Ep 12: Mental Health and Relationships feat. A Friend
Listen to Ep 12: Mental Health and Relationships feat. A Friend here!
(0:00)
SARAH: Hey what's up hello. Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl (I'm Sarah. That's me.)
KAYLA: ...and a straight girl (that's me, Kayla). And our special guest.
JANIE: That's me, Janie!
SARAH: talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else that we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode, mental health.
ALL: Sounds fake, but okay.
KAYLA: Hello guys. It's us. We're dead and we're here.
SARAH: Yup.
KAYLA: A disclaimer, we don't think mental health is fake. We all have issues with it and it's fine. We're all healthy, we're doing great. Everything's great. Everything's fine.
SARAH: Ooohhh Kayla (laughs). What a good start.
KAYLA: Ohhh thank you.
SARAH: What a good start to the episode.
KAYLA: We're sorry this one is late.
SARAH: Life is a disaster.
KAYLA: But you know I'm not that sorry because I am very tired.
SARAH: Alright. Kayla, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: We're talking about mental health and how it affects your relationships and your love things. And we have Downtown Janie Brown (laughs).
JANIE: Hellooo.
SARAH: (coughs)
KAYLA: That's all.
SARAH: A cough for you. Alright. Kayla, start talking.
KAYLA: (sighs) When I was in (laughs)...
SARAH: When I was a young warthog.
KAYLA: When I was a young warthog in high school, I started having anxiety and my body was like "You know what would be fun? Is if every time I got an anxiety attack, I puked everywhere." So that was exciting. And then your girl went to therapy and she got some meds, which kind of makes it better most of the time. Anyway, since then I've had two relationships. One of them handled the mental health poorly, the other one was great. In high school, I dated a guy who just was very dumb and would get very frustrated because he was like "Why are you sad all the time? What's wrong with you?" And I was like "I dunno."
SARAH: Incredible.
KAYLA: Incredible. My most recent relationship, the ex so referenced, I think I puked in front of him after like a month or two of dating. It was a quick turnaround where I was like "Hey um this happens."
SARAH: I'm puking now.
KAYLA: He handled it fine. A couple months later I had a bad reaction to meds and was puking every day for a couple months.
SARAH: That was a good time.
KAYLA: Yeah Sarah loved it and loved sharing a room with it. He also handled that fine. Now that I'm back on the scene...
SARAH: I'd like everyone to know that Kayla just did a weird dance with her arms.
KAYLA: Just wiggling.
JANIE: It's the single person dance. The single and ready to mingle shuffle.
KAYLA: This is how I attract the men. Listen, it's just a concern because I get anxious about new situations and men in general, and I'm like "Wow, I could puke at any minute and we just started talking last week. This is... how's this gonna go?"
SARAH: Yup.
KAYLA: So that's what I'm dealing with currently. Is I'm like "Well, I could just puke on you."
SARAH: That is a kink probably some people have.
KAYLA: You know it's not one I'd like to participate in though.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Is the thing.
SARAH: Yeah. I can't contribute much to this conversation.
KAYLA: You can't.
SARAH: I can't.
KAYLA: It's okay.
SARAH: I don't puke when I get anxious, which is good.
KAYLA: That's nice. I also just like don't eat. It's fine.
SARAH: Yeah, I have to make Kayla eat sometimes.
KAYLA: It's cute.
SARAH: Yeah. It's good. But Janie, we've brought you onto this show.
JANIE: Yes hell it's me I'm here!
SARAH: This disaster of a show.
KAYLA: Great.
JANIE: Yeah, we're dragging pretty hard right now.
SARAH: We are (laughs).
KAYLA: It is 8 in the morning and I'm drinking a Mountain Dew. So that's where we are.
JANIE: It's 8 in the morning and I wish I was drinking a Mountain Dew. That's where I am at.
KAYLA: Yikes. That's how you know it's bad (laughs).
JANIE: Yeeks183, am I right ladies?
KAYLA: Oh man.
SARAH: Oh boy. No one who does not go to this school is going to get that but that's okay.
KAYLA: Good.
JANIE: Yeah, RIP.
SARAH: RIP. Okay, back to the topic. I don't have much to contribute so I'm just gonna pivot to you.
