Ep 271: Accidental Flirting
(00:00)
SARAH: Hey, what's up, hello. Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aroace girl, I'm Sarah. That's me.
KAYLA: And a bi demisexual girl, that's me, Kayla.
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode, Accidentally Flirting.
SARAH AND KAYLA: Sounds Fake But Okay.
(intro music)
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod.
KAYLA: Hello? Hello? Hello?
SARAH: Hi.
KAYLA: Hi.
SARAH: I hope you're all doing good. We got some fun responses to our pod last week about Barbie.
KAYLA: Yeah, lots of thoughts about Barbie.
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: Yep
SARAH: Mhm. The one big thing that I saw in our Discord was people disagreeing on the fact that she felt like she needed Ken to like her for validation
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: at the end versus just for the plan to work. And I think that's a valid argument because initially, when I first watched it, I also just understood it as she needed the plan to work.
KAYLA: Yeah, I mean, I think there's definitely different ways to read it. The reason I read it that way is because then America Ferrera is like, oh, look at you already worried about like if a man likes you. And she's basically like, he tried to steal your house. Like, why do you care if he likes you? So that's why I read it that way. But I think that's definitely valid. I also saw some really interesting thoughts on our Instagram poll just about the ending, spoiler alert, for like the very, very end, like the button. The last joke essentially.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: It's about her like now having genitals and going to an OBGYN.
SARAH: Now that's a question. Does she have genitals?
KAYLA: Interesting. I guess I just assumed that now that she was a human, she did.
SARAH: I thought that was a joke. I like how last week we were like, we're not going to spoil exactly how it ends.
KAYLA: It's been a week.
SARAH: She decided to become a human. That's what happens at the end. Okay. Sorry. It's not KAYLA: even spoiling it.
SARAH: It's not really.
KAYLA: Like, yes, that's the ending, but like, relax. So I saw some interesting people takes on like that's gender essentialism or just why does it always have to be genitals or like that.
SARAH: I didn't understand that as she has genitals. I understood that as she's still a Barbie down there
KAYLA: Interesting
SARAH: and she's going to see a gynecologist just to make sure everything's fine.
KAYLA: Okay. Interesting. I saw that as like, oh, I'm a human now. One of my first big things is I like about being a human woman that sucks is I have to go to the gynecologist.
SARAH: That's not how I understood it at all.
KAYLA: Well, interesting. I don't know, but people didn't like it.
SARAH: I thought it was funny. And I think maybe the reason I thought it was funny was because I didn't view it as –
KAYLA: Because you didn't think. Yeah.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Well, who's to say? Next time I see Greta Gerwig, I'll ask.
SARAH: Like her becoming human, why would that change her anatomy?
KAYLA: I don't know because she's a human now and not plastic?
SARAH: Because when they went to the real world, that didn't change her anatomy. It's not like when fucking What's-Her-Face, an America Ferrera’s character, Gloria and Sasha went to Barbie land
KAYLA: That they turned into dolls, yeah
SARAH: they suddenly turned into Barbies.
KAYLA: I don't know. I guess I don't know.
SARAH: Alright. Well anyway, thank you all for your feedback.
KAYLA: What's that? Yeah. Thank you.
SARAH: Do we have any housekeeping? Well, I did a cool thing today. I won't tell you what it is.
KAYLA: We've been doing a lot of exciting business this week. I would be okay with telling you about one, but I don't know how Sarah feels.
SARAH: Which one?
KAYLA: The one that we're for sure knowing is happening, but we just don't know when.
SARAH: I think we should wait till we know when.
KAYLA: Okay. Well, mom said no.
SARAH: I said no.
KAYLA: So. Take your guesses
SARAH: We have to maximize the surprise
KAYLA: Oh interesting
SARAH: because if we let the surprise out in little bits, it's less exciting
KAYLA: Sure
SARAH: than it is if we just do it all in one.
KAYLA: I suppose if we have all of the information. It's going to be a while before we have all of the information.
SARAH: Yeah, so we're getting people ready by teasing it.
KAYLA: We're just being assholes.
SARAH: We're just being those horrible people that are like #soon.
KAYLA: I feel like it's guessable though.
SARAH: Go ahead and guess.
KAYLA: I feel like it's quite easily guessable.
SARAH: People can guess.
KAYLA: Alright.
(05:00)
SARAH: I welcome your guesses.
KAYLA: Go ahead and guess, idiots.
SARAH: Rude.
KAYLA: Yeah, so anyway, exciting. We've been just in demand lately, so what are you going to do about it?
SARAH: You know us.
KAYLA: It's funny because every time I tell Dean about something exciting we're doing, I do it in a very casual way because at this point, this is just life for us.
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: And he gets so mad at me about how casual I am about things, and I'm like, well, this is just my life now.
SARAH: I told my family about it by texting my father and apologizing to him for the state of my taxes.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: If you know, you know.
KAYLA: If you know, you know. Anyway, business women.
SARAH: Business women actually sometimes may be making money from our business.
KAYLA: Who would have thought?
SARAH: Not very much money, but still money.
KAYLA: It's there.
SARAH: Alright, Kayla, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week, I saw this requested in the Discord, and also I feel like we've talked about it in passing, but not a full episode. So today we're talking about accidentally flirting and why it happens and how it happens and how we can make it stop and how this keeps happening and what is the difference between –
SARAH: Aspecs against accidental flirting.
KAYLA: Yes, like how and why and why can't we just be nice without it being flirting?
SARAH: I'm campaigning to end flirting.
KAYLA: Perfect. I would vote for you on that platform.
SARAH: Thank you.
KAYLA: Have you ever had this problem, Sarah?
SARAH: Yes.
KAYLA: Yeah. Yep
SARAH: Yep
KAYLA: Tell me about it.
SARAH: I like to think of myself as a nice person.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But also when I'm friends with somebody, the closer I am with you, the more I'm going to neg you and give you shit.
KAYLA: Yeah. That's how Sarah shows her affection is being an asshole.
SARAH: Yeah, and I have found myself in situations before where I have belatedly realized, or it has been pointed out to me that that sometimes might be taken as flirting, particularly when it is with someone of the male persuasion because of heteronormativity.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Like, I'm thinking of a specific example where I to this day don't know if this person was flirting with me or not.
KAYLA: I hate that.
SARAH: And because-
KAYLA: You should ask them just to end the suspense.
SARAH: I could. I won't. I don't know if they were flirting with me or if they were also just doing the same thing I was doing.
KAYLA: Just being nice. Yeah.
SARAH: And so like, if they were flirting with me, they may have perceived my actions towards them as also flirting, but if they weren't, they probably didn't. So, you know.
KAYLA: Yeah, I think, yeah, the heteronormativity and like also just like… allonormativity is really what causes it because if I'm just being nice to another woman, I feel like, well, maybe that's not true because I populate queer spaces. So maybe, you know what, strike that because I feel like a lot of –
SARAH: If you're just in a women's bathroom though, and you're like, oh my god, you look great.
KAYLA: Yeah we’re all best friends in a women’s bathroom. Everyone is a best friend in a women's bathroom. That's not flirting.
SARAH: Right.
KAYLA: But I have also seen queer women be like, I can't tell if this other woman is queer, just being nice to me. So strike that. Reversing.
SARAH: No, but
KAYLA: I flip it and reverse it.
