Ep 222: 2022 Corporate Pride Roundup

(00:00)

SARAH: Hey what’s up hello, welcome to sounds fake – yeah. (laughing) Hey, what’s up hello welcome to Sounds fake but okay a podcast where an aroace girl, I’m Sarah that’s me

KAYLA: This is the energy we’re going with in the studio today? 

SARAH: Yeah, yeah, yeah. 

KAYLA: Okay, and a bi demisexual girl, that’s me Kayla

SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don’t understand 

KAYLA: On today’s episode: corporate pride 

SARAH AND KAYLA: Sounds fake but okay

(intro music)

SARAH: Welcome back to the pod!

KAYLA: Can you believe there’s an episode today? Because I didn’t think there was going to be and then there was. Can you even believe it?

SARAH: You know, when Kayla last week was like “we have to tell them we’re going on break” I thought she was just being really proactive

KAYLA: Nope

SARAH: And doing it a week early

KAYLA: I really thought

SARAH: She was not

KAYLA: I was fully prepared to meet Sarah today to do some other things that are secrets and she was like “no, you idiot.” Which I now realize when I asked you earlier this week “are we recording?” and you were like “yeah we have to”

SARAH: Mhm

KAYLA: I was like “I mean, we don’t really have to” But we did

SARAH: (laughing) But we did have to

KAYLA: We did have to. You must’ve thought “what a weird question for her to ask”

SARAH: Yeah, I did think that. And I am also 100% not prepared for the other thing you thought we were going to do today

KAYLA: Yeah

SARAH: So

KAYLA: Well

SARAH: Anyway

KAYLA: Here we are

SARAH: So let’s do some housekeeping. The pod break starts next week

KAYLA: Can you even believe that it’s not this week

SARAH: We will return on the 24th of July 

KAYLA: Yes. Not related to us, but Cody the Ace Dad’s book is available for preorder

SARAH: Mhm

KAYLA: And so is Sherronda J. Brown’s

SARAH: Hell yeah, two wonderful ace books

KAYLA: So the year/years of ace book is starting and it’s time to start preordering

SARAH: Mhm

KAYLA: So you should start doing that now

SARAH: Ration your money now. All of your money goes to the aspecs, especially if you yourself are not aspec

KAYLA: True

SARAH: Because we famously can’t owe money, but you can, and you owe us.

KAYLA: Right, you can, and you have to make up for the money that we don’t owe, so

SARAH: Mhm

KAYLA: You have a lot of work to do on your end

SARAH: Yeah, if it’s financially feasible for you. My friend recently, who now listens to the podcast live and in concert, so hi how you doing

KAYLA: Hi

SARAH: She read Ace by Angela Chen and she really enjoyed it

KAYLA: It’s a good book

SARAH: I know

KAYLA: It’s very good

SARAH: I know

KAYLA: Earlier this week, someone put in our company slack a little water cooler Wednesday question

SARAH: Mhm

KAYLA: Like “what’s your favorite podcast?” and I did put a link to ours because I was like hahaha and then someone messaged me and they were like “that podcast seems really interesting” and I was like “lmao, I’m glad you think so, it’s mine”. So

SARAH: I don’t remember if I ever said this on the pod, but one of my Army twitter friends a couple weeks ago messaged me and was like “hey, turns out I’ve been listening to your podcast and didn’t realize it was yours”

(laughter)

SARAH: And this was like one of my mutuals who I interact with frequently 

KAYLA: That’s so funny

SARAH: And she was like “I’ve been listening to it for weeks because I enjoyed it and I just realized it was you”

KAYLA: Well, there you go 

SARAH: What a delight. What was the other thing I was going to say? 

KAYLA: I don’t know

SARAH: Oh I was in a situation recently where I was talking to someone I didn’t know with one of my coworkers and Heartstopper came up

KAYLA: Mm. And you were like “I know them”

SARAH: And I was like “everything Alice Oseman does is great’ and they were like “Oh, what other things do you know her from, how do you know of her” and I was like “oh, let me tell you”

KAYLA: Let me tell you a little something

SARAH: Let me tell you a little something something

KAYLA: Did I tell you I read Radio Silence by Alice Oseman?

SARAH: Yeah and you cried in the DMV, right?

KAYLA: Yeah.

(laughter)

(05:00)

KAYLA: I did. Yeah

SARAH: Yeah. You know, when I hear DMV I think of –

KAYLA: It’s called the RMV here, can you believe that? The RMV.

SARAH: Well in Michigan it’s called the Secretary of State

KAYLA: Yeah, as it should be called. That makes so much sense

SARAH: Every time I have to go to the DMV I’m like “the DMV?” which I know is what they call it pretty much everywhere else in the country but in my head it’s the Secretary of State 

KAYLA: It’s so dumb. It’s the Secretary of State

SARAH: Not the Secretary of State, it’s all about slurring the words together

KAYLA: (slurred together) Secretary of state. Yeah.

SARAH: But it’s accurate it’s SOS and that’s how I feel every time I’m there, anyway let’s start this podcast. Kayla.

KAYLA: So true. 

SARAH: What are we talking about this week? 

KAYLA: This week, since we are nearing the end of pride, we thought we would do a little roundup of some of the most notable, but mostly just the worst corporate pride and rainbow washing that has happened this year.

SARAH: Yeah

KAYLA:  We will probably look at some past years as well because boy howdy

SARAH: Boy howdy

KAYLA: People are really doing it

SARAH: Yeah, this is our corporate pride roundup, the best and worst of this year’s rainbow washing, mostly the worst

KAYLA: Yeah, I don’tI have any best

SARAH: Because that’s more fun to talk about

KAYLA: Best is just like yeah, okay

SARAH: I have one that is bad which I personally think is bad for personal reasons not genuine reasons which is related to one that I think is good. Why is my calendar in eastern time zone?

KAYLA: To see what I’m up to. The thing about good corporate pride is I know like my company, and I’ve had my friends tell me about what their companies have done is internal stuff, like they bring together panels. 

SARAH: Mhm. 

