAH: No.
BOTH: (laugh)
SARAH: Fuck you.
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: Yeah, it was you.
KAYLA: Oh cool, sweet.
SARAH: Oh right, I wasn’t at the end of a thought at all. (laughs).
KAYLA: A mess, it’s a mess.
SARAH: So I can understand why people want romantic attraction, but when it’s not something you know, it’s much, much harder to wrap your brain around, which I get and I sympathize with, but I don’t think that’s an excuse to not try and understand.
KAYLA: I think even though you get it, it doesn’t make it not frustrating, because this is something you’re dealing with on a daily basis, and that’s hard, and that’s tiring.
SARAH: Exactly, and it all ties in to that whole thing of people who are of minority groups, or minority identities or whatever, they have to be constantly facing it and constantly dealing with it, constantly explaining it. Also, you hear people, because a lot of times people in minority groups, they’re like I’m fucking sick of it, I’m sick of explaining myself all the time, I’m sick of fighting for myself all the time, I just want to exist as a person, like I said ten minutes ago. And then people in a place of more privilege are like, stop fucking complaining, you don’t have to if you don’t want to.
I think a lot of it has to do with privilege in that as a white person, I don’t have to face my raca all the time. But as a woman, I have to face my gender all the time, and as an ace person, I have to face my sexuality all the time, and I’m constantly explaining it to people and it’s like, you want to do that, and you want people to understand, and you want people to become more openminded, but at the same time it’s like, I don’t want to have to do it, because I want society to just fucking catch up already.
KAYLA: You want to do it when you want to do it, not because it’s a necessity for just living.
SARAH: Right. And I think especially with asexuality, like okay, if you tell someone that you’re pan, which hold on, side note. A couple of days ago from when we were recording this, Brendan Urie came out as pan.
KAYLA: Very exciting.
SARAH: My pansexual son.
KAYLA: Okay, I saw a tweet though that he’s said some nasty things.
SARAH: When, though? Was it ten years ago?
KAYLA: I don’t know, I didn’t read that far because I didn’t want to know, because I love him. Very problematic of me, but it’s fine.
SARAH: Yeah, I think he’s grown a lot as a person and I’ve known for a long time that he was queer, I kind of thought he was bi. He is married to a woman, which is proof that you can fucking do that, and still be pan.
But anyway, sorry. That was a tangent, I just love my tiny pan son.
BOTH: (laugh)
SARAH: But if you tell someone you’re pan, and they don’t know what that means, they have zero preconceptions about what that means, and they’re just like, what the fuck? You’re sexually attracted to pans? And you’re like, no, Peter Pan only. I understand that pan people aren’t attracted to literally every person, alright, that’s all.
If you tell someone that you’re asexual, they have this preconceived notion of asexually reproducing plants, and they get very confused, and not only do you have to explain to them what it means, but you have to change their preconceived notion of what asexual means, and you have to expand it, whereas –
KAYLA: And it’s hard because it’s already a different word.
(30:00)
SARAH: Exactly, and so it’s like if you’re introducing a new word into their life, that’s one thing, and that’s not to say it’s easy, because a lot of people are like, what the fuck is pansexual, what the fuck is the difference between bi and pan? And then you have to explain to them [that] gender’s not binary, it’s a struggle, I totally understand that.
But with asexuality, you have to completely twist and shape and expand their view of something that they already think they understand. And then you get to the aromantic part, and they’re like, what?
KAYLA: That’s fun all around.
SARAH: Yeah, but you know, that’s that.
KAYLA: Other than having to explain things all the time, what do you think is the hardest part – Not to just make this the most negative podcast ever –
SARAH: (laughs)
KAYLA: What do you think is the hardest part of being aro?
SARAH: Just before I answer, super fucking Debbie Downer, but also it’s important to recognize that it’s not all rainbows and fun times.
KAYLA: Oh yeah, and I think the reason we do the podcast is so that other people can hear our experiences and hopefully get something out of it that they might relate to. Obviously, we have some very specific situations that people aren’t going to relate to all the time, so it’s good to talk that maybe people –
SARAH: Right, and maybe you can accept your own sexuality and respect your own sexuality without loving it all the time, which is important to know.