KAYLA: Pivot.
SARAH: Pivot.
JANIE: Sure. So I have depression, which I think is the opposite of anxiety.
KAYLA: Well I have both if it makes you feel better (laughs).
JANIE: Okay. I have depression, which is the opposite of half of Kayla.
KAYLA: Nice.
JANIE: Which started when I was 15, so a sophomore in high school. I'm now very old. I'm 22.
(5:00)
KAYLA: Oh shit, she's an old woman.
JANIE: So that's seven years. Yeah, it has fluctuated in severity a lot. In that time I've had two and a half relationships and... or I guess two and a half romantic relationships and then a mildly obscene amount of sexual relationships. And depression has come up in some of them and not all of them. It's more an issue if something is flaring up or I'm having an episode at that point I'll be like "Hey listen, this is about to happen. You should probably walk away." I've had the conversation a lot where I have...
KAYLA: I have also had that before.
JANIE: But I've given like the "Hey listen, I'm kind of a messed up person, I'm giving you an out right now" conversation.
KAYLA: Yikes. I haven't gone that far. With my high school boyfriend, part of the problem was I was like "I am not feeling well I need to not talk to for a while." And he was like (annoyed sound) "What did I do?!" And he liked freaked out and I was like (sigh) "Chill out. Please go away."
SARAH: It's just my brain.
KAYLA: It's just my brain. But yeah, that sucks.
JANIE: Yeah no, I'd be like "hey, it gets really, really bad sometimes, like hospital-level bad, so if you don't want to be here to deal with this, this is your free ticket. Here's your free pass, I will not be upset." And I don't think anyone has ever taken that out.
KAYLA: Well that's nice.
JANIE: To the credit of everybody I've ever known.
KAYLA: Yeah that's nice of them.
JANIE: Yeah.
KAYLA: Cause that'd be kind of really shitty.
JANIE: Yeah, I mean it becomes an issue later on and I'm sure people have thought back and been like "Wow, remember that pass that she offered me? That would've been like..."
KAYLA: Yeah, I feel like anyone that takes that it's like obviously, you're giving it to them, but anyone who takes that is like "wow, you're kind of an asshole" because this person is not doing well and you're just like "bye."
JANIE: Yeah. I wonder if that's a shitty thing to do.
SARAH: Taking it?
JANIE: No offering it. Because on the surface that seems like the reasonable thing to do from my end. But also setting the person up for...
KAYLA: Yeah because they either take and are an asshole or just stay and like and are like "oh."
JANIE: Wow on this week's podcast, Janie realizes she might be an asshole.
KAYLA: Yay (claps).
SARAH: But I mean okay, here's the thing. So your option is you do that or you do... you tell them nothing. And in either case... because I've been in - not personally - but I've been in the situation where friends of mine have wanted to break up with someone but because of some certain timing like it was their birthday, it was something, they felt like they couldn't. And so I feel like that even if you don't say anything, and even if they don't want to stick around, they probably still would if they're half a decent person.
KAYLA: Yeah, it's kind of implied that when you're going through something shitty it would be an asshole move to just be like "I'm leaving."
SARAH: Yeah.
JANIE: I dunno but that also adds, at least for me, an added layer of guilt almost.
KAYLA: I guess.
JANIE: Because you know that the person, on some level, is kind of just staying or sticking around because of those circumstances.
KAYLA: Yeah. That's what I had at the end of my most recent relationship. When we would talk about issues that we were having, a couple times I got really bad anxiety and I would throw up and so I was like wow, he's not going to talk to me about these issues anymore because he's afraid of giving me anxiety." So is he keeping stuff from me and just not going to talk about these issues? It ended up being fine because we broke up, which was a good thing. I'm fine.
SARAH: She's fine.
KAYLA: No, like it was a good thing that we broke up. But it was a worry and I brought it up to him a couple times like I know that I go through this stuff but you have to talk to me, you can't just tiptoe around me and treat me like I'm not a person because I threw up a couple times. It's rough.
SARAH: Puking.
KAYLA: A fun fact about me puking, I have puke bags that I sometimes just bring in my backpack. They're certified, medical puke bags (laughs).