SARAH: I think that is indicative though of the fact that like there is such a thin line between flirting and just like being friendly and being nice to someone.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And when you are following a heteronormative script and a heteronormative structure, it's kind of always assumed that male/female relationships, if they're not distanced or familial or professional, are inherently flirting.
KAYLA: Well, it's like that there's always a possibility there. Like there's always, you always could be flirting. Like it feels like the option is like always on the table.
SARAH: I could be flirting with you, dear audience.
KAYLA: And she is. She just winked.
SARAH: (laughs) I didn't.
KAYLA: She didn't. Or did she? She did. Can you wink with both eyes?
SARAH: Well, that's called blinking but
KAYLA: hahaha answer the question
SARAH: yes, I can.
KAYLA: I can only do my left eye.
SARAH: I'm better at one than the other.
SARAH: This is really good radio.
KAYLA: I can't. Look at me try to do the right.
SARAH: It's depressing. No, but I think because...
KAYLA: I did it.
SARAH: (laughing) Shut up. I think because, you know, if you follow this heteronormative script, like being friendly between male and female people
(10:00)
SARAH: is flirting. That when you make it gay, it's like it's assumed to never be flirting, which means when you're in queer spaces, it's not clear what flirting does look like.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But I mean, the same thing then happens with hetero relationships now that we have to some extent broken free of their horrifying chains and burden on society.
KAYLA: Yeah, I feel like it's like getting a little...
SARAH: Nobody knows what flirting is.
KAYLA: Yeah, it's getting like a little bit better because things are not as heteronormative, at least like where we live or like within the circles that we're in.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But I think in general broad strokes, though, it is still very like men and women cannot interact without that fear of it being misconstrued.
SARAH: I have never feared accidentally flirting with a woman or a non-binary person or anyone outside of cis male.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Never a concern I've had.
KAYLA: Yeah, because it's just put upon you since birth that like that's something that could and will and should happen is that you're going to be...
SARAH: And there's also this expectation that like men are supposed to come on to women
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: and like men make the first move or whatever. So I think for a lot of women or people who were socialized as women or people who present as women, it's also almost like a fear of unwanted flirting too because like the expectation is that the man does it.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And so sometimes that might be wanted. Sometimes that might be welcome. Sometimes it might be completely neutral. But like just because of the power dynamic and the power imbalance, it's always a fear of like, well, what if they don't leave me alone? What if blah, blah, blah, blah. And so then like in that sort of situation, like you're trying to avoid flirting at all costs.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And so then it's like, well, if you are trying to do it on purpose, A, what does it look like? And B, if you are a man or if you present as a man, how do you do it in a way that doesn't come off as predatory?
KAYLA: Yeah. Well, I think also women, like the way women are taught to flirt because men are supposed to make the first move is like very like a reserved like kind of like mysterious way of flirting of like
SARAH: yeah, is she, am I flirting?
KAYLA: Or am I being too obvious about it to like, yeah. So that makes it even easier for it to get misconstrued if a woman is just being nice because that's how we're taught to flirt, I feel like, is by like not being too out there.
SARAH: Yeah. Have you ever flirted on accident?
KAYLA: Yeah, definitely.
SARAH: Have you ever like gotten part way through a conversation and realized that you were flirting on accident or is it always like an after the fact thing?
KAYLA: I think it’s an after the fact thing, but I also have in social situations, I'm very separated from my brain, which is why I say things without thinking and get in trouble… is because I don't think about the things I'm saying while it's happening and then I think about it later and have crippling upset feelings about it and then talk to my therapist, and she says it's fine that I say what I think, but I think she's wrong because I keep getting in trouble. So.
SARAH: Maybe the problem is society, Kayla, have you considered that?
KAYLA: Maybe. I often – Listen. If I was a man, the things I'd be saying would be fine. Anyway.
SARAH: You know, I have a song for you and it's called The Man by Taylor Swift.
KAYLA: I'll keep that in mind. Thank you. But I also at this point, I have years long protection of being in a relationship
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: and people I know, know that so they're not going to think I'm flirting with them.
SARAH: Right
KAYLA: And if it's like a stranger, then I'm kind of like, that's your fucking problem. Sorry. I don't know.
SARAH: Do you… Are you good at noticing when someone is flirting with you?
KAYLA: Well, I feel like I haven't been flirted with in a while.
SARAH: I want you to think back to the Lord’s year 2017.
KAYLA: Okay. I would say yes? Uh… no
SARAH: (laughing) You don't sound confident.
KAYLA: Here's the thing. I'm going to say no, because like sure there was times I was definitely like, yeah, this is flirting with me, but then there were definitely other times where like someone would ask me out and I would be like, I didn't know that anything was going on here.
SARAH: I wasn't prepared for this.
KAYLA: I didn't know this – like
(15:00)
KAYLA: your behavior up until this point did not prepare me for this action. So I guess no? I don't know. I also, when me and Dean were talking before he started dating, I was fully convinced he didn't like me and he like was very obviously flirting with me. So.
SARAH: Great. I think for me, it's a combination of I don't know how much I have been flirted with in my life
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: (laughing) versus also maybe I have been and just didn't know.
KAYLA: That seems very likely.
SARAH: Because I don't put myself into situations where it's likely where I like invite flirtation, right? Like I don't put myself into those situations. And so if someone is going to flirt with me, they probably don't know me very well.
KAYLA: Right.
SARAH: And so then it's like I can't read them as well either.
KAYLA: You know what's funny is I can think of at least one time where someone did know you well enough, knew you were aspec, still went ahead and flirted with you. Openly.
SARAH: (bleep) Right.
KAYLA: She blocked it out.
SARAH: Blocked that out of my memory.
KAYLA: Funny, funny times. Well, I can think of several times where we all knew someone was flirting with you and it was unwanted and we all had to band together to fix the situation.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Via writing texts for you together.
SARAH: Fish flying.
KAYLA: As women are wont to do. The committee. Anyway.
SARAH: I remembered recently that one time that that one kid that I had a class with Facebook messaged me with a really bad pickup line that was something about a fax machine and I don't
KAYLA: (gasps) I remember that. I remember that.
SARAH: What was the pickup line? What was the pickup line?
KAYLA: Oh, okay. You have to go into your Facebook. I fully remember this happening. At first I was like, what are you talking about? It just came back to me recently for some reason. No, the fax machine got me there.
SARAH: Yeah. Luckily, I don't use Facebook Messenger much. So hopefully it won't be too hard.
KAYLA: You should be able to find it, I feel.
SARAH: Alright, we're in 2019.
KAYLA: Perfect.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: What year was it though? 17? 18?
SARAH: I think it was probably 18 is my guess, but I'm not sure.
KAYLA: Yeah. We're old. Do you ever think about that?
SARAH: Yeah, we're elderly.
KAYLA: Are you 26 yet?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: Okay. Fucking baby over there.
SARAH: Doo doo doo. I also don't remember his name off the top of my head. Like, I'll recognize it when I see it.
KAYLA: Yeah, just look for a random man in your messages.
SARAH: I'm sorry, I just found a (bleep
KAYLA: She's got an inbox full of weird men.
SARAH: Just got an inbox full of weird men.
KAYLA: Remember when – while you're looking for this – we were driving home from a tournament of the sport we did, and somewhat, were you in the car? Yes, because you were falling asleep.
SARAH: I was falling asleep.