KAYLA: It’s like how I don’t like you most of the time.
SARAH: (laughs) I know, right? Same. At me or at you? You’ll never know which one. (laughs)
I think it’s probably just the constant bombardment of romantic shit in the media and listen, I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, I don’t dislike viewing romantic shit, I fucking read fanfic, I fucking write fanfic, you know. I feel like compared to other people I do write a large quantity of BroTPs, but I also like romantic shit and I just wing it.
So it’s not to say that I don’t ever appreciate it, but it’s just the idea – I don’t really like romantic movies that much, there are a few exceptions that are famous movies, but I’m not the person that’s like, I want to watch a romcom tonight, I don’t care what it is, I just want to watch one. I’m not like that because I hate the concept of being told that it’s the only answer because it’s just, society wants to remind you constantly that you’re not correct, and it’s jamming that thought that romantic is number one in everyone else’s heads, and I want to just shake them and be like, you’re wrong.
You can value romantic relationships, but that’s not the only kind of relationship you should be having, and society just tells you that shit all the time, and then you feel bad about not being romantically attracted to people and then you’re like, well I’m sad, so –
KAYLA: Have you heard the song Never Been in Love?
SARAH: By whomst?
KAYLA: Let me look it up, it’s not a big artist, but I saw it on Twitter and I don’t know if he’s aro –
SARAH: Wait, I think I saw this on Twitter.
KAYLA: Will Jay.
SARAH: Yeah, I didn’t listen to it, but I believe I saw it.
KAYLA: It’s a bop, would recommend.
SARAH: That’s fun.
KAYLA: I don’t know if he’s aro, but I know after the song came out there was a big –
SARAH: Push for like hey, ace and aro people obsessed with it.
KAYLA: A bunch of aro people were just like yay, I like this song. Then he put out a statement and was like, I’m so glad this means a lot to you guys, blah blah blah, but I don’t know that he’s aro, he didn’t specifically say or anything. So that’s Never Been in Love by Will Jay, would recommend.
I know we’ve done episodes before about non-romantic songs and stuff like that, but speaking of media, I would recommend, it’s a bop.
SARAH: Heck yeck. You know how there’s that stereotypical image of a girl who is single, just sitting with an entire carton of ice cream and a spoon?
KAYLA: Me.
SARAH: In front of the TV, watching Bridget Jones’ Diary, and crying?
KAYLA: That’s me but no matter if I’m single or not. That’s just a Tuesday.
SARAH: Any movie, just a lot of ice cream. Well, you don’t have a carton, you have a tub of ice cream.
KAYLA: I do have a tub. It’s gone now though, I ate it.
SARAH: Yeah, because you do that all the time, and yet you’re still two inches wide. Rude.
KAYLA: No, I’m – Don’t worry about it.
SARAH: But you’re still two inches wide.
KAYLA: Anyway.
SARAH: Shut up.
KAYLA: Anyway.
SARAH: (laughing) Anyway. So there’s that image of a single white girl being sad about being single and then there’s me sitting there, not doing the same thing but just – Not even judging her, because I don’t want to judge her life choices, you do you, girl. But also sitting there watching that movie also just being really sad for wildly different reasons.
KAYLA: You’re also there with your ice cream crying, but it’s because you don’t feel accepted, not because you feel single.
SARAH: Yeah, and it’s also because I’m just like, oh well –
KAYLA: This movie sucks.
SARAH: I’ll never have this, so this movie is pushing the idea that this is what you should strive for and I’m – (panicked) It’s tricking me, I’m falling into it, please help me, get me out.
KAYLA: Wow, alright.
SARAH: Well no, because if you’re watching something that’s like that, no matter how logical your brain is about it, if it’s good, it’s going to suck you into that and make you think that, and that’s why it’s so pervasive, it’s because people started doing that and people started saying that. I mean, there are a lot of other reasons, but they started doing that and people got sucked into it, and then they kept doing it, because they were like, oh, this movie did well so let’s do another movie that’s basically just Bridget – I’ve never seen Bridget Jones’s Diary. (laughs)
KAYLA: I’ve seen the second one, I think.