KAYLA: I, two weeks ago, was part of a panel that’s on a committee for the Oregon state government, it was very lovely

SARAH: Was that two weeks ago? I thought it was last week

KAYLA: It might’ve been last week. It was last week. You’re right. So that’s the kind of internal, good work that you obviously never see. Like no one’s really putting that stuff on display 

SARAH: Yeah and the way that my company is celebrating pride is by paying me my salary

KAYLA: (laughing) That’s so true

SARAH: It’s not a salary I’m technically an hourly worker

(sounds of disgust)

KAYLA: Anyway

SARAH: Paying my wages

KAYLA: I would like to start off with Burger King

SARAH: Okay, but here’s the deal: I told you that was one of the ones that I found

KAYLA: Okay fine, you start off. Listen, all I said was that I wanted to start with it, I didn’t say you couldn’t be the one to talk about it

SARAH: Okay, I think the first incredibly notable is Burger King Austria. Not Australia, Austria. 

KAYLA: Wait, I did not realize that it was Burger King Austria. I assumed it was just Burger King

SARAH: No, it’s Burger King Austria. They – let me just read you this Tweet from Pop Crave. “Burger King Austria unveils same-side bun pride whopper in honor of pride month. The Pride Whopper will be available from now until June 20th.” And then here we have a picture it says “it’s time to be proud” with a rainbow background. And then it says “Pride Whopper” and the E’s a rainbow. And the hamburgers, the whoppers, one of them has two tops as the buns and one of them has two bottoms as the buns. 

KAYLA: It is truly insane because what I’m guessing they meant is “oh it’s two of the same type of bun”

SARAH: Yes

KAYLA:Just like how two men or two women can love each other

SARAH: But here’s my thought: do you have to tell them if you’re a top or a bottom and then they give you the whopper accordingly?

KAYLA: Yeah, what I don’t think they realized what they were doing is they made it into a top and bottom thing

SARAH: (laughing) Yeah

KAYLA: Which is just funny

SARAH: Or maybe it was on purpose and they knew that would happen

KAYLA: That’s fair. I’m looking at a Jezebel article right now, and 

SARAH: Mhm

KAYLA: They said “here in the US at least, it’s hard to see the company as a queer ally when just last year they were cited for $1.9 million in wage theft”

SARAH: Mm, a classic.

KAYLA: So good

SARAH: Yeah, be gay do crime. Steal the pride whopper. You know, extra crime? If you’re a bottom, get a top whopper

KAYLA: So true

SARAH: If you’re a top, get a bottom whopper. I think objectively though a top whopper is better because it’s the better part of the bun, you know?

KAYLA: But the problem is it’s going to be like way too much bread. Like, look at this picture. I mean, obviously the bread is going to be way flatter when you get it in person because 

SARAH: Yeah

KAYLA: That’s not what a real whopper looks like. But with the top whopper I feel like you have too much bread, but with the bottom whopper there’s basically going to be no bread. Because the bottom is always like squished flat

SARAH: Imagine thinking there’s such a thing as too much bread. For those of us, Kayla, that don’t eat sandwiches in sandwich form

(10:00)

KAYLA: Yeah, well then Sarah you don’t  –

SARAH: Except for the sandwich 4 from Jilly Jones (laughing) Jilly Jones

KAYLA: – get to have an opinion on this, then. You don’t eat sandwiches

SARAH: I eat one sandwich. It’s the Turkey Tom from Jimmy John’s with cheese. 

KAYLA: I know, because you were bullied into becoming – Okay with 

SARAH: Peer pressure works

KAYLA: Sometimes I do wish you’d seek diagnosis. Respectfully. 

SARAH: But what would that change? What would that change, Kayla?

KAYLA: Literally nothing. So true. 

SARAH: absolutely nothing. Yeah I think it’s truly just the fact that it became a top and bottom thing. It’s hilarious

KAYLA: It is a lot, yeah. Every article I found about 2022 pride roundups the header image on the article was Burger King whoppers

SARAH: Yeah. I just clicked on the quote tweets

KAYLA: Yeah

SARAH: and the first one says, it’s from Chris Linfield, PhD, American Flag Emoji

KAYLA: Oof

SARAH:  “quick, order your woke whopper now! (clown face) (clown face)” You’re missing the point. You’re missing the funny part you dumb bitch.  

KAYLA: It’s so funny

SARAH: Now this person, @NoWarButPsyWar

KAYLA: Huh

SARAH: Says “No notes. You understand the essence of pride”

KAYLA: It’s true

SARAH: Oh, what a delight. Okay. What shall we do next?

KAYLA: This one’s very casual, I suppose?

SARAH: Mhm

KAYLA: This person Matt, who’s verified, who I recognize but I’m not sure where from

SARAH: I got a lot from Matt because Matt posts, it’s Matt x IV VI something? 

KAYLA: It’s MattXIV. That’s it

SARAH: Yeah. My sister follows Matt on the Instagram and often posts stories

KAYLA: Yeah. So Matt just posted a picture, it looks like it’s from the cash register aisle of a store where all the little random things are

SARAH: Is this Vaseline? Are you stealing another one of mine?

KAYLA: Yeah, you didn’t tell me you did Vaseline

SARAH: Yes I did! Check your texts.

KAYLA: Well ma’am there’s literally only so many. I don’t know how to help you.

SARAH: I’m going to read this text. The text says “I have Burger King Austria, US Marines, Premier Inn, Vaseline, Microsoft/specifically Xbox” so don’t do those because I already have them

KAYLA: Too late, I’m already doing Vaseline. So on one shelf is just regular Vaseline and then on the next shelf is it’s literally the same but it has a rainbow on it

SARAH: Mhm

KAYLA: And it says limited edition, It does look like they might be giving money to someone? There’s like an extra label on it

SARAH: I have a clarification for you once you finish this

KAYLA: Oh, I’m done

SARAH: That I sought out because I looked this one up

KAYLA: I will be killing myself

SARAH: Don’t do that

KAYLA: What would you like to share?

SARAH: Oh, I thought you were going to say more. I thought you were going to say the real kicker.

KAYLA: No, I don’t know what the real kicker is. Wait, maybe I do. 