SARAH: Incredible.
JANIE: Really?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I had known her for like...
KAYLA: Oh my god.
SARAH: ...before you puked in the bathroom of a Chipotle, didn't you?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And that was like day two of us meeting.
KAYLA: Day two of me and Sarah's freshman year I was very anxious because college and I was like ahhh. We were in Chipotle and I was like "I gotta go to the bathroom." And I puked in the Chipotle bathroom (laughs).
SARAH: She puked in the Chipotle bathroom.
KAYLA: Is this episode just about puking?
SARAH: This episode brought to you by puking.
JANIE: To be fair, I'm sure people have done a lot worse in the Chipotle bathroom.
KAYLA: You are not wrong. See, our last episode about what people do in a Starbucks bathroom.
SARAH: Right (laughs). Just transfer to Chipotle. It's only a couple doors down.
KAYLA: And probably smellier.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Because Chipotle.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Beans. Anyway.
(10:00)
SARAH: But yeah, I feel like me as a person... Because I don't have romantic relationships, my brain sometimes - okay I've never been diagnosed anything - but sometimes my brain...
KAYLA: But you know you have it.
SARAH: Yeah. Everything's fine (laughs). And so I feel like I have to come at it from a different... because I don't ever think about "Oh, I have to tell this person or they're gonna break up with me." And so I just feel like I'm in a very different situation. So what you guys experience is very foreign to me about having to be like "Hey you, prepare for puke."
KAYLA: Well because it's like... yeah.
SARAH: Because you don't really do that with your friends.
KAYLA: No, because your friends you kind of expect to just be like you're going to deal with this. Like when I puke around you I'm like well, this is what she signed up for.
SARAH: Yup. And I'm usually like "I don't know what to do."
KAYLA: That sounds on brand.
SARAH: Pats from a distance with a broom. Just patting her head with a broom from a long distance away.
KAYLA: Yeah. It makes it weird that... you would think that if you're bonded with someone in a romantic relationship, they should, even more, be signed up to deal with it. But for some reason it's different.
SARAH: Yup.
JANIE: Yeah, it's almost that friends... like you become friends with someone and they go all in. But when you start dating somebody it's kind of like slowly easing them into the shit storm that is your life. You can't just open it up all at once.
KAYLA: Which is weird. Because you would think it would be the opposite, maybe. And maybe for some people it is but I feel like in general, at least for me, it's like I gotta ease you in so I don't scare you away.
SARAH: It could just be like it might feel like the stakes are higher.
KAYLA: That's true.
SARAH: Just because if you're a person who wants to get married and have the future that involves a family and kids, you're like "I'm stuck with this person forever." Whereas a friendship, it feels... I mean sure you might want to be friends with that person until you die, but it tends to be a lot more fluid and it's just like "Okay, we're best friends right now but in 10 years maybe we'll just like each other's Facebook posts." I don't know.
KAYLA: I'm not gonna like your Facebook posts.
SARAH: That's rude. It's cause you'll tell me that you like them in person.
KAYLA: Oh because we are going to live together and get married.
SARAH: Yeah, yeah.
KAYLA: Of course.
SARAH: Yeah. You'll just be like "ah Sarah, what a great Facebook post." Not that I ever really post on Facebook.
KAYLA: Not that Facebook's gonna be around in 10 years.
SARAH: It's chill.
KAYLA: Anyway.
JANIE: Eat Arby's.
KAYLA: Ohhh, this episode brought to you by Arby's?
SARAH: Nihilist Arby's?
JANIE: Go ahead, if you're on Twitter, after following this Twitter's podcast or this podcast's Twitter, which is...
SARAH: @soundsfakepod
KAYLA: Wow.
JANIE: ...go ahead and go over to @nihilist_arbys. It'll change your life...
SARAH: Yikes.
JANIE: ...for the worse or for the better, up to you. But it'll change it, that's for damn sure.
KAYLA: Yikes.
SARAH: Oh man. How does Nihilist Arby's affect your relationships, Kayla?
KAYLA: It doesn't. I actually hate Arby's. This was an argument in my past relationship about how shitty Arby's is versus that it's not. It is, Arby's is terrible.