KAYLA: And we took her away from the wheel, it's fine. And a man messaged me on LinkedIn, out of the blue, didn't know this man, he just like connected with me, and then just started flirting with me. And so we were all very bored, because it was late at night, we were driving home from like two states away. So we were all responding to him, just giving this guy shit And then eventually when I called him out, and I was like, you're fully flirting with me on LinkedIn, what is this? And then he was like, no. And then, speaking of LinkedIn, we knew someone in college that was flirting, that tried hitting a girl up, like another girl at school on LinkedIn, and she took a screenshot and posted it to one of our university Facebook meme pages or whatever. And all of us were like, oh no, we know this guy. This is so embarrassing.
SARAH: I do recall that.
KAYLA: He was a bad person, as you might expect.
SARAH: I have either passed it.
KAYLA: Can you look up the word fax in your messenger?
SARAH: Great question. I found it. I was actually, my memory did serve me correct about his first name.
KAYLA: Okay, please read me the message. And what we decided for you to respond. I'm guessing you didn't? I don't know.
SARAH: Okay. He said, hey, good job on your script, by the way. Thought it was really good. I said, thanks. And then he says, also, you know, person redacted, right? And I was like, I do indeed. Why? And he said, I thought you, I thought I recognized you in a snap of hers not too long ago. And I said, yep, it probably was haha
KAYLA: This is – You were answering so dryly and he's just pressing forward.
SARAH: Yeah. And then two days later, he said, you ripped my scripts apart with your comment, jk, haha. But thanks for honest feedback.
KAYLA: Wow. Get him.
SARAH: I said, ha ha ha. Sorry. Sometimes I say stuff and I'm like, yikes, at myself. I know I put just criticism in it, but I thought it was really good though.
KAYLA: That's nice of you.
SARAH: Yeah. And he said, no, you didn't just put criticism.
(20:00)
SARAH: You added a good comment too haha. And I said, oh, cool. Ha ha. A lot of ha ha's happening. Uncomfortable “ha ha”s.
KAYLA: This is so upsetting to listen to.
SARAH: I couldn't, I couldn't really remember. And he said, I'll be sure to fax you a copy to boost your self esteem. And then he said – self confidence, not self esteem. And I said, I don't actually know how to receive a fax, but I'll get on that. And he said, you have to have a fax number and a copy machine. But how about, how about I get your phone number and that'll suffice. And I never spoke to him again.
(laughter)
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: (laughing) I ghosted him
KAYLA: Here's where you went wrong. Here's where I went wrong. Where you went wrong.
SARAH: I said that his script was good?
KAYLA: Well, maybe, but that could have just been nice. But playing into his bit about the fax SARAH: machine. But I love a bit.
KAYLA: Yeah, but bits are flirting.
SARAH: Fuck. Every bit is flirting?
KAYLA: Not every bit, but I feel like a lot of people use bits to flirt.
SARAH: I hate that
KAYLA: I feel like that's like, that's definitely like a thing.
SARAH: Fuck
KAYLA: Like when you were like, when you responded, like, oh, I don't have a fax machine, but I'll get on that. I was like oof, shouldn't have said that.
SARAH: I mean, it was, it was very, it was cheesy, but it was good. And it was natural, but it was not wanted.
KAYLA: If you had wanted it, I would have been like, damn, smooth. But alas
SARAH: Yeah I just never answered again
KAYLA: it was wasted on you, unfortunately. That's tough, you know
SARAH: And also, this was someone who he, I had a class with him and it was a pretty small class. But we didn't ever really like talk to each other in class.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Like, we didn't converse with each other often. So like, it wasn't like, it was weird for me to not answer him because then I was going to like talk to him in class the next day.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Like it wasn't like that.
KAYLA: Yeah. Well
SARAH: anyway, wow
KAYLA: What you going to do? that was so fun
SARAH: We just, a window into my life. It was 2016.
KAYLA: That's crazy.
SARAH: I know.
KAYLA: Gross.
SARAH: Wild.
KAYLA: I think part of the reason that aspec people get caught in like accidentally flirting or being like worried about it, especially, is also because, especially if you're an aspec person who doesn't date, that's just not top of mind.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like you, if you're not going out of your way to flirt with other people, then I feel like it's not really going to cross your mind that other people would be doing that. Because if it's not part of your world and your social interactions, you're not going to think it's part of other people's either, you know?
SARAH: Yeah. I'm also now just thinking about myself. If I'm writing things and I'm trying to write like romance, when I write flirting, it is just people negging each other.
KAYLA: Yeah. I mean, I think that's a lot of what flirting is.
SARAH: But that's also what friendship is.
KAYLA: I think perhaps it's what human connection is. And unfortunately… people often get friendship and romance confused. And so people are also going to get the seedlings
SARAH: The seedlings
KAYLA: of friendship and romance confused.
SARAH: Ugh. Unbelievable.
KAYLA: The problem is the allonormativity, because if you're doing negging and being nice to people to get closer to them, it's allonormativity that makes people assume not first that they would want to be your friend and instead jumping directly to, oh, they must be flirting. That should be the second step. We should first think, oh, this person has some sort of interest in me. And then we should do a deeper dive.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But we shouldn't jump.
SARAH: No jumping. It's not safe.
KAYLA: Oh
SARAH:I think I was going to jump… No, no jumping.
KAYLA: (laughing) It's so dangerous. Don't.
(laughter)
KAYLA: I’m scared
SARAH: I was going to go to the next thing, but I think there's one thing in between the two things, which is what to you is stereotypical flirting? Specifically, not just negging, but like, hey, you come here often?
KAYLA: I think.
SARAH: I feel like in a situation where you're at a bar, and I think that type of flirting tends to be way more obvious.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: But outside of that sort of situation.
KAYLA: Like in social.
SARAH: Right.
KAYLA: Yeah. To me, I'm thinking back. So maybe this isn't how the kids flirt anymore.
SARAH: We’re old
KAYLA: Well, one thing I've definitely heard people say and will suggest to other people on how to flirt is physical contact. So, like, if you're going to say something to someone like touching their arm first to like get their attention or like, oh, if you're laughing like a like a little like a little. A little –
SARAH: hahahaha
KAYLA: a little nudge. Yeah. Yeah. Like they – or like sitting close to someone or stuff like that. I've definitely heard there's also I feel like
(25:00)
KAYLA: and this might all be like, just fluff piece shit that it's like, oh, if you look at people's feet. And they're pointed towards, okay, this is a thing, could be completely bullshit.
SARAH: Huh?!
KAYLA: But it's like, if you're looking at a group of people are like two people and you're you look at how they're facing and if their feet are facing the person that that means they're like interested in that person, but it could also be like you're just listening to them.
SARAH: Or it means they have social skills and they're…
KAYLA: I don’t know
SARAH: It reminds me of those those posts that's like masculinity, cock facing the world.
KAYLA: (laughing) What?
SARAH: (laughing) Are you not familiar?
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: People take they will they will take a photo and be like, this person is, you know, this is not a masculine man because he's deferring to the woman and he's whatever. And they'll take like a man power posing and they'll be like, this is a masculine man, cock facing the world.
KAYLA: I love it.
SARAH: Good
KAYLA: So yeah, doing a touch. I feel like negging. Yes. Like, see, this is hard because so much of it could be just friendships like I'm thinking in a context if you're like in a group of friends or like you have a social circle or whatever. To me, it would be flirting if you like text one person on the side to like…
SARAH: but it could also be gossip.