SARAH: The real kicker

KAYLA: No, I don’t

SARAH: Is that the gay one is twice as expensive

KAYLA: Shit I did not notice – it’s literally in the picture and I did not notice that

SARAH: You didn’t even notice that? That’s the point

KAYLA: I – you’re right maybe you should just do the whole episode and I’ll just sit here

SARAH: Okay, anyway. The gay one is twice as expensive. The straight one is £.99 and the gay one is £1.95. And at first I was like “that’s so fucking stupid” and then I was like “maybe they’re giving money to someone but they don’t want to lose any money so you’re just paying all the extra money that they’re giving to someone?” but then I figured out what it is. The straight one – not straight, it’s just regular but the straight vaseline is on clearance because no one wants the straights

KAYLA: So true

SARAH: And the gay vaseline is full price, but when I was looking up to try and figure out what was going on here, on the Supertruck website under their product description it says “You can now also get your very own personalized lip tin. Just visit our website and take pride in you” and I was like “wait, do they do different flags? Because that’s fun. That’s fun, but I did some digging and I literally cannot figure out what this means or whose website they’re talking about. Are they talking about the Superdrug website? Because I can’t find anything there. Are they talking about the Vaseline website? Because this product doesn’t exist on the Vaseline website

KAYLA: Oh no

SARAH: The Vaseline website honestly kind of sucks

KAYLA: Oh

SARAH: They’re like “buy it at these retailers” what if I just want to buy it straight from you, you bum

KAYLA: Can’t

(15:00)

SARAH: Anyway I think it’s homophobic that it was unclear, well it was homophobic that I was misled into thinking I could get if not an ace tin, at least a lesbian or something

KAYLA: Alas

SARAH: That’s homophobic. I can’t believe you missed 

KAYLA: I’m stupid

SARAH: The whole thing. If you look in the replies, that’s the whole thing

KAYLA: I don’t know how to help you

SARAH: Okay, all right. Well I’m going to do the next one which is one I know you don’t have because I found it on Army Twitter

KAYLA: Wowie 

SARAH: I don’t know this person but a lot, not a lot, a couple of my mutuals follow them so it came up on my feed. “The app I use for delivery asked me if I’m LGBT and when I said yes, my dear god” and it’s a screenshot, and I don’t know what this is but it looks like some sort of Uber or delivery app where you can track the car and –

KAYLA: Did they turn the car rainbow?

SARAH: They turned the car gay

KAYLA: I was really hoping they would get a discount or something

SARAH: They turned the car gay and then there’s like these little, they look like little confettis kind of coming out the butt of the car

KAYLA: No.

SARAH: Yeah they said “are you gay? If you’re gay, we’ll give you gay car”

KAYLA: I don’t like it. I feel like it’s weird for them to be asking that

SARAH: Oh, the app is Beet

KAYLA: Oh.

SARAH: Which is…

KAYLA: Is this person from a different country? I’ve never heard of them

SARAH: Yeah. Beet is like Uber but the headquarters are located in Athens, 90% of the company’s ride service is in Latin America which makes sense as to why this is in Spanish

KAYLA: That would do it, wouldn’t it?

SARAH: Yes it would. Oh. This person replied with “my gay car is different and it was already gay when I called” and this gay car has the inclusive queer flag with like the black and brown and the trans

KAYLA: Ooh. Yeah

SARAH: So that’s exciting

KAYLA: Well, that’s nice I guess

SARAH: Well what if you say no?

KAYLA: You get an uglier car

SARAH: Well first of all, it feels like they’re collecting information

KAYLA: That’s what I’m saying it makes me uncomfortable that they’re asking because what if you say yes and then they’re like “gotcha”

SARAH: Yeah like why don’t we just give everyone a gay car, you know?

KAYLA: Yeah

SARAH: So yeah, that’s that.

KAYLA: I have for you Home Depot

SARAH: Mm, the home depot (pronouncing the T)

KAYLA: Notably Home Depot has donated a lot of money to anti-gay things

SARAH: Which is crazy because home depot screams lesbian

KAYLA: It really does but in recent years I’ve seen a lot of people being like “I shop atLowes’ now” 

SARAH: Yeah I guess all the lesbians go to Lowes

KAYLA: Lowes’ Lesbians

SARAH: Which is upsetting because Home Depot has a more exciting color palette, and Home Depot smells good

KAYLA: And they used to have hot dogs! 

SARAH: They used to have hot dogs!

KAYLA: The most homophobic thing I think about Home Depot –

SARAH: What could be more gay than hot dogs?

KAYLA: – is that they don’t do hot dogs anymore. Do you know how excited I used to be to go to Home Depot with my dad? 

SARAH: Mhm

KAYLA: And walk around while he took forever, but then I would get a boiled hot dog

SARAH: Yeah, Home Depot and Costco

KAYLA: And then I got to smell the smell of lumber and the smell of boiled hot dogs

SARAH: Of tires? No, there’s a third. Lumber, boiled hot dogs, and tires

KAYLA: It’s such a good combo. I know what it sounds like, but you don’t understand

SARAH: When I was little – 

KAYLA: And you’d get like a bag of Lays 

SARAH: Yeah, when we’d go to Home Depot or Costco or any place that soiled toilet seats

KAYLA: Huh.

SARAH: When you go in the toilet seat aisle, they’re kind of hung up, right? And my dad would make them talk. It was a pretty exciting place to be

KAYLA: Another good place in Home Depot was the lighting section. 

SARAH: Mm. 

KAYLA: Vibes? Immaculate. 

SARAH: Vibes. There’s often a gardening/greenhouse section 

KAYLA: True

SARAH: You know, when I interned in LA over the summer in 2018 we went to Home Depot to get our keys illegally copied because we only had one key for our AirBnB and there were 4 of us

KAYLA: Yeah

SARAH: And so we went to Home Depot to get our keys copied but they didn’t have any regular colored keys to copy it onto so I got a Chevron teal and white key. 

KAYLA: Ew, not a 2013. 

SARAH: It was very 2013.