SARAH: Okay. She's taken a strong stance on Arby's.
JANIE: I would say...
ALL: (laughs)
KAYLA: Why?
JANIE: ...10 out of 10 times I will disclose my love for Nihilist Arby's before I disclose my mental illnesses... illness, one. Not seven, I have one.
KAYLA: Seven.
SARAH: Incredible. I mean I think your love for Nihilist Arby's should be shared with everyone.
JANIE: So for Michigan graduation, I - a lot of people decorate their graduation caps - and so I chose... I did a big block M in the middle and then around it, I wrote a lot of different words and clubs and organizations that influenced my time at college. So the Michigan Quidditch team I was involved, Wolverine Support Network, which is a mental health advocacy group, I wrote the title of my thesis, and I absolutely @NihilistArbys on my graduate cap.
KAYLA: Oh my god (laughs).
JANIE: Because that is a Twitter account that has heavily influenced my time at the University of Michigan.
KAYLA: Oh my god, Janie (laughs).
SARAH: Truly incredible. Truly incredible.
JANIE: I will go ahead, I'll tweet a picture of my graduation cap at the podcast Twitter.
KAYLA: Please.
SARAH: We will retweet it.
KAYLA: Oh my god.
SARAH: Amazing.
KAYLA: Yikes.
SARAH: Yikes. But also yes.
JANIE: And Kayla I don't know if you experience this either, but it's more, I think, nuanced of an issue whether or not to tell them "yes I experience this" and just kind of bring it up in the first place, but then also how much to disclose to them.
(15:00)
KAYLA: Yeah because I feel like... I've been talking to a male recently, and I've been like... he knows because I think I was expressing to him my frustration with how I deal with several of my friends' mental illnesses, too. Like I don't know what it is about me, but I just attract people that need help. Which is fine, I love helping people and they're my friends so obviously, I'm going to do it. But I think... I don't know, for some reason I was talking to him about how sometimes it's a lot. And so I mentioned my mental illness and I was joking with him about how my drug of choice was Prozac and he did not know what that was and I was like "boy what?" But it's not like I was like "Yeah and I puke!" You know?
SARAH: Yeah. And I feel like when you're just friends with someone, as we said earlier, it's kind of like you find out slowly and in time. I mean, you did puke on day two but...
KAYLA: You're welcome.
SARAH: ...but I don't know, I feel like with a romantic relationship, it probably should be about the same but then it's like well do you have physically tell them or do you have to wait until you puke?
KAYLA: Well and it's weird because then you might think... like my issue I was like "Oh are you not going to tell me certain things because you're worried that I'm going to have an anxiety attack?" It's like well do I want these people to know because are they going to treat me differently? Like with friends I don't often worry about it because the people I surround myself with are generally either also deal with mental health issues or are just really great about.
SARAH: (clap sound) High five.
KAYLA: Nice. But when you go out and just meet a stranger, who knows? And often when you're dating someone... I mean it's great if it's someone that's already your friend. But I feel like often when you're dating someone it's someone that you don't know as well so you don't know how they're gonna react to it. And then yeah, you have to decide am I going to out my mental illness to you? Come out of the mental illness closet?
JANIE: Yeah, the thing too is that especially depression, it's a mood disorder. So if someone doesn't know that you have depression, they're going to think that that's part of your personality. And for me, that's a huge thing because normally when I'm not depressed, I'm pretty fun.
KAYLA: Janie is a fun lady.
SARAH: She's a fun lady.
JANIE: Yup I try my best. I tell some jokes. Sometimes received well, sometimes received very poorly.
KAYLA: Yikes.
JANIE: Usually there's laughter either with me or at me but.
SARAH: You do your best.
JANIE: I'll take it (laughs). No, but when I'm experiencing a depressive episode, it changes my personality very, very drastically. And I think were I to meet somebody and they were to experience that side of me first before experiencing the side that I would rather portray, that one that I more identify with as myself instead of depression, I think that's a huge problem. And I think that that gives people the wrong idea of what you are and what you're about. So that's a thing.
KAYLA: It's also hard because then it's like... I feel like sometimes people get confused about which is the real you. Because obviously, I think we would identify ourselves without our mental illness influencing us as the real us.