KAYLA: Because it could also be gossip could just be like that's how you become better friends with someone in a friend group
SARAH: Right
KAYLA: is talking to them individually, not always as a friend.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But then also that could be a flirting thing of like, oh, me and this person started off as acquaintances and had mutual friends, but now we're talking on the side outside the group chat. SARAH: Is it talking talking or is it just talking?
KAYLA: So I don't know.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: my roommates like to flirt by sending the people they're dating pictures of my cats, which I think that they should be paying me for.
SARAH: Yeah, I think they should.
KAYLA: But also they watch my cats for free when I go out of town so I get maybe it's…
SARAH: would you say that's a whole other type of pussy pic? I find that to be far more appealing than the other brand of pussy pic.
KAYLA: Did you see the email we got that someone was trying to sound sell us like it was like dickpictips.com or something?
SARAH: Yeah, they were trying to sell us that URL.
KAYLA: Yeah, we should have gotten it to be honest, it would be funny if that redirected to our website. Maybe we should have. Anyway
SARAH: Okay, in conclusion, we don't know what flirting is. So let's turn to the internet. Okay. KAYLA: Yeah, I, I know you pulled something up. I also have a wiki how.
SARAH: Oh, it's a wiki how? Wow okay. Okay, mine is mine is a 17 article
KAYLA: Perfect
SARAH: presented by sex education, the TV show.
KAYLA: Oh, great. Thank you
SARAH: And it's called 11 flirting tips to help you connect with a crush in no time.
KAYLA: Oh, okay. So they're going to teach us what flirting is.
SARAH: Yeah. And I just I would like to see our reactions to it and see if we feel that these are explicitly flirting versus…
KAYLA: Now this is could be going to be especially interesting because the wiki how that I will be bringing after this is how to avoid flirting.
SARAH: Oh my god. Wow. We're across the spectrum. We're covering all aspects. This is a KAYLA: a podcast breaking research that we get articles we found one minute before we started recording. For the topic we decided to record only hours ago,
SARAH: but that's pretty good hours ago. The first fucking tip is to be yourself.
KAYLA: Ugh. Shut up. Next
SARAH: The second is to ask thoughtful questions. What if you're in a discussion section and that's what you have to do for your participation point.
KAYLA: Yeah, what if I need to get on canvas and respond to three comments.
SARAH: Yes. What a great point you've made, Steven.
KAYLA: Plus one. That one's tough because I can see how that could be flirting, I guess, but that's also just being like a good active listener and like something you could do to a friend.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: So I don't know.
SARAH: To further your point, I think you could ask thoughtful questions of anyone.
KAYLA: Thank you.
SARAH: I think this is maybe just for like dude bros who don't care about anyone else.
KAYLA: That's my thinking is I was like, okay, if like a douchebag guy who usually was just like whatever started asking me thoughtful questions, then I would be like, I would definitely read something into it, but if you're just a thoughtful person by nature, then like
SARAH: yeah. I'm like this description makes sense
(30:00)
SARAH: but like it also makes sense for someone you want to be friends with. So it says, asking questions is one way to show your crush that you're interested. Being curious is a part of flirting, Vitaly says. Vitaly is somebody. Not only does this help you get to know them better, which will make future conversations more natural, but showing genuine interest in someone else makes them feel good and want to be around you. If they're wearing a specific band's t-shirt or sport jersey, asking them about it is one effective conversation starter and shows that you're curious about their interests and hobbies. You might also try figuring out where your interests overlap. Yeah, but friends also.
KAYLA: That’s definitely – This is like getting into the territory. I feel like it's an unspoken thing at that point because like someone who's trying to be friends could have that same exact conversation. But if it's flirting, there's going to be like a different vibe. But it's like
SARAH: What’s the vibe?
KAYLA: how do you define that? That's nothing. Yeah, it's like I know it when I see it. That's nothing.
SARAH: Yeah, not helpful.
KAYLA: For porn or this.
SARAH: Three. Well, I think it's helpful for porn.
KAYLA: Okay, take it up with the Supreme Court.
SARAH: You know, well, no, but that's what they said. I agree.
KAYLA: I know. it's stupid.
SARAH: I actually did see an ad the other day for like bras. And it was like, it was like a mesh bra. And so you could sort of see through it and you could definitely see nip to which I said, this is allowed on Instagram? But
KAYLA: yeah, Florence Pugh's nips are all over Instagram.
SARAH: Maybe I need to look at Florence Pugh's Instagram.
KAYLA: All of her recent like carpet outfits just full tit. Full tit.
SARAH: But I think they're not allowed. But if there's like any mesh, then it's close.
KAYLA: That does seem like that does seem to be the vibe I'm getting.
SARAH: But anyway, so there was one comment. It was like an ad. So like there were a lot of likes and very few comments because that's how ads work.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And there was one comment and it was like, oh my god, like this is not safe for work. Like you're putting porn on my feed like soft core porn. And I was like, it's just tits.
KAYLA: It's just tits. Also, I'm surprised that comment as someone who's part of their job is to look at the comments on ads and delete the ones that are – you wouldn't believe what people are saying. People are saying terrible things on the internet. I'm just surprised that comment hasn't been deleted yet.
SARAH: Yeah, maybe it has now.
KAYLA: Who’s to say?
SARAH: Number three, open up about yourself too. This might occur organically while you're talking, but if not, you can lead the way. You can make it a flirty joke like, oh, aren't you going to ask me more about my dancing?
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: But then the other suggestion it gives is
KAYLA: how's that flirting?
SARAH: This reminds me of an experience I had that I'd love to tell you about. That is even less flirting.
KAYLA: That sounds like a robot.
SARAH: Because, oh, aren't you going to ask me more about my dancing? It's playful.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's like something.
SARAH: Yeah. Whereas
KAYLA: this reminds me of an experience I once had.
SARAH: Are you writing an essay?
KAYLA: That's like so many words. Oh my god. Just say like, oh, this one time.
SARAH: Yeah. Or if you're fucking neurodivergent, that's just what you do. Like you relate to other people by telling them about similar things that you experience.
KAYLA: Maybe that's why people think you're flirting, because they're always talking about yourself. She loves herself. What's she going to do?
SARAH: Mostly just neurodivergent.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Are neurodivergents always flirting? Neuro-spicies do be flirting, I guess, on accident.
KAYLA: Well, I mean, you got the autism riz, so maybe.
SARAH: Slay. Number four is smile and say hi when you see them. This is just fucking being friendly.
KAYLA: No, that's just being a good midwesterner. I don't know.
SARAH: I also was like, this is just Midwestern. This is just Midwestern core. I don't know what to tell you.
KAYLA: That's just a nice thing to do.
SARAH: Five, use subtle body language. Now, okay, small subtle touches like slightly brushing your hand against theirs when you're walking. Gently tapping them on their arm when they make you laugh.
KAYLA: See I said that
SARAH: Or touching their arm during a conversation is one way to show someone you're interested. There are also tons of ways to cue your interest in someone without touch. Lean in or face your body towards theirs when chatting. Hold eye contact.
KAYLA: That's what I said!
SARAH: Smile or laugh when they say something funny. But like, oh, whatever. Okay. Six is maintain eye contact. Again
KAYLA: isn't that just like…
SARAH: This is why people don't think neurodivergents are flirting.
KAYLA: Because you're never looking at. Yeah, that's just like, that's just like a thing. I don't like…
SARAH: Yeah. If you happen to meet their eye while walking down the hallway or
(35:00)
SARAH: hanging with a group of friends, don't immediately look away. Hold their gaze for just a few seconds then look away. Doing this can be a subtle way of showing your crush that you're interested and attracted to them.