KAYLA: So Home Depot didn’t really do anything, they just made a logo that’s like a bunch of tools lined up but they’re like in the

SARAH: Mm

(20:00)

KAYLA: rainbow order and then it’s like THD The Home Depot Pride. The funniest thing about this I think is this person on Twitter @JMillstine

SARAH: Mhm

KAYLA: Made this minute and a half long video of him pretending to work at Home Depot, walking round and talking about pride and being like “you can buy these tools but you can’t buy” and just rambling for a minute and a half

SARAH: Oh my

KAYLA: About Home Depot pride and it’s very good and I think Home Depot did some Tweets about “we love our gay employees” or whatever

SARAH: We love our butch lesbians who sell our tools

KAYLA: Home Depot’s twitter header’s kind of cute

SARAH: Hold on, here’s my thing though

KAYLA: That’s too bad

SARAH: THD. No one looks at THD and things “ah yes, the home depot”

KAYLA: Wait, okay

SARAH: What?

KAYLA: Home Depot posted on Twitter today, which is Wednesday the 23rd, like an old flier from when they first opened and it’s so vintage and cute

SARAH: Is it gay?

KAYLA: No

SARAH: Introducing two do it yourself stores with warehouse prices. I don’t want this to become a Home Depot ad. Moving on

KAYLA: Oh, and Home Depot has those 12 foot skeletons too. 

SARAH: Oh my god, they’ve never changed their logo

KAYLA: Honestly, I have to give them props on that. They’ve not minimalized their logo

SARAH: But I think it’s stupid that they think people will know what THD is. Also their customer support account is @HDCares, not @THDCares. 

KAYLA: They’ve got to get their brand together

SARAH: Their brand is @HomeDepot not @TheHomeDepot. Like, what are you doing? Anyway

KAYLA: The response to this Tweet is funny it’s everyone just like pulling up data of all of the bad donations they’ve made

SARAH: Oof. Are you ready for this one? Because this one is really rough. I thought it was fake

KAYLA: Oh no

SARAH: I thought it was fake

KAYLA: I can’t wait

SARAH: It’s not fake. I literally went back and found the original Tweet. It’s from the U.S. Marine Corps

KAYLA: Oh, yeah… Yeah

SARAH: Let me read you the caption and then I’m going to describe to you the image. “Throughout June the USMC takes #pride in recognizing and honoring the contributions of our LGBTQ service members. We remain committed to fostering an environment free from discrimination and defend the values of treating all equally with dignity and respect #pridemonth #USMC” The image is a, I assume this is a marine helmet, it’s camouflage, it has a little strap thing that kind of goes around the side, and on the strap it says “proud to serve”. Here’s the kicker: held to the helmet, with the strap, are what appear to be 6 bullets.

KAYLA: Yep. 

SARAH: But the bullets are rainbow

KAYLA: It’s truly so upsetting

SARAH: It’s um…

KAYLA: It’s so bad

SARAH: And it’s tweeted by Sprinkler Publishing because I guess that’s who does their automated tweets

KAYLA: Ew. Yeah, that is… I mean, I don’t even know what to say about that one

SARAH: Someone, this person is apparently running for Congress in Florida, ew a republican candidate? Hate that, but anyway. Regardless, they said “is this satire?”

KAYLA: It literally – like, who made that tweet, or that image and was like “this is okay” and “no one could possibly get mad at this”

SARAH: It’s wild to me that a Republican said that, and then this other guy responded “what do you think is satirical about the USMC promoting American values of equality?”

KAYLA: Okay, all right

SARAH: This person said “are those lipstick tubes or bullets? Seriously asking”

KAYLA: (disgusted sound)

SARAH: Someone said crayons

KAYLA: Honestly love the innocence of that person

SARAH: Oh man. Wow. It’s so crazy that so many of these replies are like – no, it’s not crazy because who else would follow the Marine Corps – they’re really right wing replies. This person, verified who the fuck are you? Some managing editor at @NewsBusters who the fuck is News Busters? Anyway. This person was like “China is going to streamroll us aren’t they?”

KAYLA: Okay, Jesus Christ

(25:00)

SARAH: Your takeaway from this is oh if there are gays in the military we’re going to lose the hot war we’re currently not fighting with China?

KAYLA: I got some news to bust to this man. There have always been gays in the military. 

SARAH: Yeah. Oh, wow. These are some pretty upsetting replies. This person goes “fuck out of here with this. We don’t take political sides and we don’t engage in social commentary. We kill the enemy”

KAYLA: Oh. Jesus Christ

SARAH: (laughing) And then this person replied “without mentioning politics, who is the enemy?” and this person replied “me, I’m the enemy. The United States Marines is hunting me down because after watching Morbius for 1000 hours straight, no sleep or bathroom breaks I have obtained the power of photosynthesis and Goku on meth”

KAYLA: Not Morbius. 

(laughter)

SARAH: Anyway, it’s a lot of right wing people 

KAYLA: Yeah

SARAH: And then trolls responding to them and I wish there were more people being like “uhh this is absurd,” which I think people are saying that elsewhere they’re just not doing it in direct response, but

KAYLA: Wowie

SARAH: Yeah, so if you ever wonder: does the US military support the gays? The answer is they support gay bullets. 

KAYLA: (laughing) Not gay people, only bullets

SARAH: Gay bullets 

KAYLA: Let me hit you with one, this one I want to know your opinion on 

SARAH: Mhm

KAYLA: Because I don’t think it’s bad, but I also don’t know how I feel about it. Skittles, during pride month, they make basically black and white or gray skittles because they’re like “we’re saving the rainbow for you”

SARAH: Mhm

KAYLA: Thoughts?

SARAH: Do the different skittles taste different? 

KAYLA: I don’t know that skittles are all the same flavor, but yes

SARAH: My opinion is… 

KAYLA: On the bag it says “only one rainbow matters during pride. Give the rainbow” 

SARAH: (whispering) Taste the rainbow

KAYLA: and they’re like white skittles. Thoughts? 

SARAH: I think they should have racially diverse skittle

KAYLA: We’re giving up our rainbow so that LGBT artists can share theirs and there’s a QR code that says “scan to see the rainbow” so I don’t know where that goes. Then it says “in partnership with GLAD. That’s something, they’re actually partnering with someone. 

SARAH: Mhm, yeah

KAYLA: I think I’ll allow this one

SARAH: Yeah I think it’s okay. I feel like if I don’t really have a strong opinion that’s a good thing, you know?