SARAH: Bridget Jones’ Baby?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Honestly, I hate that even more. I don’t like children. (laughs)
KAYLA: I know you don’t.
SARAH: That was a really long-winded way to answer that question, but you know, just killing time here. Is there anything else you would want to say or ask or, I don’t know, do?
KAYLA: Um, I don’t know.
SARAH: Here’s the thing. Romantic orientation, whether that’s aromantic or anything else, I think it’s important that people understand that it is separate from sexual orientation, not for any huge like, it’s so important to your life that you know this –
KAYLA: It’s good to know.
SARAH: It’s good to know because it helps you understand other people, and it helps you understand yourself. That might not be the most important thing on the planet, but I think it is important in a lot of ways to just be like, okay I understand what’s going on and I accept what’s going on, and I feel woke about it.
KAYLA: Well I think it could even help straight people to be able to parse that out, because I think a lot of people who are straight get confused when they’re in relationships and they’re like, what am I even feeling? And so just knowing that there’s two separate things, or like four separate things, could just be helpful.
SARAH: Yeah, for sure.
KAYLA: I would just say, so we’re not repeating everything, some good episodes to refer back to if you want to hear more on this would be the one we did on the four types of attraction, and the one, it was probably episode 2 or something, romantic versus platonic relationships.
SARAH: It was a very early episode.
KAYLA: That was very early, probably –
SARAH: That was when cows became a thing, because I had so much beef.
KAYLA: Oh, you had so much beef.
SARAH: Got a lot of beef.
KAYLA: 90% pork today.
SARAH: I know, right? I don’t even eat beef, I’ve never eaten beef.
KAYLA: I like beef.
SARAH: I don’t even know what beef tastes like. (laughs)
KAYLA: You’ve eaten beef before, haven’t you?
SARAH: Maybe in hotdogs.
KAYLA: Oh my God, that’s not beef.
SARAH: It’s not real, they say it’s all beef but that’s hot dog beef, you know?
KAYLA: It’s not.
SARAH: I’ve never eaten proper beef, no. Continue, it’s not relevant.
KAYLA: Jesus. So just those couple of episodes, maybe the QPR episode.
SARAH: On our Patreon, we will put those, if not the links then at least the episode numbers, we don’t know off the top of our head.
KAYLA: So you don’t have to just scroll through, but we’re on 50 almost now.
SARAH: We’re getting it up there.
KAYLA: Your girls doesn’t remember.
SARAH: I know. We’re very close to our one-year anniversary.
KAYLA: We are, it’s exciting.
SARAH: It’s like a month away.
KAYLA: I think it’s in August?
SARAH: It’s in August. I mean, it depends on what we want to count as our anniversary because –
KAYLA: Wouldn’t it be when our first episode came out?
SARAH: Right, we could say when our first episode came out, or we could say when we first recorded our first episode, because it was three weeks apart.
KAYLA: I think it should be when our first episode came out.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: I can’t believe we’re turning one soon.
SARAH: I know, it’s crazy. I mean, I still hate that age of child. They’re not okay until they’re 3.
(40:00)
KAYLA: Oh, I know the episode numbers for things now.
SARAH: What are they?
KAYLA: Episode 2 was Romantic and Platonic Relationships,
SARAH: Yeah baby, us who didn’t know how to pod.
KAYLA: Yeah. (laughs) Episode 5 was QPRs.
SARAH: So much baby us.
KAYLA: And Episode 9 was Different Types of Attraction.
SARAH: Wow, those are all really old, okay.
KAYLA: Those three are very old, they are very early on.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Let’s see, our first episode was – Oh my God, it’s this month. July 31st it came out.
SARAH: Oh shit. Was it really? That’s not true.
KAYLA: It is true.
SARAH: I got home on the 29th.
KAYLA: I’m sorry, but it was posted on the 31st.
SARAH: That’s not, fake. Sounds fake, but not okay.
KAYLA: It was posted July 31st, 2017.