KAYLA: This one I kind of understand.
SARAH: I guess. I think that really you should just like eyes as wide as possible. Like no blinking.
KAYLA: This is what I do. If I catch someone creepy looking at me like on the street or something
SARAH: You stare back?
KAYLA: I will never be the first one to look away. I will make it terrible for you. I do this to everyone. I will stay the other day. I was driving and I was like waiting to get in. I was like turning onto a road and I was waiting to get in and like truck was pulling up and there was like two guys in it and they were looking at me. And so I was like ugh, so I started making like a nasty face back. And then I realized that they had stopped to let me in.
(laughter)
KAYLA: They were not being creepy. They were just like, go on, get in the lane.
SARAH: They should have waved.
KAYLA: Well, they like made like a hand gesture, but it was kind of like a casual thing.
SARAH: It was vague
KAYLA: It could have been get in or like a what up baby girl.
SARAH: (in a deep voice) What up
KAYLA: So I didn't know and I made an asshole face and then I was like, oh. So then I got in the lane and I went about my business.
SARAH: Did you wave to them after that?
KAYLA: No, I didn't. And I was eating an apple too. There was a lot going on. There was a lot going on.
SARAH: Alright. Number seven is be honest and straightforward. Fuck that.
KAYLA: That's nothing.
SARAH: Number eight. This one is unhinged. Suggest hanging out in a group.
KAYLA: Now that's just being friends.
SARAH: Like I understand what the thought behind it is.
KAYLA: The logic makes sense, but I feel like they didn't think this through.
SARAH: Like yes, if you're too nervous to hang out with them one on one, like hanging out in a group is a good gateway drug, but also hanging out in a group is a good way to be friends with someone.
KAYLA: This article should be how to meet new people.
SARAH: Number nine, send smile worthy texts.
KAYLA: What does that mean? What does that mean?
SARAH: Ask them about their weekend. Check in on them if you notice they were absent or seem distracted at school. Congratulate them on a recent win or ask if they have a new Netflix series or movie to recommend. If you know they're a bit on the sillier side, break the ice with one of your best jokes, hilarious meme or quality TikTok. I mean, you should always just be sending them memes and TikToks. Like I don't know what. Like that's an important part of any friendship.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Maybe you're going to see them at an upcoming party or dance. Let them know that you're looking forward to seeing them. When in doubt, an emoji or bitmoji can go a long way. It just adds a little extra oomph. I suggest the fish flag emoji.
KAYLA: (laughing) Yeah
SARAH: The next time you say hey or ask about their day was add the heart eyes emoji, the hug emoji, a smile emoji.
KAYLA: That's kind of… see that to me is like going on too strong.
SARAH: Yeah, I think
KAYLA: that's too much
SARAH: like a heart eyes emoji?
KAYLA: I suppose it depends on like what stage of flirting we're in.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But if you’re just starting to flirt with someone. If I was just starting to flirt with someone and they hit me with a heart eyes, I would be like, whoa, take me out to dinner.
SARAH: It's like a smirk or a wink emoji.
KAYLA: That's a marriage proposal.
SARAH: Yeah. Also, when they say the hug emoji, do they mean the one that looks like film?
KAYLA: Is there a hug emoji?
SARAH: It looks like a film reel. A lot of people didn't realize it was a hug emoji
KAYLA: Now I gotta
SARAH: because it looks like a film camera.
KAYLA: This blue one?
SARAH: Yeah. It looks like a film camera, but it's two people that are both blue hugging each other.
KAYLA: Oh. Okay. I've always thought it was a hug, but when I unfocused my eyes, I do see the camera. But no, that's always been a hug. I'll send it to you.
SARAH: Oh, thank you.
KAYLA: Do you have your text on dark mode
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: or light mode? I wonder if light mode makes it look. It's definitely a hug.
SARAH: I'll check when I get to work tomorrow. My work computer’s on light mode.
KAYLA: My computer's on light mode, too. Still a hug. Well, y'all are stupid.
SARAH: Okay. From a distance, though, because you only sent me one, so it's big. But if it's small. Anyway, I got to go. I'm very busy.
KAYLA: Okay, small. It has to be small, sure.
SARAH: Yeah, and that's usually how it is. Anyway.
KAYLA: Get new glasses. I don't know.
SARAH: Ten, include humor in your chats. That's kind of the same thing.
KAYLA: Mhm.
SARAH: Blah, blah, blah. I don't care. And 11, go with the flow of the conversation. I think you should actually go against the flow of the conversation. I think if they ask you how your day was, you should say, did you know that since 2011, far fewer people have escaped from North Korea?
KAYLA: Really? Is that true?
(40:00)
SARAH: Yeah, 2011, 2012 was when Kim Jong-il died
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: and Kim Jong-un took power. He really cracked down.
KAYLA: Damn, that's too bad.
SARAH: I watched a 45-minute video essay about that.
KAYLA: I was looking at a transcript of one of our old episodes the other day, and we were talking about, oh, it was the 36 Questions episode, and one of the questions is, who would you have dinner with? And I said I wanted to have dinner with the wife of the Scientology guy because no one has seen her and no one is sure if she's alive. And I was like, wow.
SARAH: Oh my god. I need to check in on my TikTok girl who was a part of a Korean cult.
KAYLA: You should. But I was just so impressed with myself because I was like, that's an incredible answer. How have I forgotten about that?
SARAH: That's a really good answer.
KAYLA: I could be sounding so much more interesting when people ask me that, if I only remembered my good answer.
SARAH: I gotta check if my Aussie TikTok friend has posted more videos about being in a Korean cult.
KAYLA: I follow several people that used to be in cults, and it's a great time.
SARAH: I sent the video to my sister, and I was like, Emily, did you know that cult leaders tend to use sleep deprivation to get people to just...
KAYLA: Yeah. Where have you been? We all knew that.
SARAH: And she was like, Sarah, I've read two books about cults. I know everything there is to know about cults.
KAYLA: I don't know where you've been, but I, too, know everything there is to know about cults. SARAH: Okay fine
KAYLA: That's like step one is removing sleep. Get your shit together.
SARAH: Yeah, fucking go with the flow of the conversation.
KAYLA: That's nothing. That's just how to have a conversation one-on-one. That's nothing.
SARAH: I think every time they text you, you should ghost them, and then when they stop texting you, then you should start texting them, and then when they respond, ghost them.
KAYLA: Good, yeah.
SARAH: Psychological warfare.
KAYLA: Good tip. That's just gaslighting.
SARAH: So in conclusion, I don't think any of those 11 tips were explicitly flirtatious in the sense of romantic interest is obvious and never in question.
KAYLA: Well, what if I hit you with how to avoid flirting?
SARAH: I would love to know.
KAYLA: on WikiHow, and maybe we can see, maybe it'll cancel some stuff out.
SARAH: Okay, cool.
KAYLA: Okay, I'll read you the beginning, because WikiHow articles are just so fucking funny. There are many reasons why you might want to avoid flirting with someone. They might be a friend who you don't see in a romantic way, a coworker who often tries to flirt with you, or a random person you just met. Whatever the situation, there are several ways that you can send a message that you are not interested in flirting. Focus on being friendly rather than flirtatious. If the person is a friend, there's a cap.
SARAH: Again, what's the difference between friendly and flirtatious?