KAYLA: Yes, very true. But it looks like they had some different packaging this year too

SARAH: My next one is also from…

KAYLA: Aw they had queer artists, many of them of color, create the new designs they did. Honestly, yeah. I feel like I’m okay with this

SARAH: Meh. My next one is from our main not main, he uses he/they pronoun so they’re not a man so I don’t want to call them a man. It’s from @MattXIV  

KAYLA: Yes

SARAH: Matt the 6th? 16th

KAYLA: No idea. Don’t do roman numerals. 

SARAH: (laughing) Anyway this one Matt just said “speechless” and it’s a screenshot – I also fact checked this one. It’s a company called Premier Inn. I think it’s a hotel chain somewhere,  and it’s an inn. Like I N N

KAYLA: Yeah

SARAH: Like got any rooms at the inn? For pride, first of all they added a little rainbow to their logo, and then they switched their logo so it says “Premier Out”

(laughter)

KAYLA: Honestly, I kind of love it. I honestly think it’s really funny

SARAH: Like I know people are like “this doesn’t do anything what’s the point” but that’s funny

KAYLA: That at least is like they put some thought into it. They didn’t just slap a rainbow, like that’s 

SARAH: Yeah

(laughter)

KAYLA: I kind of like it

SARAH: I am almost positive a queer person came up with that

KAYLA: Oh, absolutely and they probably had a big old laugh about it

SARAH: Yeah

KAYLA: They thought they were so funny, and they were right

SARAH: Yeah, a lot of the queer people’s reaction to this is “it’s so stupid but I kind of love it”

(30:00)

KAYLA: No, yeah. I really do like it. Like obviously I would rather them also donate money or whatever

SARAH: Yeah I don’t know if they’re doing that but

KAYLA: (laughing) But like, that’s good

SARAH: Let’s see… Premier Inn. It’s a British limited service hotel chain and the UK’s largest hotel brand. Well I’m sure all of our Brits listening have been like “how do you not know what Premier Inn is”. I don’t know what it is. I know La Quinta. And Hampton Inn. 

KAYLA: So true. 

SARAH: (laughing) Hampton Out

KAYLA: Not Hampton Out

SARAH: I would like everyone to know that I just removed a long section of me going on about American hotel chains. You’re welcome

KAYLA: I am moving back in time now. I have run out of ones that I am passionate about from 2022

SARAH: Well I have, I think, I only have like 1 and a half more so let’s do the 2022 ones and then we can get to the…

KAYLA: Okay

SARAH: The hall of fame, if you will. 

KAYLA: Yes

SARAH: So this one, I encountered. It is an Xbox controller and they’ve made it gay and it says – this is an articly on queerty.com and it says “Xbox’s new controller is basically an entire Pride parade and we’re obsessed” and here’s the thing. 

KAYLA: Oh I’ve seen it. I’ve seen this one.

SARAH: Here’s the thing: it does have every flag. It has the demi flag, it has the ace flag

KAYLA: I know I saw that I was impressed

SARAH: It has this which is – is that agender? It has the aro flag. It has every flag, and I think that’s wonderful. Here’s my problem with it

KAYLA: Yeah

SARAH: I think it’s really ugly 

KAYLA: It is a lot. It is a lot to look at and also with a lot of these product based pride things – I know people always talk about Target’s merch for pride 

SARAH: But hey, I bought that gay cat house 

KAYLA: That’s true

SARAH: And the gay mice

KAYLA: I wanted the gay mice so bad but my Target never had them

SARAH: Bogey is a gay ace. He claimed that. 

KAYLA: I love that for him. But it’s like, okay I’m a queer person. I support the queers, obviously. Am I going to use that XBOX controller? No because unfortunately pride flags aren’t very queer anymore because they’ve been ruined

SARAH: Mhm

KAYLA: So.

SARAH: Yeah. I love that they were so inclusive with this Xbox controller but I think it’s so ugly

KAYLA: That is the interesting thing. The hard relationship I have with corporate pride and these kind of products especially is that like

SARAH: Mhm

KAYLA: When I see they include the ace or aro flag

SARAH: Mhm

KAYLA: I do get really excited.

SARAH: Like it works

KAYLA: No, it does work because we are so starved for representation that like – I think Oreo a year or two ago did something for pride and the ace flag was there. Like, they get me, you know?

SARAH: Yeah

KAYLA: Because it’s so lacking, you know? Like when I saw the Target mice and there was an ace one I was like “Oh my god, they actually did it” but it’s truly the bare minimum

SARAH: I know

KAYLA: But I get so impressed. It’s so sad. 

SARAH: I made the mistake of looking at the comments on this article

KAYLA: Why would you do that?

SARAH: Catholicxxx says “remember when the simple clean rainbow flag was more than enough? Good times”. This person said “Remember when Catholics shut their mouths on issues that didn’t concern them? Oh wait, nor does anyone else.”

KAYLA: (laughing) Oh that’s very good

SARAH: And then this other person said “Because of course, there has never in history been a case of flags for subdivisions of a whole. There are no state, county or city flags. That would just be silly and overkill” 

KAYLA: So true. Can I tell you what a really good Catholic joke I made the other day?

SARAH: No I’m not done. Come back to it. No you tell me now

KAYLA: Okay so I was at my pole class. My pole fitness dancing class

SARAH: Mhm

KAYLA: And our instructor was just doing random moves and showed us one called the crucifix where you hang upside down and you put your arms out and we were joking “oh it’s the Jesus” and then they were doing a different move where their legs were open like a stag kind of thing and I was like “haha is that the Mary Magdalene” and we were all like “hahaha” and I was so funny

SARAH: Hahahaha

KAYLA: (laughing) Anyway, continue

SARAH: (sing-song) Catholic jokes from pole dancing class

KAYLA: (laughing) I was so pleased with myself

(35:00)

SARAH: Amazing. This comment says “seems pretty cool to me”

KAYLA: Nice.

SARAH: Thank you. This comment says “If it was just the rainbow I’d be into it. As is, no thanks.” and this one. This is the one that gets me. This person is @missvamp. I don’t want to assume that they’re a cis woman but I’m going to because of what they say.

KAYLA: (laughing) Okay

SARAH: “my bf is the most alpha male there is, for all outward appearances. but he’s my submissive & pansexual. he almost always chooses a female character in games & wants this controller! he’s a halo fanatic & spent a fortune on that special edition system that just came out.” That’s the comment.