SARAH: That is totally fake, and not true.
KAYLA: It’s not, but okay.
SARAH: It’s not true.
KAYLA: Sarah, I don’t know what to tell you.
SARAH: We did not record a podcast the day after I got home from Germany. Okay, anyway –
KAYLA: We might have, I don’t know.
SARAH: We really might have. Okay, moving forward –
BOTH: (laugh)
SARAH: I think just educating people on the difference between the types of attraction, it’s not going to necessarily – I mean, it might change your life. It’s not going to necessarily change everything about your world, but I do think it’s important to understand, so we can understand each other better and we can just be like, you know what? Cool, chill.
Even if you think both of your orientations are the same, fucking think about it, man. Maybe they’re not the same, maybe they are. Either way, it’s good to be educated.
KAYLA: Just question everything about your life.
SARAH: Question everything.
KAYLA: Because that’s fun.
SARAH: Question everything to the point where you have an existential crisis.
KAYLA: Blame us.
SARAH: Yeah, that’s what we really encourage on this pod because me and Kayla are constantly having existential crisis-es, crises?
KAYLA: When am I not?
SARAH: I know, honestly. We hope that maybe this episode was, I don’t know, something.
KAYLA: (laughs)
SARAH: I hope you maybe learned something about something, or if you didn’t, maybe you were reminded of something, or if not, okay, we get it. You’re smarter than us, okay?
KAYLA: Or you were just entertained by how dumb we are, you know?
SARAH: Yeah, we’re pretty dumb. I can hear The Office theme song from through the wall, and boy is that a joyous sound. I think the theme song is better than the show. Hot take.
Moving forward. We did realize that it’s something that we kind of gloss over a lot, even though I am aro, or so we think. (laughs) But I’m glad we talked about it, even though I had no idea what to say and we winged most of it, but let’s be real, we usually do that. Sorry guys.
KAYLA: Very professional.
SARAH: (laughs) That was this pod. What’s our poll?
KAYLA: Oh shoot.
SARAH: I know, I almost forgot to say that.
KAYLA: A poll of dicks.
SARAH: I don’t want dicks.
KAYLA: Me either, but like, here we are.
SARAH: Here’s a thing, I guess. I don’t want to toot our own horn and make it seem like we’re changing people’s lives, but before encountering this pod, or even I guess before – I don’t know what other milestone we could give. Before encountering this pod, did you know there was a difference between different types of attraction?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: It doesn’t necessarily have to be this pod, but before encountering – I don’t even know why they would know that before encountering the ace community, that’s how ingrained it is in ace culture. I don’t know where else you’d learn about that, truly. So let’s fucking toot our own horns.
KAYLA: Recently I’ve heard the term, you’re going to hate this, not to suck my own nipple, which I think is the funniest thing.
SARAH: I hate that. Oh hold on, I have one last thing.
KAYLA: Oh, tea.
SARAH: It’s not related at all, but it makes me so angry. Okay, not so angry, but marginally annoyed. You know the meme recently that’s been like, big dick energy?
KAYLA: (laughs) Yeah.
SARAH: I hate it. Because here’s the thing about big dick energy. I get what you’re trying to convey, I get it. I understand the meaning, the implicit meaning of that statement, however big dick energy being good, and little dick or small dick or whatever you call it energy being bad, really links people’s personal worth and their ability to do sex good –
KAYLA: Okay Sarah, but also it’s not about the size of the boat, it’s the motion of the ocean.
SARAH: Okay, but the point of that meme is to say it’s about the size of the boat, Kayla.
KAYLA: I know that. I think you might be reading too much into it –
SARAH: I am.
KAYLA: Because you realize this is a meme that started with Pete Davidson, right?
SARAH: Yeah, I know. I’m fully aware.
KAYLA: I think you’re reading too much into it.
SARAH: I’m definitely reading too much into it, that doesn’t mean I’m not annoyed by it.
KAYLA: That’s like me saying chess is sexist, which sometimes I say to get an argument out of people.
SARAH: What is sexist?
KAYLA: Chess.