KAYLA: Well, we're going to learn. That's step one.
SARAH: Okay, okay.
KAYLA: You can also tell them directly that you're not interested.
SARAH: Fuck you.
KAYLA: Body language and other tactics can also help you escape the flirtation if needed.
SARAH: Just turn away from them.
KAYLA: Method one of three.
SARAH: Just put back to them.
KAYLA: Being friendly without flirting. Method one.
SARAH: Kay
KAYLA: Mention your significant other if you're in a relationship.
SARAH: That’s easy that’s a cop out
KAYAL: This is a quick way to send the message to someone that you don't want to flirt with them.
SARAH: Many of us arospecs don't have that luxury.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: You could have one of your friends be a beard if you want.
KAYLA: Yeah, these are some examples they give. My girlfriend has a cold, so she decided to stay home tonight, but I've been keeping her updated on my adventures all night.
SARAH: That sounds so creepy.
KAYLA: Have you met my fiance? He's so nice. I think you guys would have a lot in common, too. Imagine someone hitting you with that. That would be brutal.
SARAH: Have you met my fiance? I fucking hate him.
KAYLA: Fuck that guy. Number two. Keep your compliments friendly and avoid suggesting attraction. It's fine to compliment a friend or acquaintance on their haircut or outfit, but make sure you do so in a way that's friendly rather than flirtatious.
SARAH: Your tits look great.
(laughter)
KAYLA: Say kind things that will make them feel good, but avoid making any comments that could indicate you're attracted to them. For example, instead of saying, wow, that shirt is so sexy on you, say something like, I like your shirt. That's a pretty shade of blue.
SARAH: Shawty got a donk.
KAYLA: Or if you find that people often take your compliments the wrong way, you may want to avoid them entirely.
SARAH: Well, obviously, if you say, oh, that shirt is so sexy on you, you know what's a better
KAYLA: This is terrible
SARAH: way than saying, oh, I like that shirt? That's a nice color, because that's not the same compliment as saying,
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I think a good, more neutral way to do that would be like, oh, that shirt is really flattering on you.
KAYLA: No, don't say flattering.
(45:00)
SARAH: It depends how much boob is out.
KAYLA: I guess. Number three, avoid touching them in intimate ways.
SARAH: Yeah, don't touch their fucking dick.
KAYLA: Shaking hands, a pat on the back, or a platonic hug are all fine now and then. However, avoid any physical gestures that we could misconstrue as flirtation.
SARAH: Don't make out with them.
KAYLA: Shut up. Things like touching their arm when they make you laugh, leaning your head on their shoulder, or touching their face or hair.
SARAH: Dropkick them into the sun.
KAYLA: Tip, try to keep an arm's length distance between you at all times. Getting too close to someone can also be interpreted as flirtatious.
SARAH: Leave room for Jesus.
KAYLA: Four, become more aware of your body position and gestures, you may find that you unconsciously make flirtatious gestures, such as twirling your hair around your fingers or stroking your chin.
SARAH: Stroke?
KAYLA: When I'm stroking my chin, it's because I found a hair that needs to be cropped.
SARAH: I'm imagining the Monopoly Man, like, my pile of money just seems to grow and grow.
KAYLA: Focus on doing something else with your hands during conversations so you will not seem like you're flirting. For example, you could keep your hands in your pockets,
SARAH: Jazz hands
KAYLA: cross your arms over your chest, or hold something in your hand.
SARAH: Crossing your arms over your chest is...
KAYLA: That's a sign of being closed off. Because then you're going from overly flirtatious to all the way the opposite
SARAH: opposite direction.
KAYLA: Which is being mean
SARAH: Which I think if it's a stranger who's giving you unwanted flirtation, that's fine.
KAYLA: Then yeah
SARAH: But if it's like your friend who you're trying to dissuade from being with you, that's just kind of rude.
KAYLA: This one is interesting. Point out someone in the room who you think is cute. So you could be like...
SARAH: What if it's a dog?
KAYLA: Next, suggest a friend who you want to introduce them to for a date.
SARAH: That's kind of rude.
KAYLA: Why?
SARAH: It implies that… Okay, this is just me being really aro-ace. But it implies that you think they should be dating someone.
KAYLA: No, but I think these tips are like, this person is already flirting with you.
SARAH: I know.
KAYLA: Here's how to make it stop.
SARAH: I guess.
KAYLA: I understand what you're saying.
SARAH: Also, if you're on the other end of that, though, that's fucking brutal.
KAYLA: Okay, the next section is how to tell someone you're not interested. I don't care.
SARAH: Kick them in the face.
KAYLA: Okay, this article sucks. This is all about this person is already flirting with you. How to make them stop. This is not what I asked for.
SARAH: Have you seen that audio and that trend that's been going around TikTok of how to attract a man?
KAYLA: Yes. Yes, the outfits.
SARAH: Yes, even the original was satirical. It started out as satire. I think that's probably a good way to avoid flirtation. If you don't know what I'm talking about, just do a little searching online about how to attract a man, and it shows you what to wear with your clothes, what to do with your hair.
KAYLA: Make sure to show off those stems.
SARAH: What does that mean?
KAYLA: I think your arms and legs are your stems.
SARAH: Okay, I've always been bamboozled by that one.
KAYLA: I think your legs especially would be your stems.
SARAH: That makes sense. I just was confused.
KAYLA: Show off that waistline. We should make one of those videos.
SARAH: Prove that you can bear their child, especially if you're a cis man. Now we're in Alpha Omega territory.
KAYLA: Pass.
SARAH: Yeah, respectful past.
KAYLA: I don't know. Is it respectful even? I think it doesn't have to be.
SARAH: I would like to not anger certain sects of the internet.
KAYLA: Yeah. That's fair.
SARAH: Respectful pass.
KAYLA: I feel like we haven't learned anything.
SARAH: In life at all, no.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: I don't even know what 2 plus 2 is. Is it 6?
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: That's pretty crazy. What we've learned is that no one knows what flirting is.
KAYLA: That's the thing. It really is a know-it-when-you-see-it vibe type deal.
Then of course things are going to get misconstrued, especially in this heteronormative, allonormative society.
SARAH: We need to eliminate it from the fabric of society.
KAYLA: Okay interesting
SARAH: If you are interested in pursuing someone, you need to say, excuse me, I'm interested in pursuing you.
KAYLA: Perfect. I had an experience once just like this.
SARAH: Which is great for me because I'm really not direct, but I'm aroace, so it doesn't matter.
(50:00)
KAYLA: What are you going to do?
SARAH: Yeah. Anything else? Please vote for me in my Senate campaign.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I'm trying to take what's-her-face-old-ladies California Senate seat.
KAYLA: I was just talking about her today because I was talking about how just bananas it is.
SARAH: One of the Michigan senators is retiring, too.
KAYLA: They all have to. They're so old. Get out.
SARAH: What's her fucking name?
KAYLA: The really old one?
SARAH: She's from San Francisco. She shat on those kids that came to her office talking about gun control. Diane Feinstein.
KAYLA: She doesn't have power of attorney over herself anymore, but she's still sitting. Literally, Dean and I just had a full conversation about this lady earlier today because I was like, can you believe this?
SARAH: Did you see that bitchy turtle Mitch recently had another episode?
KAYLA: Of course. That’s how the conversation started. That's exactly why I was like, Dean, get a load of this shit.
SARAH: Anyway, if you don't know what we're talking about, good for you.