KAYLA: There’s no way that’s real. That’s a joke. I refuse. 

SARAH: It’s… I feel like it has to be, my gut is telling me that it’s real because it’s so “misses the point”

KAYLA: Yeah. I think my favorite part of it is when they say “he’s my submissive pansexual” like he’s my pansexual

SARAH: “he’s my submissive & pansexual”

KAYLA: He’s my pansexual

SARAH: And he almost always chooses. a female character in games. Okay?

(laughter)

KAYLA: He’s a feminist, Sarah. He chooses the female character in games

SARAH: And then mentions the halo fanatic, spent a fortune on that special edition game system that just came out? Anyway. So I guess thoughts in the right place – not about the comment, about the controller. Thoughts are in the right place but it’s ugly. This is under the bigger header of Microsoft though, and so I was reading some stuff about microsoft pride and I really wanted to be like “ugh, it probably sucks” but here’s the thing. Let me read you, this is from blogs.microsoft.com. “Microsoft celebrates Pride around the world — even in the metaverse — “

KAYLA: Ugh. 

SARAH: “as we donate to LGBTQIA+ nonprofits, release Xbox Pride controller and more” First of all, they included all the letters

KAYLA: Love that

SARAH: Second of all, they have this thing called “pride is no borders”. There’s a PR thing of something. Something about organizers nternational Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association (ILGA World) and OutRight Action International. Immerse yourself in a bit of Pride history in a metaverse space. Discover how we can bridge borders and bring about collective change for all. And then the pride has no borders thing, there’s this thing where it’s highlighting a bunch of queer people from around the world and telling their stories in their native languages and in English, I believe, which I think is cool.

KAYLA: Yeah

SARAH: And then they have the Xbox controller. They also have a ton of other “bridge borders with new Windows wallpaper inspired by the flags of the LGBTQIA+ communities” but at the Microsoft store, “explore collections of games and movies curated by the LGBTQIA+ community at Microsoft” Huh, that’s pretty cool.

KAYLA: That’s fun

SARAH: On Skype you can celebrate Pride with virtual background scenes inspired by various LGBTQIA+ flags. Which, who uses skype, but

KAYLA: I do, unfortunately. It’s so upsetting

SARAH: Bing? You know I take back everything I said about Microsoft doing a good job with this because I forgot they own Bing, and Bing scarred me as a child

KAYLA: Bing is really bad. Oh, that’s why

SARAH: What?

KAYLA: I didn’t realize Microsoft owns Bing. I know someone who works at Microsoft and the other day Dean was like “it’s so weird he works at Microsoft and yet he willingly uses Bing” and that’s why

SARAH: The other thing is they’re donating money to OutRight Action International, African Rainbow Family, National Cemter for Transgender Equality, Mermaids, Lavender Rights Project, and Fulcrum UA. Which I think is good. Here’s my one big critique: they’re donating $170,000 total

KAYLA: That’s it? Please.

SARAH: So I did a little bit of googling. The net worth of Microsoft is $2 trillion

KAYLA: Jesus Christ

SARAH: And I looked up the CEO’s salary

(40:00)

SARAH: but I clearly got distracted in the middle of writing this down because I wrote “and your CEO’s” and then nothing else

KAYLA: Well, it’s the thought that counts

SARAH: (laughing) Let’s google that again. CEO Microsoft. Around $50 million

KAYLA: Jesus Christ

SARAH: Which to be fair, that’s total compensation, that includes stocks and stuff but that’s still way more

KAYLA: You can spare a little more than $100,000 certainly 

SARAH: Yeah. So the fact that they’re giving $100,000 total

KAYLA: That’s one person’s yearly salary 

SARAH: Yeah

KAYLA: And you have thousands of employees

SARAH: one, two, three, four, five, six. And that 176,000 is getting split between 6 different organizations. 

KAYLA: That’s so…

SARAH: Like, come on

KAYLA: Stupid

SARAH: If you’re making all of this money from these pride controllers and the whatever things that you can buy that they have listed here maybe donate more than $170,000?

KAYLA: Honestly they probably spent more than $100,000 putting together these pride things that they’ve made

SARAH: Yeah. So that kind of pissed me off

KAYLA: That’s annoying

SARAH: This is interesting though, at the end it says “Microsoft introduced sexual orientation into our non-discrimination policies in 1989. In 1993, we began offering employee benefits for same-sex domestic partnerships, making us one of the first companies in the world to do so. We stood as a public supporter for marriage equality even before it became legal in the United States – and [they have] attained a 100 score on the Human Rights Campaign Foundation’s Corporate Equality Index for 17 years.”

KAYLA: Huh. I was talking to a friend who’s a software engineer recently, and I didn’t realize this, but apparently there’s a very high proportion of trans women in computer science and software development

SARAH: Mhm

KAYLA: Which makes me wonder if that’s why a company like Microsoft is a little bit better about this stuff just because they have queer people in general

SARAH: Yeah, interesting

KAYLA: It’s like the Jeopardy woman Amy was a software developer

SARAH: Mhm. Yeah. Hold on. I just looked up, I wanted to see if they donated to homophobic politicians

KAYLA: Mm

SARAH: And as of 2020, it says they had given more than $130,000 to lawmakers who received 0 scores on the Human Rights Campaign in its Congressional Support card 

KAYLA: Sick

SARAH: measuring support for equality in the 115th Congress. I can’t find anything more recent. Additionally, dozens of Microsoft employees objected to the company’s support of politicians who have fought again LGBTQ people and immigrants and to its opaque donation process. A year ago, Microsoft told employees it was rethinking its PAC giving and donations. It blows my mind how in the United States, first of all, companies are people. Second of all, they can just give so much money to politicians.

KAYLA: It’s – mm, yeah. 

SARAH: If you are a company, and have a PAC – if you’re a single person, you have a limit of how much you can donate to any given candidate. It’s not that high, it’s like $2000 or $1500 or something. If you have a PAC, a political action committee, you can give an unlimited amount of money. That’s fucking – Anyway. So Microsoft is doing some good things but also don’t trust any big company is the moral of the story. 