SARAH: Chess? (laughs)
KAYLA: Sometimes I get in arguments with people about that, just for fun.
SARAH: Just for fun? Good.
KAYLA: It’s a good one.
SARAH: No, I just don’t like it because it connects having a big dick to being a powerful person –
KAYLA: I know.
SARAH: And that’s also a little, it reminds me a little of our lovely rape culture, I don’t know. Anyway, that’s my beef for the day.
KAYLA: We should start doing a segment –
SARAH: Beef for the day?
KAYLA: Beef of the week.
SARAH: (excited) Beef of the week. Kayla, what’s your beef of the week?
KAYLA: What’s my beef of the week?
SARAH: Should we do this at the beginning or – We should do it at the end. We have to make people listen at the end, no one does.
KAYLA: No one does. What’s my beef of the week?
SARAH: Kayla hasn’t been feeding her cows, so she doesn’t know.
KAYLA: My Beef of the Week is (sighs) people that are just like, they think they’re so great.
BOTH: (laugh)
SARAH: That’s so vague.
KAYLA: No, I just – Now that I’m semi in the adult world, you start working with people that are higher-ups, or they think they’re higher-ups, or I don’t know, people that are just very self-important and condescending –
SARAH: They think they’re hot shit, and it’s like, you’re 23, get over yourself.
KAYLA: Yeah. That’s my beef of the week.
SARAH: Okay. That’s her beef of the week. We’re going to throw that beef on the grill, and it’s going to sizzle.
KAYLA: Oh, tea.
SARAH: (laughs) And we’re going to drink tea while it’s sizzling.
Well that poll that we talked about five minutes ago, you can find it on our Twitter @soundsfakepod. Also, because we’ve decided, okay I’ve decided to start self-promoing us, so you can find me and Kayla on Twitter @costiellie and @kayla_kas. I was doing it off the top of my head, don’t laugh at me.
KAYLA: Is it that hard to spell my name off the top of your head?
SARAH: I’m not very good at spelling things out. I’m good at spelling things on the paper, but not in the mouth.
BOTH: (laugh)
SARAH: That’s why I was really salty, because in middle school, in homeroom once a year, we’d do this thing where it was like, it’s a spelling bee but it’s during homeroom so you only have ten minutes, and be fast. I never did that well because I don’t speak the words well, but I can put them onto the thing.
I don’t speak the words well, I say, as I have a podcast. (laughs) Anyway, you can find us there. I was about to say stalk us, but actually maybe don’t.
What else do we have? We have a Tumblr, you can find us at –
KAYLA: Did you even say what our Twitter is?
SARAH: Yeah, it’s the first thing I said.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Get over yourself. (laughs) We also have a Tumblr, that’s – I forgot how Tumblrs work. It’s soundsfakepod.tumblr.com. You can email us at soundsfakepod@gmail.com, send us cow pics. You know, we haven’t gotten a cow pic in a while, I’m just saying.
KAYLA: No, we have.
SARAH: When?
KAYLA: This past week was Cow Appreciation Week, and someone sent us a gif of a cow.
SARAH: Wait, really? Did I miss that?
KAYLA: On Twitter.
SARAH: Oh, it was on Twitter. I saw the one on Twitter, I just like them in emails. I appreciate your Twitter cows, but emails just show a lot of like, you put some effort in sending us this cow, you know?
KAYLA: Oh my God, don’t be mean to our listeners.
SARAH: But by all means send us Twitter cows too, I appreciate all cows. They have such big eyes.
We also have a Patreon, you can find us at patreon.com/soundsfakepod if you want to give us your cash money dollars for this quality content.
We have patrons, these stupid, beautiful people who give us money. Our $2 patrons are Sara Jones and Keith McBlaine, our $5 patrons are Jennifer Smart, Asritha Vinnakota, Austin Le, Drew Finney and Perry Fiero.
And our $10 patrons are Emma Fink, you can find her on YouTube by looking up Emma T Fink, and Tristan Call who would like to promote their friend @rationallyparanoid on DeviantArt and Tumblr.
Thanks for listening, and tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of those cows.