KAYLA: That's nice. What's it like in that other country you live in?
SARAH: What's it like not being forced to stew in the absolute cesspool that is American politics?
KAYAL: Yay.
SARAH: If you are American, I do urge you to at least do a little bit in the cesspool so that you know what's going on.
KAYLA: Yeah, but not too much where you get depressed. Keep a good balance.
SARAH: You don't want to become the cesspool.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Healthy distance.
SARAH: Anyway. Alright. Is there anything else? No? Done? Hey, ya come here often? What is our poll for this week?
KAYLA: Hey, pretty lady. Hey, pretty lady, come here often? That should be the poll. Wink, wink.
SARAH: I think the poll should just be as much of the opening scene of the Bee movie as we can fit.
KAYLA: I recently watched part of the Bee movie again. How did they make that?
SARAH: If I were in a B movie situation, you really wouldn't know that they're flirting because that's a fucking Bee.
KAYLA: Okay, here's the thing about the Bee movie, though. You know they're flirting.
SARAH: It's like the Grinch. It's like Martha May who, the wife in the Grinch,
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: is so overtly sexual.
KAYLA: Okay, honestly, maybe this is what we need to do to figure out flirting because in the B movie, it's a bee and a human woman, but you know they're flirting. So we need to watch it and figure out how it is that...
SARAH: Much to learn from the Bee movie.
KAYLA: Okay, I'm being so serious right now. What subtext are they giving in the movie to make the audience so sure that they're flirting, when everything in us should be like, no, that's a bee and a human woman?
SARAH: Hey, ya like jazz?
KAYLA: I feel like that could do. I'm being so serious right now.
SARAH: Okay, well, your homework is to study flirting. Specifically animated...
KAYLA: The Bee movie? Just saying, I feel like we could learn something.
SARAH: No, our poll should be, have you ever accidentally flirted with someone?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Or maybe both polls, what is flirting?
KAYLA: No one's gonna have an answer.
SARAH: No one’s going to have an answer? Alright, first one, okay. Kayla, what is your beef and your juice for this week?
KAYLA: My beef is that my cats are goblins.
SARAH: (chanting, banging on the table) The chicken, the chicken, the chicken, the chicken.
KAYLA: Both of my cats are goblins. Gnocchi has always been food insecure. She came to us from a ditch. So she has always been very ravenous.
SARAH: She's a ditch bitch.
KAYLA: She's a ditch bitch. And for a while after we got her, she was very bad about getting on counters and getting in the sink and stuff like that. And then she was doing better. But recently she's had some very successful attempts at getting food off the counter, which has only emboldened her. So it came to a head, what was this, yesterday?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: When yesterday I was sitting here in my office, tip, tip, tapping, and I look out my door into the hallway and there are two cats hunched over a bag of thawing chicken that had previously been –
SARAH: raw chicken.
KAYLA: Raw chicken. It had previously been all the way downstairs in the sink, which is in the counter. Thawing. Thawing. So they had somehow gotten it out of the sink and all the way up the stairs and had ripped a hole in it and were licking up the chicken juices. And then, of course, Gnocchi threw it up because she throws everything up. So she didn't even. So now I put a collar with a bell on her to make us all more aware of her crimes and actions. And she's really, she's been pouting about it all day. But what are you gonna do? She's a criminal.
SARAH: I mean,getting it all the way up the stairs
(55:00)
SARAH: is just phenomenal.
KAYLA: Like, and she doesn't weigh a lot. So I don't know which cat.
SARAH: Yeah, Gnocchi, I told Kayla this yesterday. I like to imagine them absolutely tag-teaming it. Each of them have, like, a corner.
KAYLA: They do tag-team crimes with our, we had to get a new trash can because it had, the flap had kind of become loose and one cat could stand on the step and the other would get in the trash can as a team. I don't, it was, how, I don't, like, how did they coordinate that?
SARAH: I mean
KAYLA: Billie was like, I'll stand here and it opens and you…
SARAH: I mean, sometimes people are worried about their pets getting along, but sometimes you gotta worry about them getting along too well. Gotta worry about the scheming.
KAYLA: They don't get along. They don't get along.
SARAH: They don't get along, but they scheme together
KAYLA: unless they're scheming. Yeah, it's a tough, it's a very sisterly relationship. So anyway, that's my beef. This cat sucks. My juice is I'm getting a tattoo tomorrow.
SARAH: A tattoo.
KAYLA: By the time you're listening to this, I'll already have it, so.
SARAH: I was about to ask what it was and then I very bravely remembered what it was. I'm so thoughtful.
KAYLA: She loves me. She's learning. She remembers something about me. She's really into me. But my, the artist is a fellow ace, so.
SARAH: Ooh.
KAYLA: Very exciting.
SARAH: Slay. My juice is I got my car back today. It was the most expensive car wash I've ever gotten.
KAYLA: So what, you had a dent in it? Is that what you had done?
SARAH: I got into a fight with a concrete pole.
KAYLA: Okay, that's what, yes, that's what I thought.
SARAH: But they also just detailed my car and washed the whole outside.
KAYLA: Oh, that's nice.
SARAH: And so definitely the most expensive car wash I've ever gotten. By far.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But, and they had my car for almost three weeks and I only had my rental car for two weeks.
KAYLA: That's crazy.
SARAH: And so the past couple days, I have been Ubering to and from work on the work credit card. I'm not Ubering.
KAYLA: Oh, well, that's fine.
SARAH: Like my boss told me to.
KAYLA: That's fine.
SARAH: But on Tuesday.
KAYLA: You should always have your car broken.
SARAH: On Tuesday, I got more car sick than I have ever been in my life on my way to work.
KAYLA: I always get car sick in Ubers and taxis now. I don't know what it is.
SARAH: It's because you're in the backseat.
KAYLA: Yeah, maybe.
SARAH: And often it's a little, they tend to stop and start more abruptly.
KAYLA: It's jerky. They do.
SARAH: Especially like if you're in New York.
KAYLA: In the city, yes. It's bad.
SARAH: But, and like it was like, I have never actually thrown up from being car sick. I have felt horrible and felt like I was going to, but I never have. And I, I mean, trigger warning, I guess?
(laughter)
KAYLA: Uh-oh.
SARAH: Like I, you know, like the noise that cats make before they vomit.
KAYLA: Trust me. I know the sound.
SARAH: It was like, that was happening to me.
KAYLA: Oh no, you were retching.
SARAH: And then like, cause like there wasn't enough airflow.
KAYLA: They never have the air conditioning on.
SARAH: I actually was very brave and I asked him to turn it up.
KAYLA: That's very brave.
SARAH: I was so brave. And also we were on the highway. And to our right was four lanes of highway. And to our left was a concrete wall.
KAYLA: (laughing) You were screwed.
SARAH: And like, it was bad enough that like, if we had been able to, I would have asked him to pull over.
KAYLA: Yikes
SARAH: But there was nowhere to pull over. Um, and then I did like a really bad like (gagging sound) and then I felt better.
KAYLA: Did he hear you? That's good.
SARAH: And I felt better. Not great, but better. And then he like, didn't say anything to me. And then as I got out, he was like, are you okay? And I was like, I'm great.
KAYLA: Oh no.
SARAH: It was a Tessie too. Imagine if I puked over his Tessie.