SARAH: But it's a part of you.
KAYLA: But it's a part of me. I think I remember my first boyfriend in high school, he named the me that was like...
SARAH: Oh.
KAYLA: Well because it was before really I knew what depression was and it was before I figured it out so it wasn't like as bad then. Thinking back on it, it's like ehhh. But we named it. That's how of a dichotomy it was. But it's like you can't. But you can't.
SARAH: Yeah. And I also feel like it's just an issue of with... when my brain's not doing very well I'm pretty good at faking to the general population.
KAYLA: Yeah Sarah's a good...
SARAH: I'm a good faker.
KAYLA: She's a fan of a good suppression.
SARAH: Oh yeah. But if I know you well enough that it gets to the point where I can't fake it anymore... and if you're in a romantic relationship with someone, they're going to find out eventually. Like you can't... it's not healthy to try and fake it around them all the time.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's just not a healthy relationship.
SARAH: Well girl, what do you do?
KAYLA: Shit.
SARAH: Well shit.
KAYLA: Yup.
JANIE: Yeah it's tough out there, folks.
SARAH: It's tough out there.
KAYLA: Let's just all not.
SARAH: Not what?
KAYLA: Mhm.
SARAH: Just not. Okay. Good one. Just stop having mental health problems, that's... you know.
KAYLA: Just be happy!
SARAH: Just be happy!
KAYLA: Why don't you just smile?
JANIE: Just try going for walks every morning.
SARAH: Yikes.
KAYLA: Yikes.
SARAH: That's... yup.
KAYLA: I recently told someone about my mental health and they were like "Oh I prefer long talks with my therapist" when I told them I take drugs. And I was like "That's great, but bitch sometimes you need both."
SARAH: Yeah. And what works for one person is not gonna work for everyone else.
(20:00)
KAYLA: It's also the whole drugs thing is a little like... some people are like okay and some people are like "ohhh she's on medication!"
SARAH: She's on meds.
KAYLA: And it's like bitch. Uh yes. Yes, I am.
SARAH: I am.
KAYLA: Do you want me to function as a human being? Yes, I'm on meds. So sorry 'bout it.
SARAH: Sorry 'bout it. Incredible.
JANIE: Have I told you guys about the TMS therapy that I'm starting?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: Nay.
JANIE: Okay so TMS stands for Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation, so basically...
KAYLA: Ow.
JANIE: Yeah it hurts a little bit.
KAYLA: Oh good!
JANIE: Basically, they take a magnetic pulse and they do a little zappy-do on your brain...
SARAH: I've heard of that.
JANIE: ...in places that are thought to be correlated or at least related to depression, so parts of your brain that are not as highly activated in a depressed brain. And you do this a bunch of times a week for maybe four or five weeks and then it's been proven to be super-duper effective. It's really meant for people who have been... I think the criteria's at least four different antidepressants with no real results. And it's supposed to be really effective at the end. But I started and I had the mapping session on last Thursday.
SARAH: You see your brain?
JANIE: No so I didn't get to see my brain...
KAYLA: Lame.
JANIE: ...but basically what they do is they use your motor cortex as a landmark. So they take the zappy-do and they put it...
KAYLA: (laughs) Scientific name.
JANIE: It's me, a scientist. They put it on or they try to find your motor cortex on the left side of your brain and they find it by having you hold up your hand and they'll send pulses and when they find the right place your hand twitches. And then they use that as a landmark and they have an algorithm, I think. I don't remember the exact measurement, but using the motor cortex area that they just found, they're able to find the part of the prefrontal cortex that they're targeting in the therapy. And it's really fun. So they do... it's not fun. So they start you on four seconds of rapid pulsing, like rapidly pulsating magnetic shocks almost. It kind of feels like somebody's tapping on your head but also inside of your head. And it hurts a little bit but it's more just uncomfortable. But it's four seconds of that and then 26 seconds of rest for 37 minutes I think...
KAYLA: Oh my god.
JANIE: ...is the length of a session. But they set you up with a TV. I watched Hot Rod on Thursday. And Hot Rod, I will argue, has one of the funniest scenes in the history of...
SARAH: Is that the one with Andy Samberg?
KAYLA: Yeah.