KAYLA: So true. 

SARAH: Alright, hall of fame.

KAYLA: I’m going to give you one from 2015

SARAH: Mhm 

KAYLA: It is from Chipotle 

SARAH: Mhm

KAYLA: And they tweeted “Como estas? Very well thank you #lovewins” and then the picture is a burrito wrapped in rainbow foil and then it says “homo estás?” and then someone in the replies posted a picture, or a picture of a tweet also from 2015?

SARAH: Mhm

KAYLA: And it seems like Chipotle was giving out or selling pins

SARAH: Mhm

KAYLA: And one says “I eat tacos” and the other one says “I eat burritos” and it says “which way do you sway?” and it also says “homo estás?”

SARAH: Mhm. Okay. Maybe they were trying to make it into a thing. Like top or bottom but taco or burrito. Here’s a thing. Disproportionately, people get burritos at Chipotle. I get tacos at Chipotle, and every single time, I say “I would like some tacos” the person does a double take and they go to grab the wrong thing and then they’re like “wait”

KAYLA: You’re the only person I know that gets tacos at Chipotle

(45:00)

SARAH: Yeah and then they’re like “hold on” and then they’re like “wait where are the taco tortillas, oh no I gotta open a new one”

KAYLA: This is just another one that I really hope a gay person came up with this

SARAH: Mhm

KAYLA: If a gay person came up with this, it’s funny

SARAH: It’s camp

KAYLA: (laughing) It’s camp. But it’s just so… It was making the rounds on Twitter this year and people were like “who okayed this? Who was like yeah, good idea?”

SARAH: Yeah, I saw some old ones that were bad but I didn’t save them because I wanted this to be a 2022 thing so we can do this in future years, you know? But there was one I remember that stood out to me because it was visually arresting. It was a grocery store, I believe it was in the UK, and they were selling sausages, like uncooked

KAYLA: Oh no

SARAH: Braut sized, not like little breakfast sausages, like big chonkers. And they were dyed rainbow

KAYLA: No!

SARAH: So there was a blue one, and there was a green one

KAYLA: Have your green eggs and ham

SARAH: Your green eggs and dank feel good sausage

KAYLA: So yucky

SARAH: Anyway, that’s all. I think I’d like to leave it at that. 

KAYLA: Yeah, I think that’s quite enough for today

SARAH: Alright, our poll for this week, I have one. What is the worst pride thing that you’ve seen, corporate pride, rainbow washing if you will, this year and in previous years. There are a lot of bad ones in previous years that we haven’t said, but tell us. What are the worst? And you know what? If there’s one that’s like genuinely really good, I want to know that too. 

KAYLA: True

SARAH: Like I want to support people who are genuinely doing good things

KAYLA: Yeah

SARAH: I’m never going to use bing 

KAYLA: No, bing is what happens to my computer when I get a virus and it does the thing where it only lets you use bing. That has happened to me so many times. 

SARAH: I just got a new iPhone. Do they think I’m going to buy a – . Anyway, I haven’t activated my new phone yet

KAYLA: I know that

SARAH: Because I’m overwhelmed and stressed. Anyway, that’s our poll for this week. Tell us all about it. Kayla, what is your beef and your juice this week? 

KAYLA: My beef is I’m so sleepy

SARAH: Mm, okay

KAYLA: I’m so sleepy. My juice is that I’m doing a lot of good reading

SARAH: Mhm

KAYLA: I finished The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo

SARAH: Mhm

KAYLA: No one told me it was queer

SARAH: Mm, yeah

KAYLA: I was shook. I’ve also realized that every book I’ve read since picking reading back up this summer

SARAH: Mhm

KAYLA: Aside from one has been queer. 

SARAH: As it should. 

KAYLA: And I did not mean for this to happen

SARAH: As it should be

KAYLA:  it just did. So that’s exciting. 

SARAH: Queer book club! Yeah, okay. My beef is… one second. 

KAYLA: I have stretch marks on my legs

SARAH: (screams) 

KAYLA: Yes? 

SARAH: I had to step away from my mic to do that. That’s my beef. My juice is just BTS again.

KAYLA: I’m so shocked.

SARAH: Nothing brings me joy like my 7 little Korean men. 

KAYLA: (laughing) Oh my god

SARAH: No, I was talking about this with my sister –

KAYLA: It’s little Korean men summer

SARAH: I was talking to my sister about how I got my new phone but I couldn’t transfer it over yet because usually I start my new phones from scratch, but I have a lot of BTS pictures that I don’t want to lose and so she was like “when I transferred over my phone, it was actually really easy I didn’t have to plug anything in” and I was like “okay but what if I only want to transfer my BTS pictures and my Rosie pictures?” 

KAYLA: Curated

SARAH: Like what if I just want my seven emotional support Korean men and golden retrievers, you know?

KAYLA: So true

SARAH: Anyway. You can tell us about your juice, your beef, your – hey, do any of you have the Xbox pride controller? If you do, I’m sorry I insulted it, but I do think it’s ugly.

KAYLA: Well, it’s personal taste

SARAH: Personal taste

KAYLA: But I would like to know

SARAH: Tell us about your things on our social media @soundsfakepod. Also tell us how your pride month has been! 

KAYLA: True. 

SARAH: This has turned into like 55 different polls

KAYLA: Anyone do anything good? Y’all go to any parades? I did literally nothing

SARAH: I did not 

(50:00)

KAYLA: I did nothing

SARAH: I don’t leave my house 

KAYLA: I just didn’t do anything

SARAH: Which is why I was confused when for a hot second in the past 24 hours I was like, do I have covid? And then I was like literally I don’t know how I would’ve gotten it, I don’t go anywhere. 

KAYLA: Not pregnant. 

SARAH: Anyway, I’m not pregnant. I didn’t think I was pregnant. The joke is I got a negative Covid test and I said I was not pregnant. A Novid test, if you will

KAYLA: That’s funny 

SARAH: Hey, you know who got Novids today? Today, me, my sister, and my mom. Three Novids. My dad felt left out because he didn’t take a test

KAYLA: Jack

SARAH: This was my sister’s first Novid test. Did I tell you that she had covid?