KAYLA: That'd have been funny. I have never had car sickness that bad, but in the last year, I would say, because none of the people here have their air conditioning on, which I get it like makes gas cost less. Like I get why they don't have the air on, but it's always super hot in the cars. And then they're stopping and starting in traffic all the time. So there have been times where I'm like clutching my skin, like just digging into my skin
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: just like
SARAH: Yeah. Well, and also he wasn't playing any music or there was nothing on the radio. And for me, like if there is music, it helps because there's something to focus on.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And I tend to get less car sick also if I have headphones on and the music is right in my ears.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And because there was nothing to focus on other than how much I felt like I was going to vom. So then the way home from work that day, it was also a Tessie. So I was nervous because I was like, this is the curse of the Tessie, but my driver was very loudly playing old school hip hop.
(01:00:00)
SARAH: And I was like, thank fucking God.
KAYLA: Because also you can't look at your phone when you're that nauseous to distract yourself because then that's just going to make you die.
SARAH: And then the next fucking morning, I had to be on a meeting while I was in the car. And I knew that I was going to be expected to take notes.
KAYLA: Oh no
SARAH: And so before I left, I like texted my coworker and I was like, look,
KAYLA: I might die
SARAH: I might have to tag you in because
KAYLA: you should have got those the glass. Have you seen the glasses people wear for car sickness?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I maybe I'm considering just getting them for Uber. Those are just my Uber glasses now.
SARAH: Yeah. Well, yeah, like the backseat is way worse than the front seat.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: So like a lot of times my family will, even if I'm not the most senior member of the people in the car
KAYLA: They just put you in the front
SARAH: they'll let me sit in the front just so I don't get car sick, which is very nice of them.
KAYLA: That's nice of them.
SARAH: Anyway, I guess that's my beef.
KAYLA: What was your juice? Oh, you got your car back.
SARAH: I got my car back.
KAYLA: I fully thought we were doing a beef.
SARAH: Well, it turned into beef.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: She's very clean. I love her. Her name is Roxanne and I'm so glad to have her back. Also, I just walked all the way back from the Burbank Airport last week.
KAYLA: What? With a suitcase?
SARAH: No, no, no. When I dropped off my rental car.
KAYLA: Oh, that's for your rental car. Isn't that like quite a walk?
SARAH: It's about a 5K.
KAYLA: Gross.
SARAH: I just decided to. I could have Ubered.
KAYLA: That's wild.
SARAH: I simply decided to.
KAYLA: Couldn't be me.
SARAH: I found a really good pine cone. Anyway.
KAYLA: What are you, your cousin?
SARAH: My house now has two great pine cones. One from me and one from my roommate.
KAYLA: Thank God. Thank God. I was so worried.
SARAH: You can tell us about your beef, your juice, your pine cones, your thoughts on walking a 5K from the Burbank Airport? I guess now people know the radius.
KAYLA: There, within a five mile radius. This is where Sarah lives.
SARAH: No, it's not five miles. 5K.
KAYLA: 5K.
KAYLA: Who cares about a K?
SARAH: I saw a couple when I was walking on the side of the road. I was on a main road, right? And there was this couple canoodling on the side of the road next to an electrical box.
KAYLA: What does this have to do with anything?
SARAH: It was crazy.
KAYLA: Was this during your 5K? Why are you bringing this to me?
SARAH: Yeah, it was when I was walking home.
KAYLA: I thought this just came out of nowhere.
SARAH: It was outside an apartment complex.
KAYLA: Oh, go inside.
SARAH: Instead of being inside or
KAYLA: How old were they?
SARAH: closer in from the road where there were trees and stuff. No, they were right outside as if they were waiting for an Uber. But also they were not at a good place for an Uber to stop.
KAYLA: How old?
SARAH: Next to a large electrical box. I would say they were adults, young adults.
KAYLA: Oh, I could understand if they're teens because they're like, oh, my mom can't
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: see me.
SARAH: I mean, I didn't get a great look at them, but I hated it.
KAYLA: That’s tough
SARAH: Anyway, I'm so sorry that I can't stop talking. Tell us about the canoodling strangers you've seen and how much you hate it.
KAYLA: Sure
SARAH: On our social media, @soundsfakepod. We also have a Patreon. Patreon.com/soundsfakepod. If you want to support us there, we have two new $2 patrons. One of them is Elena Campillo. And I was confused because Elena's patronage was in euros. But that was just because I forgot that people can be Spanish.
KAYLA: Oh, that's a fun adventure for you.
SARAH: I live in LA. You know, everyone's like Mexican or like South or Central American.
KAYLA: You forgot about Spain.
SARAH: I forgot that Spain is where it comes from.
KAYLA: To be fair, Mexico is bigger than Spain.
SARAH: And there are a lot of Mexican and Latino people around me. So I just forgot that Spain is where Spanish comes from. Anyway, Elena, thank you.
KAYLA: Sorry
SARAH: Sorry I erased your existence. And Jenny, who is in US dollars. So I have less exciting things to say about you. I'm sorry, Jenny.
KAYLA: But we love you anyway.
SARAH: We do. We love you anyway. And you know who else is named Jenny? That Spanish soccer player who that motherfucker kissed.
KAYLA: Yeah, I keep seeing news about that, but I don't quite understand the context. And I haven't looked into it. So it's been very confusing.
SARAH: They won the World Cup and he just like kissed her on the mouth.
KAYLA: Okay, that's what I thought. And now his mom is on hunger strike.
SARAH: At a church.
KAYLA: Because she's being a boy mom.
SARAH: Yeah, and everyone is like, the entire team is like, we won't fucking play. And it's not just about this one incident. It's about a pattern from this guy that this exemplified.
KAYLA: And he's like the president of the athletic something?
SARAH: Of the sports, yeah. Anyway, our $5 patrons who are recording this week are Green_Sarah, H Valdis, Jacob Weber, Jennifer Smart, and Joch. I think is what I decided it was. Joch.
KAYLA: sure.
SARAH: Our $10 patrons who are promoting this week are Martin Chiesl, who would like to promote his album, Lofi Beats to Dream to, PurpleHayes, who would like to promote their friends podcast, The Host Club, Barefoot Backpacker, who would like to promote their YouTube channel, RTWBarefoot. I remembered Barefoot, to update your promotion. Ruby, who would like to promote their blog and Instagram @aspeculations, and SongOfStorm, who would like to promote a healthy work-life balance. Our other $10 patrons are Alyson, Arcnes, Ben MacLeod, Benjamin Ybarra, Boston Smith, David Harris, Derick and Carissa, Elle Bitter, and my aunt Jeannie. Our $15 patrons are Andrew Hillum, who would like to promote the Invisible Spectrum podcast, Click for Caroline, who would like to promote Ace of Hearts, Dia Chappell, who would like to promote Twitch.tv/MelodyDia, Hector Murillo, who would like to promote friends that are supportive, constructive and help you grow as a better person, Maff, who would like to promote catching up on the podcast after two years, Nathaniel White, who would like to promote Nathaniel White – sorry I talked too fast – nathanieljwhitedesigns.com, and Kayla's aunt Nina, who would like to promote Kate Maggartart.com, and our $20 patrons is Dragonfly, who would like to promote… Don't fucking canoodle on the road next to an electrical box.
KAYLA: Stop it!
SARAH: Thanks for listening. Tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And until then, don't canoodle your cow next to the electrical box. There's a lot of problems there.
SARAH: Please it’s not safe. Much like jumping, it's just not safe.
KAYLA: You can't do it.
(01:06:34)