JANIE: Yeah. But in the history of cinema where Andy Samberg yells "I have to go to my quiet place!" and runs into the woods and reenacts the dramatic Kevin Bacon dance scene from Footloose...
KAYLA: A good scene.
JANIE: ...and then falls down a hill and the falling montage lasts for approximately 2 minutes (laughs). And he's just falling down a hill and the landscape is changing, it just keeps zooming out and out and out (laughs). Highly recommend.
KAYLA: It's good.
SARAH; Amazing.
JANIE: But luckily, they have you strapped in kind of, or your head is surrounded by machinery so it doesn't move from the ordinance that they just found, which is lucky because I was straight cackling as Andy Samberg is toppling down a hill (laughs).
SARAH: When you said the thing about stimulating the parts of the brain it made me think of... okay, mental health issues... okay. (stumbles over words) ADHD. I have it. I don't take anything for it, but if you do a lot of people are surprised to find out that you don't take... what's the opposite of a stimulant?
JANIE: Downer.
KAYLA; Depressant.
SARAH: You don't take depressants for ADHD you take stimulants, which people find confusing because when you think of ADHD they're like "ooo your brain's doing too much." But it's actually because your brain is not stimulated enough. And so now I'm just thinking... because a lot of times ADHD and other mental health problems go hand-in-hand and for me, they feed off of each other. So now I'm just trying to think like... that's a combination of things that... I don't know where I was going with this. I forgot. (whispers) ADHD.
KAYLA: (laughs) It's like you have ADHD or something.
SARAH: Yeah. No, but basically, just like if you have more than one mental health issue, they all intersect. And that is a struggle also.
KAYLA: Like depression and anxiety, I don't have too many issues with them intersecting at the same time, but it sucks when they do because it's like well for depression I don't want to do anything and I'm tired. But then my anxiety is like "Kayla, you're gonna fail your entire life cause you're not doing anything" and so then they are literally the opposite. And it's like huh, well.
(25:00)
SARAH: Which do I listen to?
KAYLA: Neither.
SARAH: Yup.
KAYLA: Just neither. Healthy.
SARAH: Amazing. Oh. Kayla just sent some really nice finger guns my way.
JANIE: Pew pew.
SARAH: Pew. Pew.
JANIE: Pew pew, indeed.
SARAH; Well we're all fucked. And yup. I'm great at podding.
KAYLA: Uh I'm gonna die.
SARAH: I make $4 a month doing this. $2?
KAYLA: Uh two. We make $2 each.
SARAH: I make $2 a month from this.
KAYLA; When we get married and we share finances it'll be four a month for both of us.
SARAH: That's true.
KAYLA: When are we getting married?
SARAH: I don't know.
KAYLA: Okay. We should start planning.
SARAH: Janie, can you officiate our wedding?
KAYLA: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.
JANIE: Can you become... are you okay with a Jewish wedding?
KAYLA: Yes. Very okay with...
SARAH: Yeah that's fine.
JANIE: You have to like step on a glass and I'll lift you in a chair.
KAYLA: I'm very okay with a Jewish wedding.
JANIE: You're gonna have a chuppa. A chuppa is the wedding tent. So it's like a little tent that you stand under and you gotta walk around seven times.
KAYLA: Ugh that seems like a lot. Can we cut that down a little bit?
JANIE: Yeah if you wanna be smited by god and go to Jewish hell.
KAYLA: I do.
JANIE: Just kidding. Jews don't have hell!
KAYLA: Got you.
JANIE: Gotcha.
SARAH: Got 'eem.
JANIE: Jewish burn!
KAYLA: Oh my god. Yikes.
SARAH: Yike.
JANIE: I will say, mine too... yes, my depression has many layers similar to that of an ogre.
SARAH: (In a Shrek accent) Ogres are like onions.
JANIE: Parfait.
SARAH: (In a Shrek accent) Onions have layers.
KAYLA: A cake.
JANIE: Other layered things.
SARAH: (Donkey impression) Everybody likes parfaits (laughs). I don't.