KAYLA: No

SARAH: My sister had covid

KAYLA: That sucks

SARAH: Yeah she got it on her travels back from Austria

KAYLA: Mm

SARAH: From Americans on her flight

KAYLA: Blech. 

SARAH: And she knows that because no one she was with at the wedding or who she was traveling with got Covid

KAYLA: That’s so annoying she made it through her whole trip without getting it and literally on the way back

SARAH: She got it on the way home. Anyway. Yeah @soundsfakepod. We also have a Patreon if you want to support us. If you don’t want to become a patron until after our month long break, valid, but we are grateful to all of our patrons. We have a new $2 patron it’s Serp.

KAYLA: Serp.

SARAH: Our $5 patrons who we are promoting this week are – thanks Serp. I got distracted saying Serp but I just –

KAYLA: Serp

SARAH: Anyway, our $5 patrons who we are promoting this week are SongOfStorm, The Forest Pigeon, The Stubby Tech, and Vishakh. The Forest Pigeon. The forest pigeon. I don’t like pigeons, but the forest pigeon just evokes something really nice. Our $10 patrons who are promoting something this week are Maggie Capalbo who would like to promote their dogs Leia, Minnie, and Loki, Martin Chiesl who would like to promote his podcast If Everyone’s Special then No one is, Mattie who would like to promote gender euphoria, Potater who would like to promote potatoes, and Purple Hayes who would like to promote their friends’ podcast The Host Club. Our other $10 – no. Yeah? Our other $10 patrons are Arcnes, Ari K, Benjamin Ybarra, Changeling and Alex the ace cat, David Jay, David Nurse, Derek and Carissa – did you see?

KAYLA: I did see.

SARAH: So last week I mentioned Melody the hamster of Derek and Carissa fame. I implied that Melody had a medical degree, and several pictures of Melody were posted with a little doctoral graduation hat that Melody did try to eat.

KAYLA: Yeah she’s not so much wearing it as absolutely eating it

SARAH: Yeah

KAYLA: But I am so proud of Dr. Melody

SARAH: Dr. Melody, what an icon. Also CinnamonToastPunch, my Aunt Jeannie, Rosie Costello – the only thing important in my phone other than my 7 emotional support Korean men. Barefoot Backpacker, and the Steve. Our $15 patrons are Andrew Hillum who would like to promote the Invisible Spectrum Podcast, Click4Caroline who would like to promote Ace of Hearts, Dia Chappell who would like to promote twitch.tv/MelodyDia, Hector Murillo who would like to support friends that are supportive, constructive, and help you grow as a better person, Keziah Root – oh you never told me how to pronounce it. Which one is it, I want to know. Anyway, regardless. They are promoting their new hyperfixation which is starting a coffee trailer that they are far too broke to start as a 19 year old. What is a coffee trailer?

KAYLA: Make coffee in a trailer?

SARAH: Is it when you make a movie trailer about coffee?

KAYLA: I would love to know. Please let us know.

SARAH: Please let us know. Nathaniel White who would like to promote NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com, Kayla’s Aunt Nina who would like to promote @katemaggart.art, and Sara Jones who is @eternalloli everywhere. Our $20 patrons are Sabrina Hauck who would like to promote Christmas from your parents and Dragonfly who would like to promote Rosie and the 7 emotional support Korean men in your phone.

KAYLA: (laughing) Okay

SARAH: Thanks for listening. Tune in, not next Sunday but on July 24th for more of us in your ears. I hope everyone enjoys our break and gets some rest

KAYLA: And until then, put sunscreen on your cows. It’s hot outside

(theme music)

SARAH: Kayla, you know what time it is?

KAYLA: No

SARAH: Quick. Live and in concert on the record, name all the members of BTS.

KAYLA: Oh no! Okay. Jimin

SARAH: Mhm

KAYLA: Jungkook

SARAH: Mhm

KAYLA: RM

SARAH: Mhm

KAYLA: I wanted to do all the J names at once because that would have helped me. Can I write – ? I’m writing them down

(55:00)

SARAH: Okay

KAYLA: It’ll help me remember them

SARAH: Okay

KAYLA: Okay. Jimin, Jungkook, RM, V

SARAH: Mhm

KAYLA: I’m so tired. J-Hope

SARAH: Mhm

KAYLA: What is it, five,  only two more?

SARAH: Yeah

KAYLA: Okay that’s all the J’s?

SARAH: No

KAYLA: Fuck! There’s four J’s? Someone has got to – Sugar!

SARAH: (laughing) That is not his name

KAYLA: Sugar! I’m even writing it

SARAH: (laughing) not his name

KAYLA: Okay so there’s one J. Who’s the missing J?

SARAH: It’s the one you forgot last week

KAYLA: Jalissa. 

SARAH: It’s Padya’s bias

KAYLA: (laughing) Fuck. J-hope is Nikki’s bias

SARAH: Who’s my bias? Embarrassing. You’re an embarrassment. 

KAYLA: Jimin? Is it Jimin?

SARAH: No, he’s one of my bias wreckers. Jungkook is also one of my bias wreckers. Who’s my bias?

KAYLA: Is it the one I’m missing? No that’s Padya’s bias. RM?

SARAH: Nope.

KAYLA: I’m running out. Sugar

SARAH: Yes but that’s not his name

KAYLA: Sugar. Okay, shut up, I’m thinking. Can I have a hint?

SARAH: I’ll give you the same hint I gave you last week and if you don’t get it I’ll be so mad at you. 

KAYLA: Is it the two letter one? No, no, no

SARAH: It’s a type of alcohol. 

KAYLA: Oh it’s Jin

SARAH: Yes. 

KAYLA: Fuck. It’s just because it doesn’t sound like a – stupid. It’s not real. 

SARAH: It is a nickname for his given name. It’s the second half of his given name

KAYLA: Okay I did way better this time than last week

SARAH: You did a lot better. For context everyone who’s – if you’re still here, what are you doing?

KAYLA: Please leave, this is a private conversation we’re having

SARAH: Last week after we finished the pod I made Kayla name all the members of BTS, and she did not do a very good job

KAYLA: But I did so much better and I’m so sleepy

SARAH: Yeah, great work. Okay, bye!

(57:08)

Sounds Fake But Okay