JANIE: Ladies and gentlemen, the whole cast of Shrek just walked into this living room (laughter). Yikes. So it has, like I was saying before, kind of deciding how much you want to disclose to people, and this could be romantic or platonic relationships I think in my experience or even familial relationships. Which is something I have particularly have struggled with is opening up to my family about this because... so I have the kind of the upper surface level where physically I just get very tired and just I lose all energy and motivation to move and take care of myself and that becomes an issue. But then it's also... like I said it's been fluctuating between bad and worse over the past seven or so years. I have also dealt with some suicidality issues and so that becomes a whole different thing because if you choose to go that deep and open up with people, there becomes a safety issue and people becoming concerned about your safety. And that's a thing that I've experienced where I will open up about it and people will A, either be overly concerned and if I say something they'll freak out and think that oh I need to get you to the hospital right now, something is terribly wrong. And I, knowing myself, will know that it's not that bad but I'm very aware that it can come off as much worse than it feels.
SARAH: It's hard to convince people of that if they know. Yeah.
JANIE: But then conversely, it can also go the other way where I know that I'm feeling really bad and need some professional help in some sense and I will go to someone and they'll say "Oh I've seen you depressed before, it's... if you go to sleep it'll pass. It's worked for you in the past." And that is something that I will use sleep as a coping mechanism. I'll take a nap or go to sleep and worry about it in the morning or usually, it does pass.
SARAH: I just sleep a lot. That's my coping mechanism.
JANIE: I sleep a lot, too. I require the sleep of a newborn infant.
SARAH: A lot of people are like "Oh a symptom of depression is you never sleep and you never eat." And it's like okay but also, conversely...
JANIE: You can oversleep and overeat.
SARAH: You can oversleep and overeat. Tag yourself, me. Continue (laughs).
JANIE: Yeah, so that's a hard thing to navigate too, is explaining to people the things that have happened to you in the past and assuring them that it won't happen again but also not being able to do that because you can't do that.
KAYLA: Yeah. I've definitely been on the opposite end of that where I've had friends that have been suicidal and have told me and that it's very difficult to tell when they need help and when you need to call someone.
SARAH: I remember that.
(30:00)
KAYLA: Yeah, that was a stressful day. Because you don't want to be responsible if something does happen and you don't tell anyone, but also you don't want to bother someone and be like "well, they say they're okay I don't want to put them through extra stress by having someone come talk to them or them have to go somewhere. But just on the opposite end of it from someone that's had to be on the opposite end of you, it is very... it's hard because you don't know. You don't know, you don't know. And you want just to make sure they're safe because it's obviously someone you care about. But it's like ahhh.
SARAH: Mental health issues are stupid for everyone is what I'm hearing.
KAYLA: Yeah that's uhhhh, that's it, kids.
SARAH: Yup. I'd like everyone to know that we just sat in silence for like a minute because we're all very tired.
KAYLA: I just wanna die, that's all.
SARAH: But do you actually?
KAYLA: Uh yes.
SARAH: Okay bye.
KAYLA: Bye.
SARAH: That is not how you deal with people who are actually suicidal, though.
KAYLA: Nooo. And that was a reenactment of what not to do. Yayyyy.
SARAH: Incredible. Well, I don't have anything else to add.
KAYLA: Do you have any feelings and thoughts, Janie?
JANIE: I would say that I'm a ball of feelings and thoughts. But I don't know what any of them are.
KAYLA: Uhhhh.
SARAH: Retweet.
KAYLA: Retweet.
SARAH: Retweet.
KAYLA: (whispering) Oh no, the sound is on.
SARAH: Oh? Is Kayla gonna get another text during this episode?
KAYLA: I'm not, it's eight in the morning. No one is talking to me.
SARAH: That's true.
KAYLA: Actually, I just got a text.
SARAH: Alright. Oh wow, she's popular.
KAYLA: It wasn't... no, it was a not good one.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Not ready.
SARAH: A poll.
KAYLA: Oh no.
SARAH: What should our poll be? This wasn't a very funny episode, it's hard to polls on episodes that aren't funny.
KAYLA: Ughhhhhh. Which mental illness do you have? (laughs)
SARAH: No! Kayla!
KAYLA: (high pitched scream)
SARAH: Janie, do you have a poll idea?
JANIE: What's the worst possible thing you could do in a Chipotle bathroom?
KAYLA: Oh, that's such a good one.
SARAH: Okay. Puke?
KAYLA: Have sex.
JANIE: Extreme diarrhea.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: What's the fourth one? Fall asleep. Just sleep right on the floor.
KAYLA: On the toilet.
JANIE: Oooo what about have a baby?
SARAH: Ooo yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
KAYLA: Oh that's a very good one.
SARAH: Give birth.
KAYLA: Alright so to run it down, today's poll: what's the worst thing to do in a Chipotle bathroom? Puke, have sex, extreme diarrhea, give birth to a baby.
SARAH: As opposed to an antelope?
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: That would be fine (laughs).
JANIE: We've all been there.
SARAH: All been there. Alright. People are gonna see that poll and be like "what the fuck was this episode?"
KAYLA: And then they won't listen to it and that's fine.
SARAH: Everything's fine. Alright, so you can find that poll on our Twitter @soundsfakepod. If you don't have a Twitter, why? You should get one just to follow us.
KAYLA: I agree.
SARAH: But if not, you can... you can respond to it. Mmm going well. You can respond... you could email us soundsfakepod@gmail.com. You could email us with your experience with mental health in relationships...
KAYLA: That'd be fun.
SARAH: ...if you're comfortable doing so. That would be stellar. If you have nailed how to approach it...
KAYLA: Please let me know.
SARAH: ...let us know. That'd be dope. Also, let us... if you email us about that and you're willing for us to share the information, do let us know. You don't have to if you don't want to, but you know. Just throwing that out there. Where can this podcast be listened to? As if they're not already listening to it.
KAYLA: Yeah to listen to it next time, since you're definitely not listening to it now, it is on iTunes, SoundCloud, Stitcher Radio, and several other places. Really anywhere you get your podcasts. You can also leave a response to our poll just in the comments of that, leave us a review, I'd appreciate it.
SARAH: Yup. We also have Patreon patrons, don't know why...
KAYLA: Don't know why.
SARAH: ...but we do! Our $5 patrons we have Jennifer Smart who listen... okay wait, last week we asked her if we said it right, and then she said we said it right but we said it two different ways and now we don't know.
KAYLA: Jennifer we're sorry.
SARAH: We're sorry, Jennifer. It's either Lee-an or Lai-en.
KAYLA: I think it's Lee-an.
SARAH: I think it's Lee-an. Jennifer, is it Lee-an? Anyway.
KAYLA: That's the question. Yes or no, is it Lee-an? Okay.
SARAH: She's got a YouTube channel, it's at Lehen Productions if you want to find it. It's pretty dope. Then you have Asritha. Asritha was promoting her singleness, is she still promoting her singleness?
KAYLA: She's promoting just her like life in general. Just her existence.
SARAH: Okay. Asritha exists, she's pretty dope. She's @asritha_v, that's at A-S-R-I-T-H-A underscore V. $10. We have Emma, she's got a face, she's got a Twitter, she's got an Instagram. All @emmatfink, including her face. Her face is also @emmatfink. E-M-M-A-T-F-I-N-K. (Clap) We did it.
KAYLA: Lit.
SARAH: Thank you for suffering through this episode with us.
(35:00)
KAYLA: I'm so sorry you guys. Last episode was a disaster, this was a disaster.
SARAH: It was a bit of a downer and we're all a little bit dead, but thank you Janie for coming.
KAYLA: It was so exciting to have Janie.
JANIE: Yeah. Hey, come follow me on my Twitter.
KAYLA: Yeah!
JANIE: It's a lot of just retweeting Nihilist Arby's.
SARAH: Her Twitter's actually very funny.
KAYLA: It's a good Twitter.
SARAH: Janie's a funny lady.
KAYLA: What's your Twitter?
JANIE: It's @vpdickjanie. Like Dick Cheney.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: But dick Janie.
JANIE: Yeah, it's actually funny because it has the word dick in it.
KAYLA: So I'll definitely retweet her graduation cap and you can just, you can find her there, too. Definitely follow her, she's a funny lady.
SARAH: She is. Is that all?
KAYLA: Yup.
SARAH: Alright. Thank you for listening, tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cows.